you know what the most frustrating thing is? not being able to do stuff that normally wouldn't put any strain on me at all...i was just trying to organize/rearrange my closet, but within a few minutes of reaching up to put hangers on and off, my arm started killing me. it's annoying. and honestly, it even hurts just to sit and read because i can't hold my neck in any position (other than straight-ahead).

i'm tired of all this... posted at 7:31 PM |  

had a really boring day at work today...didn't really do much of anything...i had physical therapy this morning so i showed up at 12, basically did nothing except surf the web, check email, and listen to music all day. then left before 6. i just don't give a shit. it wasn't my fault anyway - some of our servers were down and the backend guy wasn't in to fix it. so i couldn't really do much even if i wanted to. why i had to sit there all day, i don't know...

today was supposed to be my last day of physical therapy, but seeing as how i'm still in pain most of the time, i'm going to continue it for a while longer...i don't know if it'll do me any good really. they don't seem to know what's causing all my shoulder pain. but, the massages are nice, and my neck feels a lot better...so, assuming that either my company or the state of california will pay for it, i'll keep going until i feel ok (or until i realize that it's not helping at all). posted at 6:44 PM |  

i feel like i'm living alone. except not.

my new roommate, thus far, seems like the type who is going to stay in her room with the door closed and study all the time. i barely even got the chance to speak to her at all. and when i did, i almost felt like i was disturbing her.

i knew we were probably not going to have a lot of long conversations, but i didn't think she was going to be this quiet...her english is a little worse than i thought it was, and i know she's a phd student and probably has a lot of studying to do...but...this is not at all the type of living situation i want. i mean, if i'm going to have a roommate, i want to be able to talk to her and hang out a little...or even just exchange pleasantries and watch a little tv together ...

granted, there's less drama now and that's a good thing...but...it's like i'm living alone without any of the actual benefits of living alone - it just sucks. posted at 11:43 PM |  

i cleaned. and now, i'm tired.

i taped alias so i think i'm gonna go watch it now...i was super excited about it starting, but then the whole messy bathroom thing put me in a sour mood...hopefully watching the alias episode before bed will cheer me up... posted at 11:38 PM |  

i just walked into my apartment and i'm soooooo pissed. i just fucking can't believe my now ex-roommate...i left a note asking her to please clean her bathroom before she moved out. well, she didn't. all she did was take her stuff out of it. the toilet and shower are gross. and i guess i have to clean it? that just pisses me off so much...i can't explain it. i just hate having to clean up other people's messes in general...

oh, and she took all of her spoiled food out of the refrigerator (except for some beans that had fungus growing on them), and put them in the trash, filled up the trash can, yet didn't bother taking it out!!!!!!!! what the fuck.

uuggghhh!!!!!!!!!!!

and finally, she left the god damn refrigerator door open!!! so all this ice accumulated in it and melted and made the whole refrigerator (and my stuff that was in there) all wet!!!!!!! and yes, i have to clean it all up!!

i seriously just screamed out of frustration when i came in, for real. i want to strangle her.

this is why i can't live with people. posted at 7:10 PM |  

well...i was left speechless after the cal-usc game. not in the sense that i lost my voice (i didn't physically attend the game, but i was there in heart and dancing in front of the tv!), but i just don't have the words to describe what an awesome and amazing game this was...what a huge, enormous win it was for the bears...and trust me, i was beating myself up for not going.

*sigh*

i need to find a football buddy. i had 2 tickets to the game, attempted to try to get anyone and everyone i know to go with me, and well, no one came. i was thinking about going alone, even though i hate going to games alone because it feels weird to be screaming and swearing to yourself and having no one to high-five, etc. anyway, friday night i was feeling kind of...i don't know, i just needed to get out of my apartment. so i went to my mom's place, still debating over whether or not i would go back to berkeley today to watch the game. ended up not going. watched on tv instead. and yeah, i was pretty much hating myself for not going within the first minute...especially after the first cal TD.

but anyway...it was a crazy, thrilling, tense, exciting game. and we won!!!! who knew we could pull that off?!? i mean, cal hasn't beaten a #3 team in some 50 odd years. how was i supposed to know we'd do it today?!?! how?!?!

i still don't fully believe that it happened...i mean, there were at least 4 times during the game that i thought for sure that we would lose...but anyway, no need to dwell on all that. i'm happy with the win...more than happy - i'm proud.

