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Sunday, September 30, 2001
i should have known that something would go wrong...*sigh*...yet another U of M headache...i just realized that my financial aid award didn't get applied to my account this semester. my bill says i owe about $12,000, but it should be $3,500. i thought something was fishy when i got my check for $6000 (it's usually $5000). but anyway...i don't have $12,000, so there's no way i can pay that. i just knew that they wouldn't transfer it so easily...without me filling out any forms or anything....i had emailed someone to make sure last winter, and she said everything was taken care of. why did i believe her? it just seemed too...simple...nothing's ever that simple with colleges...i should have known better than to trust her...i just emailed her and told her about it, so i hope she gets it all cleared up tomorrow. if she doesn't, i'm going to blame her for any problems i have...because i am not paying that much money. this school ain't worth it.
it's warm again and the ladybugs are back. i'm armed with a can of raid though. trying to get them before they come into the apartment so i don't have to deal with the yellow stains. anyway...not much to say. i've got homework to do...just need to do some thinking before i start...that's always the hard part for me - coming up with an idea. so i turned on my computer to try to get some ideas...but then ended up going online to check email...not that anyone emails me these days, but you know...i always hope...and then since i was online, i thought i might as well blog a little, even though i don't really have anything specific to write about...but i said i was going to try to not procrastinate so much, so i'll shut up now and go think...
Saturday, September 29, 2001
*sigh* final score: 31-28 huskies. so close, yet so far away.
cal actually had a chance at the end, but unfortunately NO ONE CAN CATCH THE DAMN BALL!!! i can't take it anymore. i'm so sick of them dropping easy passes at crucial times...i'm sick of the turnovers...of the penalties...of...of...ugh!!! losing.
31-21 huskies : (
more like what i was expecting i suppose...still a few minutes left, but getting back to reality, the game is essentially over. at least it wasn't a complete blow-out though. had enough of those.
cal managed to get some good breaks (for a change), so despite some screw-ups they're still up 21-10 at the half. and i'm still hopeful that they can keep the lead. i know cal hasn't beaten washington since '76...but.. the streak could end today...you never know...
21-7 bears...gasp! will they actually be able to hold themselvs together this week?? sure sounds like they bounced back alright.
touchdown bears!
off to a good start. we'll see how the D holds up. no one's chatting on cyberbears, so i'll have to cheer here in my blog instead. just so i don't feel like i'm talking to myself, even though technically i am.
call me an optimist...or a masochist...but i'm sitting here listening to the cal-washington game. i'm hoping it won't be as painful as the past 3 games...but even if it is, i'll be back listening next week. i just can't give up on them. if i were in berkeley right now, i'd be at the game. the '91 team is there today...minus one player who died in the WTC...
alright, the game's about to start so...go bears!
Friday, September 28, 2001
i think i have a better idea of what i need to do now...the meeting today definitely helped, even though i didn't have any ideas of my own to share...i felt bad about that and told the person i'm working with that i would email her something early next week. but i think i am back on track now, or at least things are much clearer. i was really confused about what exactly the website was supposed to do - actually i had an idea of what it was supposed to do, but apparently i was completely wrong, so...i'm glad i've got it all straightened out now...that will definitely help me think up some ideas...it seems like they are trying to incorporate some of the UM-GIRL curriculum into the smartgirl website. i thought they were two separate things! that was the main source of my confusion. but it's all cleared up now and i've got some direction, so...i should have more accomplished by next week.
ugh. i give up. i was supposed to have a bunch of ideas by tomorrow but i've got nothing. this is very frustrating...
Thursday, September 27, 2001
i thought i would be blogging less once the semester started, but instead, i think i've been blogging more and more...usually when i'm not doing my work like i should be...i guess that's what i'm doing now...i gotta do something about these friday meetings. maybe i'll change it to monday or something...because i need my thursdays to sleep and run errands and relax...but instead i have to work on things i really don't feel like working on right now...i guess technically i should start working on them before thursday, so that i can rest instead...but you know me, waiting until the last minute as always...i'll make a real effort to start my work earlier next week though. because i can't take the stress anymore. and i'm fully aware that i'm the one who puts myself in these stressful situations by procrastinating as much as i do...so... i really need to try harder...starting now. ok, i'm off to do some work.
just got email from a high school friend...turns out he's been in med school here in ann arbor for the past month. on one hand, i'm glad to hear from him, and i'm happy that i'll have someone to do something with. but on the other hand, i'm a little annoyed that he's been here for so long and didn't contact me. last i heard from him, he wrote that he wanted to come here, that it was his first choice, but that he was waiting to see if they gave him a scholarship. i told him to let me know what happened, but he didn't write all summer, and now i find out he's been here for a month!! oh well...at least he emailed now. that's better than not contacting me at all...
