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Friday, November 30, 2001
dan put a "3 truths and a lie" list in his blog, so i just thought i'd play along. here's my list:
1. i once ironed my hair with a clothes iron to flatten it out 2. some friends and i snuck out of a restaurant without paying 3. a drag queen complimented me on my drag 4. some moonies approached me and invited me to their house it was tricky trying to think of stuff that people who know me wouldn't be able to figure out too easily. and it was also hard trying to come up with stuff that i wasn't too embarrassed to admit were true! i remember doing this once before and i totally stumped everyone. no one guessed the correct lie. but i don't remember the list i came up with that time. hope this is good enough. i'm too tired to think of others. i've seen in some blogs people have listed like 10 things (multiple lies, not just one). anyway. i'm falling asleep now...better hit the sack. 
i'm watching "the sound of music" for the millionth time. i used to watch it, and "mary poppins", all the time when i was a kid. they were my favorites.
i think the funniest thing in this movie is when they sing "how do you solve a problem like maria" at the wedding. a friend of mine told me she would sing that at my wedding - except change maria to anita.
Thursday, November 29, 2001
conan is so funny when he has martha stewart on. (not that he's not funny with other guests...you know what i mean...) that made me laugh. even though i find martha stewart very annoying.
my mom is so damn high strung sometimes. just stresses me out when i talk to her. i had to hold the phone a few inches away from my ear because she was yelling so loud it was giving me a headache. she was going to come here to help me pack up all my stuff and clean my apartment, etc. but i don't think she's coming anymore. so...i guess i have to get a mover who will pack everything for me (no way i can do all that myself). and i guess i'll carry less on me when i fly back, since all i have here is one small suitcase and a duffle bag. i don't know...i guess it makes sense, but...i could use her help, you know? so i was kinda disappointed...
she said she would come if i were participating in the graduation ceremony, but i don't think i will be. i didn't really see the point...no one else in my program is going, and it's not like i have a bunch of people to invite...so...why bother wearing the cap and gown and sitting there for a few hours with all these strangers, just to walk across the stage and get a rolled up piece of paper (the actual diploma won't come until months later) from my advisor who i can't stand? anyway...so...i guess i'm gonna have to take care of everything myself...*sigh*...i should act like an adult and not whine about this...it's just frustrating as hell when people tell me they'll help me out, but then they don't. one of my professors told me she'd help me find a job. she didn't. this phd student told me she'd help me with the statistics project. she didn't. the list goes on and on really...i deal with it, and i get by without their help, but it's just disappointing.
you know, i'm actually enjoying using coursebuilder for this project. i think it'll work out well. not too hard to do simple stuff with it...of course now i have all these other ideas...i may need to read up a bit if i decide to do something more complicated. i basically have 3 options that i'm trying to decide between, but i just wish i had other people to bouce my ideas off of. it's hard to make design decisions on my own. i probably haven't even thought it through completely yet. i know i should be storyboarding this stuff on paper first...but...i don't know, i don't really get the "feel" of things when they are on paper. i need to be able to see it on the screen and click on the links...but on the other hand, i don't want to waste time doing this 3 different ways on the computer only to find out at the end that some of them don't work out as i thought they would...
ok, i think i've figured out how i'm going to do my project...macromedia has this coursebuilder add-on for dreamweaver, and i *think* it might not be too difficult to learn how to use it as i'm going...not that i ever really learned how to use dreamweaver, but i'll give it a shot. the coursebuilder seems like it has wizards to help put things together...so it shouldn't be too hard...i'm not going to attempt anything really complicated anyway. i just wanted to have some interactivity...even if it is just multiple-choice questions...just so the students can check their understanding of the material as they are using the site, rather than just reading boring lecture notes online...ok...lots of work to do tonight!!! i wasted the entire day just to come to that conclusion...lol...oh well...
i wish i had come up with this idea last weekend. i would have actually gotten a lot done then...i swear i spent almost all of saturday just trying to figure out how to go about doing this...
just thought i'd share this. it's pretty funny.
Wednesday, November 28, 2001
got a phone call from binh, so that cheered me up a little. she's made sure to call me on my birthday ever since this one time she forgot...it's a funny story actually, but i don't feel like typing it up right now...
anyway, then my cousin called. i hadn't spoken to her in so long. gosh, everyone's growing up. she told me that a friend of ours is thinking about getting married soon. it's so weird...marriage? where did time fly? i feel old.
so depressed...always feel extra depressed on my birthday because i don't have anything to do or anyone to celebrate with...at least last year i got mail - 2 packages, flowers, and a few cards. this year - nada. well, a couple of e-cards, which is better than nothing...but, i don't know. i guess i was hoping i'd get something in the snail mail.
my dad said the camera he wanted to get me was sold out. so much for that. i don't even have anything good to eat : (
i couldn't sleep last night. got about 3 hours total. my apartment was so hot, i just kept tossing and turning. and now i need to finish my homework...of course the site is really, really slow today. i have a feeling everyone in my class is on it right now.
