i hate allergy attacks.

i was planning on going out to a movie after trading spaces, but my damn nose won't stop running, and i'm sneezing like crazy...i feel like shit basically...ugh!!!! so i'm just sitting in bed with my kleenex box now.

anyway. about trading spaces. i really don't like what doug did to that frat house. it might have worked somewhere else, but it did not feel right for a berkeley frat house. and the red chairs!! ew. i'm sure those were painted another color as soon as the cameras were gone. especially with all the furd-haters in the house. and i know those boys are going to want to hang up some blue and gold stuff in the room - which will totally clash with the whole green and orange thing...i'm guessing that since the episode was taped so long ago, it's probably been changed by now... posted at 11:00 PM |  

oh, and trading spaces is showing the berkeley episode tonight! i'm so excited! : ) posted at 5:40 PM |  

HOLY SHIT!

cal won 70-22...can you believe it? i mean, i know it was just baylor (one of the worst teams in the country), but still...that's a lot of touchdowns. it was crazy. we scored a touchdown on the first play of the game, then just kept scoring...had 35 points by the end of the first quarter! we were all like "what the hell is going on? is this for real?" people were going nuts.

anyway...so it was fun to see cal win a game like this for a change...hopefully there will be more of that to come! go bears!

oh, and i see michigan beat washington at the last second...so, "go blue!" too. posted at 5:36 PM |  

was about to go to bed, but i just checked email...got one from an old college roommate...she just bought a house with her boyfriend/soon-to-be fiance. so...yet another one of my friends is settling down...*sigh*...it's depressing...i really don't see myself settling down with anyone in the near future. mostly because there aren't any guys in the picture. but even if there was one, that would be such a big step for me. to get married. or even just live together. i still feel too young for anything like that. but i know, i'm getting old. before i know it, i'll be 25...crap...it's depressing, i tell you. posted at 2:43 AM |  

went to fondue fred's tonight...hadn't been there in years...aside from the fact that they've changed their wonderful salad dressing, it was just as i remember...something about the atmosphere there...the families, and the drunk college students in large groups, just out having a good time over some bread and cheese and wine....i like it there. feel like going more often, but i don't want to think about the calories (especially in the chocolate fondue). oh, and i think i saw that cute rugby player who was on road rules or whatever...not positive, but it looked like him from where i was sitting.

anyway, my cousin's starting to pack. it's so sad. i wish she would stay. we watched 4 episodes of sex and the city tonight. who am i going to do that with after she leaves? ok, i know she's not going far...and she can always come over to watch...but it's not the same : (

damnit, i still have to find a new roommate.

anyway, i should get to bed soon since i'm supposed to be heading to the football game around noon...which means i have to be out of bed before noon...not the easiest thing for me to do on saturdays. but, ooh 3 day weekend! i really needed it too... posted at 2:20 AM |  

i found a student to get me season tickets for cal football...ohhh yeah, the masochism begins this saturday...but it can't be much worse than last year's 1-10 season! i'm pretty sure we can beat baylor...after that, who knows? but i will be there to root for them. posted at 12:49 AM |  

i didn't go to sleep until well after 2 AM last night, thanks to my loud upstairs neighbor. sounded like he was moving furniture around or something...i don't know. it was annoying, but i was in bed and didn't feel like getting up to go complain. i really liked living on the top floor when i was in michigan...i miss that sometimes.

anyway. so i did absolutely nothing for the first 6 hours at work today. it was pretty ridiculous. and you know what i've realized? the new girl comes in after i do, takes at least an hour for lunch, and leaves before i do. and i usually only take a half hour for lunch...and she's the one who has work to do, not me! i was just sitting there surfing the web most of the day...well, until she dumped some of her work on me again. i didn't mind - it's better than being bored, and it gives me a chance to see what she's done. (it's not that great, but unfortunately that doesn't mean much at this company.) by the way, i'm more convinced of her spoiled-brat nature everyday. don't feel like going into detail about it, but let's just say she makes a lot of demands for someone who just started working here a few weeks ago... posted at 11:31 PM |  

i'm not as sleepy tonight as i normally am. don't know why, i'm sure i'll have to drag myself out of bed tomorrow morning...thursdays are hard...

