although i still haven't gotten tired of making snowflakes, i found another cool thing to do when i'm bored: mr. picassohead! good stuff.

anyway, i'm feeling a bit less depressed today. went over to manhattan and did a little shopping and ate some really good thai food. helped take my mind off of everything that was bothering me. then came back and watched alias. gonna try to get tickets to a show tomorrow. posted at 9:37 PM |  

i have so much crap on my mind right now, i don't know where to start...

so many things are depressing me. or just irritating/bothering me. and sometimes, just being in new york gives me a headache because everyone here is so damn loud and rude and annoying...

i was planning on heading to manhattan tomorrow for some shopping, but i don't even feel in the mood right now. i'm just so down and worn out.

it's late now, i'll explain more when i get back home. posted at 11:15 PM |  

so...i'm 26 now. and to make matters worse, my 11-year-old cousin is now significantly taller than i am.

anyway, i spent the night at a wedding reception. hearing the same ol' indian music that's been played at the last 2 or 3 indian weddings i've been to. seriously, aren't people sick of hearing the same songs by now? i know i am. a lot of those songs are at least 2 or 3 years old...and everyone at these weddings still gets so excited when they come on...and yes, i was forced to bhangra again.

anyway. i think i'm gonna take the kiddos to see "elf" tomorrow - i feel it is my duty to take them to an english movie whenever i see them, just because no one else does. they only go to indian movies. and listen to indian music. and watch indian soap operas. and take indian dance classes which is fine, it's great that they love their culture. i just feel that i am the only person who can expose them to a tiny bit of american pop culture... posted at 11:05 PM |  

i hate morning flights...i really don't want to get up early tomorrow...it's so hard for me to get up in the morning...i just want to sleep in! sleeping in would be so nice....

the flight isn't insanely early or anything, but because it's thanksgiving, i better plan on getting to the airport early.

i probably won't be blogging much from new york, and i'm sure my birthday will be uneventful, so you really won't be missing out on anything by me not blogging : )

have a good turkey day everyone. posted at 1:39 AM |  

i must go pack...have i mentioned that i hate packing? i'm sure i have.

i opened some blinds at work today because it was so dark in there, what with all the lights being gone. but i forgot to close them. i kept reminding myself to close them, and i fully intended to as i got up to leave, but then...i just forgot and walked out. just remembered now, 2+ hours later. lots of good that does...why is this a big deal? i guess it's because the office has been broken into before. if people can look through the window, they can see all the computers and shit lying around...at least, i think that is why hr lady closes the blinds when she leaves. and she's usually the only person that even touches the blinds. but she wasn't in today, and damnit, my eyes were being strained because there was no light! my cubicle is in the darkest part of the office. so, i went into hr lady's cubicle and opened the blinds. sue me.

maybe i'm just being a little paranoid, but because it's a long weekend and no one will be around there, i am a little worried...i can just picture hr lady walking in on monday saying "who the hell left the blinds open?!?!?" (i won't be in until wednesday though, so maybe she'll forget about it by then.)

ok, for real, i'm going to start packing now... posted at 8:00 PM |  

i'm so bored...and it's so cold and dark in here : ( posted at 1:49 PM |  

really tired, but don't feel like going to bed. i'm pissed at myself for getting nothing accomplished, yet again. i'm also pissed at the stupid plumber because i think he fucked up my shower again. also, he chipped the tub. so now there's this black spot sitting there. not that i really care, but it looks ugly.

i have to pack tomorrow. i hate packing. wanted to get it out of the way tonight, but i didn't.

my room looks terribly messy, and it's making my head feel messy just sitting in here looking around...

blah.

i miss sean.

ok, going to bed now. posted at 1:39 AM |  

it's been so cold today... i was freezing in the office. didn't get anything done. i don't know how i manage to sit there all day and do so little. i fell asleep at my desk for at least 15-20 minutes...i'm sure someone must have noticed. i don't care though. i was sleepy.

