cal won! quite easily, i might add. actually, the game was kinda boring...but, i could get used to blow-outs...they're not such a bad thing when you're on the winning end...

anyway, i'm all hot and sweaty now...just realized that i didn't do a good job of rotating my arms, so i have a very weird looking tan...
posted at 4:36 PM |  

got my tickets...woke up early-ish, so i went down there at 11 to pick them up. i'm just very confused about the weather right now. can't tell if it's going to clear up or stay foggy all day...i hope foggy...

go bears!!! posted at 11:33 AM |  

so i've had this big ordeal over my football tickets...i still don't physically possess them. slight problem because the first home game is less than 12 hours away. it's such a mess. i have to go to will call tomorrow before the game. i'm gonna try to get up early so i don't get stuck in some long line...

UPS actually tried to deliver them on thursday, while i was in the shower. except i didn't see the slip they left, so i didn't know about it. and even if i had known that they came, i wouldn't have guessed that they had my football tickets. i expected those in the regular mail. i mean, really, how big of a parcel can it be? anyway, so UPS attempted their second delivery friday morning, again while i was in the shower. uuuggghhh!! i tried to figure out if i could pick it up, but it seemed like there was no way it could happen today...and even if it were possible, i'd have to go to richmond to get it, and that just seemed like it would be hard to do considering i had an appointment in oakland this afternoon...

my second plan was to go to the ticket office and pick up a replacement from there. i called them on thursday actually, and they said i could come friday around 4. well, i didn't get back to berkeley until 4:45, and they were closed by then. so annoying...

but anyway, hopefully i won't have any problems picking up my replacement tickets tomorrow... posted at 1:51 AM |  

looks like yaccs will be down for a day or two, so don't wear yourself out (*cough* harish) by constantly checking to see if you can leave a comment : )

i spilled chinese food all over my kitchen floor tonight. nice, huh? but i suppose it was a good motivation for me to clean the kitchen floor, which i had been avoiding for a while now. but my hands were oh so soft from the wax treatment i got today at the clinic! who wants to scrub floors when your hands feel so pampered?

weird stuff going on with my roommate. when i came back from the doctor's today, the second lock to the apartment was locked - which was weird because i didn't think i locked it when i left, and my roommate has never locked it at all...but i came in and it looked like no one was home. all the lights were off. i went to my room and made a phone call...meanwhile i heard some noises, then saw my roommate and this guy come out of her room...they walked out the door...i only saw his back, but i think it might have been her husband, since she doesn't seem to date any indian guys and this guy looked indian from what i could tell (but that wasn't much). then she came back and went to sleep or something. then left this evening for what i presume is a date with some other guy.

anyway, in between all this, she came into my room at one point and apologized for not talking to me much this week. she said that it was because she has finals and projects due next week. hmmm...strange, i haven't seen her doing any work. she's been talking on the phone non-stop for like 3-4 days!! seriously, the most i've heard out of her all week is "hi anita" or "bye anita" - she's been yapping away on her phones the rest of the time. often past 2 am at night. which is strange because she's usually asleep by 10 or 11. she has 2 cell phones...when she's talking on one of them, the other will start ringing...and it's constant...it's so friggin annoying!!! but my point was, i don't see how she could have been "studying" or "working on projects" at all this week. she's too busy socializing, whether it be on the phone or out at a bar. whatever, i don't mean to judge her for it. i understand that she wants to take her mind off of her divorce. however...she's just being really immature about everything. i don't think getting drunk and making out with any guy who hits on her is going to solve any of her problems. posted at 9:55 PM |  

had my first physical therapy appointment today. it felt good...they want me to go 5-6 times though. and i don't want to pay for that. i have to see if my office is going to cover it or not...

anyway, those of you awaiting interview questions, i'll try to get to it this weekend... posted at 5:17 PM |  

i was watching the mtv awards. more accurately, i was waiting, waiting, and waiting for coldplay to come on. the rest was pretty much crap, i think. unless i missed something good when i flipped to other channels, but i doubt it. the opening act - i didn't think it was all that great. somehow i can't picture j. lo being a part of that. but anyway, i did think it was funny how madonna looked like she was going to crack up at first. she looked like she had to try really hard not to laugh for a second there. you know, i think madonna at 45-ish is a better dancer than those other two. i think they try too hard to be slutty. but, whatever. i was happy to see coldplay 2+ hours later. posted at 11:39 PM |  

only 11 and i'm already blogging. i just walked in 20 minutes ago and spent 15 of those reading email. i think i should have taken a day off today, i doubt any real work will get done. not that i have much real work to do... posted at 11:04 AM |  

i think my roommate is nuts. her sister too. i think both of them need some psychiatric help. how do girls get so...i don't know, dependent on having a man's attention? i'm not saying i haven't or that i wouldn't get that way, but...i doubt i'd ever be like them. they just don't seem very strong, mentally and emotionally. i don't know how to explain it. i just think they persue relationships for the wrong reasons...but, it's none of my business. i don't know what's really going on with them. i'm just saying, based purely on speculation, that my roommate seems to be one of those girls who always needs a guy. and i don't think that's a good basis for forming a relationship with someone. i just feel the urge to shake some sense into her sometimes!!!!! i think she needs to grow up a lot, i think she needs to be alone for a while, and i think she needs to stop relying on other guys to take her mind off of her soon-to-be-ex.