Tuesday, November 27, 2001
i don't want to do my homework now, tired. got way off-track tonight. talked to sean for a long time...mostly listening to him complain about DC and political stuff, but i didn't mind. i like listening to him babble. it's been such a long time since we've talked...(by the way sean, i really didn't mean to depress you. i'm sorry about that.) anyway, then my relatives in india called to wish me happy birthday. i was surprised to hear from them, but it was really nice of them to remember. anyway, i should go finish up my sketches for that homework assignment...i don't feel like staying up too late tonight. my sleep cycle is so completely screwed up.
it's officially my birthday! i'm 24 now...
anyway, so this would be a good time for my readers to sign my guestbook or leave a comment if you haven't already...email would cheer me up as well...i gladly accept belated birthday cards too. oh and feel free to send me some cash or gifts if you feel like it : )
aha! i got it out. turned the chair over, and there just happened to be a hole cut out in the bottom (i guess someone else must have lost something in there too). put my hand in and pulled out....my scissors (i was wondering where that went!)...shook the chair a bit so my pencil would move to the corner where the hole was, and then i got it out. yay.
damnit i just lost my favorite pencil. how am i supposed to sketch now? ugh!!!
i was just sitting in my chair and drawing, and it slipped and fell behind me. i tried to reach for it, it went under the cushion, but it was still reachable, so i tried to get it out, but in the process, it fell even further down the back (sorry, this is hard to explain). basically, it's stuck in my chair somewhere. but i have no idea how to get it out. at first i thought it had fallen beneath my chair, but i looked and it's not there. it's stuck in my chair. i can't see it or feel it, but that's the only place it can possibly be. so i don't know what to do now. you know how you can sometimes get attached to pens or pencils...(ok, maybe that's just me)...well, i've been using this pencil for years and years...milly, i used this pencil in mr. chin's class...(it's a mechanical pencil in case you're wondering, that's why it's lasted so long)...anyway, so just as i was getting my work done, i lose my pencil. and now i'm back to not doing my work. because i want to figure out how to get my pencil back.
i can't concentrate...as usual...i really think something must be wrong with me. i mean...i've never had this much touble getting my work done before. and if i did, it was because i was distracted by other things. i'm not distracted by anything now, and i still can't focus on my work. it's annoying. i don't know whether it's just stress over the amount of work i have to do, or whether there is something else that is bothering me. i guess it's probably a combination. i don't know what to do about it though : (
Monday, November 26, 2001
the website i'm supposed to be redesigning is slow as molasses tonight...really irritating...i'm too impatient to deal. i hope it's better tomorrow. have you ever seen a website that is so poorly designed that you just don't want to use it? that's how i feel about this one...i guess that's why the professor picked it out - because it has so many problems. but like, it's so bad that i don't even know where to start! i'm trying to align things...but there is just so much information and, well, it's just...complicated...i'd like to use some white space to make it easier to read, but when you have so much information that you need to put on the screen, there just isn't much white space to work with. anyway, my point was...i really wish i had finished this over the weekend...
wanted to bitch about something else too...in one of my classes, we were supposed to try out some educational software and talk to the class about it. fine, i picked one out last night and i was ready to share it, and i thought it was a really good example. but, one other girl in my class just happened to pick the same one. still, it was fine with me because i could have just let her go first and then said i picked the same one. i don't think the professor would have cared. but, the thing is, we had a guest speaker today so we ran out of time so we're going to do that next week instead. but now, i am stuck having to find a new piece of software to share. that girl already told the professor which one she's doing. ugh!!!!!! i can't show up next week and say i have the same software, because this girl already announced that she is doing that one...it is so difficult to find good educational software...especially ones that have free trials...it's just making me mad. why can't the other girl find something new?!?! why do i have to?!?! just my stupid luck....
it really bothers me that the people in my group don't follow directions - directions that they themselves come up with. i just don't get it at all. oh, and it also bothers me when there are people in my group who don't check email on a regular basis. one said she would email us and let us know what time she could meet today. she never emailed. so, we didn't meet. which is fine because no one did anything. why didn't anyone do anything? because one other girl was supposed to email the TA a question 2 weeks ago but she forgot. she finally did send it on thanksgiving, and he was out of town so he didn't reply until today. and apparently we needed the answer to that question before we could "split up" the work. it's all just really stupid. i don't even want to go into detail because there are so many little things that are annoying me. i have a hard time letting things go...things that i don't like about our design...or things that we have left out that probably should be added...but i feel like i have to just shut up and keep my thoughts/ideas to myself because otherwise we just end up wasting a lot of time...
but on the other hand...i hate working alone too. that's what i'm doing for my other projects, and it's hard. causing major stress. i just can't come up with all these ideas on my own...i need some amount of input from other people...basically, i like being the one to make the final decisions, but i don't like having to do everything on my own...ideally, i'd like to work with smart people who are also obedient and willing to let me be in charge (and it would be nice if they agreed with everything i said). is that too much to ask for???
ugh!!!!!! i'm such an idiot sometimes. i just spent about 40 minutes typing up something for my group project, and i was almost done but silly me didn't save it as i was going and of course my computer froze, so i had to reboot and i lost the whole thing. i was writing it in an email, not in word where it would have been recoverable...i hate computers...