anyway. i think the strike will be over tomorrow. it's kind of hard to concentrate on work when you keep hearing all this chanting and stuff going on outside. i wonder how people got any work done in berkeley in the 60's. must have been loud, don't you think? i noticed that some of the people on strike brought their kids with them. that seemed odd to me. yesterday morning, i heard one boy say "mommy, i think we should go picket on that corner instead..." i guess it beats sitting around at home, i don't know. posted at 12:50 AM |  

this guy at work told me i make sounds like his cat when i'm upset. like, when he hears me (or his cat) make that sound, he doesn't know exactly what it means, but he knows it's something bad...

so...i brought up some things i don't like about one of the lessons, and he told me to talk to the new girl about it tomorrow. but i know if i do, she's going to have a cow (couldn't think of another word) and start to argue with me, and i don't want to deal with that. she makes my head hurt. posted at 12:05 AM |  

the new girl at work is getting on my nerves more and more each day...aside from her being so perky, she's just...i don't know, kinda scatterbrained. she has a short attention span, doesn't seem to be too organized. and today she kept going on and on about how she's the oldest child and the only daughter, so she's used to getting her way all the time. i'm an only child, but that doesn't mean i need everything to be done my way (ok, some of you probably disagree, especially if you read all the blog entries i made when i was working on group projects in michigan...but that was different, it was school...). anyway, she's much more of a control freak than i am. she likes to argue a lot. i guess they want someone like that though...i don't know...everyone just loves her so much and it makes me sick. she totally left work early today, for no reason. she just announced that she couldn't take it anymore. they kinda looked at her like "huh?" - they have a deadline coming up and she has to get a lot of things done by friday, and she's just leaving early? seemed like a flakey thing to do. when dan suggested she work on something else, she said "anita looks bored, she can do it." uh, thanks. just what i want - to do her work for her so she can go home early? fuck that.

anyway...i really don't think she's been putting in 40-hour weeks. and i know she's getting paid a lot more than i am. does she think it's ok for her to do that because she flew to the meeting in the midwest last week? i don't really get it. no one else just takes off early like that. she's chatting most of the time she's at work too, so it's not like she gets a lot done when she is there. i don't understand why everyone likes her so much. i haven't really seen much of her work, so i have no idea if she's good or not. but overall, i just get the impression that she's kinda dumb and kinda spoiled... posted at 11:39 PM |  

a girl came by to look at the apartment today, but she decided that the carpet was too thick and it would interfere with her yoga. so much for that. i admit we do have this whole 70's shag carpet thing going, but i do yoga on it anyway. i don't care. i guess i'm not very particular about these things...

why is this the one year there is actually a surplus of housing in berkeley? it's so unusual...the only people still looking are total weirdos! i'm still working on my cousin...i think she's just afraid to tell her mom she wants to stay. and her mom's a bit stingy with the money so she won't want to pay rent.

anyway...my boss told me i should go to the next meeting. it's in ohio, whoop-dee-doo. why can't we have meetings in...oh, i don't know, cancun? (so envious of lisa). posted at 11:56 PM |  

crap. i intended on getting so much stuff done this weekend, but now the weekend's over and i haven't done a thing! i was incredibly lazy all weekend. i think it was due to my miserable week at work. i don't know. i'm so tempted to call in sick tomorrow...but i am a bit curious about how the meeting went. and i should have some stuff to do tomorrow, assuming they got feedback on the lesson i've been working on...