YOU KNOW IT. YOU TELL THE STORY. YOU TELL THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD THIS IS BEAR TERRITORY! posted at 1:45 AM |  

i slept until noon. needed that.

what's pissing me off now is that i can't relax here in my room because the guy upstairs is playing really loud music (bad music by the way), and it's irritating the hell out of me.

anyway...i think i'm going to take a long hot shower and then attempt to clean up my room and get everything in order. i know there are a bunch of bills i need to pay - hope none of them are late.

ew, the guy upstairs is now singing along. shut up, shut up!!! posted at 12:45 PM |  

i had to work late again today...so, so tired...my plan for going to bed early last night didn't really work out, thanks to the guys upstairs. they are just so unbelievably inconsiderate sometimes, it's ridiculous. i'd give them the benefit of the doubt if i even got the impression that they were *attempting* to look at the clock and realize that they should be quiet sometimes, but that just doesn't seem to be the case. they just don't seem to give a shit at all.

there have been loud people living upstairs before, and yes, it was irritating. but i never complained, and it was never so bad that it was disturbing my sleep on a regular basis or anything...mostly it was just loud walking, but some people just walk like that and i know it's not intentional or anything. other than that, they were mainly loud in the living room, and during normal hours (not 2 or 3 AM like the guys are now). so...my point is...the situation now just seems very different. like, they know that they are being loud when i'm trying to sleep, and they just don't care. and the thing is, it's not like i go to bed at some ridiculously early hour. my neighbor goes to bed at 10 and asked us to be quiet after that time - it's hard to be quiet that early, and we bitch about it, but i don't think asking the guys to be quiet after 1 AM is too much to ask for. they should be thankful that i am up that late! assholes.

anyway, i'm taking a day off tomorrow. i need it. i just want to sleep all day. posted at 7:46 PM |  

i think i'm going to get sick...my throat hurts...i haven't slept well all week. i woke myself up at around 5:30 am by rubbing my left eye. it was itching like crazy. couldn't go back to sleep because it was just burning so much. so...i got up and tried to wash it out with cold water and then tried to put some drops in (i still haven't gotten that down). just had a really hard time falling asleep after that. anyway...i'm definitely going to crash earlier than normal tonight. so tired. posted at 10:37 PM |  

alright, so strangers telling me to smile is one thing, but today, i was just walking around and this homeless guy says to me "how are you doing today? are you ok?...you sure? you seem really heavy in thought..." he kept talking as i walked away...and he didn't say all this in a "i'm trying to get some money out of this person" type of way, he sounded really concerned about me.

i know i look a little grumpy sometimes, but am i really so bad that a bum feels the need to reach out to me and give me psychiatric help?!?! posted at 6:50 PM |  

i don't know exactly what i want to say...just don't feel like going to bed.

my roommate's coming back tomorrow night (she's been out of town for the past week). and then i guess she'll be moving out over the weekend...then the new one's moving in right away...honestly, i was looking forward to some more time alone, so i'm disappointed in a way. and i feel bad about that, because i know it should be good news that i found a roommate...i just don't really want one, that's all. but when i think about how much money i'd be wasting if i hadn't found one...

anyway. i should go to bed now. i really should. i'm going to hate myself tomorrow morning. posted at 1:23 AM |  

i'm hurtin.

went to physical therapy this morning and got a deep tissue massage. she actually spent quite a long time rubbing my back and poking me this time...sometimes it felt really good, other times it hurt a lot. i felt like she had loosened me up, but then i was sore all day, so that kind sucked. and i was working until 7:30 so that didn't help matters. i'm sitting here with an ice pack right now. hopefully i'll feel better tomorrow.

oh, i found a new roommate. she came by this morning and really liked the place. she's from taiwan and her english isn't great, but she seems nice enough. probably not someone i'd become close friends with, but also probably someone who won't cause problems or have a lot of drama...

anyway, my back's killing me so i'm gonna go lie down. posted at 8:04 PM |  

i feel so...sleepy, and tired, and hot, and groggy, and just generally yucky.

