ok...my dad just dropped off my indian outfit...it looks absolutely nothing like what i was told it would be...don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing...i'm not sure if i'll wear it or not...it's just so totally opposite of what i expected.

first of all, i was told it was peach, with a little mauve (which i was told would be lavendar to me). i was also told that it had long bell sleaves. and that it was shaded. and that it had a short stroll-like chunni.

it's not. it's purple. not dark purple or wine-colored, but your basic medium purple. with pink-ish bead work on it. the chunni has alternating panels of bright orange with purple bead work on it, and purple with pink bead work. and it's not a short chunni, it's way, way, way too long for me to carry. it almost touches the ground. and the sleaves are short. i really have no idea whether or not it is formal enough to wear to the wedding reception...it's something my 10-year-old cousin would probably wear. in fact, i think she has a really similar one. but me? i'm almost 26 for crying out loud. i feel silly wearing these colors. the pants especially look ridiculous. if it was a lengha, i might be ok with it. but pants? i don't know, i just don't think it's proper wedding attire...and the short sleaves...they look really silly. i asked for either strappy/sleave-less or long sleaves...arrrgghh. it's so frustrating trying to get clothes from india...

the one plus i can think of: at least it's not all orange! or "light peach" as my aunt called it. i'd take purple over bright orange anyday. i swear, i would have felt like a pumpkin in it... posted at 7:11 PM |  

oh yeah, happy halloween...


Shh...everything must be quiet around you,
secretive one. What customs are you doing now?
Your strange ways may cause you to be some kind
of an outcast, but you don't mind that. The
things from the 'other side' fascinate you.
Sounds good. Who knows why you took this quiz?
Happy Halloween, O Powerful One.


What Halloween Figure Are You? (Fun Quiz! MANY RESULTS!)
brought to you by Quizilla
posted at 12:03 PM |  

damn weather change. i think i'm catching a cold. posted at 11:53 AM |  

most of the stuff on my list of things to do is going to have to wait until tomorrow. i think the lack of sleep is getting to me. i'm just way too tired to do anything... posted at 11:14 PM |  

bleh. don't know why i feel so sick inside. hard to get things done when i feel so yucky.

i did however manage to vacuum most of the apartment, except for my room. and i cleaned my bathroom. i think next i'll clean the kitchen a bit - it's not too bad, shouldn't take long. my room needs the most help, i don't know if i'll get around to that today. i also need to clean the windows, i tend to get lazy about that. probably because i have way too many of them...

other than that...i have to balance my checkbook, pay bills, organize/throw out all these papers that are scattered around...oh, and apply for jobs of course. not that i have found any worth applying for. but...i should send my resume out to a few places... posted at 6:26 PM |  

had a rough night...fell asleep around 2 because that's when it got quiet upstairs, then upstairs guy woke me up at 4:45, and was making noise until 5:15 or so. anytime i'm up for a half and hour in the middle of the night, it's hard to fall asleep as it is, but with my stomach feeling uneasy...i don't think i fell asleep until almost 6. felt absolutely terrible when i woke up this morning.

anyway, i went to my dad's chiropractor and he worked on me. weird guy. but, my body feels good right now. it's funny, he could tell that i ate some chocolate recently. i had a very little bit last night after dinner...actually, it was a mint, but it was covered with a thin layer of chocolate. and he could tell! isn't that odd? i should have asked him how he knew...at the time i didn't even remember that i had had any chocolate. oh, and he also told me not to use anti-perspirant. don't know if i'm willing to give that up though. he said just deodorant was ok, but anti-perspirant was bad and that i should throw it out right away. he also brought up that whole link to breast cancer, which i thought was one of those email hoaxes that someone had made up...but i guess people like him really do believe it's true. i don't know what to think, i just don't like being stinky and sweaty.

aside from that...he told me that i need to let go of the things that are bothering me. (much easier said than done.) then he read me some poetry about seeking the truth, i didn't fully grasp what it was about...i'm guessing that not all chiropractors do this, just certain berkeley-hippie ones.

anyway, i'm not sure if i should have my doctor examine my shoulder, or if i should go back to this chiropractor a few times and see if it improves... posted at 12:36 PM |  

i feel like throwing up : ( posted at 10:25 PM |  

taking the rest of the week off. just the thought of a 4-day weekend makes me happy...i hope that i'm productive, or at least that i do something fun. i'm still not feeling too great. i thought it was the heat these past 4-5 days, but today was cooler and i still had this sick feeling in my stomach. but anyway, 4-day weekend!! whoo-hoo!!