anyway...i had a long talk with my aunt today...the one who moved to new york recently...she said that my relatives in new york think i'm kinda abnormal, because i don't have a boyfriend basically. they think i'm too shy and that i don't go out enough. and it's frustrating for me to hear that they have all these opinions of me, when the truth is that they know so little about me...i don't tell my relatives about my social life. even if i had a boyfriend, they wouldn't know about him. (well, not unless it was serious enough that i was thinking about marriage) so, it just hurts me to know that they think something's wrong with me. my aunt defended me a bit, but still...i get upset to hear that they say all this shit about me, that they have these low opinions of me...they just don't understand...they have no clue what's going on with me... posted at 12:40 AM |  

i'm trying to convince my cousin to stay at the apartment with me...i know she wants to, but i guess she feels pressure to move back home (mostly from her mom). she goes home every weekend though, it's not like fremont's that far. and she's probably going to work part-time in berkeley anyway...i hope her mom lets her stay...i really don't want to go through this whole roommate-search thing. this one girl contacted me, she might come look at the place on monday. but i don't know if i'll like her. i know i won't feel entirely comfortable around anyone i don't know. it's been nice living with my cousin because she's family. we can goof off together and act silly. i'll miss that : ( posted at 12:00 AM |  

why is it so cold? i don't understand. it's almost september, it usually starts getting hot around now, doesn't it? not that i want it to be hot, i actually prefer cooler weather most of the time, but...well, it's freezing in my office and it's just uncomfortable to sit here when i'm feeling so cold. i want a blanket!! (and a pillow...and a bed...)

a friend of mine left for a trip to europe this week...i'm so jealous...i want to save up some money and go again. but i also want to save up some money for other things too...of course, i don't make much money at this stupid job, so i'm thinking neither will be happening anytime in the near future.

damnit, why can't the day be over already? i want to leave... posted at 4:53 PM |  

blogging from work. i hate doing this but i am just beyond bored right now. the office is so quiet today too - the important people are all out of town at a meeting. so...the day is just dragging along even slower than normal.

yesterday morning on my way to work i had yet another one of those instances where a random stranger on the street tells me to smile. this guy was funny though, because he yelled at me as though he was really angry, with a serious expression on his face - "SMILE, DUDE!" it actually made me laugh. does this kinda thing happen to everyone, or is it just me? posted at 4:40 PM |  

went to fremont today to tie rakhi on my cousin brother...he came up from ucla for the weekend. he's still obsessive about this whole health and fitness thing...likes this one girl, but alas, she eats burgers. i think he should let girls eat whatever they want. he can have a healthy salad while she eats a burger. what's the big deal? he's just nuts...we made him eat some chocolate fudge tonight though, that was funny.

anyway.

i spoke to sean today. he seems really happy. i mean, really, really happy. it's weird...he always makes it sound like he's a big-city type, but really, i think he's more of a small town kinda person. so he's enjoying living in west virginia a lot. more than he ever expected he would. i suspect he has a girlfriend, i don't know. he doesn't tell me that kinda stuff. but he just seems way too happy. (i don't mean for that to sound negative, i'm glad that he's happy. i just wish i was too...) posted at 1:09 AM |  

one of my favorite cal basketball players is transferring : (

so sad...the team has been through so much crap this past year with people transferring or just leaving, or changing their minds before they even got here! can we please just have one good player stay for 4 years? is that too much to ask for?? posted at 11:10 PM |  

i hate it when i have certain things i need to get done, but instead i just sit in bed and read and watch some tv and mess around online...next thing i know, it's 1 am and i need to go to bed.

i was really determined to send out my resume to this one place...but i decided my cover letter needed some work. this company is very different from the other places i have applied, so i feel like i need to make the appropriate adjustments in the letter, you know? so i worked on that for a while, but i think i'll wait until tomorrow and look at it again then before sending it. just to make sure it's ok. i'm way underqualified for the job, so i want to be really careful with what i say...

ok, i'm off to sleep... posted at 1:11 AM |  

ok that last post was kinda random and probably didn't make sense. i really wanted to blog yesterday morning when some thoughts were fresh in my mind, but i had to get up and go to work, so...i really didn't even remember specifically what i wanted to say when i was listening to that stuff on the radio. mornings are kind of a blur for me in general.

work sucked today as usual. i mean, i seriously sit there wanting to cry sometimes. i don't like working 'under' other people. i've been an intern for way too long. i'm tired of it. i don't like being depressed and upset. missed my period this month too.

