i'm bored. i have work to do, but i think i'll just go to bed early tonight. i feel bummed out. for no reason in particular. just...i don't know...i need a hug. posted at 9:27 PM |  

ok, everyone uses instant messangers right? that's my homework assignment for next week. any ideas???? i need to design 2 of them actually. for different audiences. and actually draw them up really nice and color them in and everything...so let me know if there are specific features you like/dislike or any preferences as far as size and color, etc... posted at 3:31 PM |  

relief...i finished...and i still have 20 minutes before i have to go to class. posted at 11:37 AM |  

i overslept!!! : (

i don't know how it happened...i think i remember hearing my alarm...but i don't remember anything else. i've got work to do!! posted at 9:30 AM |  

that song's still stuck in my head. someone on the west coast, if you watch craig kilborn then write down the lyrics for me. i remember most of it, but i forgot the order and a few words here and there. posted at 11:02 PM |  

"i'm not a fool, i won't eat your stool"

(you won't get that unless you watched craig kilborn tonight...it was basically a line in a song that these 2 ladies - joy and johanna - sang on the show tonight, and now it's stuck in my head...)

i'm almost done with my style guide. i want to add in some screen shots but i'm lazy right now. i'll do it in the morning. i kinda borrowed/stole a lot of ideas from this paper on button theory that i had to read in a class i took last winter. but i don't think that's cheating. i want to rename one of the terms used in that paper though - "feeling buttons". as in "boring", "awesome", etc. basically the user's opinions on what they are being presented with. i guess these buttons are used so that, well...say a person clicks on "boring" whenever they are presented with a certain type of information. then the software will in the future skip over that stuff, since it knows the user doesn't like it. and the opposite if the user clicks on "awesome" - the software will give them more of that type of stuff. i don't explain it well, but can anyone think of a better term for it than "feeling buttons"? that sounds weird to me. posted at 10:50 PM |  

anyone watch charlie brown tonight? so cute. i don't know why but i'm really captivated by those charlie brown specials...can't tell you how many times i've watched the christmas one...i wonder if kids still watch charlie brown today. i don't think my little cousins do. guess it doesn't have the look of today's cartoons. or the writing. but i've always liked it. posted at 5:41 PM |  

i need some sort of energy boost. i'm really struggling right now. i wish i drank coffee. posted at 2:07 PM |  

i don't have anything to say. i just feel like shit right now. tired and a little dizzy. and i have a 2-3 page style guide due tomorrow that i haven't really started yet. still brainstorming about what to put in it... posted at 11:53 AM |  

milly was wondering why people blog, and she came up with some good theories...so i started thinking about why i blog...

i think initially i started blogging because i had no one to talk to. when i lived with roommates, i would talk to them to get stuff out of my system. not really personal stuff, but just my day-to-day frustrations and what not. and if i needed to get out some personal stuff, i had closer friends to call or email - mostly sean, but a few other people too. i know i must have sent some loooooooooong emails to milly. anyway, i've been living alone since i moved to michigan, so i didn't really have as many outlets anymore. emailed sean constantly. emailed milly whenever i felt like i was about to explode (i think she was going through similar stuff at the time, except as a teacher not a student). became friends with ming-hui, who i had several classes with, and we always complained to each other about school-related stuff. meanwhile sean got laid off and was computer-less and phone-less for a long time, so we started to lose touch. then summer came along and ming-hui went to taiwan. i felt like i began to bottle up a lot of things, not by choice, but just because i had no one around to talk to. and i don't mean just personal things, this goes for all my random babbling too.

so...yeah...that's why i started my blog. but i think it's become more than that. because i realized that so few of the friends that i have had throughout my life really knew who i was. i feel like i almost always make conscious decisions about what i let people see in me. maybe certain people would only get to see one side of my personality, and certain other people would only get to see another side...but hardly anyone really knows who i am. so i decided i would try to be myself in this blog. i decided i would try not to care about what other people reading it might think of me. i just needed this space to be honest with myself, because i get so tired of keeping some things from some people and keeping other things from other people...of pretending to be something i'm not...of not sharing things that mattered to me because i thought no one would be interested...things like that. it's not a good way to live. why do i do that? i don't know. i need a professional to figure that out. but i'm learning how to be more open in my blog (it helps that i don't know most of the people who read it : )

so does that answer your question milly? posted at 10:46 PM |  

got an email from some sort of grad student social thing...i'm debating whether or not to go...last year, i would have gone in a second, but this year...i don't know...maybe i'm just too jaded to try these things now...i always end up getting disappointed. i just feel so awkward going to a bar alone. no one goes to these things alone. the only friends i have here are all married and/or too old for this type of thing, so it's not like i can drag one of them along. so if i do go, i will go alone. and i don't know if it's worth it (especially if i go with a negative attitude)...everyone else comes with their friends, and it's hard for me to just go up to groups of people at random and start talking to them. feels like junior high, you know? everyone in their little cliques. at least the last time when i went to something like this, i ran into someone from one of my classes. it was sooooooo much easier to talk to people when i wasn't alone. but that was different because it was on campus, not at a bar. i can see this being about 10 times more awkward. but that seems like such a bad excuse for not going. maybe i'll swing by and take a look, and if it's bad i'll turn around and leave. or another plan would be to go in anyway and get myself completely wasted. maybe that'll make things easier. i don't know. posted at 7:41 PM |  

i know there must be some sort of career center at U of M where i can get help with my resume, but i can't figure out where it is. found some for specific departments, but no general one. it's so frustrating. posted at 11:53 AM |  

working on updating my resume...(i know, i should have done this a long time ago...)