i haven't done any of my exercises in 2 days. so lazy. i think it's this heatwave. i hate hot weather.

anyway...my indian clothes sucked. i'm sending one of them back, and the other i'm keeping just in case i need it, but i really don't care for it. it's so frustrating...i don't understand why people have such a hard time getting one for me. i mean, they have my measurements, they have a tailor...all i ask is that it's not gaudy and that it looks a little rich - by that i mean, made out of good quality material and isn't covered with tacky sequins or anything...and i've told them a million times that i need something to wear to a wedding. why they don't get that, why they even bother to send me outfits that are totally not suitable for a wedding, i don't understand...*sigh*...i just hate the pressure of having to dress nice for these things. ggrrrrr.

speaking of weddings, one of my ex-roommates is getting married soon. i lived with her for 2 years, yet got no invitation. whatever...it's alright. i understand some people like to have small weddings and only invite really close friends...and i guess i'm not one of her close friends...but damn, i lived with the girl for 2 years and we liked each other. you'd think that would count for something...

i'm not complaining, it's probably partially my fault just because i'm such a difficult person to become close friends with in the first place...

and i'd like to think that she would have invited me if she had the space on her guestlist.

anyway...i better go do my exercises and get to bed, have to get up early tomorrow for an appointment. posted at 11:32 PM |  

it's so hot...hard to fall asleep : (

sucks that i have to go back to work tomorrow...i'm feeling less down now than i was on friday. probably because i had a couple days to relax and take it easy. or maybe it's because cal won. or because i went shopping and bought a few things i really like...new clothes always tend to cheer me up...ooh, and i should be getting some more in the mail tomorrow. indian ones though, for my cousin's wedding. i hope i like them. i had a relative get them for me in india...i hate having to rely on someone else's choice, but i don't like the stuff they carry in indian stores here. plus it's cheaper in india, and i don't want to pay a lot for something i'll only wear once or twice, tops.

anyway...so there was a lot of drama with the family in ny this weekend. i don't know what the hell is going on...my mom's whole side is just so dysfunctional...the relative who quit her job and moved to india to live with her rich and famous friend just came back for a visit (she's the one who got me the clothes). apparently she's lost a lot of weight and looks terrible (i'm guessing it's due to heavy partying and smoking, which i'm sure she's doing a lot more of in bombay than she was doing in ny). she's also gotten rude and bitchy, and her head's gotten really big. so...she's already gotten into a lot of arguments with the rest of the family there and...well, there's just a lot of shady stuff going on with her...

is it really terrible for me to wish that she and her friend get into a fight?

i'm just worried about her really. everyone is. i don't know how she's changed so much over the past few years...it's really disappointing. i just don't know who she is anymore.

anyway, aside from her, there's all this other drama too. i am so glad i'm not living in new york right now. i'd hate to be smack in the middle of all this crap. posted at 1:27 AM |  

phew. that ending was a little too close for me...but, cal prevailed. yay! go bears!!! posted at 12:37 PM |  

damnit, i hope i didn't jinx them... posted at 11:07 AM |  

cal is kicking some illini butt so far! looking good...

oh, and i had no trouble waking up in time, thanks to the neighbor...he was out in his backyard hammering away at 8:30 this morning, then started using his power tools. lovely way to be woken up on a saturday morning...when is this guy going to finish building whatever the hell it is that he is building?!?! posted at 10:59 AM |  

so i think i should avoid friendster. i think it just makes me feel bad when i come across people that i used to know. even old friends. it is really strange to see just how many people you know are connected to you through other people that know other people that know people you know, you know? i was surprised anyway...but i didn't contact any of those old friends. don't feel like it. it would just be weird and awkward. and i don't really feel like i would ever be friends with most of them again. i mean, there are some friendships that are for real and stay strong over time and distance, even if you don't keep in touch as much as you should. but there are others that...well, maybe they were never real in that sense. sure, we hung out and had some good times. but, thinking back on some of those relationships now...they just seem very superficial...i'm not sure if that's the word i was looking for...whatever...i have fond memories, and then i also have some pain and hurt, some disappointment, about things that happened - or in some cases, the fact that nothing happened and the friendship just dissolved...so do i want to contact them out of the blue and say "hey, we should hang out" - no, not really. i have done it occasionally, but for the most part, it just ends up being really fake. and i hate being fake, and i hate people who are fake with me, so...what's the point?