i don't think i can work with the new girl. i especially don't think i can work for the new girl, and she seems like the dictator-type so far. i can't really understand what she's saying most of the time, and i also think she makes judgements too quickly. and she's just too blunt to deal with. just came right out and told me she didn't like some of the things i did. no regard for my feelings at all. no "let's see if we can work on this and make it better." no explanation for why she didn't like it or what was wrong with it. nothing....and well, i think i deserve better than that. the section she didn't like was probably the one i liked best too. i was proud of it, until she threw it in the trash. ok, not really, but it seems like that's what she wanted to do with it. i have something else in mind for where she can put it though...

anyway...i don't want to dwell on it any more than i already have. i'm just trying to avoid her as much as possible. hope i won't have to deal with her tomorrow... posted at 11:26 PM |  

ok, this is not well thought out or anything, just wanted to write something non-work-related.

this morning i was listening to the radio (alice) and they were talking about how kids are doing a lot more adult-stuff than most people realize. i think they were mostly talking about them having sex, but i was half asleep so i don't remember. anyway, i think that people who start having sex at a young age - and by young, i especially mean elementary-school young, like 10-12 year olds - i think that they are seriously screwed up. it bothers me when they give excuses like they went through puberty early, or some bullshit like that. i don't think 10 year olds are psychologically ready to have sex, regardless of how much they might think their bodies are. and well, i think they're still fucked up when they grow up. it's sad that they consider it normal to start having sex that early. and that they don't think it's affected them in any way. i think it does affect them. maybe i'm the only one who thinks that, i don't know. it just kinda sickens me to hear about young kids doing stuff like that.

(as i'm sitting here typing this, i'm worried about all the perverted google searches that will turn up here)

ok, i'm sure i had more thoughts in the morning while i was listening to it, but i don't remember now. i should go to bed. i'm tired. posted at 12:46 AM |  

i've been so miserable at work lately. i want to write about other things, but work is the main thing that's bugging me right now. so...let me just get it out first, then maybe i'll blog about something else later, just to break the monotony.

basically, i think i've alienated a bunch of people at work. i don't know why. maybe my moodiness or just general lack of friendliness. i'm not sure. i feel like no one really talks to me anymore. and i'm pretty sure i overheard the new girl and peter complaining about me to someone. i know they were saying something about me. don't know if it was complaining really, but i doubt it was good. so...*sigh*...i don't know. i'm not a horrible person, really i'm not. and i'm not a total bitch to work with. i know my natural tendency is to be a bit of a control freak at times, but i try my best to listen to others and to compromise without being a baby about it. i never got into any arguments or anything with indigo...we worked together pretty well, i think. i felt like she listened to me and never made me feel bad or stupid or wrong, even when i was. i also work well with dan and another programmer. they're smart and they know what they're doing, so i listen to them and i appreciate their help. they know how to give thoughtful comments and suggestions. i haven't had any problems working with them, or at least i don't think i have. i'm unsure about what dan thinks of me/my work. but he's never said anything to piss me off, so i *think* he's ok with me.

here's the thing. at first, i was being the quiet intern. didn't want to speak my mind too much because i didn't feel like it was my place to say things and to give my opinion when it wasn't asked for. when it was asked for, i usually did let them know what i thought, but made sure it didn't sound harsh. and now...well, i'm starting to give my opinion more. on friday, no one asked me what i thought, but i gave some suggestions anyway, and i felt good about it. it's a big step for me to do that. the old me would have kept my mouth shut. anyway, so i still made sure that it wasn't harsh-sounding. just brought up a few thoughts i had. and the programmers thought they were good suggestions too, so they thanked me. and i was really happy that i had said something to them...until the new girl started that big ass argument with me. uuuugggghhhh! maybe i should have handled things differently. i don't know. i didn't even care all that much, didn't feel strongly one way or the other. but i felt like she was attacking me. so my stubborn nature kicked in and i really just wanted to say something to support my argument because she was making such a big deal about it and saying how wrong it was. i'm not sure how the whole thing escalated so much...god, it was so stupid! i was not in the mood to deal with that, nor was i expecting it to blow up the way it did. still, she was definitely the more agressive one. i don't feel like i did anything wrong. it's just that when people raise their voices at me, then i raise mine too.

anyway, so now i'm in this totally confused frame of mind regarding my role at the company. should i just go back to being quiet and not giving my opinion? should i do things the way the new girl wants them done, regardless of whether or not i agree? should i not disagree with anyone?