it's late, i better go to bed. posted at 1:46 AM |  

i don't feel like doing any work...how can i kill 3 hours?? i can't believe it's only wednesday - i woke up thinking it was thursday. god i'm so bored... posted at 3:10 PM |  

my interview questions from Imelda:

1. Living with roommates has got to be one of the hardest things to deal with. What's one thing you hate about living with another person?
living with roommates has its ups and downs...what i've had the most trouble with is all the little things that start to add up after a while. individual roommates' idiosyncrasies. after a few months, the stupidest little things can drive me nuts. particularly if i'm stressed out over other things. but in general, i think the worst things about living with other people are: 1) lack of privacy (especially when you have to share a bedroom), and 2) lack of control. when you live alone, you have control over the place - when you want it to be loud, when you want it to be quiet, when you want to have people over, what type of music you want to listen to, etc. but you really lose a lot of that control when you're living with other people.

2. You've been blogging almost as long as I have. What's one thing that you find annoying about blogging?
this hasn't happened recently, but i think the most annoying this is when i write up something and pour my heart and soul into it, click the publish button, and bam! it disappears. it's lost forever. have to re-write it, but it never comes out the same. that used to annoy the hell out of me. i'm really glad that blogger has fixed a lot of those problems it used to have...

3. If you were a hotdog and you were starving, would you eat yourself? Explain.
no, i would not eat myself. if i were in a bun, i'd eat the bun. if i had some condiments on me, i'd eat those. but there's no point in eating myself. i'll most likely be eaten by someone else anyway. might as well starve to death rather than going through the pain and torture of being eaten.

4. Berkeley's an interesting place to visit, much less live. What's one of the weirdest things you've seen or experienced living there?
this is a hard question for me...i've spent most of the past 10 years in berkeley (minus the ann arbor stint), so i don't even realize what's weird anymore. telegraph, naked people, protests, hippie-professors, craziness at football games, some really bizarre TAs, dwinelle's confusing hallways...no big deal. i think my favorite "weird" berkeley person was the pink phantom (i think that's what he was called, don't remember too well). he would ride around on a unicycle wearing a bright pink unitard with matching cape. it made me giggle. there are others that are probably weirder (rick starr anyone?), but i've gotten used to them. the pink phantom sticks out in my mind because i only saw him 2 or 3 times...

5. What's one thing you have never posted on your blog?
hmm...is this a trick question? because if i haven't posted it so far, i'm not going to post it now...there are certain things that are just too hard for me to write about - i don't know if embarrassment is the right word. but there are some things that i just never felt comfortable expressing to other people, even to complete strangers. issues i have with myself that are just very private and that i feel the need to keep hidden, whether it be out of embarrassment or fear or disgust or whatever...things that really make me miserable to think about that i just don't have the courage to share.

------

Here are the rules:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying, "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. posted at 7:10 PM |  

so, the bad thing about football season starting is that i end up spending way too much time on the computer reading articles and message boards. i don't know what to say, i just get obsessed.

i ended up getting 2 seats, most likely a complete waste of money. i just got so paranoid about reserved seating...i've always gotten student tickets before. was planning on sitting in the student section now, i don't think it'll be too hard to get in. but i was worried that they might get more strict this year. i'm even hesitant to sell the extra ticket for this first game because what if i can't sit with the other people i'm planning on sitting with?? maybe i'll just hold on to this first extra ticket and see how it goes...or if any of my readers in the bay area would like to come to any of the games, let me know. you don't have to like or understand football. it can be very theraputic to yell for 3 hours straight. trust me : ) posted at 1:08 AM |  

forgot to mention that, yet again, i was stopped on the street by a complete stranger telling me to smile. i suppose i was due for one of those, it's been a while since the last time. i should seriously keep a count. posted at 11:16 PM |  

today hasn't been a very good day...

almost got run over by a car on my way to work this morning...i actually had to run to get out of its way. shook me up a bit...i don't know, it's just a scary feeling when you suddenly see a car coming straight at you and it starts speeding up instead of slowing down....the asshole didn't even apologize or anything. then some other guy who saw the whole thing started yelling at him. i walked away, half-way ready to burst into tears. but i stopped it. realized i was ok and there was nothing to cry about.