anyway, i'm really confused because i want to add in all this stuff that i've done in my classes but i'm not sure where to put it. i think it's important because i haven't had much actual employment in this field, but i've worked on a lot of projects in my classes that should count somehow. so do i include this stuff in the experience section, or in the education section, or should i create a separate section for relevant coursework, or should i just briefly list the classes on the resume but go into detail about what i did in them in the cover letter??? or does anyone have any other ideas???

it's a little too long if i include everything under experience, but maybe i should take some things out, like my old job at LBL that's not in any way relevant...and there's other things i wanted to put in because i think they are relevant, but they aren't really jobs. more like community service type stuff, but relevant community service (tutoring, working with kids at a computer center). maybe those aren't that relevant...i don't know...i've always felt that they were, but that's just because those are the things that made me want to go into ed tech. they didn't necessarily contribute to my design skills. not directly. but indirectly, they definitely did. i don't know...i'm so confused... posted at 11:35 PM |  

i didn't feel like doing my homework so instead i just spent 2 hours working on a friend's statement of purpose for grad school. her english isn't great, so she mainly sent it to me to proofread it and fix the grammatical errors...i guess i went a little overboard though! i tend to do that. it's weird, because i'm not a good writer, but i really enjoy editing other people's papers. and i've got the whole statement of purpose thing down. i should start charging people, have a little side business... posted at 4:58 PM |  

i'm taking back what i said about feeling sorry for that guy who got sick and didn't come look at my apartment. he called this morning and said he'd come at 4 today. and once again, he didn't show up. if he was still sick, i assume he would have told me to make it another day. i don't understand what the problem is. i don't think i want to sublet to him anymore. who knows whether or not i could trust him to pay rent on time?? posted at 2:49 PM |  

just watched michelle kwan skate...i wonder what's going on with her. i had no idea she fired her coach and her choreographer...i don't think she skated as well as she normally does. something was missing. it's kind of sad really...i'm worried about her chances at the olympics now. i'm such a huge fan of her skating, and i think she's really strong and focused, but...she needs a coach! and her old choreography was really good too. so expressive. it really set her apart from the others...this new choreographer's program seemed pretty ordinary. i really don't understand why she wanted to do this on her own...just for the challenge?...it doesn't make sense to me. posted at 11:50 AM |  

alright, now i feel bad for complaining about that guy who didn't come to look at the apartment today. he just emailed and said he was really sick with food poisoning. posted at 12:02 AM |  

sean just emailed...he didn't have a good time tonight, and i admit it cheered me up a little to hear that. i'm embarrassed for feeling that way too, just as i was embarrassed for being upset last weekend when he did have fun. but, it's less upsetting this way. posted at 10:51 PM |  

ugggghhhh!!! ok, another football rant. i know i said cal should play more aggressive, but there is a difference between taking chances and being stupid. 4th quarter, 4-5 minutes left, cal's down by 9 and within field goal range. what did they do? go for it on 4th down instead of kicking the field goal. makes absolutely no sense. they didn't make it of course, so now they're still down by 9 and have the ball with less than 2 minutes left. ridiculous. posted at 4:01 PM |  

it's really annoying when people make appointments to come look at my apartment and then never show up. the guy who was supposed to come today didn't even bother to let me know he wasn't coming. so rude. not that i had anywhere to go, but it's just wrong. posted at 1:23 PM |  

i was just looking through some job listings and found one in san diego that sounded really good. but it also sounded kinda scary...i mean, they list all these things i would be responsible for, and i don't even know what half of them are...the others, well, i know in theory what they entail, but as far as actual experience....???....i feel so unprepared...would they expect me to be comfortable doing all that right away, or are those things that i would learn as i go along?? i don't know. i'll apply anyway, but i'm feeling all this anxiety over it...if they interview me, i'll totally bomb...i mean, am i supposed to lie and say i'm qualified to do all that, when the reality is, i'm qualified to learn how to do all that, but it'll probably take me a while. and i don't know if i'll be good at it. sigh...i don't want to work...ok, i do, but i'm scared...school is so much easier... posted at 11:12 PM |  

i feel like i've been filling my blog with a lot of nonsense lately. more than the usual. i don't care though. it's probably just the result of not having anyone to babble to orally. or over email. i used to write really long emails to people when i needed to vent. hardly ever do that anymore. i just wrote a friend from college who i haven't written to in several months. can't remember the last time i spoke to her. (things kinda went downhill after i accidentally broke something she made in the ceramics class we were taking) but i only wrote her about 2 sentences. i didn't know what to say. it's been so long. i really just wanted to say hi and find out what she was doing. the last time she emailed, she had been laid off and was really confused about what she was going to do...but i never heard back from her after that.