Wednesday, September 26, 2001
just drowned my sorrows in some ben and jerry's. mint chocolate cookie - my favorite.
i don't know what to say...i just have the blues i guess. i wish things were different, a lot of things...i know i only have a few more months of school left, but i just feel like i don't want to be here right now. the semester seems like it is dragging along so slowly, and i haven't been very motivated. it's not about my classes - i actually like them, for a change. i'm a little overwhelmed by all the projects i have to do, but...they'll get done...somehow...i hope...it sucks that i don't have classes with any friends in my program this semester. i miss seeing those familiar faces in class, people who actually know me, people i could mess around with in class...whisper funny comments and laugh with...that kinda thing...i feel like i'm surrounded by strangers in my classes this semester. unfriendly strangers. so, that's been getting me down a bit. sean had been emailing me pretty often the past 4-5 days, so that helped a little. but...i don't know...it just bugs me when i tell him certain things and he doesn't respond. he just switches the topic completely. he used to seem more concerned about me, and he would tell me things that needed to hear (not necessarily what i wanted to hear, but stuff that helped me out in the long run). he doesn't really do that anymore. and sometimes, i just need that...that kick in the butt from a friend who knows me and understands me. i guess he's too busy trying to get his own life in order right now. who isn't? but...yeah...i just miss that.
i think i somehow got myself stuck working with a couple people i really don't want to work with for the final project in my design class. i only know one person in the class, because i worked with her on a class project last winter. and she just kind of assumed that i would work with her...and she was sitting next to this other lady...and well they're working together...and...i don't know. i'm sorry, i'm very incoherent today.
the person i worked with before, she's the complete opposite of me. like, you know when you're talking to someone and just feel like they are operating on a completely different wavelength than you are? her head is just way out there...and we had really different views on things...she's nice and all, a good writer (unlike me) so that helps with the paper part. but...i just don't know if i can handle working with her again. i got so frustrated last time...to be blunt, i think she's in the wrong field. in particular, she doesn't have any natural talent in designing. and yet she thinks really highly of herself...so...ugh!! i don't know. she's just not very logical and methodical. her head just jumps from idea to idea, and so we always got off topic whenever we had group meetings, and therefore got nothing accomplished most of the time...i just don't want to go through that again. she always wanted to meet insanely early in the morning too, so that pissed me off. anyway...the other lady...she's really old...seems kinda confused...we were working on an assignment in class today, and i don't think she had a clue what we were supposed to do and how to do it...i'm too impatient to work with people like that. but like i said, i think i got stuck with them. everyone else in the class knows each other, and it seems like they all have their groups already. ugh...and next week we aren't even meeting in class, we're meeting somewhere else, and the girl i know is giving me a ride there, so it's not like i can try to talk to some other people before class starts... i'm sorry for babbling, i'm just getting a very bad feeling about this project.
i feel like i can't concentrate at all. i don't know what my problem is...i had all day to work on this assignment, i even skipped my class...and i've barely got anything to show for it. i really just can't think at all and it's driving me nuts. ugh!!! this is not supposed to be that difficult...
Tuesday, September 25, 2001
i didn't go to class today. i feel like such a slacker. still working on my homework too. sometimes i just sit here and wonder what i did all day...how the whole day passed and i didn't get anything accomplished...ok, i got a little accomplished, but it was very little...maybe i have some sort of graduate school version of "senioritis". i'm lazy to begin with, but these days i feel lazier than normal.
ok, back to designing my alarm clock. last chance to give me ideas. i mean, everyone uses an alarm clock, right? so what would you want to change about it? what features would the ideal alarm clock have? any suggestions at all???
something weird is going on outside...all these people are honking their horns and getting pissed. it's so loud and obnoxious. i'm guessing it's some sort of sorority thing. because i see girls dressed the same getting out of cars and into other cars with matching balloons, and they're bascially stopping traffic and making people mad. i don't understand the point of these things...really...
ha ha - it also looks like they're getting stuff thrown at them and their cars. water balloons, i think. i can't tell.
i don't think i'll go to class tonight. i feel so lazy saying that. but...i just don't feel like going...the class is from 7:30-9:30, and i'm still working on my alarm clock design assignment that's due tomorrow. the tricky part is, i have to make it mode-less. none of those switches for time set, alarm set, etc. any ideas??
Monday, September 24, 2001
Sunday, September 23, 2001
i meant to catch up on a lot of reading today...but how much did i actually read? five pages. just five. how pathetic is that? i guess i can try to read a little now...since i'm not sleepy yet...but i just don't feel like my brain is up to it.
anyway. i have to design an alarm clock for homework this week, so if anyone has any thoughts on that, or features they would like alarm clocks to have, let me know.
ok, i think i just saw a commercial for some sort of "who wants to marry a millionaire"-type thing, but this time it was "who wants to be a princess?". so basically, instead of an ugly millionaire looking for a wife, they are going to have an ugly prince looking for a wife. didn't fox learn it's lesson the first time?
strangers keep buzzing my apartment. i don't know what's going on - it happened once around 2 AM and once just now. it's annoying. i didn't bother to answer or ask who it was, since i'm sure it was no one i know. too many drunk guys out on the street, i'm guessing it was one of them. ann arbor was so much more peaceful over the summer...
