i think i'm getting sick : (

spent entirely way too much time in the car today...the reception was supposed to start at noon...which by indian standard time means 1:15-ish. we got there at...oh...around 2:30? something like that. got stuck in traffic, probably took a longer route than necessary, and then got lost trying to find the place of course. but the bride and groom didn't even make it there until after 3, i think. anyway, then it took us over two hours to get back to queens. damn new york traffic...seriously, bay area traffic is bad, but definitely not this bad...

anyway. i'm going to try to get a lot of rest tonight. see if i'm feeling well enough to head into the city tomorrow... posted at 9:54 PM |  

i'm tired, just wanted to drop in and say hi real quick...

so far...well, mostly i've been busy with stuff for my cousin's wedding. the ceremony was today...unfortunately, we got lost trying to find the place! by the time we got there, it was over. it was really beautiful though, the temple was in a really secluded-looking part of long island, surrounded by trees and snow...just gorgeous. but yeah, i basically missed the main thing i flew out here for. although, i guess indian ceremonies aren't a big deal...the reception is tomorrow, somewhere in new jersey...hopefully we won't get lost trying to find that place.

other than that...i really enjoyed my first-ever white christmas. it snowed like crazy over here. loved it. new york's so much more beautiful in the snow than ann arbor was... posted at 8:46 PM |  

i wish i had taken my camera with me to work! it was so beautiful this morning...totally clear...had a great view of the bay as i walked down to the office...i love clear days like this (well, except for the cold wind that comes along with it). oh, and someone brought a kitten to work today. it was adorable...although, i don't think i would have taken a picture of it. the flash is probably bad for little ones' eyes. and i took a picture of sean's cat once...it totally freaked out.

anyway, my ears are killing me now...it was a cold, cold walk home. and now i'm off to freezing new york...

i will try to blog from there, but in case i don't get a chance, i wanted to wish everyone happy holidays! posted at 6:23 PM |  

i'm soooooo cold. why is my room taking so long to heat up??? : ( posted at 10:43 PM |  

my apartment smells a bit funny...do you think it might be gas leaking?...i really have no idea. i thought i turned it off. but i'm not really sure... posted at 9:15 PM |  

i got my new camera...i'll try it out this weekend and *hopefully* post some pics before i leave. but then again, don't count on it...i've got a million things i need to do over the next 2-3 days. anyway...i'm going to my mom's place, where the heater works... posted at 1:11 PM |  

my dad came over, but he had no luck. tried several times, but it kept going out. i called pg&e, but they aren't making any appointments until dec. 27. so...yeah, i'm kinda freezing right now. my dad said he'll try again tomorrow... posted at 11:18 PM |  

i was in my kitchen for all of 10 minutes and my hands are practically frozen. i couldn't get a good grip on anything, spilled food all over the place, i'm sure. posted at 8:53 PM |  

the pilot light for my heater went out. i know i'm supposed to light a match and stick it in there somewhere, but...uh, i don't really know where. this sucks. it's freezing tonight! posted at 11:42 PM |  

my boss invited me to his house for christmas...i told him i'd be in new york, but i was really surprised that he asked. felt kinda special. i mean, i haven't heard him ask anyone else in the office (well, aside from his step-son i presume). the bitch went home sick...i wonder if he would have asked her if she was there...

i think the programmers are starting to get really annoyed with her...i heard them bickering a bit today...that made me happy. and my manager caught me rolling my eyes at her and started smiling. that was a little weird. i didn't mean for anyone to see me, i was staring at my computer. but it was an "i know what you mean" kinda look that he gave me. at least, i think it was... posted at 7:55 PM |  

any amazing race watchers? i can't believe flo and zach won. zach deserves more than 50% of the share in my opinion. man, that guy is patient as hell. i don't know how he put up with her. granted, it's a tv show and there is editing...they probably chose to show an excessive amount of clips of flo being bratty. and i know she was tired as hell. but still...you just get the impression that someone like her shouldn't win. lucky for her, she had a great partner. posted at 11:21 PM |  

i know, i said i was going to stay as uninvolved as possible in the lessons that the bitch is working on, but...well, today she was in the back discussing stuff with the programmers, all the changes that need to be made based on what the board members complained about...then after a while, she kinda shouted out "hey anita...could you come back here and tell us how stupid we are?" - i'm always ready to do that. so i go back there and she tells me what the plan is for fixing up the lesson. practically all the changes they are making are things that i could have pointed out to them a month ago. so, once again, they wasted a bunch of time and energy (and not to mention, money) programming all this crap only to now redo most of it. oh, and one of the things we need to put in is something that i personally had done the storyboard and screen layout for a long time ago, but the bitch deleted it all. that's just ridiculous, she really should have saved her changes as "version2" or whatever. that's what we usually do, you know? but noooo...that would be too much effort for her...and besides, my work is worthless, right? she wouldn't need it.