saw adam duritz on fox sports tonight! he was wearing a cal shirt and talked about what a big cal fan he is...that made me happy, of course : ) posted at 11:16 PM |  

sometimes, the evening just flies by so quickly...i wanted to get some things done tonight, but instead i pretty much did nothing.

i was really down at work today. just don't like what i'm doing at all, don't feel motivated, don't feel like thinking...we have this math teacher from a local high school do some work for us part time, and she came by today to talk to me...well, i thought that i was supposed to show her how to do some things, but she thought that she was there to explain some things to me. so she just blabbered about something for 5-10 minutes and then left. great help that was. she mentioned 2 problems that she wanted me to include in the homework set i'm writing, but i didn't understand them. so i just sat with a math book and pretended to read all afternoon and really got nothing done at all. the lights on top of my cubicle area are all gone and the guy who changes the bulbs is on vacation (he was too lazy to change them last week when he was here), so i'm just sitting there in the dark with my eyes getting all irritated and shit...i have a tiny little desk lamp, but it doesn't really help much. so i took my book and sat in the back of the office where my boss was working. then he started chatting with me about the game a bit. he's the only person in the office that really starts conversations with me. it's nice when he does that. i've been a little hesitant around him lately though, because i heard he got pissed off about some of my work and made a big fuss about it when i was out sick. even though it was nothing worth getting pissed about according to other people in the office.

anyway...now it's almost midnight and i've wasted way too much time babbling here...i want to go to sleep early. those guys are coming in to fix my shower again tomorrow morning. who knows what they'll fuck up this time. going to my chiropractor too. last week he was doing something, and out of nowhere he asked me if something really bad happened when i was about 3. i told him that i had no idea, couldn't remember that far back really. and i assumed he meant physically - like, if i fell or got really sick or something. how would i know? so i asked my mom the other day, and she said that they filed for divorce when i was 3. that was all she could think of. so isn't that weird? do you think that had some effect on me that a chiropractor (well, a weird hippie psychic chiropractor) would pick up on now, 22-23 years later??? posted at 11:55 PM |  

i feel sick...not sure what the hell is wrong with me...i've been eating, but i still feel yucky a few hours later...also just feeling really exhausted in general...this has been the most unhealthiest year of my life. i feel like it's been one thing after another...whole body just falling apart. it's so frustrating. i just want to feel normal again...i don't even remember what normal feels like at this point. it's depressing me. not having the energy to go out and do things is depressing me. was out all day yesterday, and i paid for it today with how tired my body was. i really don't want to go to work tomorrow. i just want to sleep... posted at 11:59 PM |  

i was just about to call a friend of mine (the one who's pregnant), but right before i picked up the phone to call her, i got a phone call from her mom...turns out she had the baby thursday! it's a girl!! i have a niece (sort of)!!

she wasn't due for another 2-3 weeks...in fact, she hadn't even gone on maternity leave yet! she didn't even have a baby shower! i wish i had been able see her before she had the baby...i've been meaning to go visit for the past few weekends, but either i was out of town or she was busy...i intended to go see her today actually! anyway...i'm so eager to go see the baby now...i'll probably have to wait until after i come back from new york. gonna go buy some little baby things when i'm there!! yay!! a little girl for me to spoil!! : ) posted at 6:47 PM |  

cal's going bowling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't have the words to describe how happy and excited i am...i had a ton of fun at the game today, despite it being a bit ugly at times (cal had 7 fumbles!!). anyway, the second half was just awesome, the cal crowd got really into it...offense just lit it up...i'm so proud!!!

adam duritz was there, but as usual, i didn't see him.

funniest thing that i experienced at the game: when the stanfurd band was doing their thing, this 5-year old boy sitting next to me said to his dad, "that's not a marching band...what the heck is that?!?!"

ha ha...my sentiments exactly. posted at 1:26 AM |  

just about 12 hours until kickoff!!!

“If you’ve got Bear fever, you understand that it’s a wonderful spirit that can carry you to great things.”