work was boring as usual. gotta get some headphones. i could barely get anything done, brain wasn't working. and i don't know what possessed me to go get a burrito for lunch. it was so hot out and i wanted something light, but for whatever reason, i ended up with a burrito. and ate the whole thing. i was hungry, so it's not like i stuffed myself for no reason, but an hour later i felt like throwing up. i was really uncomfortable. thought about leaving work around 4, but it was so hot out that i didn't want to walk home in that sun.

in general, i'm just feeling kinda blah today. don't know if it's the heat or what. having a really bad hair day too. oh and i went to walgreens because i needed some dental floss - i was in line there for like 20 minutes at least! i guess school started today. it was ridiculously crowded.

oh yeah, and now not only am i going to be kept up late at night by the guys walking around, but it appears that one of them has an 8 am class. so i was woken up at like 7:30 this morning. nuts. let me sleep people!!! that's all i ask!!! next apartment, i want to be on the top floor again. posted at 8:34 PM |  

it's so hot...i feel like i've been sweating all day...and i didn't even go anywhere or do anything. the heat makes me lethargic. posted at 10:06 PM |  

cal lost...

but, i'm happy anyway. i'm not jumping for joy or anything, but...just excited about football starting, i guess. i don't care that much that we lost against a really, really good (and fast) k-state team...i was just slightly disappointed that they didn't really seem to be trying to win sometimes...i don't know...we were at the 1 yard line and didn't score, and it was kind of downhill from there. then they switched the qb, even though i felt we had a better shot at catching up with the starter. our tailback got hurt early, which sucked...i hope he's ok...defense didn't play too well. lots of missed tackles. but, they're young. things will get better, and hopefully we won't play too many option teams this season.

anyway, i still had fun watching the game and i look forward to next week! go bears!! posted at 8:37 PM |  

i'm still up. i have no idea why. i haven't stayed up this late (intentionally) in a while. i remember when i was in michigan, i would stay up until 3 am just about every night. ah, those were the days....i think i was nuts. a nutty grad student who took procrastination to new levels...anyway, i like being up late. it's quiet and peaceful (well, if i ignore the guys upstairs walking around). but, i'll go to bed now. my roommate probably thinks i'm nuts when i sleep in until noon on saturdays. i get tired man. posted at 2:47 AM |  

college football is starting! kick-off is in, oh, 16 and a half hours i think. i'm so excited...well, mostly because cal's playing in the first game! that's so cool...well, to me anyway. probably not to any of my readers. but bear with me through the season. it's really one of the few things that excites me these days. and the game is on national television (!) so watch along if you like. actually, i don't think i'll be blogging while watching because i'll probably go watch at my mom's place since she has a better tv. but if you happen to see it, root for my bears, because as much as i like to think that they've improved a lot, i doubt they'll have much of a chance against k-state. posted at 12:17 AM |  

sometimes i feel like i have a lot on my mind that i want to get out...but then i come here and i can't find any words.

mostly, i think i'm just feeling overwhelmed right now. i feel like there are a lot of things i need to do, but i just haven't been doing them. i am either too tired or too brain-dead or too lazy or too pre-occupied...or sometimes i don't have a reason at all....i don't know, i've been trying to slowly get around to doing everything, one thing at a time, but more stuff just keeps piling up. it's frustrating. i feel like i'm not getting anywhere, and like it's my fault that i'm not getting anywhere, because i'm not putting the effort into it right now. i haven't been for several months. and it's just so hard to start up again... posted at 12:48 AM |  

i'm bored, don't have much work to do today...wonder if i can find some long headphones anywhere around here...my current ones don't reach all the way to my computer, and i don't have any speakers, so i'm stuck listening to whatever classical/opera stuff hr lady hs on...last time i borrowed someone's speaker extension because he was out on vacation for a week. and technically, i needed it to do some qa. i don't have an excuse for borrowing them today, other than be being bored and wanting to listen to music while i pretend to work. i really should go buy some headphones of my own, i just keep forgetting and/or getting lazy...
posted at 1:23 PM |  

arrrgh. must have been my roommate. she uses my computer to check email. and she's not very technologically competent. i can totally see her opening up an attachment without stopping to think that it might be a worm.

it's just embarrassing that it was sent from my email account to a school of ed mailing list at michigan... posted at 12:53 AM |  

think i may have gotten a virus on my computer or something...it's very confusing...i didn't open any attachments or anything...and i'm getting them at various email addresses, not just one. and actually it's being sent out from my hotmail account, which is weird because i only use that account for junk. how does it know, how is it able to do these things??? how do i get rid of it?? i have an anti-virus thing, and it updates automatically...i better do it right now though, just in case. this is ridiculous... posted at 10:29 PM |  

i'm so tired...and my neck hurts. i just love how this pain is moving through my body to a different location with every change i make...