sorry for all the ranting/sarcasm. she's just so stupid...

anyway, so i helped her get everything straightened out. pointed out some additional mistakes and problems i noticed (maybe i should have kept my mouth shut about those, but i couldn't help it). and i taught her some math - she seriously did not know how to do this simple algebra thing...weird, considering she's a math major and taught algebra for years. and now the lesson will be much improved. because of me. and yet i'll get no credit for it.

i hope she learns her lesson this time...i mean really, she needs to get my feedback on her storyboards before handing them off to the programmers. it's just ridiculous how this damn company is run. but you know, even if she's too dense to realize that i can help her, i'd prefer that she keeps me out of it and just gets a lot more complaints about her lessons. i doubt she'd get fired - she's somehow given people in the office the impression that she's really good at what she does. i find it baffling, but i suppose maybe they just don't know math and therefore don't catch all the mistakes??? i don't know. what do i care? i just want to quit regardless...

still, i like it when she gets in trouble, or gets a little negative tick mark against her...i just get pleasure out of it...she got parking tickets 2 days in a row this week (so far). that made me happy. and today, the boss told her (in sort of a nice way, but still complaining) that she was very rude at the party yesterday because she was talking to some other people in a different language. they were sitting at the same table as the boss, and so he felt left out of the conversation. i totally agree with him - it is very rude. she is always talking to this other guy in the office in a different language, even when all of us go out to lunch together. bugs the hell out of me. she's probably saying shit about me sometimes. i mean, he used to come over and talk to me quite a bit, but now he doesn't say a word to me. he doesn't even say hi anymore unless i say it first. it's just very suspicious how he stopped after he started spending more time with her...

anyway...i'm done venting for now...2 weeks of vacation will be really nice...can you tell how much i need it?? posted at 8:33 PM |  

i need to go to sleep, but i don't feel like it. i'm tired, but at the same time, restless...hmm...maybe all the wine i had tonight is kicking in...i don't know what it is lately. whenever i drink red wine, i have a lot of trouble falling asleep. i'm kinda glad i didn't have a pre-dinner margarita now...

on a related note, i kinda wish our party had been downstairs at the bar instead of up in the separate room... posted at 12:48 AM |  

so i went to the office party tonight...dateless...but whatever, it was ok. the girl that i was friends with (the one who got fired) came...she's the wife of one of the programmers...who is the step-son of the boss...yes, i just realized that tonight...heck, i didn't even know he was married to her until after a good 3-4 months. anyway, so i was sitting with the two of them, far away from you-know-who. god, i would have gone insane if i had to sit at the same table as her. she's so weird. but at least her boyfriend couldn't come, so i was not the only dateless person there.

anyway. the party was at this tapas place that i've been meaning to try out. it was ok...some plates were really good, but others i didn't much care for. the presents were shitty. i know, what can i expect out of $5 gifts? but seriously, some people spent way less than $5. luckily, we could snatch gifts from others. my friend's husband took the lego dinosaur thing i got, and then i took the chocolates i bought from someone else. so yeah, i ended up getting what i paid for : ) posted at 10:31 PM |  

the bitch was back today...whiny as ever...she came in and was yapping away for like 2 hours straight. (not to me, to other people) apparently, the board members want her to change a lot of things in her lesson. not surprising to me, i knew it sucked. but anyway, the way she told the manager about it, she twisted it to look like it was their fault. that the board members are the ones who are wrong. she would never admit that she did a crappy job with the lesson...that's not even possible in her mind...she just kept whining i did exactly what they told me to do last time, and now they want me to change the whole thing!! it's not fair!!...and the worst part is, everyone in the office took her side and agreed that yeah, the board members are ridiculous.