Sunday, November 25, 2001
my back is killing me. probably because i was sitting at my computer most of yesterday. my chair is so uncomfortable and i also think i'm getting carpo tunnel (or whatever it's called) because my hand hurts from using the mouse so much : (
i didn't get much done today. watched the u2 concert again. third time this weekend. my dad called - he hasn't had electricity since saturday morning. a tree fell down on a power line, or something like that. anyway, i think he's getting me a digital camera for my birthday. he called to check with me first. takes away the surprise aspect, but whatever. he didn't really get me anything last year...not that i can think of...he probably offered to give cash or asked me if there was anything i wanted, but i said no. i don't know, i guess i'm not really into the material aspect of presents. i just like it when people think of me and come up with something special for me...whether it's just a card or flowers or even something stupid - like a few years ago someone gave me a slinky, and someone else gave me silly putty. stuff that just made me laugh. anyway...i guess normal people would be excited about getting a digital camera, and i'm not saying i don't want one or that i wouldn't use it, but...i don't know...i just don't care really. i'm not thinking "wow!" and jumping for joy or anything like that...maybe i would have been slightly happy about it if he hadn't told me about it and just sent it to me as a surprise. but my dad doesn't really understand that concept.
how is it sunday already? i thought i'd have so much work done by now...my design homework, that statistics project, my paper for instructional gaming, all my reading, sketches for my other project, a clean apartment and all my dishes done...instead, i've got nothing done! no wonder i couldn't sleep last night...
anyway, now i'm just wrapped up in my blanket watching the niner game. it's so gloomy out and i doubt i'll get much done today too...i need some inspiration or something...
Saturday, November 24, 2001
ugh!!!! the more i work on this project, the more confused i get. ok...i'm trying to design something to teach mean, median, mode, etc. so do i just tell the students to calculate the mean and median for the continuous variables and the mode for the categorical variables, or should i ask them to think about what makes sense for each variable individually??? i don't know...i don't like what i've done so far...but i don't really know how to change it to make it better...it's like there's this trade off between spelling everything out for them to make it simple vs. having them really think and understand why they are doing what they're doing...either way, i don't know how to do it.
i should have bought director. i don't know how to use it, but apparently it would be easier for what i'm trying to do for my project. instead i'm using html...i thought it would be ok, but then i started using frames and now it's ugly...not ugly as in unattractive, ugly as in complicated to code and so forth. and like i said before, i don't know what i'm doing.
i am so bored and tired of this project...i just want to blog and eat...i'm not hungry, i just feel like eating. depressed maybe. i don't know. i don't have anything to say either, but here i am blogging again. i've been eating all day it seems. i think i'll have some fruit now, that's healthy. had too much chocolate and junk today...
freakin' stanfurd won again. damnit...they're thinking BCS too. let's all hope that won't happen. i'm suddenly a big oregon fan.
i'm trying to work on one of my projects, but i keep getting stuck. it's so frustrating. i really don't know what to do. it sucks having to do this alone...and it sucks that it's not working out the way i thought it would...i had an idea of what i was supposed to do, but the person i'm working for had a completely different idea, and well...i kinda have to do what she wants me to do...so...uh...well, first of all, i'm not really motivated. second, i'm obviously not thinking the same way she thinks, so it's hard for me to figure out what she wants and what she expects me to do. third, she made it very complicated for me, much more complicated than i thought it would be. and fourth, i don't really know what i'm doing. ugh!!!!!!!
i just realized that all of my comments have disappeared. that sucks. i don't think i had any meaningful ones, but still...i'm a little upset about it. i was about to switch to another comment system, but then reblogger seemed to be working again so i didn't, but now???
Friday, November 23, 2001
i'm so bored. i was trying to work on my assignment but i don't have a clue what to do with it. got sucked into a chat room on this website i go to, but i'm not very chatty. prefer to blog. i'm a slow typer. i can't keep up in those chat rooms. i don't have anything to say anyway.
bored. procrastinating. watching the U2 concert on vh1. wish i could have gone to that...wish i could have done a lot of things...
nebraska lost very badly today...what does that have to do with me? nothing. but...the whole reason behind sean's trip next weekend was to see nebraska play in the big 12 championship game...since they lost today though, they won't be playing in that game anymore...so now the question is, will sean go to texas anyway? i kinda wish he would miss his connecting flight and visit me instead. but he's going with a friend so that's not likely. i doubt the friend would want to come here and sleep on my floor. plus sean hates ann arbor so he'd probably much rather go to dallas. anyway...i feel bad for him. i know he takes it personally when his former team loses...and boy did they lose today, that was horrible! i would have never thought nebraska would give up that many points...anyway...i know sean will be really bummed out for a while...ok, "bummed out" is putting it lightly...he'll be enraged...it's actually pretty funny to me (i started laughing when they showed a little boy at the game crying). cornhusker fans are spoiled, i tell ya. spoiled rotten. one loss, boo-hoo.
whoo-hoo! cal actually won a game. not that 1-10 is a whole lot better than 0-11 but...at least it puts an end to the 13-game losing streak...and coach holmoe goes out with a win and a gatorade bath...lol...
i'm listening to the cal-rutgers game. probably the most insignificant game in college football this year. it's pretty pathetic actually...two horrible, bumbling teams going at it. but hey, it's the only chance cal has for a win so...i hope they pull it out. go bears!