Saturday, September 22, 2001
damn, it seems like everyone's having a bad day today. it's strange how when you read some strangers' blogs pretty regularly, you start to think of them as friends. or at least i do. i feel for them when they have a bad day, wish i could help them out with their problems somehow...
anyway...sean's email was interesting. he was completely drunk, babbling about how much DC sucks and how i'm the only person he can trust...i don't know what he meant by that...i mean, he's got a lot of friends that he can trust...maybe not in DC, but still...it was just a strange thing for him to say. but then again, alcohol does weird things to him and he certainly had a lot tonight. poor thing. i feel bad for him...
sucks being a cal fan. i'm so bummed out...wouldn't be surprised if the coach resigns this week. at least there's no doubt now that he has to go. the team just self-destructed 3 games in a row. no excuse for that.
i don't know what else to write about. i need cheering up. hey, sean just emailed. cool. he must have read my mind.
*sigh*...i'm about to give up on the bears...i can't believe i'm saying that...ok, i won't give up totally, but i'm giving up on this game. forget the coach - get the team a shrink. i think it's all mental.
i hate papercuts. just got one.
anyway...the cal game's about to start so...go bears!! they must win today. they must, they must, they must. will they? probably not. i don't think they have won in the state of washington since 1979 or something like that. the losing streak has got to end at some point though, right? right??
isn't it a nice feeling when you think you're all out of clean underwear, but then miraculously you find one hidden somewhere? i think so.
i've seriously gotta do some laundry today.
Friday, September 21, 2001
i'm listening to all these people outside...they're talking, laughing, having a good time...and it makes me feel a little envious. i want to be out doing that too. i didn't do nearly enough of that when i was an undergrad. not the last 2 years anyway. i feel like i missed out. and now i don't have anyone to do that with : (
there's some grad student social events coming up in october...i don't know if i'll go or not. tried doing that last year and it was lame and pathetic. everyone goes with their friends, eats the free food, then leaves with their friends. i felt so awkward going alone. it was just weird. there are a few people i talk to in my classes, only one that i would really say i'm friends with, and they're all quite a bit older than i am. almost all of them are married, and some have kids too. so...i feel really out of place sometimes. i guess i have different interests than they do. people suggested i join clubs and meet people that way. sounded like a good plan, so i looked at the list of all the clubs here, but none of them appealed to me. besides, i don't have time for meetings on weeknights anyway. so...that leaves me sitting in my apartment alone on a friday night feeling bored and restless, blogging away because i don't have anything better to do... anyway...it's ok. i'm not depressed about it anymore. just envious of all those people i hear laughing. i miss laughing.
hmm...i don't really have anything interesting to write about...i'm just bored...
i made some enchiladas tonight, and they were actually pretty decent. it was my first attempt, and there were no major kitchen disasters, so i'm proud. if i had tomatillo sauce, they would have been really good. yum...i love tomatillo sauce...i'll have to look around for some...
you know, i'm kinda starting to wonder about some of my relatives who are out of the country...wondering whether they'll be able to fly back soon...one aunt is stuck in dubai of all places, but i guess it was better that she was there and not in her manhattan office last tuesday. my dad and his wife are in france...i think they should be able to fly back as scheduled, but i don' t know. seems like france is having some terrorist problems too...i think i read that people are having trouble flying back from there. and then there's my uncle and cousin, who are in india. i hope they don't have too much trouble getting back to california. i hope all of them get back safely. must be rough being in a foreign country at a time like this. and it's not like they have a choice - they have to fly. it seems like almost everyday i hear of other probable hijackers being arrested...flying is not something i would want to do right now.
i feel so good on friday afternoons...like suddenly i have some time to just chill and take it easy...i'm ignorning all the laundry i have to do, and all the dirty dishes sitting in my sink, and all the reading i need to get done over the weekend...
all i want to do right now is just sit here and relax...it feels nice.
