it's kind of a sad that i'm sitting here watching cnn and wondering how many people will be killed tomorrow...sitting here wondering when it will come to an end...if it will come to an end...not just referring to the israeli/palestinian conflict, but to general unwillingness to settle things peacefully, to co-exist with people of different religions or beliefs...why is there so much hatred? why do people insist on killing the innocent?...*sigh*...i have a feeling things are about to get much worse between hindus and muslims as well. it was bad enough when i was there...i mean, how many times can you shut down the entire country for fear of riots?...anyway, i don't know what i'm trying to say but it's just depressing to hear about suicide bombers, gunshots at temples, etc. - seems like almost everday lately. i'm tired of it, just want it to stop. posted at 1:34 AM |  

the osbournes are on leno right now...they are so funny...i just started watching that show recently, mainly because i kept reading about it in blogs...anyway, they're a strange bunch. i find the wife hillarious for some reason...i mean, she's not trying to be funny, but she just is...and ozzy...well, i can't understand what he's saying half the time and that alone cracks me up. i'm easily amused, i know... posted at 12:22 AM |  

i was just reading a blog by someone who applied to grad school at michigan and just went over to visit ann arbor...it's funny how people from different places have totally different reactions. i mean, this person seemed to be from the south somewhere, and he or she really enjoyed the visit. (except when he/she found out what the average rent is) anyway, i was just kind of gawking reading some of the things this person wrote - that people were really serious about academics there, that the food was really good, etc. i remember my first visit to ann arbor...i had a feeling i wouldn't like it there, but my program seemed to be good based on what some students there told me (they totally lied though...i mean, i understand that you're not supposed to say bad things about a school when you are chosen to take prospective students to lunch, so i don't blame them for making it seem a lot better than it actually was...but it was a little misleading, you know?) anyway...i guess that, depending on where you're from, michigan might seem like a good place to go to school. and i guess ann arbor is very exciting compared to some hick town in the south. and, depending on where you did your undergrad, the academics at michigan might seem to be of high quality. so if i rag on it too much, just remember that i am a picky californian. posted at 4:20 PM |  

i'm such an idiot. i swear, i don't know where my attention span has been lately...i put some pizza in the oven oh...like...an hour ago!! totally forgot about it. you'd think that my growling stomach would have been a clue that i hadn't eaten lunch yet...*sigh*...so silly...and now i'm starving... posted at 3:03 PM |  

first of all, i got an email from the guy at the non-profit company. although i don't have enough experience/skills for the position they were looking to fill, he felt that my background was a really good match for what they're doing, so...i'm going to meet with him next week to try to figure out if there's something else for me to do there. i probably won't get paid much at all, but i'd be happy just working there part time while i'm looking for a real job.

anyway...dinner...

i should start out my letting you know that my dad is nuts. absolutely nuts. especially when it comes to food. there were 10 of us, and the bill came to about $1000. not bad considering what we ate (and drank!)...a 6 course italian chef's dinner...included smoked salmon, lobster, rabbit ravioli, veal, really good cheese...lots of wine...a great dessert...it was delicious...but i really have no idea why he invited so many people...it just seems so unreal to me, spending $1000 on dinner??? i mean, doesn't that seem a bit overboard???

i'm stuffed. thank god i didn't wear something too tight, my stomach would have exploded.

posted at 1:06 AM |  

i can't find anything to wear. correction - i can't find anything to wear that still fits me. why have i gained so much weight over the past 2-3 months? um...could it be because i'm sitting on my ass and not doing anything???

this sucks. posted at 4:16 PM |  

just sent my resume to a couple of my dad's customers...a guy who has a non-profit math-ed software company in berkeley, and a professor who thinks he could fit me in somewhere on a project involving the new UC. so hopefully one of these connections will pan out. who knows. i'm feeling so incompetent right now. the more job qualifications i read, the more i'm cursing my program at michigan for not teaching me anything!!! of course, now that i've graduated, they are changing the program and adding an internship requirement, which would have probably helped me out...but anyway...it's over.

i also applied for a job at yahooligans (the children's version of yahoo). not doing design, but i think that would be a fun place to work anyway... posted at 2:21 PM |  

still lacking energy. i don't know why. i hope it's just pms or something.