i don't know how she does it. i don't know how she always makes herself look like 'the good one' or 'the victim', you know? i'm sure she did the same thing when she talked to the others about me. made it seem like i was the one causing problems.

anyway, so it was pretty much impossible to get any work done with her dramatic recap of the meeting...then she went to lunch with one of the programmers, and when they were half-way out the door, he whispered to her "don't you want to ask anita to come to lunch with us?" (gee, thanks for thinking of me). so she came over and was like "anita, did you go to lunch yet?"...what, are you blind or something? i sit in the same cubicle with you, and i've been there since you came in this morning. did it look like i left for lunch?...i told her i wasn't hungry yet. really, what i should have said is that i needed some damn peace and quiet so i could get some work done!!! or that her voice was giving me a headache and that 2 hours of it was enough, i didn't want to sit through another hour of it during lunch...

damn it, i want a new job. posted at 8:30 PM |  

i've tried posting a few times today, but no luck. i think it's working now though...

so, i'm trying to decide on a digital camera. my dad's getting me one for my birthday/christmas - he was going to get me one last year as well, but he ended up forgetting about it or something. i didn't really care then anyway, because i didn't think i'd use it much. but now...well, i got some pics from my regular camera developed recently, and they did a shitty job with the processing...i'm just so sick of that...plus, i don't know, i think something funky's going on with my camera. i've had bad luck with cameras in general...something always breaks or stops functioning properly...or i just decide i don't like it (usually when it's too late to return it). so i'm just trying to be a little more careful this time. the problem is, i tend to confuse myself the more i read...and it all seems so expensive...i mean, aside from the camera, you have to buy memory cards and in some cases, battery chargers, and then in addition to that, there are other accessories which seem like they would be really nice to have...extra batteries, an ac adapter, etc...but i guess in the long-run it's cheaper than buying all the film, and paying for processing for pics that might be completely worthless...

anyway. i'm just confused about which one to get and which features i'd like to have...i wish someone would just pick one out for me... posted at 10:04 PM |  

the weather is nuts today. i'm surprised i still have electricity...was thinking about going home where there are less trees around to fall on power lines. the tree outside my bedroom window doesn't look like it's going to hold up too well... posted at 12:58 PM |  

sean just called. very drunk. i couldn't understand a word he was saying. posted at 7:52 PM |  

wow, that last post worked. sean finally emailed today, gave me his new address and phone number. that made my day. actually, just seeing his name there in my inbox made my day. yes, my life is actually that uneventful these days. especially at work.

the bitch will be out of town for the next 2 days, so that's cool too. posted at 6:40 PM |  

i've been missing sean a lot lately. haven't really heard from him much at all over the past month...he hasn't been answering his phone. he also hasn't replied to most of my emails. i don't really know where he is right now...kinda frustrating...i know he likes to be left alone sometimes when things aren't going too well, and i do try to be patient...but i just feel like something's missing when i don't hear from him. and i worry about him, wonder if he's ok...it's so hard for me to just let go and trust that he will contact me when he's ready and in a better mood...i guess part of me just gets terrified that he won't. i don't know why i worry about that happening...i should know that there's no reason for me to feel that way...but, i just do. posted at 1:09 AM |  

i was able to fit into this one pair of jeans for the first time since coming back from india earlier this year...i was pretty excited this morning when i tried them on and realized i could zip them up. i probably could have fit into them 3-4 weeks ago had i tried. i just didn't realize that i had lost some weight. i'm not quite sure what caused this, it's certainly not exercise. i may have cut down on eating chocolate at work. not sure. whatever it is, i hope it keeps working! (not forever, just until i fit into this one other pair of pants i have.) posted at 7:15 PM |  

feelin kinda blah today...in one of those 'bored, but don't feel like being productive' moods.

i have a meeting on campus tomorrow morning...i kinda feel like driving because they gave me an on-campus parking permit. yes, i live all of three blocks from campus, but i'd just feel so special being able to park on campus. it's something only nobel prize winners get to do everyday...

i'm being silly, i'll walk. gotta go to work first anyway to pick up a laptop. i'm really looking forward to a few hours outside the office...the meeting is for the spanish project, so the bitch won't be there. god, she's so irritating...sharing a cubicle with her, i'm somewhat forced to exhange small talk...i really don't want to, i'd rather not say anything to her at all...but it's just one of those things that has to be done. anyway, i also have to hear all her conversations with other people. it's impossible to get my work done with her loud and irritating voice in the background.