i'm probably not making much sense, but it's almost 2 and i'm really exhausted.

anyway. i think i got off track...i don't exactly know why i was searching for these people to begin with - just curious i guess. but then i'd see that this person has a really cool job or this person has a boyfriend or this person looks really pretty or these people are still friends....and all of it added together made me feel like a loser.

alright, enough whining for a friday night. i want to wake up at 9 to listen to the cal game....well, ok, technically, i'm going to set my clock-radio to the station and have it turn on at 9, and i'll be lying in bed half-asleep, half-listening to the game, probably until 11 or so. posted at 1:49 AM |  

left work before 6 today...just couldn't take it. my back was bothering me all day (went to physical therapy in the morning), and i was sleepy because i had to wake up early to go to my appointment, and on top of that, my stomach was feeling kinda weird...oh yeah, and i woke up with 6 or 7 mosquito bites on my neck and shoulder area, so i was itchy too.

i should have taken the day off. they want to get another lesson done next week, so it looks like i'll be really busy again. stupid editing...

my boss finally offered me tickets to an A's game. but i think it's because i was the only one in the office at 5:45. i declined though. it was for tomorrow, and i didn't want to spend a saturday with my boss....

i feel like i had more stuff i wanted to write about, but i really don't remember what right now. oh well...i'll probably be back later. not doing anything tonight. posted at 6:41 PM |  

i was bored tonight and decided to go check out friendster - i signed up when i got the invite from milly, but i've only been on the site 2 times, and really hadn't looked around it much. anyway. so i was looking around...came across some high school people that i didn't like. (2 in particular that i hated) of course, they all look great and happy and they have all these testimonials saying how cool they are and all that crap...please, they were bitchy and snotty in high school and i doubt they've changed much. but i feel like a worthless piece of crap anyway. i look so...un-put together. comparatively. and i don't like comparing myself to them because...well, who cares about them? i don't. but, i just feel so silly and not grown up. how is it that they are still making me feel insecure now, 10 years later??? ok, i suppose they aren't doing it technically, i'm the one who's doing it. arrrrrggh.

anyway...i haven't even added any friends. partially because i know i won't use the site much, but partially because...well, i see that so many other people have like 100+ friends, but i would only have like, 5. it would just make me feel even more pathetic. posted at 12:51 AM |  

so bored at work today...but, i felt refreshed for some reason. probably because i slept in a bit for the past 2 days. anyway, i think i will go in tomorrow after all. they didn't do the audio today, so they might need me tomorrow. (well, i don't know if they actually care that i'm there or not, but i prefer to be there because they tend to change the text sometimes when they're recording and usually, they mess up the mathematical meaning of things in the process.) also, my boss had some issues with the document i rushed to do for him last week, but he didn't come in today, so i'll probably need to explain some things to him tomorrow.

but anyway. i think next week will be a slow week too, so maybe i'll take a day or two off then. i just keep debating over whether i want to save my days and take a trip somewhere instead of just sleeping in. but then again, i like sleeping in. so...i don't know, i'll see how i feel next week. posted at 6:48 PM |  

i went for a walk around the block when i was taking a break this afternoon, and i saw the same guy that told me to smile last time. (he works just around the corner) anyway, so as soon as i saw him, i was thinking to myself "i just know he's going to tell me to smile again, i can feel it coming..." and sure enough, he did. you'd think i would be able to make myself look a little more cheerful when i know it's coming, but i didn't. in fact, i think i looked even more depressed as i got closer to him.