it's going to be weird going back to work next week and having to work all 5 days. i've gotten used to these short weeks. i'm not sure if i'll have any work to do or not. before i left today, i realized that i accidentally messed something up. lost one of the files i've been working on. or wrote over it. not my fault that all the files have the same name! that's such a stupid idea in my opinion. especially when one has to copy files from one directory and put them in another directory so that one can commit them. i guess what might have happened is that i accidentally copied a file from the directory for the first lesson, and pasted that in the corresponding directory for the second lesson and committed it there. since they have the same name, i couldn't tell the difference. then when silly me decided to update and recompile everything, the correct file for lesson 2 got overwritten with the file from lesson 1. i'm sure this makes no sense to a lot of you, but i was really irritated when i discovered it. so i had to go back and look for an older version of the file for lesson 2. and i have no idea what changes i had made to the file since then because there's no record of that anywhere! stupid computers...they save all these files you don't want, but the ones you do want are totally gone! so...i might have a little mess to clean up when i got back on monday, if i can remember. but aside from that, i really have no idea what i'm supposed to be working on next week.

anyway, my dad's coming back today. or maybe he's already back. i don't know what time his flight was supposed to get in...he's probably sleeping though, if he is back. i really just want to see the indian clothes my aunt sent through him. i'm starting to get nervous that i won't have anything to wear for my cousin's wedding. well, people have sent me stuff to wear, but so far, they've all been ugly or not formal enough. and i'm a little worried about this one because i was told the material was a peach and lavender, tie-dyed type of effect, with stone work on it. doesn't sound like anything i would wear. at all. but i may have no choice. unless i go shopping at the indian stores around here, but that's my last option. posted at 7:08 PM |  

left work early to go to physical therapy...i know, last time was supposed to be the last time, but they had told me to make another appointment if my shoulder was still bothering me. and it is. sometimes. not today though, unfortunately. it's hard for them to figure out what the problem is if i'm not in pain when i go in. but i can't tell ahead of time when i'm going to be in pain and when i'm not, so...it doesn't work out most of the time. but i got that lady to pull on my head again and work on my neck muscles, so that feels good now. i'm actually going to try my dad's chiropractor on thursday, see if he can help at all. some of my fingers have started tingling and going numb again, and that's not good.

anyway...24 starts tonight! i'm excited. i read somewhere that it's going to be pretty dumb this season, but that's ok. i'm so sick of just about everything else that's on tv.

the past two nights, the guy upstairs has woken me up from 4:30-5 am. and that's in addition to me not being able to fall asleep in the first place until 2 or 2:30. but i suppose i should be thankful that he's quiet between 2 and 4:30 at least, for whatever that's worth. he's such a weirdo. i still can't believe he called me crazy.

i've been hearing a lot more elliott smith on the radio these days...a lot of songs that i'd never heard before. think i'm going to try to find the mp3's... posted at 5:46 PM |  

i'm confused...don't know what i want to do with my life...i was talking to one of my relatives a couple days ago, and he said that i should apply to phd programs now, just in case i don't find anything else to do within the next 6 months...if i do find a job or whatever, then i can just defer admission, or not enroll anywhere. if i haven't found a job, then i can just go back to school in the fall, rather than being stuck for another year. it makes sense...sort of...it's just that, i really don't feel like going back to school now. ok, i know it won't be now, it would be a year from now...i just can't think that far in advance. and besides, i haven't figured out what i want to study if i do go back. i don't know. it all just seems like a lot of work. and i'm not motivated to do that work because nothing appeals to me enough right now...*sigh*... posted at 11:35 PM |  

it's so freakin hot. i hate this weather.

i thought i had more to say, but i can't remember what. posted at 6:47 PM |  

was listening to some elliott smith tonight...sad that he went and killed himself. i like his music.

anyway...i got this email from sean today, he was complaining about things and ended it by saying that he wanted to move to texas or california. and as much as i know that he probably doesn't mean it, that it was probably just said out of frustration or because of a bad weekend, it gives me this stupid little ray of hope inside. and i don't want it!!

i know that even if he did move, it probably won't happen until after the election next year anyway.

and i doubt he'd move to california, even though he talks about it sometimes and is applying to some law schools here.

so...i don't know why this part of me gets so hopeful when he says little things like that. i wish i didn't miss him so much.
posted at 11:50 PM |  

cal won! it's nice to see them playing well again...although, it was against a struggling arizona team...

anyway, it's like 90 million degrees out today. i have a very weird looking tan again. one arm is significantly darker than the other. actually, i think i got a sunburn. but oh well. went for gelato afterwards, then walked back uphill with the sun beating down on me some more...i just feel really sweaty and icky right now. one would think that my roommate would have like, opened some windows or something... posted at 5:35 PM |  

i only applied to that one place. and i didn't really clean my room. i don't know how the day passed. anyway...i just ate a huge dinner, even though my stomach was telling me other things. and when i was walking back to my apartment, i saw this lizzard-type thing crawling around outside my door. it went under a flower pot or something. i don't want to think about it. i'm just going to pretend it disappeared.