*sigh*

i have a headache now. need a tylenol. posted at 12:23 AM |  

i didn't want to post the usual sunday night "i don't want to go to work tomorrow" whine, but i don't have anything else to say. posted at 10:27 PM |  

i'm super-tired. got in a heated debate with the new girl about something she had chosen to leave out of the lesson she is re-doing. it wasn't a big deal initially, i just gave a suggestion that i thought made sense and that i know indigo wanted. but she just totally started going off, shot me down and said that it was wrong to do it that way and blah blah blah...i just got a big headache and i didn't want to deal. i tried to explain to her that it was no big deal, just something that we had planned on doing and told her our reasoning. but she just wouldn't have any of it. she's really hyper too, so it's kinda impossible to have a calm conversation with her. she seriously runs around the office, jumps and skips and bounces all the time. maybe she drinks too much coffee or something, i don't know. i'm just so not like that.

anyway. i'm headed to sf for dinner now... posted at 8:05 PM |  

i feel like a broken record complaining about work, but basically that is the only thing going on with my these days, so...bear with me.

the new girl came by and wanted to look at what i was working on, and asked if i had made the changes she asked me to make. funny how she just started working here and she's already acting as my superior. i know she's getting paid more and all, but still. i don't like it. i hadn't done most of the things she had asked me to do, mostly because it's my lesson and i'll do with it as i please. she gave me the feedback she got from the meeting, and i took care of what i felt needed to be taken care of. ignored the rest. ignored some of her personal suggestions because i thought they were stupid. not my fault if the board doesn't like it because 1) i was not invited to attend the meeting, and 2) the new girl lost all the notes she had taken at the meeting that were supposed to be given to me.

anyway. so i explained to her what i had changed and what i had left the same, and what i was confused about/still working on. and well, her attitude was basically "ok, do whatever makes you happy. and then i'll go through it next week and cut out a lot of stuff and make changes to it."

you'll what?

i didn't say that, but it was basically my reaction.

this is the first lesson i have done on my own, and although i would like her feedback, i do not want her to take it over and do whatever she wants to it. i want this lesson to be mine...the previous lesson was still indigo's...i mean, i did quite a lot of work on it, but she had put it all together and added things and moved things around a little. fine, i was still in training under her. but all this time that i've been working on this new lesson, i have been thinking that it's mine, you know? i feel a sense of ownership over this one that i didn't feel on the previous one. and i want to do a really good job on it and please my boss, especially because he was really disappointed by the previous two. i thought this lesson would be my chance to show what i've got, you know? but if she works on it, it'll be hers, not mine. if the boss likes it, he'll think it was because of her, not me. it's so unfair!!!!

basically, it broke my heart to hear that this new girl who just came in is going to take what i've done and cut it up and change it. she didn't say something like "i'll sit with you and see how we can make it better." she didn't say "i'll look at it and give you some feedback." she didn't say "we'll work on it together next week." she said that she will take what i've done and make changes to it, specifically that she would take out a lot of the text i've written.

i was pretty shocked. i had no idea that she was going to do anything to this lesson. i thought she was going to start working on the next one...so, i'm just really upset about this. disappointed. frustrated. feel like all the work i've done has been a waste of time...*sigh*...

this whole situation *totally* sucks.

i want a new job. now. posted at 10:58 PM |  

never mind, it appears to have fixed itself. that was odd. posted at 10:27 PM |  

uh...why is my blog layout all screwed up? i haven't done anything to it lately. it just changed by itself? kinda bizarre...anyone know what's going on? posted at 10:25 PM |  

this week is going by so slowly...i've basically done nothing at work all week. haven't really been able to concentrate on stuff. i've just been sitting there sulking. and they ran out of chocolate today!!! how's a girl like me supposed to make it through the day without some chocolate?!?! i think a lot of people in the office have chocolate addictions. which explains why we run out of it so quickly.