Thursday, September 20, 2001
and another thing about bush - he makes it seem like it's ok to bomb afghanistan because bin laden is hiding out there. but that's so ridiculous - the taliban does not represent the views of the entire country! and i really don't know how it'll be possible to "punish" people like bin laden without pissing off more of his followers (not just in afghanistan, but around the world). how would it even be possible to get rid of every single one of them?? it's not like anyone's going to admit to being associated with him now. they'll keep quiet, and their anger will grow with every attack the US makes, and years from now, they'll probably want to get revenge and do something like this again. the thought troubles me a lot. i mean, just think about whoever made millions of dollars through the stock market when this happened. what are they going to do with all that money? obviously they have a plan of some sort. i feel like the US is stepping into a trap. a big one. and i don't like it.
any thoughts on dubya's speech tonight? i was a little disappointed that he didn't really address all the hate crimes and discrimination that's going on in the US right now. i guess he touched on it a little, just barely though. didn't say anything he hasn't said before. racist americans who commit hate crimes are just as bad as terrorists in my book (well, not taking into account the actual number of people hurt). what i need is for him to seriously condemn all the people in the US who are behaving badly towards arab-americans, muslims, and anyone else who even remotely resembles them (ie indians). bush seems really unaware of how bad it is, and i find that sad. you gotta address what's going on within your own country first before you can go talk about taking on the rest of the world. that's my opinion anyway.
i don't know what to eat for dinner. i don't know why i'm writing that here, but it's just so frustrating sometimes trying to figure out what the hell to eat...i finished the pizza i ordered a few days ago, so that's out. pizza here makes me sick anyway, i was just desperate.
my advisor's so damn picky - he asked for a copy of the syllabus. i'm all stressed out about classes again. what if he won't approve of the class? i'll be screwed. or i'll have to drop it and take something else that he does approve of. i guess that would be the worst case scenario. i'm keeping my fingers crossed that he will approve it though. i don't see any reason why he shouldn't...the class is very relevant to my program, in fact it is a heck of a lot more relevant than some of the other classes i've had to take. i just get so paranoid though...
Wednesday, September 19, 2001
i'm really tired and i have a huge headache - i said that last night too, huh? well...anyway...i was not doing too well yesterday. i don't know how to explain it...just had a wave of insecurities come over me all of a sudden. it happens sometimes, especially when i'm around a bunch of people who are very different from me. i just revert back to how i was at the peak of my insecure-ness (whatever the word is), probably sometime around 6th or 7th grade. i can't really describe it too well, i just wanted to shrivel up in a corner, you know? i didn't feel too good about myself. but, i was better today. (except for when i fell down those stairs, i felt pretty bad then)
and the other thing i wanted to write about...well, i don't want to go into detail right now...basically, i felt a little guilty, a little selfish maybe. i don't know. i just felt bad because i realized that sometimes i get upset with people, but i don't look at things from their point of view. i just focus on how i feel and how hurt i am. i don't really think about how bad things might be for others...i don't stop and put myself in their shoes and try to understand what they're going through...so that's something i need to work on too. probably goes back to what i wrote about a while ago, about me taking things too personally...
not to be picky, but i just heard someone singing the national anthem on tv (i guess it was at a baseball game or something) and she sang the wrong word - she sang "for the land of the free" instead of "o'er the land of the free". it is o'er right? as in over? that's what i always thought anyway. maybe i'm wrong. i'm anal enough to drive myself nuts about this, so i better go check the lyrics somewhere.
in my user interface design class today we took a little field trip to the arcade down the street, to play - oops, i mean to analyze the interfaces of the games. anyway, it's been kinda rainy today, and the stairs going down to the arcade were a little wet, and so...wouldn't you know it, i slipped and fell. landed flat on my ass. i didn't even know what had happened, it was so fast. i'm ok, but damn it hurt for a while. and it was really embarrassing because just about the whole class saw me...
*sigh* so typical of my luck lately. anyway. does anyone play that dancing game? i wanted to try it, but i had embarrassed myself enough for the day. it looks like fun though, once you get the hang of it.
Tuesday, September 18, 2001
ugh. i have a headache and i can't think straight. it's been a long day...
anyway...thanks milly for the funny face, and thanks sean for the long email.
i still have a lot on my mind that i want to blog about, but i haven't finished my homework yet and it's due tomorrow, so i better get back on track. i'm really tired tonight too, so i'll probably go straight to bed as soon as i get a reasonable amount of work done...don't want to wait until the last minute again like i did last week. i'm such a slacker sometimes.
first of all i just have to say that my computer is a piece of shit.