and i guess diwali is actually tomorrow, not today. i can never keep these things straight. acutally, the only reason i knew it was coming up was because i saw e-cards on the hallmark website. i was surprised about that...

i need something sweet. posted at 10:01 PM |  

i was actually kind of productive tonight! i had to take a shower around 11 to wake myself up, and i felt pretty good after that. so, i sat and re-wrote this one cover letter that i hated. fixed up my resume. i'll proofread everything tomorrow morning (took the day off) and send it out. i was really excited about this particular company when i first read about it, so...wish me luck!

and i hope that i can be productive tomorrow too and not just sit on my ass and watch tv all day like i tend to do whenever i take a day off...although, i do need to clean my room so i don't know how much job application stuff i'll get done...but anyway, happy diwali! posted at 1:38 AM |  

bad day : (

i think another reason for my tiredness is that i've been drinking a lot more soda than i normally do. i'm not sure why i started drinking so much of it all of a sudden...it's really not good for me...*sigh*...i blame it all on work.

i am supposedly allowed to enroll in a retirement plan now, but i had some questions about it, and i didn't want to ask evil hr lady, so i emailed the payroll person in the head office in the midwest instead. she replied to me this morning telling me to ask evil hr lady, and what's worse is that she cc'd the email to evil hr lady! so i had no choice but to ask her, and when i did, she got pissed at me as usual. she said "i gave you the packet! everything's in the packet! i don't understand what you want to know!!!" i told her that the packed contained an enrollment form, but that i wanted a description of the plan so that i could decide whether or not it would make sense for me to enroll in it. then she basically repeated the first thing she said to me, except in a little pissier tone. so i said forget it and walked away.

later she emails me another form - and i have no idea what it's for to be honest. i don't know what the difference is between the form she emailed me today and the other forms that she gave me last week, whether i need to fill out both or just one, etc. and in this form she sent me today, the first line started "Subject to the requirements of the [the company's name] Retirement Plan..." - but hello? i don't know what that plan is...how the hell am i going to agree to it without knowing what i'm agreeing to?!?!

uuuuggghh. i hate her so much. she's extra-nice to other people in the office, and i have never heard her talk to any of them the way she talks to me. i don't know what the hell i did to offend her! she doesn't know how to do her job, so she yells at me? what the hell kind of human resources person is that? isn't she supposed to like, you know, be nice to the humans in the office and help them with whatever office matters need to be taken care of?

fuck her. posted at 6:45 PM |  

i feel so tired. blah. i was trying to figure out why i've been feeling like this lately, and i think it's because i've hardly eaten any red meat over the past 2-3 weeks. i'm just not much of a meat-eater in general, and when i do eat some, it's usually chicken. but i had been making myself eat lamb 1-2 times a week, and i think it was helping a lot. i guess i kinda stopped when my dad went on vacation though, because i only eat lamb at his restaurant. i'm picky about food.

anyway...i need to figure out how to make myself apply for jobs. it just hasn't been getting done lately. i'm too tired all the time. i hate it. posted at 12:25 AM |  

spilled what was supposed to be my dinner all over the kitchen floor. same spot as last time, i believe. just finished cleaning it up. frozen pizza time : ( posted at 9:02 PM |  

spoke with the manager today about the calculus stuff...i'm not quite sure if he got my point. i got the impression that a lot of issues are still up in the air so things might end up changing as we go along...can't really tell at this point. anyway. at one point he said he was thinking of having me do just the homework, but then he thought i'd get really bored with that. i found it weird that all of a sudden he's worried about me being bored. how about the past 18 months? i've been bored out of my mind at times doing homework...he didn't seem to give a shit then. why now? makes no sense. and i told him that between writing text and doing more homework sets, i'd prefer the homework sets. i hate writing text. he said he was flexible about it, but it depended on this other part-time person they are going to hire, what this person would be best suited for.

i don't know, i just want to leave. this is not what i want to do, at all. posted at 6:57 PM |  

i seriously think the guy upstairs is just trying to be a pain in the ass now. he's been relatively quiet after midnight-ish over the past week or so, but now he's started being extra loud during other hours to make up for it. like, this morning he blasted music at 9 AM (i was still half-asleep at the time and did not really appreciate the heavy-metal wake-up). anyway...i haven't complained or anything since the last time. as long as he doesn't keep me up super late, i can deal. it's just a bit annoying, that's all. posted at 12:28 AM |  

i got an additional tedious thing to do at work now. it's one of those things that no one else feels like doing so i get stuck with it. and it's not brainless-tedious, it's actually hard-tedious to the point that i was getting really frustrated with it. i don't know which is worse. i think right now i'd prefer the brainless-tedious stuff. because then i could just chill and listen to music while i'm doing it.