Thursday, November 22, 2001
sean's killing me...i was just chatting with him and he said he's going to have a fairly long layover in detroit next friday and then another one on his way back on monday. i wish i had a car here, i would go to the airport to see him for a little while. it's killing me just knowing that he is going to be so close. *sigh*...so close, yet so far away. i haven't seen him in over a year. sucks...he was trying to convince me to rent a car and go there...but i'm not that desperate...i told him to call me from the airport since he'd have nothing better to do there. ugh!!! i hope it snows and he gets stuck here overnight so he can come stay with me. that's so mean of me...and realistically i'll have a shitload of work to do next weekend...but it just sucks that he's going to be a half hour away and i won't get to see him...
i wanted to get some homework done before i started working on my big project...but...it's hard...i started to think about it, but since i was doing it online (the assignment is to re-design a website), i got sidetracked and started surfing around all these other sites that had nothing to do with my assignment. and in the process, i forgot all about what i was supposed to be doing. to make matters worse i didn't read the chapter of the textbook that this assignment is based on (it was too boring). i should probably skim it at some point so i can pretend i know what i'm doing. anyway...now my eyes are hurting...i should go put some drops in...hate doing that but i keep wanting to rub them and i know i shouldn't...
Wednesday, November 21, 2001
looks like most of the blogs i read have been put on hold for thanksgiving...oh well...i'll still be blogging since i'm staying here in ann arbor and spending thanksgiving all alone, supposedly working on my final projects and what not...anyway, happy thanksgiving...enjoy your turkey or whatever...you know, i don't think i've had a traditional thanksgiving dinner in quite a few years...last year, i stayed here too. the year before...i think we stayed at home and ate normal food. i don't remember the year before that. i think my mom went to dinner at another relative's house. i didn't go, but she did bring me back some leftover turkey and stuffing...so i guess that counts, sort of. when i was a little kid, my mom used to cook a little tandoori hen for me on thanksgiving and tell me it was a turkey - i didn't know any better, and hen tastes better than turkey anyway.
i'm so miserable right now. the meeting started out good and i thought i'd get a lot of help with the project i'm working on...but it ended up being so horrible...i felt like everyone was picking on me and making me feel stupid...i felt like they didn't understand anything i was trying to say...i felt like bursting out in tears and crying because i am so clueless right now and no one's giving me the help i need...i don't know what's going on...ugh!!!!!!!!...i just feel so weak sometimes. and now i'm terrified. what if this is what things are going to be like when i start working? sometimes i just come off as so...??...unsure of myself. i can't do stuff like this alone, it's beyond my skills...and people are so tough on me when i tell them i need help, you know? is it because i'm so much younger than they are? is it because they think i'm in over my head? i don't understand...but my confidence level decreases so sharply sometimes and it freaks me out. i know i am good at some things, but i have so many doubts when it comes to other things...and when people treat me the way they were treating me...all those doubts multiplied by 10. i felt so pathetic and like i couldn't think at all. i don't know what i'm doing right now...i just need to figure out some stuff over the weekend...get back on track and get this done...alone.
i've gotten into this horrible habit of completely ignoring my alarm. i don't even bother to hit the snooze or turn it off. i don't even bother to open my eyes and look at the time. i just lie there...half-sleeping, half-listening to it, but not completely conscious of it...then i jump up 20 minutes later cursing. one of these days, i'm just gonna keep sleeping...
Tuesday, November 20, 2001
my head hurts. i'm having mental blocks. can't get my work done. i feel like i say this everyday. i wish i didn't have a meeting so early tomorrow morning...ha ha...11 AM is "early" for me...i was supposed to have all this stuff done, but...i don't know...i sort of do, but it's not organized like it should be...and i feel like it's incomplete...i don't know what i'm saying...i started to feel really sleepy at about 11 tonight. i think i got a call from a telemarketer really early this morning (9-ish) and that's what screwed up my day. well that and not going to bed until after 4 AM last night. stress. final projects are going to be a bitch this semester. none of them seem to be as far along as they should be by now. so i was tossing and turning for a while thinking about that. guess what i'm going to be doing over "thanksgiving break"? working on those projects. fun...
what is it about this time of year that always gets me down?
i have a lot of work that i need to catch up on, but i just feel so poopy...
Monday, November 19, 2001
you know, aside from the whole weather issue, i really don't want to go back to california yet. not without a job anyway. because...i know i'll be stuck living at home until i do find a job, and i don't think i'd be able to stand that. i haven't lived at home since summer '96. well, i guess i lived at home during winter break that year, and then also for one month in summer '97. but summer '96 was the last time i lived at home for more than a month continuously. 2 weeks is about all i can take now, so it'll be really hard for me to go back there. especially now that i've gotten so used to living alone. and it doesn't help that my mom still treats me like i'm 12...i remember this one time, it was during my first week back at home in that summer of '96. i went out to a concert at bottom of the hill...can't remember who it was...got back at like 3 AM. my mom was pretty upset about that. she doesn't understand that things like that are normal for people my age. ok, i was 18 at the time, but i know she'd have the same reaction if i did that now...and...i don't know...there's other things too...i feel so stiffled when i'm living at home. like i can't do anything fun. there's so much about me that my mom isn't aware of...so many things i did in college that she would freak out about if she found out...but i can't do stuff like that living at home. it sucks. i'm going to be miserable.
