i had such an exhausting day at work today. stayed until 6:40 or so, finishing up some stuff with a few other people. the bitch left at 4-ish, so i had no choice but to stay. i had to do all the typing too, so my shoulders are killing me right now. and my fingers are tired : (

i'll keep this short.

basically, because the company is so damn disorganized, there are times when half the office doesn't have anything to do, and then there are other times when everyone has a ton of work that they have to get done in a really short amount of time. it sucks both ways, you know? i want work to do, but i wish it were spread out more... posted at 7:16 PM |  

i have no idea what the guys upstairs are doing, but it sounds like construction work in their bathroom. posted at 12:10 AM |  

sometimes i want to complain about work, but i get back and just don't have the energy...or the desire to even think about it really...

you know what really sucks? that despite the fact that today was relatively good compared to other days, something still managed to upset me. why can't i just have one good day where nothing goes wrong and no one pisses me off and i leave the office feeling *respected* and feeling good about myself?!?! is that too much to ask for?!?! posted at 6:55 PM |  

i'm tired...my cousins came over last night...we went to a really nice dinner, then saw adaptation (cool movie, by the way), then they slept over at my place. and you know what i realized? they both left their left-overs in my fridge. assuming they don't come back for it, it's all going in my tummy over the next couple days...yum. free food, i'm excited.

anyway, i finally had stuff to do at work today. first time in a couple weeks i think. the day passes so much quicker when i actually have something to keep my mind occupied...

i did have a little communication problem with the bitch today (well, any communication i have with her tends to become a problem). no yelling or anything, but upon further reflection, i should have just kept my mouth shut instead of saying something. we just don't understand each other at all, and it's easier to keep the talking to a minimum, you know?

anyway. we have this thing at work that allows us to put our storyboards online for the advisory board members to look at. some of them leave comments, suggestions, what have you. the bitch is supposed to look at that stuff and take their opinions into account, making the necessary changes before the programmers start doing the programming. however, this rarely happens. i think she forgot all about it this time and never even really looked at what they wrote. so today, as i was editing all of her text, i opened up the comments to see if they wanted things worded in a certain way. and when i asked the bitch about some of their comments, she was like "oh shit...i can't make those changes now, they're gonna kill me..." ('they' meaning the programmers, because they're already done with the programming and hate, hate, hate making changes after they're done).

so basically, she's just ignoring all of those comments, and no one else will really know about it except for me...doesn't that suck? if i ever fucked something up, the whole office would probably know about it. but when she fucks up, only i know about it, and meanwhile the rest of the office thinks "oh, she's so great!"

fucking irritating. posted at 7:01 PM |  

i feel like i've been really quiet lately...not much to say, i guess...

i was happy to see norah jones win award after award last night...she's so humble and...i don't know, just so different from the other big female singers these days...she doesn't use her body or some fake image to sell records, just her voice. it's a nice change.

as for nelly...well, i just thought it was a bad idea to have all that fire on the stage in light of recent events...they supposedly toned it down, but not enough in my opinion. posted at 7:02 PM |  

my nose feels weird...kinda tingly. sort of how your funny bone feels when you bump your elbow into something. anyway, it's very annoying and i don't know what caused it... posted at 12:46 AM |  

this is kinda cool...it's stupid when you figure it out, but a nice little trick anyway. posted at 12:04 AM |  

i'm feeling so quiet today. would normally have a lot to say about the cal-ucla game, but...i don't know, just don't have it in me tonight. posted at 11:58 PM |  

ok, i take back the paula abdul comment - apparently she did say something, but it was edited out of the show. posted at 7:39 PM |  

ok, this american idol bullshit is really getting to me. someone on TV was just agreeing with what simon said yesterday - that you cannot be "fat" and be an american idol.

um, excuse me? first of all, i wouldn't call that girl "fat" - she may have been a bit larger than the other girls there, but in my opinion, she was not so overweight that it was a distraction from her voice. second, wasn't there a guy on last week who was, in fact, fat? why was simon so gaga over him? why didn't that guy get a "you need to lose a few pounds" comment? double standard...it's ok if you're a guy and you're fat, but it's not ok if you're a girl? what the fuck?!?!