anyway, my boss told me that he was going to give me a raise (a substantial one, around 13-14%) and have me do more work. in other words, instead of hiring another person to work part-time, he's going to have me do a 1.5 person job, and pay me a higher salary, which comes out to be less than he would have had to spend if he had hired another person. he is el cheapo, that's for sure. but anyway, he told me to talk to the bitch and the manager and see if i agreed with what they had come up with as far as the division of labor.

so, i went over to them, and they told me what they had come up with...and it sucked. i think they have totally unreasonable expectations. and the fact that they came up with it together - i can just see where the bitch was like "i don't want to do that! that's so boring. let's dump it on anita." it's just totally insane. this is how they broke it down: the bitch will outline all 6 lessons, make 3 of them, and write the text for 2 of them. i will make the other 3 lessons, write the text for 4 of them, and do 2 homework sets. huh??? how is that fair? oh yeah and they had "other managerial stuff" listed for the bitch. i'm sorry, but the way i read it was that she'd be working way less hours than me. not cool at all. and that's not even including the fact that 1) i edit all of her lessons, and 2) i write the feedback for all of her lessons, and 3) there is probably going to be a part-timer doing the other 4 homework sets, but i will most likely have to edit the feedback and solutions for all of those.

anyway, so they asked me what i thought, and i told them i needed some time to think, but that because i have never taught calculus and frankly, haven't used it much in the past 5-6 years, i might have trouble writing up all those lessons on it. not that calculus is hard, but i definitely think it will take me more time than writing up algebra and geometry lessons. and their reply was that i could just kinda plagerize from a textbook (changing some numbers here and there), and that they didn't care if the lessons were good or not. they're kinda going at it with the mindset that they can just make the lessons really crappy because they don't care and they aren't getting paid enough for them. well, i can see how the bitch would have that attitude - she just throws this shit together without thinking twice about the poor students who are going to be using it. i just can't work like that. i can't do it. i can't not care about how i teach something. and that is basically what they were telling me to do...

anyway, i have trouble talking to them because it's pretty obvious that they don't like me, so i told them i'd think about it and went back to my desk. after they left, i went over to my boss and told him what i was concerned about...just explained everything to him, but in a very calm and polite way. and he was really nice about it and said that he'd have my back and that i should tell them the same thing tomorrow and they'd adjust the workload.

so...we'll see what happens. i really was hoping i'd be out of here before calculus started...but a larger salary might make it easier to stay for a little longer. i don't know. maybe not. depends on how this division of labor works out. i'll tell you this, i absolutely hate that i work so many more hours than she does, knowing that she makes a lot more than i do, and will still make a lot more than i do even after the raise.

i have a headache now. posted at 7:24 PM |  

ok, i got like nothing accomplished today.

i don't know why i'm struggling so much. lately i've just been having such a hard time figuring out what to say in cover letters. actually i know what i want to say, i just don't know how to say it. this shouldn't be so hard! posted at 12:32 AM |  

took a day off today. and i have 3 more days to use by the end of the month. good timing, because work is especially boring right now...i wish i could take the entire 2 weeks off...

i had another dream within a dream last night. actually, i don't know if it was technically a dream within a dream...but it was one of those dreams where i referenced another dream that i may or may not have actually had. second time this has happened now. it's so weird. posted at 11:39 AM |  

i've been feeling really tired today. not sure why...i need to remember to take my iron pills more regularly. i end up forgetting half the time and then get like this...

anyway. cal lost a heartbreaker today. the last game, i chose to ignore because the offense didn't bother to show up. today's game, we were really dominating and moving the ball well, but that's not worth shit if you can't get it in the endzone! or through the uprights! we need a new kicker - desperately. or perhaps a better special teams coach. i can't remember ever seeing so many blocked kicks in a season...really killed us today. and actually, missed field goals have lost us 3 games this season. i was thrilled with how they handled the last minute of regulation, but the play-calling in overtime was terrible, and then hitting the uprights was...just...typical cal i suppose. i can't deal with these types of losses anymore. just too disappointing...

i have a really bad headache right now. i better get off the computer soon. posted at 11:18 PM |  

i'm in a bloggy mood tonight. don't know why.

anyway, as soon as i switched back to the game, the yankees won. i think i'll be satisfied when they lose in the world series though.

you know, my neck is feeling great tonight. why didn't my physical therapist do this thing to me weeks ago?!?! it would have spared me a lot of discomfort...