i should clarify - it's not just the issue of not being able to go out and stuff like that, because hell, i barely do that anymore anyway. but there are other things...even simple things like phone calls and going online for hours...my mom is so nosy about all that...it drives me insane...and just living at home in general causes me to have headaches. it's too stressful. i can't explain well. as weird as it sounds, i'd rather be living alone in freezing-ass michigan getting bored out of my mind than be living at home. i just want to find a job as soon as possible so i can move wherever it is and get my own place...doesn't look likely though...
just felt like sharing the good news: Kennedy Winston signs with Cal!
news of no importance to my readers, but it's amazing for cal basketball. it gives me something to look forward to...as the football team will be trying to climb out of the toilet for the next few years, it will definitely help to have a basketball team that will be kicking ass! go bears!! *still crossing my fingers that sensley passed his SAT's*
it's so cold today. i hate it. my group was making fun of me because i showed up all pissed off and miserable complaining about the weather. i can't believe there are people walking around in t-shirts, or at most light jackets. i was wearing 3 layers, including my big puffy north face jacket, and i was still freezing.
that's it. i want to go back to california. screw the job i applied for in boston.
Sunday, November 18, 2001
by the way, how great was jeff garcia today? i just saw the highlights of the niner game. i used to not like him because he seemed so cocky, but he's really backing it up now. i like the confidence and determination he has...
so i did email sean to apologize for being rude. but i told him he really was annoying me at the time, so i didn't take that part back. he replied "you know I don't stay angry at you ever baby; water off a ducks back." which is basically what i expected. but he also said the most amazing words: "you were right" (gasp!) in regards to the little issue we were arguing about, the thing he was being stupid about. he doesn't admit to being wrong about things very often, so that was nice to hear. the closest he has come before is saying "maybe you were right" or "i don't want to argue when i can't win" or something along those lines. anyway...so i'm less annoyed now.
anyone watch "alias"? i got a phone call and missed the last 5-10 minutes : (
can someone tell me what happened at the end? i saw sydney go to the mental hospital, and i saw her friend go that that lady's apartment, which was empty. but i missed what happened after that...who got killed??
i'm thinking i should probably apologize to sean for telling him that he was annoying. knowing him, it probably hurt his feelings a lot. but he is annoying, so i don't feel like taking it back. i just...shouldn't have said it as rudely as i did...it was partially due to PMS...not that that's a good excuse, but...that's probably what set me off in the first place. i don't know...it's so much easier for me to get mad about little things than it is for me to accept and acknowledge that i am sad about other, larger things.
anyway...i'll think about it...i'm feeling blue today...just want to stay in bed. oh yeah and i have all this work to do, work that i had 4 days to do but haven't started yet...any harry potter fans have ideas? i really just need to think up some terminology and icons we could use...actually, it doesn't even have to be from harry potter really, but just things to do with magic, wizardry, fantasy, etc...hard to start doing sketches when i don't really have any concrete ideas...
Saturday, November 17, 2001
i probably bored people with all my comments on the game, but oh well. i had to share with someone. i was just watching espn to see the highlights, and i got really pissed. mainly because they referred to "the axe" as "the stanfurd axe". they said it was because it's been at stanfurd for so long and cal isn't likely to get it back any time soon. bullshit. ok, stanfurd has had it for 7 years now...and that's the longest streak in the 104 year history of the big game...but, cal will get it back. they certainly had a chance to win today, just as they did last year, and the year before that, and even the year before that. the axe may be in stanfurd's hands this year, but it's not theirs to keep, i'm certain of that. and anyway, since an axe is used to chop down trees, it doesn't even make sense for it to be called the stanfurd axe. unless they want to chop themselves down. it's well known that they hate their own band, maybe they hate their stupid tree mascot too...
sorry, i'm a little bitter whenever we lose to them. my cousin (a senior at cal) called me after the game. she was depressed. just as i had been when they lost my last year there. it was tough for my class, losing every year. but it's worse for her. i mean, not only did they lose the big game every year, they didn't even have a winning season. at least i got to see them go to a bowl in '96. i should be thankful for that. but honestly, i'd exchange that for a big game win if i could. on the bright side, cal did win the big freeze (hockey) and the big splash (water polo) this year. and i think the basketball team might have a shot this year too...(if you haven't noticed, i'm a tad obsessed with this rivalry) ok, sorry for all the babbling. i really don't have anything more interesting to say.
and the game comes to an end with a stupid, stupid mistake...but i'm not surprised given how cal has been playing this season. oh well. it was fun. typical cal boobery there at the end, but what can you do? i give them credit just for hanging in and playing with some emotion...i'm sure that the fans who went to the game had fun. and that's probably more than they expected, so...yeah...still 30 seconds left for a miracle though! : )
i'm going absolutely insane listening to this radio broadcast. i need to be there screaming my ass off with everyone else!!!!!! GO BEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
finally, some aggressive play-calling! cal's down by 7 now, and there's still plenty of time left. go bears!!!
damn, i'm really regretting not going to watch this game...