anyway. the new girl is so damn perky. bubbly. excited. in other words, everything i'm not. i think they are impressed more by her attitude than anything else. i probably need to work on mine. i know i must look like i'm miserable there most of the time. what should i do though? i'm not good at faking cheerfulness.

ok, i'm off to search for jobs now...instead of whining, i need to start doing stuff. posted at 10:53 PM |  

i really want to find another job... posted at 1:02 AM |  

shit, it's mid-august already? i still need to find a roommate. my cousin will move out soon...damn it...i hate having to look for roommates...i hate living with strangers in general. it's times like these i really wish i had a tiny little studio again...

and oddly enough, there is actually plenty of housing available in berkeley for a change. there's even a few hundred extra beds in the dorms, or so i've heard. shocking, isn't it? i find it hard to believe, but i guess it has something to do with the economy...i don't know...not as many people seem to be looking. which makes it harder for me to find someone that i'll actually be willing to live with... posted at 12:46 AM |  

i was so miserable at work today...not even just bored-miserable, but hurt-miserable. i feel bitter about a lot of things. i tried not to be, but i just sat there dwelling on things and i really wanted to cry. i don't know why...i mean, it's just a job - and a job i don't even really care about much at all to be honest. yet i just feel so much crap inside. i wish i could explain it...

the new designer started today...she's nice, and i hold nothing against her. but i feel like she's overshadowed me. now that she's here, no one gives a shit about me anymore. she's the important one. she's the one who needs to learn more and do more. she's the one who gets the nice computer and the phone, and she's the one who gets to go to the board meetings, and she's the one everyone wants to spend time with to teach her stuff. not me, her. she just started today and everyone's fucking in love with her. she doesn't even know how to use director!!!

can you tell i'm an only child?

i don't mean to sound jealous...it's not even that really...it's just, well...dan was sitting and working with her all day today and no one once asked for my opinion on anything all day! no one even spoke to me much really. i was sitting in the back, while everyone else was in the content cubicle discussing stuff that i should have been a part of. it was killing me. i didn't even have any work to do!! and it's not like they didn't have questions...i could hear them...they were trying to make sense of some things in the lesson that is being re-done, and instead of asking me, they either asked peter (who doesn't know shit but pretends to), or they tried to figure it out for themselves. it just pissed me off to hear all that because i am the most logical person to ask about that stuff. i worked on parts of it, and i sat with indigo while she was doing the other parts. i know why things were done the way they were. i know the main points we were trying to get across. i know what the board's recommendations were. so why didn't they ask me?!?!? i don't get it. i really don't.

i liked it when i was the only designer around. i liked answering people's questions and being able to give my opinions. and now it's back to being the intern and having no say in anything...*sigh*...

oh, and the hr person emailed out the company directory last friday for us to check. my name wasn't even on the damn thing! the new girl's was, and she didn't start until today technically. there's only about 10 of us so it's not like they could easily forget some people. i'm the only person not on the list. the other intern is on there. people whose contracts ended last week were on there. why me? why am i the one missing?

i know, it's probably just a mistake of some sort, but it just sucks. it broke my heart a little when i didn't see my name there.

the phone i have been using is now the new girl's phone. the computer they had put in the cubicle for me is still not hooked up to the network and doesn't have much software on it. i can't check email from it. i can't use cvs on it. it's basically useless, so i don't even turn it on or sit at my desk. ever. it's not a problem, but it just makes me sad that i've been working here for over 3 months now and it's still not set up.

and this new girl - everyone's raving about her. they even took her to lunch today. and she hasn't even done anything! meanwhile i get absolutely no recognition for anything...it sucks, it just sucks. i'm not used to being treated like this. i'm used to impressing people. i'm used to people saying what a good job i've done. being proud of me. so yeah maybe i want some of that...some acknowledgement...some attention...anything more than what i'm getting now.