unfortunately, my right pinky finger started hurting again : (

i don't know what's going on with work. i have been totally left out of the loop regarding calculus, and as far as i knew, i wasn't even going to be working on it at all...so now, i just think it's weird that they're telling me to just sit there and go through the calculus curriculum stuff...and i have no idea what to pay attention to as i am going through it since i don't know what i'll be doing! they're being strange with me. if they are going to let me go at the end of the month, i wish they would say so already.

although, i overheard my boss having a conversation with one of the back-end guys, and he was telling him about a new feature that he wanted to add to the stuff we've done so far. and how it would require me to go back through 1400 homework problems one by one and mark each of them a certain way. so the back-end guy said to my boss: "you want anita to do all that? she's going to hate you." and my boss replied "well, it's necessary, and anita will do it."

so great, that'll be tons of fun. i absolutely hate writing homework problems as it is, and now i have to go back through the 1400 homework problems that are in our database and add this extra little thing to all of them!! brainless work like that is so depressing to me. how is it that i get stuck doing all the tedious things that no one else wants to do?!?! and then they wonder why i am so anti-social at work??? well, look at what you're making me do all day! can you blame me for looking unhappy?!?!

so...yeah, i really should go apply for some jobs now, huh? before this new thing actually gets implemented... posted at 9:57 PM |  

re-run. blah.

i'm bored...restless...not in the job search mood either...

i've been using a splitter to get cable tv, and then this roommate came and she put in her own 3-way splitter so she could watch tv in her room too, and now i get a letter from the cable company saying that they've cut off my cable. do you think it's a trick, or should i really disconnect it? i blame the roommate of course...because they never caught me before...or maybe they didn't even catch us this time, but they are just pretending they did...i don't know... posted at 9:13 PM |  

i don't know who i dislike more, the redsocks or the yankees. so...it's weird watching them play right now because i can't decide which one is the lesser of two evils...don't quite know which one to root for. maybe i'll just watch will and grace instead. posted at 9:07 PM |  

at work, nothing to do...they just told me to familiarize myself with calculus stuff since that's the next thing we are going to be working on...so i've just been sitting here refreshing my calculus. booooring.

physical therapy was good this morning. apparently my top vertabrae was stuck to this other thing up there. so, to separate them, she grabbed my head and pulled up really hard. it hurt, but in a good way. then after that she found some really, really tight muscles up in my neck and did stuff there...i'm feeling so much better now...relaxed too...i wish i had someone who could do that stuff for me everyday. today was my last appointment with her : ( posted at 1:20 PM |  

it's past midnight already? how did i waste so much time catching up on blogs and leaving comments??? blah. i wanted to start working on a cover letter for this interesting job i saw advertised recently...i am probably not qualified for it, but it sounds like fun. oh, and i still have a couple other letters that i meant to send out a long time ago and never did because i was too tired to proofread them. and now i'm too tired again.

i think i'm just really jaded about this whole job search thing. i just want one handed to me on a silver platter. is that too much to ask for?!?!? posted at 12:02 AM |  

i'm feeling way too tired this week. i don't know what's wrong with me : (

anyway...so when i was at lunch today, i was listening to this conversation going on between two women at the table next to me. they were talking about men, or the lack thereof. to quote one of them "there's just not much out there..." and then the other one said "there really isn't...". then the first one said something like "by the time i got myself together, the good ones were all snatched up!" (and this lady works in a male-dominated field, so she was extra-depressed. it wasn't a matter of her not meeting men - she was meeting all sorts of men and working around men all the time...so she was kinda like, 'if i can't find someone, then who can?')

great. i really needed to hear two lonely 30-somethings having this conversation...that is probably going to be me in 5 years.

i was talking to one of my cousins last week, and she likes this guy and he likes her, but she isn't going to date him. why not? because he's muslim. but that's not what ticked me off most - she went on to say that if she were younger she probably would have dated him, but now that she's 23, she can't date someone that she knows she wouldn't marry.

aaarrrggggh!!!!!!!!!!

god that made me feel old. and she was totally shocked that i said that i would. hell yeah, i'd date someone even if i didn't see him as being a potential husband - it's called having fun. it's called living your life. it's called growing up. good lord. the first guy she dates is going to have some major pressure...

anyway, so her comments combined with these ladies i overheard today...*sigh*....i don't know what the hell to do with myself. sometimes i just get so scared that i'm going to end up alone. and the approaching 26th birthday is not helping matters. posted at 11:32 PM |  

slept well last night. that felt good.

not much to do at work today...just kinda killing time right now, trying to decide what i want to eat for lunch... posted at 12:58 PM |  

the guy upstairs is doing his laundry now. did i mention that my bedroom is adjacent to the laundry room? i swear, sometimes i think he is just trying to torment me...