anyway. the guys from upstairs all came down tonight to complain about me complaining about them. they are such weirdos. i got their phone number though. so now, instead of banging on the ceiling with my broomstick, i'll have to turn on the light, find their number, pick up the phone, and call them...*sigh*...i don't know what the problem was with the banging. it was quick and easy for me. i would just reach over for my broom while still lying down in bed. anyway, they claim to not know that they were too loud and that it was bothering me. whatever...did they just think it was a coincidence that i banged on the ceiling when they were playing loud music and then stopped as soon as they turned it off? i know for a fact that they know what time i usually go to bed, yet they claimed to be totally unaware. such bullshit, i swear. i don't mean to lump them all together...there are 3 of them living up there, and i don't know which one(s) are in the room above mine. it has always seemed to me that there was just one loud guy up there, and the rest were relatively quiet. i just didn't know which one was the loud one. oh, and there is an indian guy living up there after all...never even seen him before. that explains all the indian music. the other two, i think i have seen around, but i didn't know for sure which apartment they lived in. anyway...basically, they were acting as if i had done something wrong because i never told them personally. well, i can't help it if they don't hear me knocking on their door!!! uuggghhh!!

granted, maybe i was just being passive-agressive, i don't know. but if i would have told them personally, i would have been a bitch about it, and i didn't want to be one. i don't like being mean to people. really. it was just easier to call the landlord and have him handle it.

but anyway. hopefully they will be quieter now. they don't exactly seem capable of being as considerate as i would like, but we will see...

i didn't mention my roommate's complaint about hearing one of them have loud sex, i'll leave that to her : ) posted at 11:57 PM |  

my roommate and her sister and the other two guys came back at like 3 am last night, and probably woke up all the neighbors. i don't even know what the hell was going on. i head all this yelling and thumping and felt all this shaking...went out to the living room around 3:15 to tell them to keep the noise level down. ok that worked for like 3 minutes. then they went back to being all noisy. i don't know if they were just wasted or if there was some drama going on with the sister and this one guy, but it was out of control and rude...i was up until about 4:30. i thought about going out there again, but they're fully grown adults, they don't need me telling them that it's 4 am and they shoud be quiet...anyway, it wasn't entirely their fault that i couldn't fall asleep. i had some red wine with dinner and then took an iron pill before going to bed - apparently my tummy didn't appreciate that combination. after i went to the living room and came back to bed, i felt like i was going to puke. not good. i'm actually surprised that i managed to fall asleep at all. i thought i was going to be up all night.

anyway, i think i am going to crash tonight. posted at 6:57 PM |  

i don't know why, but whenever sean hasn't been online all night, i start to wonder...especially now that i know about this thing that was going on with his ex...i wonder if he's still having sex with her. or maybe now he's having sex with this other female friend of his that i don't like. he mentioned something about her that same night he told me about his ex. i don't know what is going on with them. i met her once and did not like her at all. i hate sounding like a jealous ex-girlfriend. i have no right to sound that way, since...well, i'm not. uuuuuugggghhh. i just want to move on already. i value his friendship, but i just want to be able to not wonder about who he's sleeping with, and right now, i'm having trouble doing that. don't know why it occupies so much of my brain. i need to get a life. posted at 1:47 AM |  

my roommate is kinda weird sometimes...her sisters and some friends were coming over tonight, so she asked if i wanted to go out with them. i told her i was going out for dinner, and i'd go out with them after i came back (they weren't getting in until 10:30 or 11 anyway). i got back a little after 11, and they were sitting around. i asked if they were going out and she said that they hadn't decided yet...both of her sisters looked like they were ready to go to bed at that point. anyway, i was wearing some uncomfortable clothes, but since they weren't sure if they were going out or not, i just changed into some sweats really quickly. figured i'd change into something else if they decided to go out. anyway, i came out and i told my roommate to let me know if they decide to go out or not. then she said one sister was staying in and the rest of them were leaving, and before i knew it, they were half-way out the door. i didn't feel like they were inviting me to join them at that point, and besides i wasn't dressed. i just stood there kinda confused.

i'm sorry if i'm not explaining well, i'm not feeling all that coherent right now. it all just happened so fast, and i didn't even have a chance to say anything...anyway, my point was, sometimes my roommate keeps telling me to go out with her and we'll make plans or whatever, and then she'll just forget about them completely or not tell me when she's going, things like that. and then, i bet you tomorrow she'll say "you should have come with us!!" - she's done that so many times. it's like, well i would have gone with you if i had been told about it before you left! (tonight is probably not a great example of what i mean, but it was still a bit annoying) posted at 1:15 AM |  

i always seem to put things off until the weekend, but then over the weekend, i end up not doing any of it. it's so frustrating. i don't know what to do with myself. maybe i need to become more disciplined or something....that sounds harsh, but i just need some way to force myself to get stuff done... posted at 1:22 AM |  

blogger changed again. weird.