anyway...i think i'll try to email some other people this weekend too. just to catch up and see what everyone's up to. funny how no one ever checks up on me anymore. out of sight, out of mind, i guess. posted at 10:34 PM |  

why does it have to start snowing already? isn't it a little early for this weather? : (

i'm such a weakling...that's what i get for growing up in california...i only remember it snowing there once, during 10th grade. and i guess i went to yosemite one winter and saw some snow there. that was fun. it's not fun here though, it's just so damn cold sometimes. posted at 11:14 AM |  

ugh!!! the two guys who were going to come look at my apartment today both found other places!!! so they're not even going to come look at mine and see if it's better...that sucks...still have one more person coming to look tomorrow. let's hope he doesn't find another place today.

i think it's weird that people would settle for one place before even looking at others. i must have looked at 5-6 apartments before deciding...and when i saw my current one, it was so much better than all the others (or at least, it looked like it was). whatever. i just hope that the person coming tomorrow feels the same way as i did. posted at 8:24 AM |  

i'm still up. still searching. still haven't found anything useful.

actually, i did find this one math site that is aimed at girls, but they're in the process of making a lot of changes to their site, so the links weren't really working...just my luck...

hey did anyone see the end of conan tonight? it was a re-run actually, but they had someone dressed as a coke can and someone dressed as a pepsi can and they were attracted to each other, started "kissing" and stuff...then the 7-up can comes along and they end up in some sort of three-some. i don't have a reason for bringing this up, just thought it was funny. it reminded me a little of the cal-stanfurd joint marketing ad that everyone's complaining about (oski and the tree flirting instead of fighting). anyway...i should go to bed now. if i don't find anything in the morning, i think i'll try to move the meeting to monday instead. it's supposed to snow tomorrow so i don't really want to go to the meeting anyway. i'm not ready for the cold!!! posted at 1:01 AM |  

i haven't got anything prepared for my meeting tomorrow. i was supposed to find some stuff online, but i've got nothing so far. basically, we want to come up with some interesting ways to teach statistics to teenage girls. most of the high school level statistics lessons i've found online use topics from either baseball or football. and i'm guessing that those aren't of interest to most teenage girls. then there are some that use dice rolling to illustrate some concepts. how dull can you get?? i remember when i was taking statistics in college, i got so tired of anything involving dice or playing cards . oh and my combinatorics professor always used the example of balls being tossed into boxes at random. whoo-hoo. exciting stuff. it's a shame, because statistics is really interesting. or at least i think it is. but then again, i'm the weird one who thought statistics and combinatorics were two of the best classes i took in college. although i guess i would never actually apply anything i learned in that combinatorics class to anything i do in real life. still, it was interesting from a programming point of view. posted at 11:51 PM |  

half my clothes just got shrunk in the dryer. just lovely. i should have checked on them earlier...actually, i shouldn't have put some of them in the dryer at all. i don't know what i was thinking. i guess i wasn't thinking. the dryers in my building use extremely high heat. even if i set it to low or medium. i don't know why they bothered to put settings on these dryers because they all dry on high regardless of which button you press. it's so irritating.

anyway. now i have to clean my apartment because a couple potential subletters are coming to look at it tomorrow. i think it'll make a better impression (and hopefully look a little bigger) if it's clean and my papers/clothes aren't scattered all over the floor. and i should vacuum up all the dead lady bugs too. posted at 3:25 PM |  

i've missed general hospital lately and i'm really confused. angel is the killer?? i thought edward had something to do with it...well, ok i thought everyone had something to do with it. but edward wasn't on the list of suspects they brought together...so i though that made him look more likely. why would angel kill sorel though? she knew that it was going to happen anyway. kinda weird. but then again, this is a soap not real life : ) posted at 11:19 AM |  

sorry for bitching so much about that homework assignment. it was really driving me nuts. and i'm still in a bad mood. i shouldn't complain about other people in my class being unfriendly, because i know i was extremely unfriendly today. just had a very unaproachable look on my face, i could tell. also, we do a lot of group work in that class, and i kept arguing with this woman in my group today because i thought her ideas sucked. i really need to chill though. it was just a little in-class activity, i don't know why i get so uptight about it. posted at 3:50 PM |  

still need to do 3 more roughs and one nice full-page sketch...i'm so sick of this! i can't draw and i can't come up with any more ideas and it's just too much work. i didn't apply any of the techniques we've learned about in class, so i really don't see the point in doing this... posted at 6:55 AM |  

ugh!!! it is so difficult to think of ideas for file systems that don't use a hierarchy...i'm just so used to that idea and it's hard to come up with more original ones...the assignment specifically says not to use a hierarchy for all the designs because that would basically be the same idea under different disguises...

but on the other hand, do i really care at this point? i'm tired and i just want to have 15 sketches to turn in. if i thinly disguise one idea 15 times, so be it. posted at 11:57 PM |  

while i'm procrastinating, i thought i'd share a funny story with my readers.