anyway...i was just really bored. didn't have much work to do. i was listening to music (yup, i did eventually get some headphones with an extra-long cord) and taking a lot of breaks...tomorrow is going to be worse, because it's likely i'll have nothing at all to do all day. but, i decided to just take friday off because they're recording audio tomorrow and might need to go over the script with me. not that i really care, it's just that i get excited when people ask me stuff. makes me feel important. posted at 7:05 PM |  

the guy upstairs are home already : (

damnit...why did they have to come back early tonight of all nights? i want to go to sleep. for real. i would have no problem at all if they hung out in their living room or in the other bedroom. why, why, why, do they always have to hang out in the room directly above mine?!?!? especially considering how many times i have told them that i can hear them...it pisses me off...i mean i'm not asking them to whisper and tip-toe all over the apartment...they can go make as much noise as they want in the living room and i wouldn't hear it. i'm just so tired of this... posted at 12:13 AM |  

i'm tired...think i'll crash early tonight. of course, whenever i say that, it still ends up being 1 by the time i get to bed. hopefully i'll fall asleep before the guys upstairs come back though...

i stayed at work until 7 today, finished the editing...well, the only reason we finished is because the editor came in for a couple hours in the morning too. but i'm glad it's done. i'm thinking about taking thursday and friday off. just for the hell of it, i don't know. need a break. posted at 11:23 PM |  

don't know what to say, just felt like blogging...

my roommate's divorce should be final tomorrow, and so...well, i expect that she'll be moving out soon after that. i have mixed feelings...i mean, part of me is tired of living with her just because she's kinda careless at times...doesn't clean up after herself, forgets to give me back things that she borrowed, etc. too much drama distracting her, i guess. but, i also don't want to go through the whole process of finding another roommate...i've been looking for the past month actually and quite a few people have come by to look at the place, but none of them have liked it. it's just a pain. and chances are, i'll end up with someone who's worse to live with than my current roommate. (i know i complain about a few things, but overall i've felt pretty comfy living with her because she was never a total stranger. i wouldn't feel as comfortable living with someone i don't know at all.)

anyway...work sucks as usual. it's editing time. and it's taking longer than usual because the whole lesson is so disorganized and poorly written. plus, i feel like i haven't been able to think clearly and concentrate as much towards the end of the day, which is when the editor comes in. after 6 or 6:30, both of us get tired and just want to get the hell out of there...my point is, it's in really bad shape, and i don't think it's going to get done tomorrow. especially since the editor's not even coming in until 5:45. but, i was just told this afternoon that it needs to get done tomorrow. i hate getting such short notice. i wish someone would give me a schedule so i could organize my time accordingly...

going to physical therapy tomorrow morning...hopefully it won't hurt as much this time. posted at 12:19 AM |  

i should go to bed soon...just kinda thinking about sean. i don't know...he called me this evening but the reception was bad. then he called back later and left me a message...just sounded really exhausted. i think he's going to wear himself out.

anyway...stupid end to the niners game today. just one of those times where i suppose it's easy to be sitting on your couch watching tv thinking "what the hell is he doing?!?!? get down!!! time out!!!", but much harder to actually be the guy with the ball, totally unaware of the fact that he has just killed his team's chance of winning...have to admit though, you don't usually see mistakes like that in the nfl. i think cedric learned his lesson the hard way...

back to work tomorrow : ( posted at 1:14 AM |  

i was just doing some of my exercises for my back, and i've come to realize that there must be this one spot on my back that, when pressed on, causes this really unbearably strong pain in my left butt cheek...i had to go lie down for a few minutes until it went away. it was seriously so bad that i couldn't stand...i was just lying in bed, grimacing and trying to take some deep breaths...not fun. posted at 2:30 PM |  

i'm really tired but don't feel like going to bed...it's just so hot here...i woke up sweating in the middle of the night last night. and by sweating, i mean totally drenched in it. it was gross.

sad about john ritter and johnny cash...i watched three's company all the time when i was a kid, so john ritter was like...such a familiar face, you know? there was just something really pleasant about him. i don't know...

i'm not a country music fan, but sean got me to listen to johnny cash....good stuff. not sure about the man himself, but his cover of "hurt" is pretty haunting...i heard it early this morning on the radio...

anyway...the physical therapist loosened up some muscles in my neck area this morning...it hurt like hell at the time, but i felt so much relief afterwards...