not much to say...i went to the asian art museum today...been meaning to go for a while, but never got around to it. anyway, it was alright. i liked some of the indian stuff, but overall, i am more into paintings than, like old pottery and knives and that kind of stuff.

anyway...don't know what's up with sean. he acts like everything's fine - i think he just doesn't want to talk about things...

i should go to bed, didn't sleep too well last night. woke up at like 7:30 this morning and couldn't fall asleep for the longest time... posted at 1:17 AM |  

i'm feeling really tired and depressed tonight. i don't know what it is.

my roommate went to bed really early too. which is strange considering it's a friday night and she's usually out partying until the wee hours of the morning. but i think she's been really scared and depressed about the divorce and everything...

noticed that sean hasn't been online since yesterday...i kinda wonder where he's been tonight...wonder if he went to see his ex or something. again, none of my business, but i just feel this intense curiousity...it's driving me nuts... posted at 11:07 PM |  

just found out that one of my cousins is engaged...i was kinda hoping it wouldn't happen so soon, because well, i'm next in line! i think he's getting married in march, and then after that, i will be the oldest un-married cousin in the family.

well, i seriously doubt that i will be the next to actually get married, seeing as how i'm not dating anyone and don't really anticipate meeting anyone in the near future. (since i don't go out clubbing with my roommate to pick up her left-overs...)

anyway, i've had too much crap on my mind lately to even *think* about how i should go about meeting guys, or people in general. i know that i won't make the effort now, just because i have too many other things to deal with and i'm feeling kinda unstable and...well, just tired.

gotta figure out what to eat for dinner now...i forgot my leftover pad thai in the office for the second day. hate it when i do that. posted at 7:58 PM |  

i'm really tired today.

i have some freak neighbors who are using power tools in their backyard right now. (their backyard is right outside my bedroom window)

but power tools at 10 pm is better than 3 little kids playing at 8 am. at least they don't do that anymore...

anyway...i'm still thinking about sean. didn't catch him online tonight. i guess part of me is just really curious about his feelings for his ex...want to know what exactly is bothering him...i guess it's none of my business, but i am curious. i want to know how he went from hating her so much to...to...well, whatever was going on with them. i don't even know what it was. and i don't know why i feel this need to know...that is what really bugs me. it's his life, he can do whatever he wants, why do i have to know everything? what difference would it make to me?

*sigh*...guess i'm just being a girl. posted at 10:31 PM |  

i don't want to be here...hands hurt, shoulders hurt...

had a totally inappropriate conversation with milly at lunch...especially considering there were some kids sitting behind us...oh well.

i should go back to pretending to work now... posted at 3:00 PM |  

so...i don't know if sean will mind me blogging about this, but i feel the need to get it off my chest...

when we were chatting tonight, he told me that his ex was pregnant and getting married. i don't know her personally, so that didn't mean much to me. but it was clearly bothering him, so i asked him about it. i mean, i thought they broke up 2 years ago, so i wasn't sure why he was still feeling what he was feeling...then he told me that they have been having sex for the past year. he said the baby isn't his though....(i think it would have totally freaked me out if it was). anyway, i guess i was just really surprised to hear that he was having sex with her this whole time...i don't know if he wanted to get back together with her, or if it was just a comfort thing or what....but i just felt weird finding that out like this. i know that he likes to keep his personal life private, and i understand that. i knew that he was probably having sex with someone, and i knew that he was probably still friends with his ex, despite the fact that he has said some really horrible things about her in the past. but for some reason, finding out that they've been having sex for A YEAR...it threw me. i don't know. i was not happy to hear that.

in general, i hate feeling like i don't know a lot about what is going on in his life. i hate feeling that he's probably kept a lot of things from me and lied to me - i think about times when he may have said something simple like "i was out with a friend last night" and really maybe he was sleeping with her...but who knows, maybe i don't want to hear about his sex life anyway. it disgusts me to be honest - the idea of having sex with someone who is also having sex with other people. i know i'm conservative about sex, and maybe this kind of thing is considered normal for a lot of people, but it bothers me a lot. and why the hell wasn't she on the pill? i don't know...i have issues with girls who get pregnant before they intend to. happened to a few friends, all three are happy and married to the guys now though.