the workers at my dad's restaurant take naps in between the lunch and dinner shifts (it's a tiring job), and they do this on the floor in the main dining area. one day last week, during nap time, a lady was walking along the street and peeked in the window. she saw what she thought were 6 dead bodies. she knocked on the door, but no one got up. so she called the police - she thought all this had to do with terrorism somehow (talk about paranoia). so the police show up, and they start knocking on the doors and saying "open up, this is the police". still, no one got up or opened the door. i don't know if they were fast asleep or just confused about what was going on (they don't speak english), but anyway. so the policeman goes around the back and enters in through the kitchen with a gun in his hand. one of the cooks was in the kitchen cooking, and the policeman questioned him and actually took him down to the station and everything. they also checked out all of the other people, took their pulses, etc. to make sure they were alive and well. i can't imagine how confused those guys must have been...

isn't it crazy what terrorism is doing to our country? they've been taking naps on the floor like that for several years and nothing like this has ever happened before... posted at 11:25 PM |  

just spent a half hour on the phone with my mom trying to get some ideas from her. i think she's more excited about this assignment than i ever was. but that's probably because she doesn't have to do the actual sketching of these ideas. i think i am in denial about the fact that this is due tomorrow. i'm a slow drawer too, which isn't helping. posted at 11:10 PM |  

hmm...i wonder whether reblogger is going to get fixed or if i should switch to another commenting system?... posted at 9:51 PM |  

i think i'm going to be up sketching all night. i'm not very good at this. need some more ideas!!! it's difficult trying to use each metaphor in 3 different ways...doing 1 is easy, and 2 is do-able, but 3?? i always run out of ideas for #3. wish i had some examples to look at...that would help a lot...i guess that would defeat the purpose somewhat, but on the other hand we are taught to steal good ideas, and those of us who are creatively-challenged need all the help we can get... posted at 8:15 PM |  

ok i'm blaming the ladybugs for the fact that i haven't finished my homework yet. i work right next to my window and the damn things are distracting me non-stop. i think i kill 5-10 an hour. it doesn't help that i have a lamp right next to the window because they're attracted to the light. the whole lamp shade is covered in raid by now. posted at 4:40 PM |  

reblogger seems to be having some problems right now...well, what i attempted to say in the comments 2 posts down is that it does help me feel a little less alone when people read my blog and let me know that they understand what i'm going through. so, thank you. posted at 2:26 PM |  

i have no idea how i'm going to do 15 sketches by wednesday afternoon. yes, i know i should have started earlier. i didn't procrastinate on purpose...i just got busy doing things for other classes...and i've been feeling yucky all day today...i can't even come up with ideas...it's not like i can just take out a piece of paper and a pencil and start sketching if i don't even really know what i'm going to sketch yet... posted at 11:07 PM |  

i feel really alone right now. this is different from feeling lonely. i feel like i have no support, no one to help me out with stuff...it really gets to me sometimes. i was thinking about a girl in my class - she's in the PhD program and has a 1 year old, so i know she's swamped. i always wondered how she managed it all. but she has support, you know? her husband's there for her, and her friends and family...she's really busy all the time and she works hard, but it must help so much to have people around to support you and take care of you and do the little things that end up meaning a lot...

meanwhile, i'm so tired today and i feel like i'm breaking down. i don't know how to describe it. i've been really frustrated, asking people for help only to be ignored. it's tough. i'm not nearly as busy as some other people are, but when you don't have people around to help (or even just offer some comfort), things just get to be a bit too much to handle sometimes... posted at 4:45 PM |  

it's so hard trying to find good e-cards...i meant to get real ones and send them through snail mail last week but i got too busy and forgot...so now i'm trying to find a good one online and it's just about impossible. they're all so un-funny. actually two of my cousins have birthdays today, so i need to find two cards. or i guess i could send them the same one, but one is turning 21 and the other's turning 8, so...i'll see what i get... posted at 10:06 AM |  

good news: there's some sort of IT career info session that's going to be held this week. bad news: it's on tuesday evening. i have all this work due on wednesday. and a class on tuesday night. don't think i can go to the info sesson from 6-7:30 then straight to class from 7:30-9:30 then come back, eat a late dinner (i will be starving!), and finish up all my work and reading for wednesday. sounds like too much. skip class again? i skipped last week. i don't know what to do. i don't even really know if this info session would be of any use for me. it might be mostly programming jobs. even though the announcement says it isn't.

i'll see how i feel on tuesday. posted at 10:20 PM |  

I'm up to october 12 in my class journal so far...not too much more to do...it's so funny how i'm making up all these notes. we had this one guest speaker who i absolutely hated. she was horrible. but here i am bs-ing in my journal about how great it was and how much i learned from her presentation. i had completely forgotten to even take notes during class that day, so i borrowed someone else's. the speaker has her power point files up online somewhere, but i can't find them. so i made a lot of stuff up. i don't care. i didn't do some of the reading either, and i made stuff up in response to them too. it's a journal, i can write whatever i want, right? the professor shouldn't mind that i go off on tangents as long as everything is somehow related to the project i'm working on. posted at 10:04 PM |  