i'm supposed to go have dinner with my dad on thursday, but i don't really feel like going...can't cancel though...that would look bad. and my dad would want a reason, but i can't give him one. i just hope my cousin is coming too...i haven't been able to get a hold of her to check. blah.

blah. blah. blah.

i'm sorry, i've been in a really bad mood the past few days. posted at 6:21 PM |  

i thought the oscar fashions were boring (or in some cases, really ugly) this year...and that is the main reason i watch the thing...i liked what halle berry and renee zellweger were wearing, but that's about it...no one else made much of an impression...i really expected russell crowe to win best actor, though i haven't seen denzel's movie. anyway. there's been so much fuss about "a beautiful mind", but like someone said, it's not a documentary, it's a movie. a hollywood movie. so yeah some things were left out or glossed over...but who cares? i enjoyed it and i thought it was really well done...the nashes haven't complained...so what's the big deal? posted at 12:20 AM |  

blah. posted at 1:24 AM |  

i've been so tired all day today, just feeling really sluggish...i don't know why... posted at 12:23 AM |  

got my india pics today...they're ok...i don't know...my camera was giving me problems sometimes...my dad was supposed to get me a new one before i left, as a late birthday/graduation gift. but i guess he forgot or something. anyway. i'll put some of the pics online when i unpack my scanner and hook it up and all that...

you know what irritates me? when i give my camera to someone to take a picture of me, but they totally mess it up. like, i'll set everything up how i want it to be, then tell the person to stand at that spot, tell them which way to hold the camera, etc...but then they end up screwing everything up!! my mom in particular does this a lot. she'll turn the camera a different way, zoom out, move herself...then when i get the picture, i get so mad because it looks like shit compared to the one i took of my mom in the exact same spot!!! it's not just my mom who does this...i'm pretty much disappointed the majority of the time anyone else takes a pic of me. when i get the pictures back, i'll stare and them and wonder why the person did whatever it was that screwed them up. i guess different people just see things differently through a camera...

posted at 12:51 AM |  

milly was blogging about how she feels like she doesn't have many female friends that she can talk to about sex-related topics, and i totally agree with her...i've felt like that for a long time...i don't know...i think it's part of asian/indian culture to keep that stuff private. or to not even think about it at all. not that all of us are like that, but most of the female friends that i've had have been private about it, if not completely grossed out by anything even remotely related to sex. some more than others. one of my ex-roommates would feel really uncomfortable even when we were just watching characters in a TV show make out. seriously - she'd turn away or leave the room. just to avoid watching a little kissing. i laughed, but it was kinda annoying. some girls that i lived with in the dorms were similar. i was shocked when this one indian girl started watching some porn one night just because she had never seen any before and was curious (everyone else we lived with said "eeeww" and ran away to their rooms and shut the doors). not that the two of us were into it - we were laughing and making fun of how bad it was. but the point is, the rest of them were just so...what's the word?...not just embarrassed, but kind of mortified. i don't know. anyway...so it was really frustrating sometimes because almost all of the female friends i had in college were the type who were going to wait until they were married. i couldn't really talk to them about much. (nevermind the fact that i had to watch my mouth around some of them to keep certain four-letter words out of the conversation)

i wonder sometimes how i would have turned out if most of my friends had not been asian...i mean, sometimes i just feel like the people i've been around have made it hard for me to be myself. does that make any sense? it's hard to explain...on one hand, i have more in common with them because we were brought up similarly and i just tend to get along well with them...but on the other hand...i think it's limited me in some ways...kept me from experiencing things...or at the very least, made it difficult for me to talk about some things that i should be able to talk to my friends about.

i'm losing track of what i wanted to write...too tired right now...i'll come back to this some other time when i can explain more clearly.