anyway, i'm getting off track. if it were me - if i had broken up with a boyfriend and then started having sex with him again a year later - first of all, it would be a big deal to me. i wouldn't jump back into the sack with an ex like it was just a normal thing to do. second, i'm pretty sure sean would know about it from the beginning. i don't like keeping stuff from him, even if it is something personal like that. so...i am disappointed that he doesn't feel the same way, that he is not as open and honest with me as i am with him. it hurts...the worst was when he didn't even tell me that he was living with her until after they had broken up. i was really, really hurt that time. but anyway...i wonder how he's feeling about all this. tried to get him to talk about it, but he couldn't explain...i really have no idea how strongly he feels about her now, whether he's hurt that she's getting married, etc...i have so many questions running through my mind...wish he would open up to me more...but it's alright if he doesn't. i get the impression that he has a lot of stuff to work through...in a way, maybe it was good that this happened. i hope he will start to get himself together now and move on... posted at 12:57 AM |  

got an im from sean while i was typing that last post, that's why i left so abruptly. and now my mind is on other things...i feel weird. will probably blog later. i gotta eat dinner. posted at 8:56 PM |  

it really bothers me when my roommate makes me feel like i don't look good enough. i know she means well, but i just don't like it. it makes me feel bad about myself.

she's really sweet and nice, but she's just so high-maintenance. a bit materialistic too, maybe. compared to me anyway. and i don't want to be like her - i don't want to attract every single guy i meet. she's not even divorced yet and already has like 10 guys after her. she's kind of dating 2 of them, at least. (some of the others seem to think she's dating them even though in her mind they're just friends) anyway, that's just not my thing...and i don't like it when she implies that i should be more like her - that i should dress up and wear make-up and spend $70 on haircuts every month and buy designer clothes/shoes and go to expensive clubs every weekend...that that's the way i will "meet guys."

sorry, but if that's the only way to meet guys, then i don't want to meet any. that's just not me...

i hate feeling like i'm a project of hers...like she wants to make me over and set me up with some guys. i honestly don't even think i would like any guy that she picks out - we have totally different views on what makes a guy attractive anyway...

be back later.

posted at 8:35 PM |  

slow time at work...i don't really have anything to do...so bored...bored and uncomfortable...i don't want to be here. posted at 1:02 PM |  

just got back from my uncle's place a little while ago...i'm pretty tired, should get to bed soon...anyway, i didn't have to play ping-pong tonight. one cousin is still here so he played a lot. still, people tried to pull me up to play a few times but i was really not feeling up to it tonight after working all day, shoulders sore, etc. anyway, i tied rakhi on this cousin, but i feel a little guilty that i don't send any to my other cousin brothers out there in the world...i feel like there are a million of them - ok, maybe just 10-12, i haven't really counted in a while. but the only one i am close to is the one here, so he's the only one who gets one from me. but my other female cousins send them to everyone - in india, in australia, in various states here...i'm such a bad sister. i don't even have their email addresses. posted at 1:07 AM |  

ok, i wrote up a rough version of the other cover letter tonight. needs some fixing up, but it is better than nothing. and i didn't want to feel like i did nothing tonight. slowly but surely, they will get sent out. have a family thing to go to tomorrow night, so it will probably have to wait until wednesday. but it will get done. i am determined...tired and sore, but determined... posted at 1:23 AM |  

i'm feeling lazy...i know i need to send out my resume, but i haven't finished up those cover letters yet...it's already midnight???

oh well...only one person in the office said anything about my haircut...she said she liked it. so i feel a bit better now. it isn't too bad i guess...it's just not what i hoped for...

when the bitch got her hair cut recently, everyone was like "oh, i love your haircut. it looks so good! where did you get it done? that is such a great haircut..." blah blah blah. it went on for a while. but there was none of that for me. not that i expected it or anything. it just illustrates the difference between how she and i are treated.

to be honest, one of the reasons i didn't like my haircut was because i was worried it resembled hers a bit. i don't want to look anything like her.

but hers is more of a bob now while mine has layers upon layers...

why am i talking about hair so much? probably trying to get my mind off of other things...like what i should say to my boss if he comes in tomorrow. i thought about emailing him tonight, but my dad told me not to. he's probably right, i don't know what kind of crazy thing i would have written. and besides, i don't know what was behind the hr lady's statement in the first place...where it was coming from...whether or not she knows something i don't about my future at the company, or lack thereof.

anyway, i guess i just think it is fucked up of her to tell me that i should quit. where does she get off? she's not a doctor. and it's not like i'm disabled or not getting my work done...i just think there is something sketchy about the whole thing. i don't trust her at all... posted at 12:24 AM |  

i feel stuck.

here's the situation...i feel like the hr lady is trying to get me to quit. when i came in this morning, she asked me how i was doing...i said i was ok now, but i had a lot of aches and pains over the weekend, even when i didn't use a computer at all. then she said "well, we've done all we can do here, so maybe you shouldn't be doing this at all." (as in working with computers) i told her that i didn't believe that to be the case, that i probably just needed some physical therapy, needed to learn some exercises that would help relieve my pain, and that i would probably be back to normal after i did all that. she once again told me the exact same thing she said before - that i shouldn't be doing this, and that i should talk to my boss when he comes back from his vacation.