you're probably wondering why i'm blogging so much today considering i am supposed to be working on a midterm. well, the midterm isn't actually a paper, it's a journal. i used blogger for it, and i've been writing in it on and off during the semester, but not as much as i should have been. so i'm going back in and adding in (ie making up) notes from class and the readings. i guess you could call it cheating. much easier to do with blogger than it would have been in a regular paper notebook journal. so...anyway...i switch the blog when i need a break. but i'm going back to work on the class journal now. posted at 8:37 PM |  

just found out madonna used to live in my building when she was in school here. weird, huh? posted at 8:21 PM |  

i hate these damn ladybugs...go away!!! leave me alone!!! posted at 5:49 PM |  

if anyone reads this, i am getting really desperate for ideas...need some themes/metaphors i can use for designing a computer file system...my mind's blank and i have a midterm to work on...so please leave suggestions if you have any... posted at 12:37 PM |  

ok, i've calmed down now, and here's what i think. i wasn't upset by what sean wrote, i was upset about how i reacted to it. i was upset that instead of laughing it off like i normally would have, i got a little sad about it. it's like, i get to this point where i think i can handle certain things, but then sometimes, i start to question that. maybe the truth is i can't handle it and i can't be mature about it. that's what upsets me. i don't want to feel so pathetic and weak and clingy...i expect so much more out of myself...and it's tough when i don't meet those expectations... posted at 11:44 AM |  

i should really go to bed now - actually i should have been in a bed a while ago - but i have trouble sleeping when i feel like i haven't gotten everything out of my system. i don't know what else to say though. it's just difficult when in your head, you know you should feel one way, but inside that's not how you really feel.

sean's been really depressed and down on his luck lately. so if he writes me and tells me he's happy, i should be happy for him. if it was any of my other friends i would be happy for them. if sean had wrote that he was happy because of some other reason, i would be happy for him. but when he writes about going to a club and meeting all these really hot girls and how amazing it was...sorry, i can't feel happy for him.

maybe it's because hearing all that makes me feel worse about myself, because it reminds me that i'm not out having fun and meeting guys. i don't know. i'm not sure what it is really. all i know is that i hate feeling the way i do right now. i'm so unsure about what's really bothering me...and why i can't decide what i want from sean...it's so hard sometimes to separate my feelings of friendship towards him from other feelings that i had for him at one point. i don't think that i have those feelings for him anymore, but maybe it would be easier if i didn't stay friends with him either. because that just complicates things sometimes...i get all mixed up inside...

i just want to stop feeling so mixed up...that's all i want...it's been such a long time and i can't deal with it anymore. i'm tired. posted at 1:45 AM |  

shoot i think i lost a post. it was just there...what happened to it??? that last post replaced it. i guess i accidently clicked on edit?? i have no idea. i'm losing my mind. ok, the post i had originally made at 2:44 was different from the post that is there now (i actually made that post at about 3:30). and if you had read the original post, the post that replaced it would make more sense. unfortunately, i don't remember what exactly i wrote in the original one now. ugh!!! and i had stated it so well too.

basically, i was just reacting to sean's email. in it, he wrote about this girl he went out with tonight who he said is "easily the hottest asian female on earth". and i was complaining about the fact that although as a friend i know i should feel happy for him, that is still hurts a little inside. and that there's a part of me that secretly hopes that this girl is a total bitch or a ditz or something...i don't know why it bothered me so much to hear that he has girls fawning all over him, probably because i don't have guys fawning all over me. anyway. forget it. i really don't remember what i wrote because i wrote it as i was feeling it and i didn't think about it first, i just spilled it out there. maybe it's good that it's gone? posted at 12:38 AM |  

i feel like blogging non-stop tonight, i don't know what's wrong with me. just have a lot on my mind, and i know i have a midterm due on monday and a very difficult and long assignment due on wednesday, but...i just can't concentrate.

i'm so surprised by how much sean gets to me sometimes...i mean, i do want him to be happy. i do. and i know it's not going to be with me. and that's ok. i accepted that a long time ago. but...well...it's just easier for me to hear that he is lonely and depressed than it is to hear about how much fun he had tonight and how many hot girls he met...*sigh*...i feel so selfish saying that...and i feel surprised at myself for thinking certain things and for feeling the way i feel...for wishing that he didn't have such a great time tonight, for wanting this girl to not be the goddess that he thinks she is...and i also feel a little hypocritical. because i told him to stop keeping things from me, but maybe in a way it was better when he was? i don't know. i have mixed feelings about that.

i'll probably be ok about all this in the morning...i think i'm just stressed out and overly emotional today. when i think about other things...other things that sean has said to me...things that hurt a lot more...this is nothing really...so he had fun tonight and was really drunk and happy when he wrote that email. it's not a big deal at all in comparison. nothing to get upset about. nothing to be personally hurt by. and i know i'm not upset or hurt, because that would feel different. i'm just envious, i guess. posted at 11:44 PM |  

great i just got email from sean and it sounds like he got laid tonight. just what i needed to hear. posted at 11:31 PM |  