and now that that's out of the way... inefficiency pisses me off. i'm just so irritated right now. i have to get a form signed so that i can enroll in my independent study, and i asked the person i'm working with if i could bring the form over today. she said that was fine. now, in my mind that implied that i would be able to get the form signed today. nope. she didn't want to "bother" the person who's going to sign the form for me. she just wanted me to drop it off, and then go walk all the way back over there sometime during the week to pick it up. and i was just irritated because...well...why would i ask her if i could bring the form over on a specific day and time if i just wanted to drop it off? i would have just left it in her mailbox any time that was convenient for me, you know? and just the fact that i have to get this form signed is ridiculous in itself...everyone at berkeley complains about the bureaucracy, but let me tell you, michigan is much worse. i have gotten the run around more times in one year here than i did in 4+ years at berkeley. supposedly michigan is the one that has everything computerized, but i certainly don't get that impression. how can they not have instructor approval codes? i mean, that just seems like a logical thing to have in the system...so people like me don't have to "bother" professors for signatures... ok, i'm done ranting about that. on to the next topic. for a minute today, i was completely freaked out that i wasn't going to graduate. i had an appointment this morning for a degree-check, and as the form was being filled out, i noticed that i needed to choose 9 units of electives from a list, and i only had 6. the problem: only 2 of the 8 classes on that list are actually offered. none of the other ones have been offered in the entire time that i've been here. well, how the hell am i supposed to take them if they aren't offered?!?! ugh. so i have to go meet with my advisor (yuck) and get him to sign something giving me approval to have another class meet that requirement. three things come to mind immediately: 1) my advisor doesn't like me; 2) my advisor doesn't like the class that i'm taking (the particular class that he has to approve of); and 3) my advisor always wants to meet at 9 AM. so in short, this sucks. ok, now that i've got all that off my chest, i should go do homework now...
Monday, September 17, 2001
*sigh*
i have homework and reading, but i can't concentrate. have an appointment early tomorrow morning too, so i should probably go to bed. i just feel like i have so many things that i need to do, but i don't know when i'm going to do them. and it's only, what? the second week of school? too many things on my mind, and all the war talk probably isn't helping matters...i was so lazy all of last week, just felt tired and zombie-like. i need to get some exercise, get my heart pumping, something... anyway...i'm sleepy right now so i don't think i'll get anything accomplished by staying up and attempting to type up my thoughts. i'm too incoherent right now anyway. going to bed.
by the way, i didn't mean to be distasteful by making fun of the president down below. i just can't take the guy seriously when i hear him speak. but i'll leave him alone - he's under a lot more stress than usual, and i know this is not the time to make jokes about him.
just watched an emotional dave letterman interview an even more emotional dan rather - two people we are not used to seeing in that state. it was touching, and pretty informative. those of you in earlier time zones can try to watch it tonight.
Sunday, September 16, 2001
i've been reading a lot of negative comments about barbara lee, the east bay congresswoman i mentioned down below somewhere. some people are calling her an idiot, a traitor, and even a fame-seeker.
here's what she said: Mr. Speaker, I rise today really with a very heavy heart, one that is filled with sorrow for the families and the loved ones who were killed and injured this week. Only the most foolish and the most callous would not understand the grief that has really gripped our people and millions across the world. This unspeakable act on the United States has forced me, however, to rely on my moral compass, my conscience, and my God for direction. September 11 changed the world. Our deepest fears now haunt us. Yet I am convinced that military action will not prevent further acts of international terrorism against the United States. This is a very complex and complicated matter. This resolution will pass, although we all know that the President can wage a war even without it. However difficult this vote may be, some of us must urge the use of restraint. Our country is in a state of mourning. Some of us must say, let us step back for a moment. Let us just pause for a minute and think through the implications of our actions today so that this does not spiral out of control. I have agonized over this vote, but I came to grips with it today and I came to grips with opposing this resolution during the very painful yet very beautiful memorial service. As a member of the clergy so eloquently said, "As we act, let us not become the evil we deplore." personally, i don't see anything wrong with what she said, or how she voted.
there's a tribute up for Mark Bingham, one of the passengers on United flight 93 who is believed to have tried to take over the hijackers.
i was trying to figure out what was wrong with my water filter, and in the process, i think i broke it. there isn't much water coming out of it at all anymore - whoops. guess i'm not very handy, huh? oh well. think i should just drink plain old unfiltered tap water for the next 3 months? it can't be too bad, can it? i am one of those people who actually drinks 6-8 glasses a day, easily. well, i did until my filter started being weird. maybe the filter just needs to be changed? i don't know. i wish i hadn't messed with it...
Saturday, September 15, 2001
"grease" was on twice in a row tonight...no, i didn't watch it twice. well, just some parts : )
anyway, just thought of another related memory. i think it was back in '96 or '97, the cal band did a "grease" half-time show. it was one of the best ones i have seen. they made the shape of a car on the field, and the people who were the wheels started moving in a circle, so it basically looked like the wheels were spinning. i think they were playing "grease lightning" at the time. it would have been awesome if they had made the whole car move, but i can see how that would be complicated... cal band great!
i'm watching "grease" right now. i love that movie. i know it's probably on tv at least once a month, but it always cheers me up when i see it. makes me feel like singing and dancing. brings back some memories too (ugh, sean again). oh, and everytime i watch it i notice something new - a joke, a facial expression, something going on in the background...
anyway...i've hardly been getting any comments in my blog lately, so to those of you who have seen the movie a million times like i have (and to those who have just seen it a few times), what's your favorite part and/or song? my favorite is "summer nights" - i vaguely remember being drunk out of my mind singing it at some karaoke place...and now that i've shared that with all of you, come on - leave a comment. you know you want to.