this is all so fucked up...my dad thought this might happen. he actually told me last week that when i went in today, i should tell them i'm perfectly fine and not having any pain anymore, so they could fire me. right now, assuming that i do have pain, they can't fire me because that's illegal. if i quit, then i'll have to pay for any medical expenses...uuuggghh!!!!

how did i get into this mess???

i am going to call a physical therapist tomorrow, ask the office if they are going to pay for it or not. blue shield won't, and even if my office actually gets worker's comp now, their insurance won't pay for it either because the injury occurred before they had it!

i'm pretty much screwed...i don't know what to do. at all. thinking about emailing my boss directly, but i don't really know what to say. posted at 7:20 PM |  

so, in addition to all my other pains, now my neck's hurting too. i didn't even touch a computer all day saturday! maybe it's from lying down with my head in an awkward position while watching tv late at night...that's the only thing i can think of. i really don't want to go back to work tomorrow...i am going to be hurting...

anyway, i just spent an hour or so trying to write a couple cover letters. one is almost done...i think i'll proofread it tomorrow then send it out. the other...well, it has to be totally different because it's for a totally different type of company, and i don't have the energy to write a brand new letter right now. i thought i had applied to another similar company last year, so i was trying to look for the letter i sent them, but i can't find it.

i better go to bed, it's late...stupid upstairs neighbors are playing some annoying thumping indian music...gotta call and complain soon. that was another thing on my list of things to do when i had time, but it kept getting put off for one reason or another... posted at 1:21 AM |  

nothing much to say...still not happy with my haircut...strange how something so minor as a haircut has the power to either cheer me up a lot or make me really depressed. posted at 9:40 PM |  

got a haircut this afternoon...went to someone that my roommate recommended, but i'm thinking that was a mistake. first of all, she was way too expensive for me. maybe i'm just cheap, i don't know...my normal salon charges $20 for wash, cut, and style/blow dry. this place i went to today charged $30 for just the wash and cut, wanted an extra $10 for the blow dry! i said no thanks and left with my hair all wet and unruly. oh, and she was trying to convince me to get my eyebrows done there too - for another $10! yikes. i never pay more than $5 for eyebrows... they don't always do a great job, but who's to say that someone who charges more would do a better job? i don't know. anyway, she chopped my hair off, much shorter than she said she would. may not be her fault - my hair shrinks quite a bit when it dries and curls up. but aside from that, i'm not too sure about the cut...my hair is just so...thick and poofy...i have a feeling this is going to be a pain to style. it's sticking out everywhere right now, which i hate. i don't know. i don't think it's very flattering on me...i'll probably have to start blow-drying it again rather than letting in air dry like it did today...

i should have just tried to go to my usual place...it's difficult to get an appointment there, and i wanted a change, but it is so much better when you go to someone you trust, who knows the weird things that your hair does...who uses the proper products on you...*sigh*....i'm not happy right now... posted at 5:47 PM |  

now that all my cousins are leaving, i have this feeling i'm gonna end up having to play a lot more ping-pong during family gatherings...not because i want to, but by default. i am the worst in the family, probably because i hate playing with them. they are so ridiculously competitive...i like playing for fun, not when there's so much stress and when people get pissed if i mess up a serve or something...

oh. and they don't really accept tendonitis as an excuse...tried that a couple times, didn't work. posted at 11:52 PM |  

i'm so regretting ever mentioning to my doctor that i use a computer at work all day...if i wouldn't have gotten into the whole worker's comp thing in the first place, then i wouldn't be in this mess...i could have just gone to any physical therapist and had blue shield cover it...uuugghh!!!...i know it's not my fault, i didn't know what the situation was...but it's just very frustrating that i can't go to one right now. i spoke to someone at my doctor's office today and she said that blue shield would deny the claim and not pay for it because all my charts say that it is a work-related injury...it's so frustrating... posted at 5:11 PM |  

ok, so why are 2 democrats running now too? how does that make any sense? and there might be more who join in? why? if they really cared about keeping a democrat as governor, then there should just be *one* of them running. the repubs will split over arnold, issa, simon, huffington, and whoever else who runs. so if there was just one single option for democrats, then he/she would have a better chance of winning, right? it seems so simple...i don't understand what they are thinking... posted at 11:48 AM |  

california politics...such a joke, i can't believe it...how did all this start?...i'm at a loss...arnold schwarzenegger? gary coleman? some girl i went to high school with? huh??? posted at 10:43 PM |  

i was supposed to go out with my roommate tonight, but she hasn't come home yet...not quite sure what's going on. i wish she would have called at least... posted at 9:18 PM |  

so my company posted an ad for a designer today. i haven't been told anything about it...is this new person going to replace me? am i supposed to be working with this new person? which project is this new person going to be working on? i have no fucking clue...isn't that messed up? i feel like i am non-existant. i'm left out of the loop on just about everything... posted at 5:31 PM |  

guess what? i got sent home from work!