alright...anyway...changing the subject...that friend told me i look exactly the same as i did in high school. i didn't know how to take that - was it supposed to be a compliment? i think i look a lot better now than i did in high school...i don't think i really cared what i looked like at all back then. not that i care a lot now, but i do care more now than i did then...i just wasn't sure if he meant that in a good way or...um, well i know he wouldn't mean for it to be taken in a bad way, but...oh, nevermind. i guess i didn't really feel like i was that pretty in high school, and i do think i am pretty now (on my good days), and i notice a difference. i guess that is what is important, right? self-confidence? i had very little during my teenage years...anyway, so when he said i hadn't changed at all and i look exactly the same, i kind of took that in a negative way...but then again he was probably just referring to the fact that my hair's the same length and i haven't gained much weight...i read way too much into things sometimes... posted at 11:27 PM |  

any bets on when cal coach tom holmoe will resign? i say monday morning. posted at 10:16 PM |  

i apologize to non-cal fans for all this babbling during games, but i just need to vent. why on earth did they punt from inside the 40? like i said before, they have nothing to lose!!! take some risks and go for it!!! winless, 30 point underdogs, playing against a top 5 team...i seriously thought it was going to be a fake punt because i just couldn't believe that they didn't have the balls to go for it. ugh!!!! posted at 9:14 PM |  

ugh...i really have a lot of work i need to get done, and i am sitting at my computer with the intention of working, but i'm so distracted because the game's on tv and i can't just turn it off...

*sigh* only against cal would a tipped ball end up getting caught and turned into a touchdown...damn it!!! foster is really, really good though. posted at 8:49 PM |  

ha ha. just heard the sagarin power ratings - ucla:1, cal: 106. posted at 8:14 PM |  

but more realistically, i know we're going to lose again. i just hope it'll be by less than 30 points. posted at 7:43 PM |  

ucla players have apparently been cocky (as usual) and talking shut-out...cal better come through tonight and show them wrong!! catch the briuns off-guard and make them pay for looking past us. go bears! posted at 7:41 PM |  

finally got together with this friend from high school tonight...haven't seen him in over 6 years! i had a lot of work to do, but he doesn't get much free time because he's in med school, so i agreed to a quick dinner. figured i better see him while i can. we ended up driving around for half an hour trying to figure out where to eat. that was an adventure. first of all, he doesn't know his way around here too well yet. second, he was half asleep because he had midterms yesterday. bascially, i'm lucky to get back in one piece! he got lost, turned the wrong way on some streets, then he ran a red light, reversed to go back (even though he was already in the middle of the intersection), but forgot to put the car back in drive, so when the light turned green, he started to reverse...can you tell he's been living in LA for the past 6 years? anyway. we did all that, then ended up coming back to my apartment and eating at the chinese place about a block away from where i live. but hey, at least i got a good laugh during the drive. and it was good to see him. posted at 7:05 PM |  

well it's a little warmer today, but you know what that means: the ladybugs are back. there are about 10 of them wandering around my window right now. i'm going to finish my whole can of raid if i keep killing them, and it's pointless because a whole new bunch arrives every 10 minutes. it's irritating. so...i'm trying to ignore them, as long as they don't come inside. posted at 2:09 PM |  

the umich email server seems to be down. it drives me insane when i can't check my email. i doubt anyone wrote me, but still...it's like i just have to check email before i go to bed. especially when i haven't checked it all evening. oh well. probably better this way because chances are i don't have any email anyway, and i get so disappointed everytime i see that "sorry, no new mail" message. you know what would be cool? if whenever i check email and there aren't any new messages, the computer would automatically generate one just to cheer me up. so i would never have to see that "no new mail" message because there would always be at least one piece of new mail, even if it is from my computer. it could just be a joke chosen at random, or a quote, or something like that...does anyone else think that's a good idea, or am i the only pathetic one that needs some love from my computer? posted at 11:10 PM |  

you know, part of me really wishes i had enrolled in the dual degree program between the school of ed and the school of information...of course, i had no idea that this option even existed because the school of ed is really bad about providing info on that sort of thing...but it would have been a cool thing to do. i really had no idea what type of classes were offered in the school of info - thought it was for people who wanted to be librarians. but they actually offer a lot of really interesting classes that i would have loved to be able to take. and in general, it's so much more together than the school of ed. offers so much for the students. and the professors are a lot better too from what i've heard.

oh well. something to think about later i guess. posted at 10:39 AM |  

it's friday and i'm in a good mood...a relieved-the-week-is-finally-over kinda feeling...although i still have another meeting to go to today in about an hour...

my group met with the TA this morning to go over our interim report and make sure we were on the right track, and he said that we are. in addition, he mentioned 2 or 3 times that the particular section i worked on was "really excellent" and "could go right into the final paper". so i guess that me being anal was a good thing after all. it made me feel good. i like getting compliments on my work, it gives me a rush. posted at 9:44 AM |  

ok, kinda freaky...i just had the song "summertime rolls" stuck in my head a few minutes ago, and when i went back to the blogger home page, one of the recently updated blogs was called "summerime rolls". the blog wasn't in english, but still. weird, don't you think? i mean, it's not one of those really common songs that everyone knows...i don't think it is anyway... posted at 9:52 PM |  

ooh oooh, what do you think of a restaurant metaphor for my file system design assignment? like, there could be menus that contain the list of files (i guess they would be called dishes/plates or whatever, instead of files). and the table is where you can use them. and...um, the kitchen is the technical stuff...how about a doggie bag, to take the place of the "my briefcase" in windows?