-- Joe Kapp


GO BEARS!
BEAT STANFURD! posted at 12:42 AM |  

it's freeeeezing outside. ok, not really freezing. but it's very chilly. my ears hurt : (

the thing i love about days like this is that it's so clear outside...the bay looked really beautiful on my way to work this morning, and now, on my way back, i could actually see stars! no fog!

but, i am glad to be inside where it is warm and cozy. i have a headache from that cold wind...

would have been nice to go to the bonfire tonight and warm up, but i don't think i'll be going. need to try to get some food in me and rest up for the game tomorrow! posted at 6:04 PM |  

never got around to writing about my trip to texas...been too busy making snowflakes online i guess...

reached there friday morning (did not get any sleep on the plane, as predicted), and the hotel was really nice. much nicer than i had expected. it was right by the water...the gulf of mexico i believe. had a nice lunch there (mmmm...food...i miss food...), took a walk by the water, etc. saw my cousins, who have been away at school...attempted to take a nap, but i couldn't really fall asleep. before i knew it, it was time for the first party.

i absolutely hate what i wore. and that made me uncomfortable. but other than that, it was just boring...the food sucked...there were really annoying singers providing the music. and they ('they' meaning the girl's side) were doing some sort of traditional dance. the same step, round and round in a circle...for hours it seemed...i had to get in the circle for a while, and i made a fool out of myself. i would stop doing the step if i got behind and then try to run to catch up with the person who was in front of me, like an idiot. i hope they didn't catch that on camera. oh well. i got pulled out by my uncle who noticed that i didn't take my shoes off. sorry! i didn't know they were praying. anyway...so me and my cousins are getting kinda bored. so we started to come up with some plans to escape for dinner - cuz the food there just wasn't cutting it. went to a blimpie eventually. which wasn't much better really. but whatever...

the groom's brother is getting married next year, and i met his finance for the first time...not so sure about her. seems kinda...flashy. she just really stood out in the crowd. because of how she was dressed, i guess. anyway, i was being rude and didn't really talk to her, so i can't say much about her personality.

late that night, we (meaning, the california gang) went over to the groom's room and surprised him. no bachelor party or anything. we just hung out and talked and laughed. it was fun...probably the only really fun part of the weekend.

the next morning was the wedding ceremony...the groom and his brother were in a horse-drawn carriage. all of us female cousins got in too. the rest of the people danced in front of the carriage and someone was banging on a drum, which the horse really didn't appreciate. there were a lot of really jerky starts and stops...but we just went in a little circle and then us girls got out and danced in front, and then the groom came out and we all went inside the hotel. us female cousins were in charge of protecting his shoes (the girl's side usually steals them and then demands money for them later), so we grabbed them and ran. hid them, then went back to watch the ceremony.

the ceremony was pretty disorganized...couldn't hear what was going on most of the time. half the people left before it was over to go get food! a vegetarian mexican buffet. sucked again.

afterwards, the bride and groom left for a ride around the block. then they came back and we did this little traditional thing in the groom's parents suite. the bride is supposed to pour rice into the hands of the groom's family members, and then they pour it back into her hands. but this bride was not happy. she wanted to get the hell out of there. see, she had to go get her hair done. and she was really upset about being delayed.

i understand that brides get kinda crazy on their wedding days and want everything to be perfect and all, but i was really disappointed with her attitude. the groom's mom kept telling her to pour the rice with love, but she just kept dumping it. not with love, but with this "i wish they would hurry up and finish so i can get out of here" attitude. she was just really annoyed and kept looking at the groom and telling him that she had to go. she was on the verge of tears. kind of left a bad impression with me, so i can only guess that it left a worse impression with the mother in law.

and actually, if anything made them late, it was the bride's friends...they pretended they had the shoes, when in fact they didn't, and stood in front of the car and blocked them from leaving until they got the money. and eventually, they got it. in retrospect, we should have been up in their face and told them that we knew they didn't have the shoes, but we really didn't know what the hell was going on at that point.