the hr lady came over to me and asked how i was doing...i told her that the pain i had in my upper arm had reduced a lot, but that now i was getting pain in other places...not as bad pain as i had before, but just some occasional soreness in my lower arm going down to my pinky finger, and i also told her that the new chair was giving me back pain. anyway, so she told me that this wasn't good and that i should stay at home for the rest of the week. go back monday and re-evaluate...figure out if this is all "left-over" pain from before or if it is new pain caused by my new seating/mouse. (as if she is qualified to determine that...)

anyway, i finished up some work that i had to do just in case they decided to burn a cd this week, and then i took off. yay! i get a mini-vacation!

of course, i should probably avoid using my computer at home now because if i show up on monday with some pain, they'll say it wasn't because of work but because of me using my computer at home...

other than that...my doctor called regarding the anemia and said that i should double the amount of iron that i am taking now and go get tested again in 3 months...*sigh*...i was hoping i could stop taking the pills now, but instead i have to take 2 a day! for another 3 months!! sucks, man... posted at 1:51 PM |  

blogging from work...been a relaxing day...hardly anyone's here...i had some stuff to do, but it's easy work. been listening to music while doing it. and emailing a lot. the day passes much faster this way : ) posted at 5:45 PM |  

i feel like i go through phases in my blog...like, the stuff i write about during a certain period of time will all be about the same thing. right now, i feel like this is turning into an ergonomics blog...

i got my new mouse thing at work. got a new keyboard too, but i don't think i'll be using it. the mouse part is in a tray that holds a keyboard, but for now i've just put my normal keyboard in there and it seems to be working fine...its basically this little bar that you can roll up and down and also slide left and right to move the cursor. it's not bad at all (except when you're typing and your wrist accidentally presses on it). and i didn't have anywhere near as much pain in my arm and hands as i had been having...however, this guy at work also made me change to a different chair - he was examining me to make sure i was all ergonomically correct, and he thought that the chair i was using was too big for me or something. i'm not quite sure. anyway, he told me to use this other chair, and took the old one away even after i said that the old one was a lot more comfortable. he said that it was better for me to sit perfectly straight, which this uncomfortable chair makes me do by pushing against my back. i felt so nauseous sitting in that chair, i don't know how to explain it. i feel nauseous really easily these days, and that chair was definitely aggravating something in me that made me feel like throwing up. i told him how i felt, but he thought that i was exaggerating and that i would get used to it with time. well, my lower back started killing me at one point, and i couldn't even really adjust my position at all in that chair - no putting my legs up, no crossing my legs, etc. just sitting straight up with my legs straight in front of me, feet on the floor. (well actually my heels couldn't quite reach the floor, but you get the idea.) it was so ridiculously uncomfortable. i really don't see how that can possibly be good for my back. it's still hurting right now : (

i need to try to get my old chair back tomorrow... posted at 12:23 AM |  

so i bought a remote control mouse, just for my own personal use. it's alright. still getting used to it. it's sort of annoying trying to get the cursor to an exact location, and the buttons could have been designed better, and its hard to click and drag with it, but other than that it is ok for just general use...surfing the web or whatever...

anyway, a potential roommate came by yesterday, and i thought she was pretty nice and that i would like living with her, but she emailed me today and told me the place looked too damp and dreary for her to study in. (i think that's one reason why my current roommate wants to move out too.) i don't know what the hell i can do about that though. we just don't get a lot of sunlight in here because it's on the first floor, and there are big trees outside most of the windows. i don't think getting new furniture and curtains will help - for some reason my dad keeps telling me to do all that, but i just don't see the point...besides, as soon as i find another job and/or figure out what the hell i am doing with myself, i want to move. maybe that's a bad excuse, and maybe i'll be here a lot longer than i want to, but i have no desire to take on the big project of making my damp and dreary apartment look nice. posted at 10:49 PM |  

i am sore as hell tonight. my roommate was trying to get me to go clubbing with her, but instead i am sitting here with an icepack. maybe i should have gone...i'm just so frustrated with my body being so screwed up!!!

anyway, she's a bit too wild for me i think...i didn't feel like i would have a good time. i mean, i'm just not as flirty as she is...i don't really like it when strange guys touch me. if i meet someone at a bar, i'm ok. i can talk, be friendly. but if i go clubbing, i'd rather just dance with friends than with strangers. not looking to hook up with anyone i meet there. been there, done that, not interested in doing it again. and besides, it would only happen if there was enough alcohol in me, but i'm not supposed to be drinking now, so...it just wouldn't happen period.

alright, i better not stay on the computer too long and screw up my arm more... posted at 9:09 PM |