aside from all that, how many young girls watch this show? how many of them dream about becoming a star? what kind of message does this send to them - that they have to be skinny if they want to succeed in show business? hello, eating disorders!

and didn't paula abdul have an eating disorder at some point? why didn't she speak up more?!?! she clearly got upset by his comment, but i feel like she could have said something.

i don't know why i'm getting all worked up over this...i understand simon's point that image is important and that looks go a long way in the entertainment field. but if you're on a fucking tv show that a lot of young girls watch, you have to be careful what you're getting into their heads. and what about that girl? she seemed to hold herself together well, but what if she hadn't been so strong? how would you feel if you went on national tv and someone told you that you were too fat? isn't that a bit psychologically damaging?? those people go on the show expecting criticism of their voice, their song choice, their performance, and their style. so in my opinion, that's what simon should limit his comments to. if the viewers don't like her for whatever reason, including her weight, they just won't vote for her. sooooo...why can't simon just keep his mouth shut and leave it up to the people who are calling in and voting? i think he crossed the line this time, i really do. posted at 7:29 PM |  

ok, i can't believe that simon just told that girl to lose a few pounds. that is so wrong... posted at 8:25 PM |  

what a miserable day...i went out to dinner after work, then pretty much stayed in bed and watched tv for the rest of the night...

joe millionaire: *yawn*...so that's it? that's the big twist? please...i had predicted that during the first episode. not much of a surprise, and certainly not as shocking as they built it up to be...

michael jackson. man, all he needs is a lot of therapy. serious psychiatric help. i don't think he's a bad person at heart, i just think he's really fucked in the head.

i can't believe i watched all this crap tonight...

anyway...why is it that other people always see adam duritz around berkeley, but somehow i've never seen him??? i don't understand... posted at 11:44 PM |  

will this day ever end???

i'm about to take off...this has probably been one of the most boring days of my life...i just hate sitting here like this, not having anything to do...depressing as fuck... posted at 5:41 PM |  

i hate blogging from work, but it's gonna be a loooooooooong day.

it's totally dead outside, and i have no work to do... posted at 12:55 PM |  

no alias tonight. i'm so bummed out... posted at 8:17 PM |  

i didn't get out of bed until 1 today...that felt so good...

anyway...i had this dream in which i ran into a bunch of high school friends. they were all so happy...had everything going for them, you know? i was so envious...

but, it was just a dream, so i can hope not everyone i knew back then is living a perfect life, while i'm all miserable and hating my job... posted at 2:30 PM |  

so i did im sean eventually....over an hour later...wished him happy valentine's, since he seemed too out of it to remember. proceeded to have a really boring conversation about his job search (i swear, living in dc has made him so boring...he hardly ever talked to me about politics before, now it's like the only thing on his mind). just when we started to joke around, he said he had to go to sleep...which is fine, i know it's late there. but i just wish that fun stuff had come an hour earlier, you know?...oh well, he was tired as hell and had a bad night waiting tables...i can understand that...

why is a guy singing "my funny valentine" on letterman right now? isn't that song supposed to be sung by a woman?...i guess it's the year 2003 so who cares? maybe he's gay, i don't know. just thought it was odd at first because i've never heard a man singing it... posted at 12:34 AM |  

i feel so silly right now...i see sean on IM, but i don't feel like saying anything. i'll respond if he writes me. and i'll probably be a little pissed if he doesn't. but yet, i'm just sitting here staring at his name in my contact list...i've been kinda annoyed with him over the past few days. hard to explain why. just me being moody, i guess...i don't know. sometimes he'll do something that pisses me off, and i'll think to myself, see - he's not all that great. i don't really want to be with a guy like that anyway.

of course, other times, it's the complete opposite and i miss him like crazy.