i hate to whine, and i know a lot of this sounds silly, but it's just the way i feel. i had to get it out somewhere, you know? posted at 12:07 AM |  

i don't know why i'm still up. i was half-asleep about 2 hours ago. then i got up. helped my cousin with some application essays. it's funny, i never thought i was a good writer. in fact, i used to think i was terrible at it. but now i think i'm pretty good. well, in essays at least, probably not in my blog...

anyway, i should go to bed now. posted at 2:27 AM |  

one of the guys at work sat with me and helped me with my lesson today...sometimes he pisses me off a little, but today he was good. he helped me a lot actually, and i realized that i like working with him. for the first time, i felt like i was learning something. but peter was sitting with us for a while, and he was getting on my nerves. sometimes i get along ok with peter, but other times he is just so damn arrogant, thinks he knows everything. we were discussing a math issue today, something to do with linear programming, and i explained something to him, but him being the math phd student, he refused to believe me. in fact, he flat out insisted that i was wrong. i told him i thought i was right and went to lunch to let him think about it on his own. and sure enough, when i came back, he said that i was right, and that he wrote the proof (trying to take credit for something, i guess). big fucking deal. i know i wouldn't have been able to write the proof for him, but that's why i'm not a math grad student. the fact is, i had an understanding of the subject that he didn't have. i think he just couldn't stand that.

anyway, all that was not related to work really. it just came up when i asked his opinion about something. peter tends to blow things out of proportion a lot.

the thing that really bugs me is when peter starts criticizing the stuff i've designed. i get really defensive most of the time. it's not that i can't take criticism, it's that i can't take it from him. he's not a designer, he's a mathematician. the one lesson he did design sucked. and since then he hasn't been allowed to design anything!! he's only been writing text and homework problems, and in my opinion he's not even good at that! anyway, so i hate the way he criticizes my designs as if he knows what he's doing...i have a lot more design experience than he does. i wish he would realize that and try to learn a little something from me for a change.

anyway, so he realized that i was arguing a lot with him and that's when dan came to work with me. but peter still sat there for a while, and whenever dan commented about something, peter just had to chirp in with "i said the same thing...". shut up!!! who asked you?!?!

and for the record, he did not say the same thing. fucking annoying. always trying to kiss up to people and make it seem like he is all-knowing...

ok, i think i'm done bitching now. hungry... posted at 8:07 PM |  

my head hurts...hardly got anything done at work today...i'm tired...

looks like i will probably get an interview for that job i applied for in new york. they emailed me today and asked for some more info. but...well, i'm not sure if i'll go because i just found out some more about the job. it's not really design, it's more curriculum development. and that's kinda what i don't like about my current job. also, it doesn't pay much more than i'm making now. third, it requires using excel a lot. which makes me wonder what exactly i'd be doing with excel. i mean, i use director now...and director is a multimedia development tool, so that makes sense. but excel? how would that be used? seems kinda strange. maybe i'll go for the interview just to find out more about the company and what they're doing, but i don't think i'll seriously consider the job. posted at 11:12 PM |  

things did not go well at all at work today. we hardly got through the first page of the lesson and the boss started complaining. then when we got to the second page - forget about it. he couldn't even go on because it was just too bad. indigo had designed the section, but she's not here anymore, so i had to take all the shit for it. i tried to make it clear that i didn't design it. but i worry that it left a bad impression of me anyway, just because i happened to be the one who was showing it to him. i don't know. it was tough. my boss can be pretty harsh at times...

the real issue is with the inefficient manner in which this company is run. a lot of the problems my boss complained about today should have been found weeks ago when we reviewed the storyboard. i knew it sucked back then, but during the meeting, he seemed to like it and got really excited about it. in truth, he hadn't even paid much attention to what was going on. well, he paid attention today and realized just how much it sucked. but by now, all the graphics are done and all the programming is done, so it's going to be really time-consuming to have to redo all that. all of this could have been easily avoided, that's what bugs me. we wasted so much time on this...i flat out said to my boss that next time he needs to point out problems much earlier. i doubt he will, but i just don't want to go through something similar with my lesson... posted at 12:04 AM |  