Friday, September 14, 2001
and on the other hand...
i am reminded of something my 8th grade math teacher said during the gulf war, which a lot of us were against and upset about at the time. he said something like "Hitler killed millions of people before anyone did anything about it". i think this situation is different. but...i understand why some people feel that we do need to take military action and i can respect their opinions. i don't think it's the answer, but then again, i'm not qualified to say what is. i don't know the whole story, and i don't know what the situation is like. i guess we just have to trust in the people who do know, and hope that they will make the best decision.
i was just watching one of the news reports, and someone finally said what i've been thinking: that if we do what the terrorists did, we are just as bad as they are.
it seems like everyone here thinks we need to fight back, and it seems more and more likely that we will. i just don't think that's the answer. yes, whoever did this needs to be punished. but damnit let's show the world that we are better than they are instead of sinking down to their level and killing more innocent people!!! i don't want the US to piss off more people and have a repeat 10 years from now. i don't want any more innocent people to die like this period. someone else just said something that i agree with too (sorry i don't pay attention to names). he said that we can't just retaliate; we need a long-term plan. i personally don't have the confidence in bush to believe that he will come up with one. let's hope that someone who works for him does. the one congresswoman who voted alone - she's strong. i really appreciate that she had the guts to speak her mind.
in other news...i switched projects again. i do that a lot, don't i? well, i didn't quit this time. i just switched from smart girl to another project called UM-GIRL (Using Math: Girls Investigate Real Life). it seemed more appropriate for me. the person i'm working with thought it would be a better match, and i agreed. also, i think it's more educational than the smart girl site. so...i'm feeling a bit more settled with school right now than i have been the past few weeks. if i can somehow use this project for one of my other classes as well, that would be perfect. but if not, i think i'll still be ok. i'll have more work, but nothing really unpleasant. and i don't mind being busy (in fact, i prefer it) as long as i'm busy doing something i like.
hmm...i should have gotten Milly to cut my hair...i really don't like my haircut. it's just not working. and it's not long enough to tie or put up anymore, so when i have a bad hair day, i have to suffer through it. i hope it'll be ok when it grows out a little. note that i didn't change my stor trooper's hair style. just couldn't find a piece to accurately reflect the current state of my hair. (well, i did, but it was the wrong color)
it's starting to get a bit chilly here, so i changed my stor trooper's outfit. can you tell how bored i am?
i don't really have a sweater-coat like that - just couldn't bring myself to spend $60-70 on one. (the cheaper ones are all ugly) but i figured since my stor trooper doesn't have to pay for her clothes, i might as well let her wear one : )
i *think* i just heard someone say that india knew about the plans for the attacks a few days in advance. why the hell didn't they tell the US then?!?! there comes a point where you have to put politics aside and think about saving lives. really. if this is true, i'm going to be really pissed.
how demented is this: "God gave US 'what we deserve,' Falwell says"
here's a snip of the article: Television evangelists Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, two of the most prominent voices of the religious right, said liberal civil liberties groups, feminists, homosexuals and abortion rights supporters bear partial responsibility for Tuesday's terrorist attacks because their actions have turned God's anger against America. i don't understand people who think like that. and i don't know how someone like falwell actually has followers.
Thursday, September 13, 2001
as bad as the attacks were, i keep thinking that things could have been worse. can you imagine if the plane that went down in pennsylvania had made it to its target? or what if the people arrested today were able to get onto their intended flights on tuesday? or if they hadn't been caught today? it definitely seems like they were part of the same group, planning to hijack 2 more planes. it's so scary to think about it.
it's been helping me a little to read other blogs, to read stories and general thoughts on everything that happened. we were supposed to discuss it in class yesterday, but basically my professor said that he wasn't the right person to lead that kind of talk. he gave us phone numbers we could call if we needed counseling, and we had a moment of silence, and that was it. went on with the normal lecture scheduled for that day.
the thing is, i didn't need the professor to talk to us about it, i needed the class to talk about it - even for just 15 minutes or so. i needed to hear what other people were thinking. and i didn't get that. it really pisses me off that people are taking advantage of the situation - i just heard that someone was posing as a red cross volunteer, trying to solicit donations. how sick can some people be? anyway...then there are the good stories - a couple people were just found alive in the buildings...hearing that news is just amazing. i hear the people cheering and i feel like crying. i see reunions on tv, and though i don't know these people, i feel touched. i guess i should focus on stories like this.