posted at 1:26 AM |  

i'm so bored... posted at 6:01 PM |  

i don't know what to do with myself these days...it's very depressing trying to look for a job...i wish i had a list of companies that i could go through one by one and apply to...i did find some lists online, but most of them aren't updated so it got irritating...lots of broken links to companies that don't exist anymore...i also tried searching on google, but i don't have the patience to go through every single result. after the first few pages i gave up. so then i went though the companies categorized in yahoo, msn, etc. then i went through some university jobs pages...i did all that in january and february. so...now i just check hotjobs and monster everyday...my resume's been up on monster for quite a few months now and it's only been looked at 3 times total. anyway...it's just disappointing...i'm not sure what else i can do really...my mom's nagging me...i'm feeling more and more unmotivated...some people are telling me to go back to school, but i really don't want to go back yet...i'm just confused and growing impatient day by day...and i feel like there are things i should be doing to help me find a job, but i don't know what they are or how i'm supposed to go about doing them...it's frustrating. posted at 12:28 AM |  

i have some sort of really bad rash on my stomach. started in india...got really aggravated on the flight back (probably because my pants were rubbing against it for 20 hours)...it stopped itching a few days ago, but now it's just ugly and my skin's really irritated. i don't know why i'm writing all this here, it's just bothering me. posted at 1:34 AM |  

moved my blog...i realize some of the links don't work yet, i'll get to fixing all that within the next few days. just wanted to get my blog up and running on a new site since the geocities ftp will end in a couple weeks. posted at 4:07 PM |  

i thought getting a yoga video would help get me started again, but the one i tried today is pretty bad. i really wish i had just tape recorded the yoga instructor i had 4 years ago. she was the best. anyway...for now i guess i'll keep using it, and do some additional stuff i remember from my classes. but i'm just upset because i was so disappointed with the video!!! i got a set of 3, so maybe the other 2 will be better...i don't know...there must be some good yoga tapes out there. i thought this one was supposed to be one of the better ones though...what a let down... posted at 1:21 PM |  

i have a lot of things that i want to blog about, but i just don't know where to start...and i don't feel like writing too much...get tired early these days...if i start writing about my trip, i'll just go on and on and on...but nothing's really going on with me these days, and no one's driving me nuts right now...don't have anything to vent about...*sigh*...life's so boring, isn't it?

hmm...one thing i was thinking about the other day...regarding my friend's upcoming wedding...well, i wouldn't say she's too young, but i was talking to someone else who knows her, and we got a little concerned because this is the only really serious relationship she's been in. i think she had another boyfriend several years ago, but it didn't last very long...i think her parents disapproved or something, don't really remember...anyway...i guess i assumed that she had others after him that i didn't know about, but apparently she didn't. maybe this isn't such a big deal, but i've always thought it would be a good idea to be in at least 2-3 serious relationships before getting married. i mean, how would you know if you've found the right person if he's the *only* person you've been with? alright, i'm pretty clueless when it comes to this stuff...i guess some people really do know...but i don't think i'd know. and i don't think she'd know. not after only 1 year together. maybe i'm just freaking out unnecessarily. i really need to meet this guy and make sure he's ok.

anyway...as i get older, i worry that i'll end up having to settle for whoever comes along. that i won't get the opportunity to just have fun. to be with different types of guys. not that i'm the type to go out and experiment in that way, but sometimes i think i should. i don't know. i'm really picky. i'll just leave it at that.

posted at 1:05 AM |  

embarrassing loss. i think it would have been a much closer game on a neutral court. but whatever...overall it was a good season and i'm proud of the team for making it this far, even though it was shitty way to finish.

anyway...no more cal sports-related posts until august. posted at 2:15 PM |  

damnit, cal's totally falling apart. just as i suspected, pitt went on a big run. nothing's going in for cal. ugh. this is so ugly. they're getting impatient and not playing well at all anymore...self-destructing really...pisses me off when this happens... posted at 1:40 PM |  

watching the cal-pitt game. definitely NOT a neutral court. it's so unfair really...if pitt gets on a run in the second half, cal really won't have much of a chance...but if cal stays poised, they should win. i don't know. pretty even so far, but i tend to notice cal's mistakes more...i should just shut up and go back to watching the game now. posted at 12:44 PM |  

i feel like it's been a while since i've blogged...not that i don't have stuff to write about - maybe i have too much to write about. i've just been lazy. still feeling the jet-lag a bit. but i went shopping today...went to the esprit outlet in sf since they're closing down or whatever...bought 4 pairs of shoes and 2 boots. most of them were only $12...i was happy. i love my boots. i got the knee-high kind. don't know when i'll ever wear them, but i've always wanted some and for $12, i just had to get them. i feel tall in them. yay for closeout sales. posted at 12:54 AM |  

i dozed off a few times last night during that gay adoption/rosie interview thing, but from what i did gather, that florida law is just stupid. it's hard to believe that there are still laws like that. it pissed me off to hear their stupid reasoning too - the kids will get teased, the kids will turn out gay, the kids will be exposed to drugs and promiscuity...what year is it again? i can't believe how bigoted some people are. i really can't. it's just fucked up that they can't see that what those children need is to be loved, to have a home and a family. a homosexual couple can love and provide for a kid just as much as any heterosexual couple can. so why can't people put their prejudices aside and just do what's best for all those kids? i just don't understand... posted at 3:56 PM |  