honestly, it's just hard for me to be there sometimes because i see how other people mess around with her but pretty much leave me alone. i've gotten so cold and serious over the past 3-4 months...no one really jokes around with me anymore. i feel like i'm giving off some sort of unpleasant stay-away vibe. i don't know how to change it though, i seriously just don't want to be there most of the time. hard to pretend that i'm cheerful and friendly when inside i resent a lot of people there...life would be so much easier if i just had one ally in the office...one person i could vent to...it would help so much. the next new person who gets hired, i have to try to make friends with him/her before she does. she probably will anyway...i mean, she's the one who gets to work with and travel with everyone else, so that's why she's developed these relationships with them. all of my work is pretty much independent...and i don't get to go travel to the board meetings. she's really the only person i'm technically supposed to be interacting with...sucks for me...

*sigh*...when will i get another job?...i'm getting very impatient, need a change. soon. posted at 10:42 PM |  

i expected different results from this stupid quiz, but i'm kinda happy with what i got:

posted at 12:21 AM |  

i went shopping this weekend...but didn't buy any gifts for other people, just stuff for myself : )

i saw a coat that i really loved and was very tempted to buy, but i didn't...i already have a few, and i hardly ever wear them anymore. i didn't even wear them much when i was in michigan (preferred my puffy northface jacket). but i don't know, i just have a thing for nice coats. i see them and i want them. they just look so nice. unfortunately they're also expensive... posted at 10:16 PM |  

i'm so tired...i've been saying that everyday this week, so by now i'm way beyond tired...i know, my fault for staying up so late...well, last night i was helping my cousin. she had to send some stuff out today.

anyway.

i hate sitting in the cubicle...i feel so isolated in there. plus i can't surf the web and check email all the time like i used to...oh, and i'm so far away from the chocolate now. i guess that's actually a good thing. it was hard to resist all those reese's when i was sitting so close to them...

gonna lie down for a while. my head hurts. posted at 7:54 PM |  

damnit...so much for going to bed early tonight...

i have no idea how i'm going to get out of bed tomorrow morning. i should have disconnected my phone. posted at 2:57 AM |  

you know what i need? a date to the damn office party.

i wasn't going to go, but i feel like i have to, seeing as how i'm becoming an outcast in the office...i can't let the bitch befriend everyone and turn them all against me, i just can't!!!

but...i'm the only person in the office without a spouse/date. it'll be really awkward for me to show up alone.

*sigh*

why can't i think of any guys to go with??? i kinda want to ask nick, but...i dunno, it would be really weird...and i don't want him to feel weird...jon?...i just can't picture him being an adult...i so wish sean were here...he'd put the bitch in her place, i'm sure of it. god, and i've seen her boyfriend. he's super hot - why??? why??? what does he see in her???

you know, i want to sabotage her somehow...i have to think of a good plan, how i can get her in trouble without making it be my fault. (i probably won't actually carry out this plan, but i need something to daydream about while i'm at work). posted at 12:01 AM |  

i meant to go to bed early last night, but instead i ended up talking on the phone until 2 am. so, i'm just about ready to crash right now...

work sucked today...i got kicked out of my spot in the back, was foced to move into the cubicle with you-know-who...i hate it in there. i feel so uncomfortable. plus i have to listen to her talk more now...headaches galore...i think i'll bring in some CD's and put on my headphones, hopefully the music will block out the tone of her voice.

i don't know what i can do to get rid of the peter-cooties though...i switched the chair and the mouse...i want to switch the mousepad and keyboard too because they're dirty. the computer makes funny noises. and there are ants!! ants crawling on the desk. i hate it. plus all this crap that peter left...

anyway...we're doing a cd burn soon, so i have to put the spanish project on hold and go back to algebra and take care of all the little things that no one else will do. and i have to clean up all of the bitch's work because she doesn't really pay much attention to what she's doing. it's so irritating. i hate having to do other people's work for them. (and then of course, getting no credit for it)

on the bright side, looks like i'm heading to new york for the holidays again...yay! posted at 7:59 PM |  

i'm really exhausted...should probably get myself to bed soon...it's really pathetic how i'm going in to work later and later every month, just can't get myself out of bed sometimes...but then again, who cares? i don't have much to do there anyway.