Wednesday, September 12, 2001
i wish they would stop replaying the images over and over...everytime i see that plane fly into the building, i get this sick feeling inside of me. and it's just as bad now as it was the first time i saw it. i don' t know why they have to keep showing it on tv. we all know what happened by now, and being reminded constantly is not helping.
so here's my homework assignment for next week: write a rebuttal for this week's assignment. basically, i have to explain what's good about the website i chose for its bad design, and what's bad about the website i chose for its good design. irritating huh? i'm kinda glad i didn't spend so much time trying to find ones that were really, really good and really, really bad. i kinda picked mediocre ones for both. (that's what happens when i procrastinate so much that i have less than an hour to finish)
isn't it a wonderful feeling when you get email (or comments) from strangers complimenting you on your blog and/or blog layout? i think so. it makes my day sometimes : )
yup...i feel special...
Tuesday, September 11, 2001
i need to work on my homework that's due tomorrow, but i'm really out of it and my eyes are tired and i don't feel like surfing the web. here's what i need: an example of bad interface design, and an example of good interface design. if anyone can suggest a website that fits either of these categories, please let me know.
i really don't know how some people are just going on as if nothing happened.
i went out a while ago, and people are laughing, messing around, eating ice cream, listening to music...i was standing in line at the bookstore, where TV's near the counter were showing the explosions in afghanistan. the people working there didn't even notice - seriously, they were joking around and taking to each other. one girl at the cash register only looked at the tv because i was staring at it looking all gloomy. "like, what's going on now? like, the world's coming to an end!!!" they were laughing. just so immature, it really irritated me. anyway. i understand that life does go on, especially for those of us who don't have any connections to people in new york or dc. but...have some respect, you know? lots of people died today.
just took a long, long shower...sometimes washing my hair feels like therapy. i try to wash away some of my troubles...i feel a little more relaxed now. aside from the attacks, something else is bothering me today. i don't feel like going into it right now, but i've been pretty upset.
anyway. i don't claim to be psychic, but i think i had a premonition last night. could just be a coincidence of course, but stuff like this has happened to me before. i didn't see planes flying into buildings, but i definitely saw bombings and explosions. and no, that's not something that would normally enter into my mind. so that's kind of strange, isn't it?
i can't believe there are people cheering about this. some palestinians were heard chanting "god is great". how sick is that?
i just heard the third hijacked plane is headed to DC. and i read somewhere that other bombs went off in DC. i hope sean's ok. he lives and works very close to the hill.
this is just unbelievable. i can't imagine how many people have been killed...this is so sick. it's just sick.
i don't know what to say...i'm really disturbed, to say the least. and i'm scared that the attacks aren't over yet. i've been up watching since the first tower was hit, and i'm just in shock.
Monday, September 10, 2001
someone sent me this over email. try it if you're bored, it's pretty cool:
Take the number of the month you were born Multiply it by 4 Add 13 Multiply by 25 Subtract 200 Add the number of the day you were born Multiply by 2 Subtract 40 Multiply by 50 Add the last 2 digits of the year you were born Subtract 10,500 Notice anything? the sad part is, i used to love figuring out how these types of "math tricks" work. but no more - my brain doesn't like numbers. that's what i get for majoring in math.
this girl was falling asleep in the rivers class today - it took all my self-control not to burst out laughing when i saw her. i had to cover my mouth and look down for a while because i was having a hard time not smiling. she just looked so funny, because she was trying really hard to stay involved and pay attention, but you could see her struggling to keep her eyes open. plus, the class has all of 5 people in it, so it's hard to fall asleep without someone (or everyone) noticing. anyway. i am more convinced that i want to drop the class now - because it's boring enough to cause someone to fall asleep. it'll be me one day, i know that already. i didn't even say anything in the discussion today. the topic is just way out there. i don't think i'm getting anything out of the class. other than the 3 units i need to graduate : )
Sunday, September 09, 2001
i just wanted to apologize for my lack of writing skills...i was just reading over some of my recent posts and wondering why i don't take the time to make them sound better. i tend to just write whatever comes to mind, as it comes to mind. i don't really think through them until afterwards. so if it seems like i can't explain what i'm thinking or feeling, it's probably because i don't know yet. or because i can't come up with the words on the spot. or because it's 2:30 AM and i'm brain dead. speaking of which, i need to get to bed so i don't fall asleep in class tomorrow while people are discussing the reading that i didn't do because i was watching tv and fucking around online all weekend...
taking a break from reading again...i don't think i'll finish it by tomorrow like i'm supposed to, but i don't really care at this point.