our building actually has a rule about this - we're not supposed to do laundry after 10. but no one really enforces it. actually, i'm pretty sure that i'm the only person who is close enough to hear it, so maybe no one else knows about it.

anyway. i'm in a weird mood right now. can't quite figure out what it is that i want to get off my chest.

i've been watching that nick and jessica show lately...it makes me laugh. sadly, it's funnier than all of the new sitcoms that are on.

i don't know what i want to say, i think i'll just go to bed and try tomorrow. posted at 12:38 AM |  

i feel like shit. the guy upstairs kept me up until about 3 AM last night. i hate it when i don't get enough sleep...i just look terrible and feel terrible and i sit at work yawning all day...

and it makes me really irritable. i just walked in and i'm already pissed at my roommate. i told her that they were going to paint the front door today and that she would need to leave it open all day so it could dry. well, i come home and the door's painted (still quite wet) and it's closed! i had a really hard time opening it. and then, as i was trying to prop it open, i got paint all over my hand and left a print in the door. nice, huh? green paint too.

and now the guy upstairs is playing his music really loud, probably for no other reason than to irritate me. i don't know what the hell to do...i just can't take it anymore!!!!!!!!! posted at 6:46 PM |  

not much to say...my stomach's been feeling kinda uneasy the past few days. not sure why.

i have no idea what i'm supposed to be doing at work. left at 5:30 today because i was bored. doing qa makes the time pass pretty quickly, i may do that tomorrow. but there is so little qa to do this time, maybe 3-4 hours' worth? i need to find out how many vacation days i have left...and use them...

wow, it's a bit scary that i've been working at this company for a year and a half. my goal was to have a new job by the end of october. somehow, i doubt that's going to happen. posted at 6:56 PM |  

i can't believe i wrote up that whole thing last night. i think i was going slightly insane from the lack of sleep. or maybe i just needed to complain to someone.

anyway, i was dead tired last night, so i slept well. not as much as i needed, but i'll catch up tonight.

there was a little earthquake about an hour ago, and this time i was 99% sure it was the guys upstairs. but, i was wrong. just a quick, tiny earthquake this time.

soon i will have absolutely nothing to do at work! won't that be exciting. we're just wrapping up the last lesson. i'll do a little qa next week, maybe monday and tuesday. and then...i have absolutely no idea what i'll do after that. our graphic designer hasn't had anything to do either. i think he was just sitting and staring into space all day today. that will be me next week. except i don't have my own cubicle to mess around in. though, the bitch hasn't been around much lately. she moved to sf, so she's been coming in around noon. today, she came in at like 12:20, then took over an hour for lunch, then left at 5:40. so, i got up then and left too. it's so not fair that she can come and go as she pleases...i'm tempted to start doing that myself. only thing is, i feel guilty if i don't stay there for 7 hours. that's how long i stayed today...although one of those hours was spent at lunch, and another hour was spent on im with sean. so i only worked for 5 hours. but that's still longer than she worked!

i would get into a huge rant about this and provide more detailed arguments explaining why it is really fucked up of her to work so few hours, but since there are no more lessons to work on, it doesn't seem applicable any more.

anyone just see gray davis on letterman? #1 was funny: "it's pronounced california." classic. posted at 11:59 PM |  

lack of sleep really gets to me. i was feeling so shakey and uneasy...took a shower and that helped a little. what would help a lot is a good night's sleep. but who knows if i'll be able to get that tonight?

here's a summary of why i've had sleep issues this week:

a few nights ago, i was fast asleep, and this noise woke me up at around 4:30 am. it was the guy upstairs stomping around, and i think throwing some objects onto the floor, i'm not exactly sure. normally when this happens, i fall back asleep in a few minutes. however, this time it went on for like half an hour. walking back and forth in his room (it's a really creaky floor, so i can pretty much hear every step he takes), going to the bathroom, opening and shutting doors, etc. anyway, it was annoying, but eventually i fell asleep, probably around the same time that he went to sleep.

i didn't complain or say anything that day, though i was thinking about it.