*sigh*

i might send him a message in a bit. or not. i haven't decided yet... posted at 10:50 PM |  

i didn't even wait for other people to leave work today - i was outta there at like 5:55 because i just couldn't take one more minute of it. i did absolutely nothing all day. do you know how draining it is to sit in front of a computer and pretend to be doing stuff all freakin day? well, try doing it all freakin week!!! it's driving me bonkers.

i shouldn't complain - i have a job, and i'm getting paid enough to live on. that's more than some people can say...but boy do i hate it there...

anyway...i kept checking email all day today because i assumed that sean would write at some point, but he didn't. and i know i shouldn't expect to get any valentine's day wishes from him because...well, there's no reason for him to, logically speaking. but at the same time, since he usually does wish me, i guess i am kinda disapointed that he didn't this year. is that wrong of me to feel that way? god, i hate being a girl sometimes. i wish i could just not give a shit about these things... posted at 6:30 PM |  

another thing i'm upset about - this morning, i realized that my favorite sweater had a whole in it. right up front. i have no idea where it came from, but it's fairly large. why did it have to be that sweater...it's pretty new (not new enough that i can still find it in stores, but new as in, it's the newest sweater i own), i love the color, it's really soft, and it fits me well...do you have any idea how picky i am about clothes??? it'll take me forever to find another sweater that i like...it was perfect, damnit!!! and now it has a big hole in it... posted at 11:16 PM |  

i don't have monday off : (

i'm so bummed out...was looking forward to a long weekend...*sigh*... posted at 9:59 PM |  

all this talk about war and terrorist attacks is depressing me...i don't want to know all this stuff, i don't want to watch the news anymore, i don't want to think about the possibilities...it all just gets me mad. i wish it would go away. posted at 11:17 PM |  

i was so incredibly bored at work today...i went in at 10:45 and left at 6, but it still felt like i was there for 10 hours...i just wish i had something to do. i wish i had my own cubicle - at least then, i'd be blogging and surfing the web more. feel weird doing that when the bitch is staring at my back all day. she'd probably "tell" on me. she's such a childish, immature little brat, i tell ya...we have this meeting next month, on a saturday, and we're supposed to start at 8:30 AM. the bitch was trying to get them to change the schedule so that my stuff would be up first, so she wouldn't have to be there until 9:30 or 10. she just kept complaining because she wanted to sleep in for an extra hour. it was so irritating. i could here her whining "make anita go first...i don't wanna get up that early..." god, it was so irritating. now, i'm not looking forward to this saturday morning business - i rarely get up before noon on saturdays - but i'd never whine about it or try to get out of it; if i'm needed there, i'll be there. it may be a pain in the ass, but it's my job and i take it seriously. unlike some other people. posted at 7:57 PM |  

i don't know why i'm still up...ever feel too lazy to go to bed? posted at 2:25 AM |  

so here's my plan. i'm not going in to work before 10:30 anymore. that way, i can leave as soon as the people who got in before me have all left - usually around 6. at most, i'd stay until 6:30-ish on the rare occasion that other people were still around, but that would just be the normal 8 hours that i would have worked had i gotten in at 10 anyway. by not getting in until 10:30, on average, i'd probably be sitting there for less hours.

i would have started doing this earlier on, but i felt guilty about it for some weird reason....not anymore though. posted at 6:50 PM |  

i seriously, seriously want out of this job...

you know what the bitch did today? she got an email from someone on the advisory board, who had some problems with the last homework set. so, she forwarded his email to me (since i'm in charge of writing the homework). fine. but you know what? she also cc'd it to like 5 other people: the manager, a flash programmer who has nothing to do with the homework, and 2 backend programmers. i seriously felt like she was trying to advertise to everyone that people were complaining about my work.

anyway. upon reading the email, i realized that the things he complained about were actually due to interface issues, not my work. and i totally agreed with what he said. the interface sucks, and that was why he came across these problems. i replied (to all) and said that i couldn't do anything to fix them. then one of the backend programmers wrote back to the guy and said he'd fix the problems.

no harm done, but i was just annoyed. if the bitch had read the email and figured out that they were backend issues, she should have sent it to that backend programmer, and perhaps cc'd me. but the way she did it - putting me in the 'To' field and half the office in the 'CC' field...that was kinda shady in my opinion. i did not take it well at all.