anyway...so sean emailed quite a few times this weekend. usually he doesn't tell me about girls that he dates or sleeps with or whatever, seems to feel weird about it. or i guess he thinks i'd feel hurt. i don't know. but tonight he told me he had been dating someone for a while (i'm guessing it was around the time he stopped writing me), but they broke up. and apparently last night he was drunk and hitting on every girl in sight. the only part that bothered me really was him telling me about this "really cute" indian girl he met. if he would have just left out the part about her being indian, i wouldn't care. but somehow the fact that she's indian makes me feel...um...well, i just don't like it. it's silly of me, i know. like somehow the fact that he is attracted to any indian girl he meets makes me feel like...i wasn't really special or something...i don't know...it's hard to explain. but whatever. i guess i just have a problem in general with guys who go for a certain type. had a bad experience once. actually twice. not with sean, he took the time to get to know me. sorta. but anyway. about 4 years ago i met this one guy who assumed that because i looked a lot like his indian ex, that my personality would be exactly like hers too. he seemed so obsessed with comparing me to her, that he didn't really listen to what i was saying. it was a complete turn off. and another guy that i met here at school was telling me about an indian girl he knew who was pretty wild, i guess. so he was asking me if i was like that too. and i mean, come on. anyone who meets me can tell right away that i'm not. anyway...sean had an indian girlfriend in high school, but she was psycho. a real nut case from what he's told me. but to this day, he still thinks she was really beautiful. sometimes it just seems like he wants a sane version of her.
i've been trying to get some reading done for my rivers course, but it's unbelievably boring. a friend who took it last semester told me to just skim it and get the general idea, but it's so long and involved. not easy to skim through at all. i'm really not feeling too happy about this class right now. i looked through the schedule of classes for other options, but everything else i'm interested in taking has a time conflict with another class. so...i'm kinda bummed...this semester is stressing me out for some reason. it feels like it's going to be a lot of work, more than the usual. and in addition to school, i need to do other things too - look for a job, try to learn some new software, etc. also, i've been feeling extra-lazy lately, so that's not helping matters...
Saturday, September 08, 2001
i'm still feelin down about cal's loss. last week was bad - ok, it was very bad. but i just thought it was a fluke or something. the players were flat that day. not ready to play. but after today's game...well, it's pretty clear that changes need to be made. there's no excuse for playing like crap 2 weeks in a row. i was so confident that last week's loss would light a fire under the team. and i think it did - partially. they seemed more fired up at the beginning of the game, and they were playing pretty well for most of the first quarter. but then after byu scored and cal missed an easy field goal, it all fell apart. more turnovers, more penalties, more mental mistakes...i think they started to panic and brokedown completely. it's so frustrating to be a cal fan...*sigh*
anyway. i don't know what they should do about it. the coach was planning to resign if they had another losing season. and it certainly looks like they are headed towards one. so does the athletic department wait and see how the rest of the season pans out? fire the coach now? fire the coach after the 6th loss? i think the classy thing to do would be to wait for the season to end. but realistically, that could hurt the program more than help it. so...i don't know...i guess i'm going to try to be optimistic and hope that the team turns itself around. i really don't have anything against the coach, it's just that what he's doing isn't working right now. and if it isn't working, it isn't going to attract recruits. and without good players coming in, the team is just going to get worse. there comes a point where you just have to wipe the slate clean i guess. but with a proven coach this time, not someone who is learning as he goes along. but of couse, to get a good coach, the school needs money. and to get money, they need to have a winning team. ugh!!! such a vicious cycle... maybe i should become a michigan fan, since i am technically a student here and all. but then again, they lost today too. oh well.
cal was pathetic again today. really pathetic. i was trying not to jump to conclusions last week, i had faith in them. thought they would hang in today. but, after one quarter, they just died. they don't have heart anymore. last year was tough, but they never gave up the way they did in these past 2 games. i've been a holmoe supporter these past few years when everyone was calling for his head. but really. i've had enough of this crap. they are playing sloppy. and they aren't mentally strong enough. they lack the killer instinct they need. it all reflects on the coaches.
how did the day pass? i'm so out of it today.
i don't feel like going to bed. i do feel like going to sleep, but i think that if i go to bed now, i won't fall asleep. and i don't want to be lying in bed, unable to fall asleep. i hate that feeling. i've had a lot of difficulty falling asleep most of this week. so if i sound really incoherent right now, that's why. uh...ok...random thoughts...i didn't watch the mtv awards, but i just saw a little clip of britney spears and um, how old is she? is she still a teenager? because i don't think teenagers should be dressed like that and dancing like that and singing (or lip-syncing in her case) about being a sex slave. (i have no idea what the song is or what it's about, but that's what it seemed like to me). i don't like her or her music in general, but i mean, little girls look up to her, so i think she needs to tone it down a little. i hate that everyone compares her to madonna when she started - madonna was well into her mid-20's when she became famous, not 15. adults can dress how they choose and be sexual. etc. but i can't believe that britney spears' mother has let her do what she does at such a young age. i just think it would be so funny if her boobs popped out of her skimpy clothes one day. i think i read that it did happen once. don't know if that was true or not. i wouldn't be surprised though. i don't know why i'm babbling about this right now. i guess my cousins are really into her - they are 7 and 9 years old. they want to dress like her, and i just think that's wrong. so that's why it pisses me off to see her doing things like what she did at the mtv awards. in my opinion it was |