next night: i'm in bed ready to fall asleep, and i hear this weird noise. couldn't figure out what it was, but it was coming from upstairs. it stopped for a little while, then a few minutes later, i heard it again. i had no idea what it was, or how long it was going to keep going...and, it was annoying enough that i knew that i wasn't going to be able to sleep while i could hear it. anyway, it was like 1:15...so, i called up the guy upstairs...i'll paraphrase what i can remember:

me: i can hear this weird noise and i wasn't sure what it was...is it coming from your room?
him: oh, it's my printer. i needed to print out something for a homework assignment.
me: oh, ok, i just thought it was a strange noise and i didn't know what it was...is it going to go on for a while? (i didn't mean this in a rude way, i just wanted to check that he wasn't printing out a 50-page paper)
him: yeah
me: (at this point i'm a little confused because i didn't know how long it would be going on) oh...do you need to do it now, or is it something you can maybe print out in the morning?
him: i have to do a homework assignment, ok? it's not my fault that you have ultra-sonic hearing! (that wasn't the exact word he used, but it was something like that, and he had raised his voice at this point)
me: (very calmly) alright, it's ok, i'm going back to bed now...
(i was about to hang up the phone at this point)
him: (this part is fuzzy...i don't remember what he said...he just started complaining about my complaining)
me: well, i'm sorry, but you guys just make so much noise in the middle of the night and it's getting really frustrating because it's so constant...i mean, i have trouble sleeping almost every single night for one reason or another...
him: EVERY SINGLE NIGHT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
me: well, like last night you woke me up at like 4:30 because you were making so much noise walking around your room...
him: well, fine! i was up later than usual last night!
me: and a lot of times, i've been woken up by noises from the bathroom or from you dropping things on the floor...
him: (really yelling at me at this point) do you know how crazy you sound?!?! so i can't talk in my room or walk around my room or go to the bathroom?!?!
me: no, i didn't say that. if you have to go, then go. all i'm saying is to try to make an effort to be a little more considerate in the middle of the night...
him: fine - you complained already and i have made an effort since the last time.
me: yes, and i appreciate that...i'm just saying that, like, sometimes you do walk quietly, so you should be capable of walking quietly at 2 am instead of stoping around so hard.

(anyway, this went on for a while - he basically just kept arguing with me about everything i said and implying that i was nuts. i'll skip ahead a little)

me: (almost in tears at this point because he was really yelling at me) but i've lived in this building for 4 years and i know what the normal noise level is, and it's never been this loud before!
him: well, i go to bed late! i can't help it that the previous people who lived here went to bed at 11!! (which they didn't, and i never said that they did)
me: but you have to understand that you can't just be as loud as you want to at any time when you're living in a building like this with really thin walls...i work full time and i just can't be up as late as you!
him: fine, i guess i'll try to make more of an effort then. (sounded like he was just trying to get rid of me at this point)
me: ok, thanks

it was just a really, really unpleasant conversation/argument and he said some incredibly obnoxious things to me. i just want to say that, if i had known that it was his printer making that stupid noise, i would have never even called or complained or anything! the only reason i brought up other things was because he got all pissed at me and started yelling! if he hadn't been such a jerk about everything, i would have just gone back to bed...*sigh*

anyway...on to the next night: he was walking around his room practically non-stop from 1:30 to 3:30. not stomping as loud as he had been doing before, but it was loud enough to keep me up. and he went to the bathroom like 4 times during these 2 hours too. the thing is, if he would have just stopped walking around for 15-20 minutes, i would have fallen asleep, and then he could have continued doing whatever he was doing and i most likely wouldn't have woken up at all! but the fact that he didn't stop making noise for more than 2 minutes at a time...that's what kept me up! uuughhh!

had to wake up at 8:30 for physical therapy, so, yeah...i'm just fucking exhausted right now. had some ridiculous-looking bags under my eyes all day today.

i'm going to bed now. i hope. posted at 12:50 AM |  

wasn't able to fall asleep until past 3:30 AM last night, thanks to mr. asshole upstairs. i am getting so sick of this. really. i want to move. i need sleeeeeeeeep. posted at 7:28 PM |  

so i got into this huge argument with the guy upstairs last night. it was not good. i didn't intend to start a fight with him; he was just being a dick. if i weren't so tired right now, i would explain in more detail. but, my back hurts and i want to go lie down. i also want to forget that the argument even happened...i'm not the type of person who yells at strangers, i don't go around provoking people, i don't like causing trouble...and i don't like it when other people cause trouble with me...i just hate confrontations really. i wanted to cry. i didn't know how to handle myself...*sigh*...i just hated the whole thing. i hate fighting with anyone in general, but this was just...i don't know...unexpected.

i'll explain tomorrow, i'm really exhausted. posted at 11:28 PM |  

i hate politics. sometimes, i wish the bay area would become its own state. since we generally vote totally differently from the rest of the state. living here (well, in berkeley especially), you don't realize how many people were in favor of the recall, let alone arnold. it feels like we're in this weird democrat bubble surrounded by republicans.