what the fuck?!?! i swear, the cal coaches are idiots. cal was down by 8, then got a touchdown, but kicked the extra point instead of going for 2. does that make any sense at all???
yes!!!!!!......cal's losing, but not as badly as they should be. stanfurd had a first and goal at the 4 and didn't score. ha. love it. we're still in this thing...go bears!
one guy who is playing well today: nnamdi asomougha (i may not have spelled that correctly, but at least i know how to pronouce it. the poor guy keeps getting his name butchered on national tv)
a better question: why can't any of our receivers catch the ball?? especially when they're in or near the endzone. i think there's been 5 drops so far today. ridiculous.
cal: 10, furdies: 7
i know it's still early, but we're winning, and that's a good sign!!!...i should have told my mom to tape the game...just in case...it is so hard for me to listen to this thing. it's the first big game i've missed in several years...i actually flew back for it last year...i hate missing these things...
the game's about to start, so...then...it's...
Up with the Blue and Gold, Down with the Red; California's out for a victory. We'll drop our battle-axe on Stanfurd's head (Chop!) When we meet her, our team will surely beat her. Down on the Stanfurd Farm there'll be no sound, When our Oski rips through the air. Like our friend Mister Jonah, Stanfurd's team will be found In the tummy of the Golden Bear! GO BEARS!
Friday, November 16, 2001
i'm so bored tonight. i didn't get any work done today either. i don't know why i'm slacking off so much. i have all this reading to do, but it's boring. i have a lot of sketching to do, but i need to be in the right mood for that. i have a couple final projects to design...don't have a good excuse for not working on those, i'm just procrastinating.
anyway...the Big Game is tomorrow and it is going to be ugly. the cal alumni association in michigan isn't even organizing a viewing this year. i got an email saying the stanfurd alum invited us to watch with them, but who needs that? no thank you. it'll be depressing enough without them. i shouldn't be so negative....cal can win. they can. they probably won't, but it is possible. it's the big game. anything's possible. ask the trombone player who got run over in '82. i wonder how the bonfire was tonight...it's nights like these that i really miss being in berkeley. i love the bonfire. especially when everyone lights their little candles, it's so beautiful. i think i have a picture lying around somewhere...should scan it and put it up...anyway, the bonfire is always fun, regardless of how bad the team is. i miss doing the cal haka. i miss doing "roll on you bears" in harmony. i miss hearing the story of the axe. i miss the men's octet singing "stanfurd jonah". i don't think i have any berkeley readers, so all this probably makes no sense, but it's just tradition and i wish i was there tonight...
i watched the american version of iron chef tonight. just curious what it would be like. i don't know what to make of it. it's not as serious as the japanese version, seems "dumbed-down" to american audiences i guess. and william shatner - why him? he was pretty annoying. all of the judges were too. i don't think they know much about food. so...i don't know...they are obviously not aiming for a serious cooking show, but it just seemed too...vegas-y.
someone came to look at the apartment today...i *think* she liked it...she had some more places to look at so she said she'd let me know next week. everyone keep your fingers crossed...i really, really, really hope she takes it. i'm so stressed about subletting...
just bored so i thought i'd fill out this "ABC" thing i found on some random blog:
(these are meant to be short-answers but i feel the need to babble today so some may be far more long-winded than necessary) A - Age: 23 (but almost 24...) B - Best Flavor Ice Cream: hard to pick one...i really like ben and jerry's mint chocolate cookie, vanilla caramel fudge, certain coffee-ish flavors, and also godiva and haagen-dazs have some good ones... C - Choice of Meat: i eat chicken most often, but i think the best meat i have ever eaten is foie gras. D - Dream Date: clark, if he ever calls (boring answer, but i don't really have any celebrity crushes right now) E - Exciting Adventure: traveling anywhere new F - Favorite Flower: can't remember what it's called, but it's white and it's in a diego rivera painting... G - Greatest Accomplishment: hmm...i guess to most people school-related stuff seems pretty big, but it's not really a big deal to me, so i'm trying to think of an accomplishment that's not school-related...i can't really think of much...i think that *when* i get a job, that would be an accomplishment. but it hasn't happened yet, so...uh...just surviving this time in michigan i guess. i've probably become more independent being so far away from home...i don't know...i don't really notice these things... H - Happiest Day of Your Life: it probably happened when i was a little kid so i can't remember...like going to disneyland for the first time...i'm sure that must have been a happy day. during the past 10 years, i would have to say...damn this is hard...ok, i can tell you this much: it was definitely a day i spent with sean in europe. i can't narrow it down further than that, have a lot of happy memories with him. I - Interests: movies, music, art, travel, food (eating, not cooking), football (watching, not playing), blogging, goofing around in general... J - Jokes (Favorite): inside jokes are the best ones...but no one would get them, so no point in sharing. K - Kissing (Are You Good?): haven't had any complaints. how would i know though? i can't kiss myself...i'd say that it depends on a few factors: the guy (how he's kissing), how relaxed i am at the time, and whether or not i want to be kissing whoever it is... L - Loves: friends, laughter, good food, the bay area, cal beating stanfurd in anything (hey, it could happen), chocolate, sunsets, getting letters in the mail, and nice surprises. M - Most Valued possession: all my photographs (can that count as one possession?) N - Name: anita O - Outfit You Love: my darkest blue jeans paired with either this tight sweater i got at h&m or this black todd oldham shirt i love... P - Pizza Toppings: i like feta cheese or goat cheese, olives, capers, artichokes, spinach, garlic, pepperoni, mushrooms. not all together - just certain subsets. Q - Question You're Asked the Most: are you going to be a teacher? (when i tell people i'm in the school of ed), have you found a job yet? (my mom and various other relatives) anything exciting happening? (my dad always asks me this for some reason, and the answer is always no) R - Radio Station: can't find a good one in ann arbor, which is why i'm completely out of it when it comes to new music. (they actually play hootie and the blowfish here quite regularly. i don't understand...) at home, i mostly switch between alice and kfog. S - Sport: football T - Television Show : getting really into alias now. but as far as shows i have watched for a really long time, general hospital in all its stupidity makes me laugh (i know, it's not supposed to be a comedy, but it's really funny when you watch it as though it is one). U - Umbrella in the rain? : yeah. but if the rain isn't too heavy, i don't mind going without one. V - Video: as in movies that i have on tape? i don't have any that i watch a lot...or maybe it meant music video? i can't think of any that stand out right now... W - Winter is: a pain in the ass in michigan, barely noticed in sf X - X-rays recently?: had some dental x-rays in august. no cavities. Y - Year Born: 1977 Z - Zodiac Sign: sagittarius
Thursday, November 15, 2001
i was hoping clark would call today, but no such luck...i know he had a lot of work due this week, but i thought he'd want to maybe go out or something this weekend...if he's interested, that is. i don't really know if he is or not. when i talked to him last week, it seemed like the only reason he called was because i had asked him to - in fact, he specifically said that was why he called. but then he was explaining how busy he was so i didn't even try to make plans with him. so...what? is that all? i'll be really disappointed if it is. i'm not sure if i should try calling him or not. if i had any indication that he would want me to call, then i would, but i really don't have a clue as to whether or not he's interested. it's possible he was just being polite. he's definitely a very polite guy, so it's hard to tell. oh wait, today was thursday, huh? ok, i'll wait until tomorrow night to be disappointed, because i think he has a class on friday...
anyway...i got no work done today at all. feeling lazy. i meant to get started on some of it, i really did. but all i did was the laundry. how is it that the whole day passed and that was the only thing i accomplished?!?! i have no idea...
i just got off the phone with some relatives in new york and i'm so pissed because my cousin made the mistake of telling me that my grandma ate shrimp for dinner. i went off and gave my whole "she's not supposed to be eating shrimp!!!" lecture. (high cholesterol.) it pisses me off that no one's watching out for her. my cousin was like, it's diwali, she's getting old, she likes good food etc., so let her enjoy it. and i was like, well she can eat good food, but she has to watch out for her heart too. i wouldn't care if it was just once in a while that she tried one or two pieces of shrimp, i know that's her favorite food. but...not a whole shrimp dinner...she can't take it, i know her. when i was in new york over summer and she ate some heavy food this one night, she got so sick and she couldn't sleep all night. i was really worried. i don't want her to have another heart attack, that's all. and this is not isolated...i know she eats a lot of things that she's not supposed to be eating...i let a lot of it slide...have no choice really since i don't live with her...but things like shrimp and kulfi (an indian desert, very high in fat)...the thought of her eating that stuff just makes me mad. maybe i'm over-reacting. i don't know. but i saw her in the hospital after her heart attack, and i never want to see her like that again. i wish they would take better care of her...why don't they understand? : (
ok, i guess reblogger will be working, but it will be inconsistent or something like that, for about a month...so i'm confused about whether i should switch or not. i don't want to switch and then switch back again. do i lose all my comments everytime i switch? hmm...well, it's not like i get that many comments anyway so maybe i'll just stick with reblogger until say january, and if it's not fixed by then, i'll switch. i don't know.
Wednesday, November 14, 2001
i miss getting comments...i wish reblogger wasn't having so many problems...it seems like it works sometimes, but i just saw a message on the reblogger site saying that we should switch to another one for a while. i don't really like any of the other ones though : (
just had the most boring class...the professor even referred to it as "the most boring lecture of the semester"...a 3-hour overview of software engineering. yuck. i'm so glad i don't have to study that stuff. or do it for a living.
anyway, i actually got a "+" on that instant messaging design assignment. see, it was worth it to turn it in late but do a good job on it...i'm happy...
sean's annoying me again. i can't tell if he's stupid or if he's just pretending to be. i usually end up giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming that yes, he really is stupid. but, sometimes i wonder...
anyway. i just emailed him and told him just how annoying he is. i don't think he'll be writing for a while.