i do like the spanish project i'm working on though. i'll be working with one of my boss's grad students...he's really nice, i've talked to him a few times when he's come over to the office. the other professors involved in the project are going to take a look at what i've done tomorrow...i hope they like it...*keeping my fingers crossed* posted at 12:08 AM |  

*sigh*

funny how just when i think things are going ok at work, something happens and just sets me on fire once again...

so if you'll remember back to late summer, i had started working on this one lesson a few weeks before the bitch started working here. and i continued to work on it, imporve it, and incorporate the board's suggestions during the first month she was here while she was working on some other lessons that had a higher priority. then, at some point after she had finished her other stuff, she took my lesson and threw out one section, inserted some minor things that my boss wanted, and sort of re-did one section. (there were 5 total sections, the others weren't really touched much). i was upset about some of the changes (still don't think they are better than what i had originally), but overall, 75% of the lesson was still my work. all of the content and the majority of the interactivity was mine - my ideas, my time and energy, my decisions. and i wrote all the feedback and all the text. it was still organized the same, and it covered the same material in the same way. the *main* thing she did was just toss out a few things that she didn't think were as important and necessary as i did.

ok, now that you have all that background stuff...here's what happened today: the manager came over to where we were sitting and said to her "i was just going through lesson 3 again, and i'm really amazed at how good it turned out. i think it's one of the best lessons we've ever done. it's really great, you did a great job on it."

***i cannot express to you how crappy i felt listening to him say this to her***

he, of all people, should know that i spent 2 months working on the damn thing. he should know that it was mostly my work, not hers. he should have had the decency to say all that stuff he said to both of us, since we were both sitting there. but no, he spoke directly to her. it was like i was invisible.

i just couldn't believe it. i have totally lost any respect i had for him.

and what did the bitch say? did she say something like "well, i didn't have to do that much since anita had spent a lot of time working on it" or "some of it was anita's work" or "anita helped" - hell no. she said "thanks" and happily took all the credit for it. (i'm not surprised - she would have just as easily blamed me if he had said anything negative.)

anyway. it was just completely uncool and insulting and hurtful, particularily with me sitting right there. i felt really offended by the whole thing, and that's putting it lightly.

so now i'm back to wanting to quit. freakin assholes, all of them. posted at 12:12 AM |  

i didn't get to sleep until 3:30-4-ish...so i'm pretty damn worn out right now. but i gotta work on essays for my cousin. they're due in like 2 hours - she just realized this like half an hour ago. posted at 6:44 PM |  

have i mentioned how much i can't stand the people who live upstairs from me? i don't know them personally, but damnit they are so fucking loud and inconsiderate. i'm so sick of banging on the ceiling. i just want to go to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!! posted at 1:19 AM |  

i'm tired today. there's just something about going back to work after a long weekend...hard to get back into the swing of things...

you know, i'm not even positive that i had friday off. i didn't ask. i just didn't go. i should try to find my employee handbook, that would help clear up the vacation days confusion i always seem to have...i may have even used up all my sick leave already. but does anyone really keep track of these things? other people seem to take days off all the time without informing anyone...

anyway...evil woman wasn't at work today, apparently she got food poisoning or something...it's so nice when she's not there. quiet and peaceful. i even worked in the cubicle for a while. it's not so bad when she's not in there. posted at 10:39 PM |  

my cousin sent me about 10 essays to edit this weekend...drove me nuts. she always waits until the last minute to start working on them, then expects me to fix them the very night she sends them to me. irritating. i'm happy to help her out, and i know she's a bit scared that she won't get in anywhere, but i just wish she'd give me a little more time...i mean, when she waits until the day before the deadline to start writing them, she ends up doing a crappy job on them, which just creates more work for me. and i have such little time to get them done....it just gets out of hand sometimes...

but anyway.

i saw "frida" this weekend...i've been wanting to see it for a long time. i liked how they incorporated her artwork, pretty cool. not sure how accurate some things were (seemed like they probably made diego's character a little softer and less pompous than he was), but it was still interesting. maybe just because i had read up on her many years ago...i don't know, always found her fascinating for some reason. posted at 12:25 AM |