anyway...i have a question. looks like 80% of san franciscans voted no on the recall, yet only about 60% voted for bustamante. what happened to the other 20% who voted no? were they just trying to make a point somehow by not selecting a candidate, or by picking someone who had no real chance of winning? did they not realize that they helped the repubs win by doing so? (well, not just those people in san francisco, but them in combination with all of the other democrats in the state who did the same thing...)

enough of this.

i went to see "school of rock" tonight. funny stuff. went straight from work...actually, i was told to stay late and try to finish editing the lesson today, but i left at 7. it still wasn't finished then, but who cares? what are they going to do? fire me? i wanted to go see a movie. so there.

really, i think it's unfair of them to expect me to work late so much when the bitch gets to come and go as she pleases...it just pisses me off so much thinking about it...so, i don't want to think about it right now. i was thinking about it at work all day and getting angrier and angrier...i just want to think happy thoughts now...like how nice my bed is going to feel when i crash into it in a little while... posted at 11:22 PM |  

so, during the game tonight, i started to wonder...if two players have a head-on collision, how do you, as their teammate, have your first thought be "i better find the ball and throw it to second base," as opposed to checking on your friends first? i mean, i understand that the ball was still in play and it's not possible to call a "time-out" or anything, but...it's not like those guys just sprained their ankles. they looked pretty damn unconscious to me. how do you just let them lie there while having your top priority be to throw the batter out? it seems so...un-human. posted at 11:47 PM |  

the A's choked...as usual. i thought they'd pull it out in the bottom of the ninth, but i guess it wasn't meant to be. they beat themselves really...played like crap on saturday night especially. but anyway...

my ex-roommate just called and pretended to be shocked about how dirty i claimed she left the place. she gave me some bs about her being sick and not having enough time and shit like that...oh, and she also said that she tried to get some stains out, but they wouldn't come out and that she guessed that her cleaner wasn't strong enough. (um hello?...there are a ton of cleaning supplies in the apartment which i pointed out to her a long time ago...it's not my fault she didn't use them.) anyway, i didn't even bother going into detail because i just thought she was lying. i told her the toilet was really gross and definitely hadn't been cleaned at all, and she said "oh, really? i guess i forgot."

anyway, she went on for a while and apologized about it, and i kept saying "well, it's done now and i cleaned it up, so there's nothing you can do now...", stuff like that. but she just kept talking and apologizing, so i had to say "it's ok" (even though it's not).

really, i just don't want to deal with her anymore. i think she's a flake and just not the type of person i want to be friendly with anymore. i liked her in the beginning, but the last month or two, i was really starting to find a lot of things about her that i didn't like - not stupid little things due to living together, but major aspects of her personality. she's not as sweet and innocent as she portrays herself to be, i'll leave it at that.

sorry if i'm being a bit incoherent. i'm just tired...tired and cranky. went to work early and stayed late, while everyone else only worked for like 6 hours because the boss and manager were both out. that pisses me off, it truly does. and i have to work late tomorrow too, which sucks. editing for like the third or fourth straight week it seems. but, i think i'll take some time off when it's finished...that sounds nice... posted at 9:31 PM |  

i think i watched way too many episodes of trading spaces tonight. is it sad that i want to tape oprah tomorrow so i can see vern's place? i would have really liked to see what vern would have done with $50,000, rather than doug. not that doug did anything terrible...the kitchen looked really nice...i just want to see an expensive vern-room.

anyway, i have to wake up early tomorrow...have a plumber coming in at 9...i hate waking up early, especially on mondays. (and don't make fun of me for considering 8 to be early...keep in mind that the guys upstairs usually keep me up until 2 or 3) posted at 12:39 AM |  

haven't had much to say lately...

the roommate situation is just weird. i mean, i've had roommates in the past that liked to keep to themselves, and i was fine with it. but this girl is taking it to new levels. i haven't even seen her face since monday! and it's not that she hasn't been here...she just stays in her room all the time. she only comes out to go to the bathroom. and even that is rare. it's very strange.

i shouldn't complain though, it could be worse. posted at 12:14 AM |  

the A's won! yay! on a squeeze bunt! posted at 11:46 PM |  

going to extra innings...

my boss had an extra ticket for the game and pretty much asked everyone in the office (and in his department on campus) to go with him, except me. he was begging actually. finally guilt-tripped one of the programmers into going. but even that was a "if you can't find anyone else to go with you, then i'll come, ok?"

i don't know why he didn't ask me. i told him i like baseball. i would have liked to go, if i didn't have to sit there with my boss : )

anyway, i could sympathize with how he was feeling...not wanting to go to the game alone, etc. speaking of which, does anyone want to come to a cal game with me this saturday?!?! anyone? anyone at all? please? posted at 10:37 PM |  

watching the A's game...down to the last out. ok, chavez is up now. i'll be back. posted at 10:29 PM |