does this sound like a reasonable idea at all? (i'd still need a few more, so leave suggestions if you have any - either on this idea, or a completely different one.) posted at 9:47 PM |  

i'm having one of those nights where i'm really tired and really sleepy but still don't feel like going to bed. my body's sore and i could use the rest. i'm not even working on anything tonight. just sitting here wondering what the hell is wrong with me... posted at 11:48 PM |  

ok, i lied. i did care about the paper, even though we aren't being graded on it. i was really disappointed with the version we turned in today. i specifically told one person that he needs to make sure he backs up all of the features he listed by tying them in with the goals of our project. that's the most important thing to make explicit when you're designing something - to make sure you have a reason for everything. you have to explain why the requirement specs are required. he didn't. i can understand that with his background, it's not something he would be expected to know, but i made a point of reminding him to do that, and he still didn't. so...it's just frustrating...the professor stressed it in class and in one homework assignment, but i guess this kind of stuff just doesn't sink in with some people...i'm not saying i'm perfect - it took me a semester to get it myself. but since i have had experience doing it and i shared what i learned with him, i expected him to take my advice. oh, and another girl in my group - she sent me email this morning saying she'll fix something, and i wrote her back saying that if she didn't have time to let me know and i'll do it. i didn't hear back from her, and she showed up to class about a half hour late. i assumed she was still working on the paper. then i talk to her and she says she didn't have time to fix it. what the fuck?!?!

ok, i'm done getting that out of my system now. i don't want to rename this blog "i hate group projects" but that seems to be all i write about lately.

class was interesting today...we're done with interaction design and are moving on to visual design. unfortunately, i suck at visual design. it's another area where my lack of creativity gets in the way. we had to design bus stop kiosks today, and some people had really, really amazing designs. and they did them so fast! i only did 2 and both of them were basically the same, and they were both really bad. just plain and boring. and it took me a long time to do them. i was actually embarrassed to show them. so...i'm basically dreading this week's homework assignment. we have to come up with 15 different designs for computer file systems. and we have to use 5 different metaphors. anyone want to help me??? like, the usual metaphor used is a "desktop". but we have to come up with new ones. examples the professor gave us are a toolbox, a kitchen, a charm bracelet, a neural network, a playground, or even just general themes like mythology, Star Trek, frogs...this is going to be hard...for me anyway...if anyone who reads this is feeling creative, feel free to give me some ideas! posted at 4:07 PM |  

this whole anthrax situation is getting way out of hand. i know some people are overly paranoid about it for no reason, but on the other hand, some other people (for example, the people who handle mail for the senate) need to be paranoid about it. everything's just pissing me off, the fact that people are still getting infected...and that i'm not surprised by it...sean deals with some constituent letters for one of the senators so i'm starting to get worried about him now...

i don't care about the paper anymore. let the funky arrows stay in there. it's good enough. posted at 10:03 AM |  

ugh!!! what on earth posessed one of my group members to use funny symbols in his section?!?! use bullets or use indentation if necessary, and that's it. no funky looking arrows. someone's gonna have to go in and change all of them. and that someone's probably gonna be me. i haven't even read what this guy wrote because the first thing i noticed when i opened his document was all the weird symbols... posted at 10:14 PM |  

i hate group projects. seems like everyone's slacking. the interim report's due tomorrow, and everyone just finished their sections tonight (even though i told everyone to do it over the weekend so we'll have enough time to make revisions), so the person who was supposed to put it all together and make it all nice and flowy doesn't have time to do that, and everyone except me is busy tomorrow morning, so i'm stuck having to go over the paper and add whatever's missing, and who knows what else i'll have to fix up...i wouldn't mind so much if it was done now, i'll stay up at night working on it. but i don't want to stress about it trying to finish an hour before class, you know? i have a feeling i won't get it until morning though. i definitely think some of my group members forgot to do some of the things they were supposed to. that's the most frustrating part - not being able to rely on people to do what they say they'll do. i'm not their mother, i'm not going to send them email reminders every day...*sigh*...maybe i have high expectations. i don't know. we aren't going to be graded on the interim report, so i guess there's no reason to get all stressed over it...but it just makes me worried about the rest of the project... posted at 9:56 PM |  

my mom's stressing me out...she keeps emailing me articles about how to write resumes and shit like that...i appreciate the help, but i just don't have time right now. i know i need to start applying for jobs, but it's so discouraging that i can't find any that i'm actually interested in applying for. so, i never get around to updating my resume because i have nowhere to send it yet. i emailed a professor who said she would help me out, but she's really inconsiderate and tends to ignore at least 75% of the emails i send her. she's never around anyway. it's so frustrating. school is stressful enough as it is, but just having to do things on top of that...finding a job and finding someone to sublet my apartment (both looking unlikely right now)...it's just getting to be a bit too much. posted at 10:38 AM |  

the A's lost...but that's ok...i didn't really think they'd have a chance against the Yankees right now...just because of all the emotion, especially playing the final game in new york...i think the yankees and their fans needed it more, you know? to help the city out. i'll be rooting for them to go on and win the world series. posted at 9:56 PM |  

i'm so out of it today...tired...hungry...still don't know what to eat...i think i'm just gonna order a pizza. not very appetizing, but i have too much shit to do tonight.