it's getting late. i better get to bed before the guys upstairs come back and keep me up with whatever it is that they do in the middle of the night. posted at 2:37 AM |  

i think something's wrong with my computer...been having trouble logging into yahoo and even just loading some other sites...can't log on to im either...i don't know what the hell is going on...it's just very frustrating... posted at 9:42 PM |  

wanted to start a separate post rather than continuing the previous one...just because, when it comes down to it, football is frivolous in comparison to what happened 2 years ago today. i don't have a lot to say about it...it's been a little easier this year than it was last year - not that i'm any less sad or anything. the images will be with all of us for years and years, i'm sure. i just wanted to take a moment to...well, to hope for peace. posted at 10:12 PM |  

cal lost tonight...and this time, i am depressed (*not* in the clinical way, just in an upset-that-we-lost-the-game kind of way). it just sucked...i don't know, they really needed to win this one, and just came out flat. and even though they managed to come back and take the lead for a little bit in the 4th quarter, they just didn't keep themselves together. made some really costly mistakes. and the defense absolutely sucked there at the end....i'm just pissed off. last week was sad, but being totally outplayed two games in a row...i don't accept that. posted at 9:58 PM |  

so...lately i've just been kinda annoyed with people treating me as though i'm really depressed and in need of help. not only that, they go and tell other people that i'm really depressed, without really having a clue as to what is going on with me. then everyone starts treating me like i'm depressed and giving me unsolicited advice and shit. it's just so annoying...

i feel a little down for no reason sometimes, fine. but you know what? i also feel really happy for no reason sometimes. most of the time, i'm neither. i'm just going with the flow. sometimes i enjoy a night at home alone in front of the tv. why does that have to mean i'm depressed?!?! i have never been the type to go out every night. and besides, it's not like i have all these offers and i'm intentionally choosing to stay in rather than go out and do something. whenever a friend has some free time and wants to go out, i'm there. i don't feel like i avoid people. sometimes i'm just tired or my body aches...sometimes i just want to take a hot shower and relax...sometimes i just don't have anyone to do anything with. my roommate? she hasn't really been around much, and when she is here, she's always talking on the phone. she still keeps telling me i should go out with her and her friends, but then never actually tells me when they're going out. then the next day she'll say "you should have come last night!" come where? when? jeez, she is so weird. anyway, i really don't have much in common with her at all, and i feel weird that she gets super dressed up even when we just go out to dinner in berkeley, while i'm wearing jeans and no make-up. we don't like the same music, we don't like the same movies, we don't like the same crowd. so although we goof around sometimes when we're just hanging out around here, i really don't know what we would do if we went out. i just think i'd feel uncomfortable because i probably wouldn't be dressed up to her standards. call me insecure if you want, but don't tell me i'm depressed. you don't fucking know me well enough to say that.

it's not just my roommate. my mom does it too. she tells everyone that i'm depressed. which is just silly, because if anything, she's the one who's depressed. maybe she uses me as a cover, i don't know.

anyway, my point is, i just don't like it when people treat me like this. it drives me nuts. and i feel offended. i know they just care about me and want to help, but they're not. they're making me feel worse. you know what i really need? more sleep. i'm not getting enough, and it's really having a strong affect on me. aside from that, a good job would help. basically, what i'm saying is, if i look like i'm sad, it's because 1) i'm sleepy, and 2) i'm bored at work. wish people would stop reading more into it. posted at 11:28 PM |  

yaccs is back up! yay!

anyway...went to physical therapy this morning...i was wrong, i'm not going to see a neck specialist - if such a thing even exists. i've just been transferred from the hand therapist to a different physical therapist who knows more about back and neck problems. she poked at me for a long time and told me that some of the muscles in my back are really weak and not moving as much as they should, or something like that. basically, something's pressing on some nerves, and that's probably causing a lot of my pain. but who knows really. do you think i should go to a chiropractor instead? i've made appointments to go to physical therapy twice a week for the next few weeks, but it seems like all they are going to do is teach me some exercises and stuff. so maybe it would be better if i went to a chiropractor? i really don't know.