GO BEARS!!!

joe shipp was awesome today. and overall the team played pretty well (except for tamir, he seems a bit out of it). hope they keep it up!! pittsburg's up next on sunday...sucks that they are playing in pittsburg though. damn ncaa. but i did hear "bear territory" being chanted at the end of this game, so i'd guess there are a good number of cal fans there to cheer them on. i think cal's got a good shot at winning if they can keep knight down. posted at 1:59 PM |  

i should go to bed soon...cal plays tomorrow morning! i'm excited. i hope they don't fuck up and lose the first game like they did last year. that's always a large possibility with cal though.

anyway...i talked to that friend of mine who's engaged. her boyfriend took her on a surprise trip to paris to propose. *sigh*...i have a feeling nothing like that would ever happen to me. but i'm really happy for her. the only bad thing is that i'm the next oldest one around, so after she gets married, everyone will be hounding me about finding a husband. my dad already started today!!! he's never been like that before...i don't know what's gotten into him...he started babbling about how it's better if i have kids early in life...whatever! i'm still a kid myself. ok not really, but people treat me like one, so...why the rush to get married??? i don't understand. posted at 1:03 AM |  

i feel like shit. when will my body go back to normal?!?! this is why i don't go to india very often. i hate to whine so much, but damnit this just sucks. posted at 12:16 AM |  

didn't go to dinner tonight because i started to fall asleep around 7:30. and of course, now i'm wide awake. i hate jet lag. i actually have to get up at a decent hour tomorrow morning because i have a dentist appointment. but my mom had it worse because she had to go to work today. she said she almost got into an accident on the way back because she was yawning so much. the last time i came back from india, i had to start classes almost right away. it was really, really hard trying to stay awake in them. took me quite a while to adjust that time, now that i think about it. anyway. i'm going to sleep now. posted at 12:58 AM |  

i'm really feeling the jet lag now. slept so much last night, probably would still be asleep right now if not for a phone call. it's about 4:30 AM indian time. i'm so sleepy! posted at 2:45 PM |  

ok, i remembered what i was going to write. it seems like i'll have to move my blog because of the end of the geocities ftp thingie. so does anyone have a suggestion? (a free one for now, since i'm unemployed and all) i guess i could just use blogspot...i dunno...actually, some aren't expensive at all, i'm just being a cheap indian : ) posted at 1:48 AM |  

i managed to stay awake all day. well, ok - i got really sleepy between 10 and 12 and probably dozed off for a few minutes. but i wanted to watch conan so i made myself stay up. i think i'm tired enough now that i'll fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow...anyway...i think i was going to write something specific but i can't remember what it was right now...hate it when that happens! posted at 1:39 AM |  

i'm back. don't really feel much jet lag right now, but i have a feeling i'll probably be wide awake all night. my tummy's all messed up too. has been for a week or so. but i didn't get sick while i was there!!! yay!!! that's a first. just an upset tummy now and then, but that's expected. i'm so happy to be back home now. not that i don't like india, but it just gets to be a little too much for me after a couple weeks. so hot there...

anyway, i'll blog more about my trip later. need to finish catching up on the blogs i read...by the way, it would help if i could access the february archives (milly).

oh, and guess what i just found out? a friend of mine is engaged. my dad told me, i haven't heard anything from her!!! i might go have dinner with her tomorrow if i'm awake enough to drive to berkeley. i understand she must have been preoccupied or whatever, but considering i've known her all my life and we were best friends growing up, i would have liked to hear it from her first! no big deal, i was just in shock a little. well, not totally because i know she had been seeing this guy and my cousin told me they would probably get married. anyway. it was just a surprise, that's all. i'm happy for her, i think. (gotta meet this guy before i can say for sure that i'm happy for her). posted at 7:06 PM |