anyway, you know what i did? i emailed the guy on the advisory board and told him to email me directly if he found any more problems with the homework. i don't need her sticking her nose in the middle. posted at 7:17 PM |  

intended on going to bed by 1, but now it's almost 2 already...time flies when i'm working on my resume...i wanted to send it out to this one company, but then i realized that i hadn't updated it in a while. also, i want to add more stuff to it in general because apparently what i had earlier wasn't catching anyone's eyes. so...i was working on that. didn't quite finish yet, i'll try to send it out tomorrow though. assuming the cover letter doesn't take me too long. sometimes it does. i have so many versions of it, depending on what type of company i'm applying to. i also have way too many versions of my resume. i have no idea why....everytime i open up the folder, i'm totally confused about which one has what, which is most recent, etc. am i the only person that does this? most people i know only have 1 resume, so they find this is a bit odd...i don't know, sometimes i write something one way. then i'll write it another way and save it as a different version. sometimes i'll emphasize certain things depending on the ad, again saving it as a different version. they pile up, ya know? it's gotten to the point where i don't know which one sounds best for what...*sigh*...i think i need help. posted at 1:53 AM |  

i hate it when i start to read too much into things...don't even want to blog about the thing i'm over-analyzing to death, because that will probably just lead to more of it. i'm sorry if i'm not making any sense...it's not important...i just can't stand it when i get this way. posted at 10:41 PM |  

i'm so sleepy and lazy today. don't know why.

can't wait for alias tonight... posted at 7:16 PM |  

i don't feel the least bit sleepy...probably because i woke up at like 12:45 PM today...*sigh*...i love sleeping in, but it screws up my whole sleep-cycle sometimes. anyway...i didn't do much today. went to get my car fixed (dead battery), and as i was waiting, this older man and his son came in to wait for their car...the older man started talking to me a little, just out of the blue, and was *trying* to fix me up with his son (who was about my age). it was funny. the son didn't seem too interested though...but that would have been an interesting way to meet a guy, don't you think?...anyway, i was quite flattered by the dad's attempt. he wasn't even indian! i thought only indian parents would try to do stuff like that...

in other news, i bought some new shoes today. i think they're cute. i had intended on buying some shiny black ones that resemble bowling shoes, but then this other gray-ish pair of candies caught my eye. they're more 'me' anyway. i dunno. the black ones are cute, but i'm always hesitant to buy trendy stuff that will probably be out of style in a few months...especially since i really don't care what i dress like for work... posted at 2:32 AM |  

supergrass is on conan. where the hell have they been? feel like i haven't heard of them at all over the past few years...

they played on campus my freshman year - one of those free noon concerts on sproul. i really liked em back then, but i had a class : (

actually, i hope i'm not getting them confused with this other band i liked. there were two "super"-something bands, i think. wait, maybe i liked both of them though...i don't really remember...it's been more than a few years...it's been, like...gulp...7-8 years?? i feel so old sometimes... posted at 1:30 AM |  

why am i so lazy on fridays? i feel like i got nothing accomplished today...and now i feel this...this...restless laziness...it's so odd...maybe i'll just go to bed early or something. i don't know what else to do with myself. posted at 12:13 AM |  

i can't figure out what to eat for dinner...no appetite...just warming up some garlic bread because i'm starving and that's the only thing that seemed appealing right now....*sigh*...what else can i eat???? posted at 9:09 PM |  

i'm so cold...my thermostat reads 70, but i think it's lying. posted at 8:23 PM |  

i hate it getting a "i have really good news" message from someone, and then they don't say what the good news is!!! drives me nuts. i'm in suspense now...well, i sorta know what it must be. but damnit. just say it in the message!! posted at 10:32 PM |  

my god, i've been up so late all week. i have no idea how it gets so late...i'm definitely going to fall asleep at work tomorrow. not good. posted at 2:16 AM |  

was just IM-ing with sean...he seems really depressed, and i want to help him so much, but there really isn't much i can do. it's frustrating. posted at 10:58 PM |  

i have no idea why i was at work so late today...sure, i didn't get in until past 10:30 this morning, but i could have totally cut out early...the bitch came in at 11:30, took well over an hour for lunch, then left at like 5:30-ish...not that i'm complaining, i like it when she's not there. less headaches for me, because i don't have to hear her annoying voice and laugh when she's not there.

