i hate being asked "did you do anything exciting this weekend?" my answer's always no. i feel like i need to start making shit up, just so people won't relize how lame i am. posted at 6:34 PM |

sometimes a little fun and laughter comes from where you least expect it...

and man, did i need it.

i still feel like i have this tiny bit of fear/dread/anxiety inside of me that doesn't completely let me have as much fun as i should, but as long as i come out smiling and feeling good in the end, that's what matters most. baby steps...

i just wish i were more open and willing to put myself into situations - even ones that sound awkward and unpleasant - on the chance that i may actually have a good time. the more i do this, the more likely it is that i will at some point be able to let go and enjoy myself.

anyway, i'm exhausted right now - only slept about 4 hours last night. and i'm still a little sick so i really needed more rest than that. i wrote another long ass email to complain about my upstairs neighbors this morning, even though they are really not that bad in comparison to what i've had to deal with in the past. i'm just sick of them using the bathroom sink for hours and hours in the middle of the night, and i had to get it out of my system, even if nothing comes out of it.

i have a feeling i'll sleep for 12 hours tonight, regardless. posted at 10:28 PM |

took a sick day today...it felt nice to sleep in until noon. i think i needed that. what annoys me is feeling like i'm on the verge of getting sick, but not actually getting a full-blown cold. although i guess technically, a full-blown cold would make me feel worse. but then it would be over, you know? this is just kind of lingering and making me debate whether or not to go to work... posted at 10:22 PM |

i feel like shit. i've barely slept the past 2 nights...having that anxiety thing again. i don't even think it has anything to do with cars...i can't figure out what it is about though. probably nothing. just me...*sigh*... posted at 6:28 PM |

been at my mom's place all week...and during this time, i seem to have gained back all the weight that i lost last month. i guess it is an indian-mom thing...making sure your kids are eating constantly. but anyway, the good news is i don't have to go to the RC office as much anymore. which means i'll be walking more regularly and not spending a ridiculous amount of money on gas! yay.

still gotta get a new car though. i'm thinking maybe a mazda 3. but, it was kind of noisy and the interior looked ugly. so i don't know...still looking and thinking... posted at 6:50 PM |

i saw someone wearing stirrups this morning. stirrups! what the hell? i mean, is that for real? it wasn't a middle-aged woman clinging to the 80's either - she looked like a trendy college student.

please tell me they aren't coming back... posted at 6:35 PM |

i feel like i did nothing all day at work today...i have stuff to do, but i was just slacking all day. i was technically working though - not surfing the web or doing other things - but i was just going sooooo slow. it's taken me days to get this little thing done that should have only taken 2-3 hours. i've just been confused and slow...not all there mentally. i'm sure people are starting to wonder what's wrong with me.

found out that a co-worker who was in the same position as me just got promoted to a higher position. she started working here a few months after i joined, and she's only a couple years older than me, so it's not like it was due to experience or longevity. and we have the same supervisor. so...kinda makes me feel like i'm not good enough. and i know he likes my work. but i guess you need a little something extra to get a promotion, and i don't have that. this girl who got the promotion is one of those people that intimidate me with her intelligence, so i'm sure she deserves it. but it still stings a little.

on an unrelated but equally depressing note, one of my cousins who was possibly just as hopeless as me when it comes to dating is now in a serious relationship. it's been several months, but the way she talks, sounds like she's already thinking that they'll get married. so...yeah...another thing to bring me down. i'm happy for her i guess...i just hate being the only single one left. posted at 6:38 PM |