did the best i could with the essay. i don't know, i'm tired now. have a meeting with my boss tomorrow morning first thing, to go over the final version of one lesson. how it will go depends almost entirely on my boss's mood. it'll either be great or he'll get mad and start foaming at the mouth and waving his hands all over the place. i just hope he doesn't interrupt me. i hate it when he does that. i do want his opinions on things because i think he has some good ideas, but sometimes he just goes off on tangents and doesn't really understand the point of some of the activities because he gets so fixated on some little thing...it's so irritating when he does that. but anyway. i hope it goes well because i think my mood will be down if it doesn't. then i'll need a whole bottle of that wine... posted at 1:24 AM |  

by the way, some people at work were saying that i was passive-agressive. how should i take that? is that a bad thing? i never know what they mean when they say things like that. i know i am passive agressive, but i mean, what am i supposed do to? i'm not going to be agressive about stuff at work because i'm just "an intern". i let them know my opinions when they ask for them. and they don't even listen to them most of the time. so now what do they mean by telling me i'm passive agressive? maybe they were just kidding around. i don't know. some people there are so sarcastic and they are always picking on people (especially me and the other intern). i don't know!!!!!!!

(excuse me for being overly dramatic, i'm drunk remember) posted at 10:11 PM |  

i think i've completely lost my tolerance for alcohol. i had one glass of pinot noir tonight and i'm fucking drunk. i can barely type this. it's pretty sad. i started feeling it after half a glass. i don't understand. i seriously can't even walk straight right now. so pathetic...i never used to get drunk so easily...maybe it was really strong wine? i don't know.

i really just want to go to bed but i promised my cousin that i'd work on her essay tonight (she came over for help last night but i was really tired and wasn't very helpful). i don't know how i'm going to work on it seeing as how i can barely keep my eyes open.

i do feel pretty good though : ) posted at 10:08 PM |  

i'm kinda annoyed because my cousin's friend is staying over here tonight (well, she's been here since thursday. i assumed she would be gone by now, but she isn't). i don't mind when people stay over in general, but she's unusually loud. it's really irritating after a while. when she talks, it's like she's yelling. and when she laughs - well, don't ask.

i've got to start looking for a new roommate soon. one thing on my list - make sure that she has a normal-to-quiet voice. posted at 10:53 PM |  

my mom has some people visiting from out of town, so i tagged along with them today...i secretly enjoy doing all the cheezy, touristy sf things i guess...i mean, i never go to pier 39 anymore just for the hell of it. or even fisherman's wharf. so, it was kinda nice having a reason to do that kinda stuff today. we went to lombard street too - haven't been there in several years! we also took one of those bay cruises, and i don't think i've ever done that before. i've taken the ferry a couple times, and i went to angel island and alcatraz once when i was a kid, but other than that, i really can't remember going out on the bay for no reason. it was really cold today though, so probably not the best idea. but anyway. i think they had a good time. and i think i should pretend i'm a tourist and go to sf more often : )

really, there are so many cool little places in sf that i want to go explore, but i wish i had some company to do that with. most of my friends aren't really the type, or they're just too busy with other things right now...i don't know...it just makes me really sad sometimes that i'm not doing the type of things that i would like to be doing. posted at 11:38 PM |  

i'm so tired. wanted to go to bed early, but i started updating my resume and writing a cover letter for this one company...next thing i know it's 12:30!

anyway...this company's in brooklyn, NY, and i doubt i'd move there, but...i don't know, no harm in applying.

i have a lot of work i need to get done tomorrow, so i better go...fell behind schedule a bit today...my job isn't one of those jobs where i can just sit and do it. kinda have to wait for ideas to come to me, for some inspiration, some "a-ha!"...so it's really difficult sometimes, trying to think of how to teach stuff when you're on a deadline...

but i ain't stressed about it. i am just an intern after all. they can't expect me to work so fast. posted at 12:47 AM |  

it's really weird when you search for something on google and see your blog as one of the first 10 results...happened to me twice today - totally unrelated stuff too. posted at 1:14 AM |