anyway...i guess i just wanted to prepare myself a little for a meeting with my boss tomorrow morning. i hope it goes alright...have to impress him somehow...well, i don't have to, i'd just like to. i feel some pressure now to make up for how much i disappointed him... posted at 7:14 PM |  

i don't know why i'm still up...i should go to bed...but i don't feel like it... posted at 2:09 AM |  

i should stop using certain 4-letter words in my blog. apparently my site showed up twice for a certain disgusting search request that had only 3 results, i have no idea why. posted at 1:23 AM |  

uuuuuggggghhhhhh....

met with my boss and the language experts this morning, and at first, we agreed to do it the way my boss wanted, with just some minor adjustments. but then...as i was working on it later, it occurred to me that the students might be confused by something. i went over to the grad student and asked her what she thought, and she agreed with me. and...well, it was a pretty big point...not something we can just overlook and hope that students would figure out. so...then, i had to somehow tell my boss that we were not going to do what he wanted after all. took me a few hours to prepare myself...and i waited until he appeared to be in a reasonably good mood. so then i told him about our concerns, and i tried to make it seem like i was really open to suggestions on how to fix the problem. but he was just like "so you want to take this out?"...i basically said "no, i'm just trying to think of a way to use your idea, but prevent them from misunderstanding xxx...do you know how we can do this?" and he was like "you want to take it out. just say it." uuuggghh. he's so irritating sometimes. i fell for this trap once before and he nearly bit my head off. i wasn't going to do that again...i tried to talk around it a little, but then he was like "alright, take it out. i'm easy..." then under his breath he said "...it'll be boring, but if that's what you want..." - freakin irriating as hell. i hate it when he gives me those side remarks...you really have to hear the tone of his voice to fully understand how rude it is. i personally want to say "ok, it's obvious that you're unhappy with this decision. tell me, how would you handle this problem instead?" - and i have tried to ask him that in a nicer way, but he never replies (probably because he doesn't know the answer). instead, he'll get all huffy and start raising his voice. what the hell am i supposed to do?

*sigh*

after months of working to get back on his good side, it looks like i'm back on his bad side now. sucks for me. posted at 7:21 PM |  

little tip for bay area people: never give the sf chronicle your credit card number. they are sneaky assholes.

(not to mention the fact that the paper itself is a joke) posted at 8:40 PM |  

i made up a new word at work today while i was talking to myself: shitily. as in, "i'm tired of being treated so shitily at work." hmm...would it be spelled shitily or shittily?...ah, it looks funny either way. probably because i made it up.

anyway. (ignore me, it's a monday)

i hate being stuck in the middle of stuff. my boss wants things done one way, but the language grad student wants things done a totally different way, and i have to please them both...so annoying...it's hard for me to make a decision because i see both of their points. there are plusses and minuses both ways. there's no clear advantage of one over the other. i'm trying to find some sort of compromise, but it's hard. we all need to sit together and do this, i can't keep going back and forth like this - it's driving me nuts...i hinted that to my boss this evening, and so he said we'd all meet tomorrow and talk about it. let's hope this gets settled, i'm so sick of this lesson now. want to move on to other things... posted at 7:41 PM |  

on a brighter note, my cousin was finally accepted to a med school! so...i don't have to edit any more of her essays (though i still may have to do a couple for my other cousin). anyway, she's very relieved. still waiting to hear from other schools, but it's definitely less stressful now that she knows she's gotten into one. (not to mention, it gives me a little more free time : ) posted at 12:07 AM |  

feels like it was such a short weekend...i guess i spent most of yesterday watching news coverage of the columbia...didn't really know what to say...the first thing that came to mind was the challenger. it's so sad anytime something like that happens...you just don't expect it at all...

one of the local news channels interviewed a friend of the indian astronaut. he said that he had once asked her if she was scared of dying when she went to space, and her reply was "it doesn't matter." they know the risks, they know what they're getting into, but they do it anyway because they absolutely love it. not to say that it's ok that they died, but if you imagine how incredibly happy they must have felt when they were out there...that feeling was the world to them. that was their dream, their passion. a lot of people die without ever experiencing that type of joy.

it's terrible that this accident happened, but hopefully it will lead to better safety for the future... posted at 11:56 PM |