you know what's really annoying? when every guy i talk to turns out to be married. why do people here get married so young?? i mean, these guys look like they are about 25, 26...isn't that a little young to be married?? i think it is. i don't think people should get married until at least 30.

anyway. no big deal, i didn't like him or anything. it's just irritating. posted at 4:51 PM |  

*sigh*...i really need to do some laundry...and i really need to do the dishes...and i really need to finish my section of the paper by tonight...have class from 5-7 though...so i have about 2 hours to get some work done...but i could use a nap...head still hurts a bit...and what to eat for dinner?...i don't know...i don't think i'll feel like cooking anything tonight...ok i'm babbling right now...the paper is my top priority. gotta get that done. posted at 11:59 AM |  

i'm tired. i have a headache. i don't think i'll finish everything by tomorrow. it's taking a lot longer than i thought it would. and no, that's not just because i goof off too much. i think it's because i'm being waaaaaay too detailed. i don't know. i'm really anal sometimes. posted at 9:52 PM |  

it cleared up and i took some pictures...just from my apartment though...while procrastinating...i have to write up a bunch of stuff, but i don't feel like it...why did i volunteer to write up the longest and most time-consuming part???

anyway...i'm watching the A's-yankees game right now...while working on my paper and blogging all at the same time...giambi should have slid into home last night...derek jeter made a great play, but still...i was really upset that he didn't slide...hopefully he'll make up for it today... posted at 3:15 PM |  

most of the trees still have leaves...guess they weren't ready to fall off yet. i wish the sun would come out a little though...it looks so pretty when the leaves are lit up by some sunlight... posted at 10:57 AM |  

i wonder who decided what food would be put in the packages being dropped in afghanistan. peanut butter, poptarts, and pasta? i don't get it. didn't they realize how strange that type of food would be to afghans? i know that the people there are starving and would take anything that is given to them, but couldn't they come up with something more...normal? something that is actually consumed by people who live there?...they keep saying that the peanut butter was put in because it has high nutritional value or something, but a lot of people who live outside the US find it really disgusting. i just saw a little clip on the news, and this kid didn't even know he was supposed to eat it. he was squirting it out onto the ground, thinking it was something to play with.

anyway. some of the packages do have beans and rice, so not all of the people there will be stuck with poptarts, but...i don't know, it just made me a little mad to hear about the american junk. posted at 12:03 AM |  

i can't decide whether to leave my window open or closed. i'm too hot when it's closed, but the wind gusts outside are so strong that it's a pain to leave it open...my ceiling is made up of these squares, but they aren't stuck down or anything, so when the wind hits them they all fly up. it's hard to explain. but it gets very loud and annoying. i want to just leave it open a crack, so i can get some air, but then a gust of wind comes along and blows it completely open. and then sometimes it slams itself shut.

anyway. i'm guessing all of the leaves on the trees will be gone by tomorrow if this wind keeps up. i didn't get to take a picture of the fall colors yet! same thing happened last year...i kept saying i'll take some pics tomorrow, or i'll take some when it stops raining, and then all of a sudden one night it was so damn windy (like it is tonight). the next morning when i woke up and looked outside, all the leaves were gone. how was i supposed to know?? posted at 10:17 PM |  

damn, what a miserable game. glad i wasn't there to see it. cal's first 0-5 start ever. and today's loss was one of the worst ever. UCLA's up next week - great. on national tv too. just in case there are some people who don't already know how pathetic cal is. the season is essentially over so i don't understand why they don't just go for it - play aggressive, take chances, go all out...what have they got to lose really? posted at 3:57 PM |  

on the bright side, at least stanfurd is losing. posted at 2:43 PM |  

28-0 ducks at the half. this sucks.

here's my modified version of the half-time cheer:
gimme a C: "C"
gimme an A: "A"
gimme an L: "L"
what's that spell? "CAL"
who are we? "CAL"
who's gonna win? "oregon"
gooooooooooooo bears!
at least make it respectable... posted at 2:04 PM |  

gooooooooooo bears!
(just trying to fake excitement for the 1% chance we have of winning today) posted at 12:37 PM |  

i took a 2-hour nap this evening, which in retrospect was probably a really bad idea because i might have trouble falling asleep tonight as a result. oh well. i was so tired...the rain woke me up at around 6:30 this morning (and keep in mind i probably didn't fall asleep until about 3:30 last night)...or actually it was because there was some water leaking in from my window and the dripping sound woke me up (i'm a light sleeper). i got out of bed to check it out. it's kind of strange actually - water was dripping from the handles on my window. i didn't know what to do about it. couldn't really figure out how or why it was happening. i was confused. but anyway. i didn't care at that point. i just wanted to go back to sleep.

wish i had more to write about, but sadly that's about as interesting as things get these days. i did get a free drink with my lunch today for no apparent reason. i like getting free stuff. posted at 10:20 PM |