my dad keeps giving me this speech about how back pain is caused by stress - fine, maybe it is. but what the hell am i supposed to do? he tells me to go out and have fun and do things, and i do once in a while, but not every night. i'm too tired and cranky. it takes too much effort to be social sometimes. especially when i'm in pain. but anyway, i'm getting off track. my dad gets back pain when he's stressed, and he goes to this chiropractor who kind of snaps his fingers and swooshes his hands around and places little pill bottles on his back. but he says that as crazy as it sounds, it seems to work. so he thinks i should try it out. any opinions? a few visits to the chiropractor, or 6 more visits to physical therapy? posted at 11:55 PM |  

so i went to the physical therapist this afternoon, and after lying there getting some heat treatment for 10-15 minutes, my therapist decided i should go to a neck specialist instead. so she made an appointment for me for tomorrow morning with this neck person, and sent me away. (didn't charge me for today)

i didn't go back to work after that, even though it was only 4:30 by the time i got back to berkeley. just said fuck it, didn't want to sit in front of a computer for 2 more hours. i was really uncomfortable all morning...my boss came over to me around 11 and said "can you put together a document with blah blah blah...?" and when my boss asks "can you...?" what he really means is "drop everything else you're doing and do this for me instead!" so, this is going to put me way behind schedule. i hate it when he just drops stuff on me at the last minute. if he would have told me last week, i would have had it done, no problem. but he tells me today and he wanted it done like, today. i told him that wasn't going to happen because i had an appointment, and also because all of this stuff had to be written from scratch. so, then he said he needed to send it out by wednesday and he asked the bitch to help me. so before i left, i gave her a bunch of stuff to do (that was fun). i don't know if she'll have it done by tomorrow or not. i'm just annoyed because i have all this other stuff i need to get done too. the editor's coming in and i need to get everything prepared for her...uuuugghhh. it's going to be a long day. and my body is tired and in pain, which doesn't help matters. and oh yeah, i have to go to the neck specialist in the morning, so i'll be going in to work late.

arrrrgh. i wish i could take the day off tomorrow : ( posted at 12:31 AM |  

oh yeah, and while i'm up blogging, i just wanted to make a quick trading spaces rant. gen once again put a tv where no one can possibly watch it!!! why??? why does she do this??? i hope the entertainment center was on wheels. i didn't see any, but i'm just going to assume that it did have some, just to ease my mind. posted at 11:30 PM |  

i've been super-tired all day today...kinda feel like going to sleep already...well, maybe i'll wait until midnight or so.

anyway, i got some comments via email so i thought i'd respond to them here.

regarding physical therapy: the doctor recommended i go 6 times, and the total for that would be about $665. it may not be too terrible a price to pay, however i'm not entirely sure how much it will help reduce my pain and discomfort...anyway, my company is supposedly going to pay for it. if they don't...well, i'm not going to sue or anything. i'd appreciate any help they would give me in paying for it, since it is kinda illegal that they don't have worker's comp, and also because if evil hr lady had been honest with me from the beginning and told me that was the case, i wouldn't have mentioned anything to imply that this was work-related. then blueshield would have covered it and everyone would have been happy. but anyway...i have another appointment tomorrow. i'll see how it goes. i also do some exercises and other things on a daily basis that my therapist recommended. so, if nothing else, at least i'll keep doing those and see if they help.

regarding roommates: i don't know if they're a necessary evil. sometimes i like having one, sometimes i don't. i think right now i'd be happier if i moved into a one-bedroom place or studio again. and i would do that if i felt settled enough to move. i don't really feel that way right now, with my job situation being sort of up-in-the-air. once i do find another job, i'm fairly certain that i'll move into my own place. but honestly, my main reason for wanting to move is that i'm sick of the guys upstairs disturbing my sleep. even if they move out, it'll be someone else. the walls and floors are so ridiculously thin in this building...i just hate it. my roommate is, for the most part, ok to live with. i just think she has a lot of issues right now that she needs to work out, and while it is understandable that her mind is kind of scattered because of all this crap she's gone through, sometimes i just get very frustrated with her behavior. she really is a good-hearted and fun person though. i've lived with much worse.