Tuesday, November 13, 2001
i have a headache and i need a long hot shower but i haven't been able to get any freakin hot water in this shit hole apartment all day and on top of that, the drain is all clogged up. my hair is so nasty because i couldn't wash it (or rather, didn't want to wash it because the water was too cold). i need a hot shower to calm me down because i'm pissed about some things and can't concentrate on my work right now because of that. ugh. today is a bad day. please let me have a nice hot shower tomorrow morning, please please please...
oh and happy diwali to any indian readers out there. i don't think i have any, but who knows? there are some mysterious visitors who come here that i know absolutely nothing about. it drives me crazy because i'm nosy and paranoid, but i guess some people like to remain anonymous.
ok...some guy just called about the apartment and he hung up on me!! how rude!!!
alright, alright...he said "thanks" and then hung up, and probably didn't realize that i was still talking when he did it. but the point is, he just heard how much the rent was and then "click". i'm getting worried i won't find someone. i lowered the rent by $45 but maybe i should lower it more? i don't know...there are so many rich kids here, their parents should be able to afford it...but i guess they are the same ones who think my apartment is "too small" for their big heads. whatever.
Monday, November 12, 2001
my group finally met today after not meeting for 3 weeks or so...i find it so difficult to work with one of them...she annoys me because she thinks she's really smart, but she's not. and she's very stubborn too. anyway. we decided to use a harry potter-ish theme for the web browser we're designing. we aren't going to use harry potter himself because he's a white male and we are trying to stay as neutral as possible in terms of gender and ethnicity. so instead we're going to create an animal character that happens to be a wizard and...i don't know...use icons and terminology related to magic and fantasy type stuff...any ideas??? i'm always open for ideas : )
seriously, my whole group is creatively-challenged. though we do have one harry potter adict. i feel like i need to read those books, just so i know what all the fuss is about...
i understand that the press is trying to calm people down and reassure them that this latest plane crash was probably not related to any terrorist attacks, but i seriously doubt anyone believes that 100%. they did the same thing with the first anthrax case, and look what happened there. ok, i guess the fbi did determine that the whole anthrax thing is not the act of terrorists, but you know what i mean...they told people not to panic and that it was probably a one-time freak thing, but then everyday we heard of more and more cases...hopefully today's airplane problem was just an accident, but i can't help but have some doubts.
i've been thinking about sean too much today. i don't know why but it's driving me nuts. and everytime i think about him, i feel like writing him. but i don't want to write him. not that much. i think i've already sent him 3 emails since the last time he wrote. didn't even mean to do that...*sigh*...i don't know why this stuff hits me in waves.
Sunday, November 11, 2001
i told myself i would really try to get a lot of work done this weekend, but...i slacked off again. i was tired. i slept a lot. not a good excuse, i know. i realized why i started having trouble getting all of my work done on time though. my class on monday never used to have homework or anything due, but all of a sudden that professor started telling us to prepare stuff for class, so instead of working on homework for wednesday's class over the weekend, i've had to work on homework for monday's class. so that's been screwing up my schedule. to make matters worse, i also have to meet with my group tomorrow before my class and i'm the one who suggested we all work on stuff to bring to the meeting. i haven't even given it a thought yet. i don't even know why not. think i have some grad school version of senioritis? just don't give a shit anymore, you know? i want out.
had a disturbing dream last night...don't really want to say what it was about for fear that it might come true. plus, it's just...bad, you know? i don't want to dream about bad things like that happening. i swear i had some visions of bombing the middle east the night of september 10th, and that was weird enough for me. but anyway. just trying to reassure myself that it was just a dream i had last night and there's no reason to think that it will actually happen...it's probably just a reflection of my subconscious thoughts and fears...or something like that...
Saturday, November 10, 2001
i'm so bored. thought i would get some work done tonight but i just don't feel like it right now. nothing else to do either. nothing on tv. no one to chat with. no blogs or boards to catch up on. i think i'll go to bed early tonight.
i hate it when people call and don't leave a message on my machine...it's so irritating...and i know i shouldn't be online right now because whoever it was will probably try to call back...and there's a good possibility it was someone interested in the apartment...but i'm not going to sit around and wait for someone who didn't bother to leave a message, you know? i have work to do online, and the cal game's on right now, so i'll be on for 3 hours at least...i feel bad about missing phone calls but what i am i supposed to do?
go bears! beat the university of $poiled children!!
someone came upon my site through google searching for "afghanistan poptarts". i know i ranted about that a while ago, but it's back in the archives now so the person probably couldn't even find it. oh well. it's my very first weird search request. usually people search for "relax relate release" (probably looking for help on how to do that, but the only answer they get is to start a blog).
Friday, November 09, 2001
have you ever known one of those couples (an older, married couple) that seem like they are perfect and happy and going to stay together forever...and then one day they get divorced?
it makes me sad everytime i think about it. my neighbors from back home just got divorced. the wife was like a second mother to me, a lot closer to me than my own mom in some ways because i knew i could talk to her about things that i couldn't talk to my mom about...and her husband, really, really nice guy. i've loved the two of them like family since the day i met them, almost 10 years ago. but, it's over now. my mom emailed me today saying that norma's in really bad shape...she packed up and left for ensenada this morning. it'll be so weird going back home knowing that she's not living across the street anymore. i was hoping she'd stay in the bay area...it's weird not being able to say bye to her. i don't think i'll be heading down to mexico anytime soon either. it's tough...i mean, she's the most loving and cheerful person i know, so to think of her being sad...to think of all the bad things she's gone through in her life even before this...i just think she deserves a lot better, you know? she has a smile that lights up a room, so to see her crying...it's just not right. and it's not fair. if the two of them can't stay married, stay happy, stay friends, then who can?
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