regarding my dream job: ideally, what i would like to do is design software. preferably for some sort of consulting company that gets different sorts of projects (especially education-related ones, but i don't mind doing non-educational stuff too). i would probably want start out assisting a bunch of more experienced designers, learn from them and get some experience...another option is to work for an educational research organization....but i am open to other types of jobs too. i just want to get some experience and continually learn and grow - actually i just had a conversation with someone at work last friday about this - he said that the goal is to find a balance where you are challenged by the work you do, but not so much so that you feel that you are in-over-your-head or overwhelmed by it. i want to have a job that requires more thinking and creativity than my current job, but i also don't want to be under too much stress - i want to have other people around who can help me out and teach me stuff, people who know how to give good feedback and constructive criticism, rather than just order me around. oh, and it would help if they were friendly and respected me. i actually don't think i would hate my current job as much if i were working with nicer people.

regarding earthquakes: it really makes a big difference if you are 1) closer to the epicenter and 2) on the same fault line. i'm most likely right on top of the hayward fault line. (if i'm not right on it, i'm definitely less than a mile from it.) so while a 3.9 quake on another fault line might just feel like a gentle little rumble here, the 3.9 quake on the hayward fault centered just a few miles from here felt pretty damn strong. plus, there are different types of earthquakes, there's the rolling kind, and the jolt kind. this last one felt like a big jolt to me - much worse than rolling. posted at 11:26 PM |  

cal lost : (

it was a heartbreaker...i'd normally be really depressed, but aside from the last 2 minutes, i had a good time. the fourth quarter was pretty exciting. and i screamed my ass off - always a good way to relieve stress. offense absolutely sucked today. i don't know what happened. no running game...and the qb wasn't very accurate on top of that...but anyway, hopefully they'll rebound next week. posted at 6:58 PM |  

*sigh*...is it too early to leave the office? i'm so bored...i got in at around 10:50, i think.

it's weird, i was working at a different computer in the back of the office for an hour or so this afternoon, and i felt more comfortable there than i do at my own makeshift desk. i honestly don't know what it is that is bothering my body. in the back computer, my feet don't come anywhere near the floor, and the monitor is too high, and the mouse is too far, and my arms are not at 90 degree angles...yet, i felt less strain sitting there than i do now here at my computer which has supposedly been set up to be ergonomically correct!

anyway...i'm not even sure that i'll have a job a couple months from now, so maybe it's not worth fiddling with my desk again... posted at 5:41 PM |  

you know, when the guys upstairs first moved in, there were times that i woke up in the middle of the night thinking that we had an earthquake, only to realize that it was just them running around. and i've become so used to that by now, so when i felt some rumbling yesterday evening, my immediate reaction was "what the hell are those guys doing up there? - then the big jolt hit and i figured out that it actually was an earthquake this time.

now, i've felt many earthquakes, but this one was centered only a few miles from berkeley, probably the closest i have ever been to the epicenter. so although it was about a 4 and didn't last long, it was definitely one of the strongest ones that i have felt.

i hope there aren't any big aftershocks during the game tomorrow...as it is our football stadium is right on top of the fault line. you can see these big cracks in it. posted at 1:08 PM |  

yaccs will be down until next monday at least...i miss getting comments : (

anyway, who else wanted interview questions? i don't remember...you can email me or wait until next week to leave a comment i guess... posted at 8:04 PM |  

just read my horoscope somewhere...here's what it said:

If work is beginning to feel more like a burden than a joy, it may be time to rethink your job, dear Sagittarius. Your personality is such that you need lots of room to stretch and grow. If, instead, you feel stifled and stuck, then you know it is time to find a new professional challenge. You are fortunate that your skill set is such to afford you many opportunities. This time, choose more carefully!

easier said than done though. i mean, it's not like i can say, "ok i choose to ____", and poof! i get a job doing that exact thing. i honestly don't even want to restrict myself at all right now; i'll take just about anything that i think would be an improvement over my current job. of course, i have to find the time and energy to seek out these other jobs and apply for them...that's been the biggest problem for me lately. can't do it from work, and i'm too tired most of the time when i get back from work, and on top of that, i've been avoiding my computer on the weekends because my hands need the break. i read somewhere that looking for a job is a full-time job itself...except you don't get paid.

anyway, enough of this. i'm already a bit depressed tonight and this is making things worse.... posted at 12:50 AM |  

not much to say...3-day weekends get over too quickly sometimes...

yaccs should be back up by tomorrow for those of you who are anxious to leave a comment... posted at 8:06 PM |