anyway...the reception was later that night. and it was boring too. way too many bad speeches and dances and top ten lists and what-not. then some bad food for dinner. then some bhangra dancing of course. you know, it's kinda weird. i'm starting to feel more comfortable dancing to bhangra - even though i have no clue what i am doing - than to regular hip hop or whatever. in these types of surroundings anyway. but i was really tired and had a headache and my feet - oh, my feet - they were killing me. i don't know what made me think i could deal with the high heels for that long. i really don't. so by the time they started playing hip hop and other american stuff (around midnight), i was sitting down and not getting up again. and that made me feel even more insecure because it was weird that everyone was dancing and having a good time and i was sitting there watching. but i went to bed by 12:30, and they kept on dancing until 2. i envy their energy....maybe if i hadn't sat down...eh, whatever. i feel weird dancing at weddings. if i'm at a club and if i've had a few drinks, it is much easier for me to let go. but i just feel too self-conscious otherwise.

i really envy people who can dance to any type of music so naturally, and look so good doing it. i don't think i'm one of those people. i think i can be, but i'm just too uptight most of the time. i don't know. but yeah, i definitely felt more self-conscious sitting there watching than i would have if i were dancing. i don't know what to do with myself...

anyway, the next day, we went to lunch at the bride's parents house. they made all this south indian food - note that they're not south indian. and i'm pretty sure that's where i got the food poisoning. although, no one else got sick...but anyway, i threw it all up 3-4 hours later. so that was my weekend. posted at 1:17 AM |  

i'm heading to new york for thanksgiving/my b-day! bought tickets today. i wasn't going to go...but, then i found some cheap tickets (thank you jet blue!) and said what the hell. nothing better to do. my mom is going to be there anyway, she bought tickets last month. there's a wedding actually...i don't know the girl, a second cousin of mine i guess...but i guess we'll go to that. i'm taking 2 more days off of work - i feel like i've barely gone to work at all since october : ) posted at 8:48 PM |  

hate it when the whole day just passes me by and i do so little of what i intended to do...

also hate it when my body is so tired that all i want to do is lie in bed...

i didn't finish that thing for my boss until like 11 tonight. and it wasn't quite finished then either, but i emailed it to him anyway. he can tell me to fix it up tomorrow if he wants me to. i didn't know what the hell he wanted. and i hate being given this type of work. it's ridiculous really.

i'm craving a big hamburger. but i don't think my stomach would be too happy with me if i attempted to eat one. i doubt i'd get more than 1 bite down anyway. i can barely get rice down. toast is good though. i've been eating a lot of toast. plain toast. with 7up or apple juice. also, jello. i've eaten way too much jello today. yesterday was toast, toast, toast. today, just one toast, but a lot of jello. i think i may have too much sugar in me right now. i don't know. i wanted to go to bed early, but i took this nap from like 5 - 6:30, so i find myself still awake...

it's weird that it's big game week and yet i don't feel as excited and school-spirity as i usually do. i'm sure i will be by friday though. hope i can sit with my friends at the game. it would suck if i can't. i also hope i'm feeling better by then because i really don't want to faint out of hunger or anything...

anyway, i better go to bed. posted at 1:23 AM |  

went to work for a little while then came back...felt dizzy and tired, needed my bed...

my boss gave me some crap to do for this paper he's writing. it's totally mindless stuff - copying and pasting stuff into a table and formatting it so everything fits. in other words, tedious stuff that no one else will do so i get stuck with it. you'd think that he'd have a secretary to do these types of things...

the bitch is on vacation until december, and she left me the 5 lessons she finished. i've only looked through the first one, and it totally sucks. i just don't even want to be involved in this crap. don't want my name associated with it in any way. it's just terrible. the lesson is an introduction to limits, and she has them finding the derivative of a function using that limit as delta t approaches 0 thing without even first teaching them how to find the limit of anything! it's just ridiculous. none of the textbooks do that. poor kids. they don't even really understand what delta t is yet, and she's having them use that formula...pissed me off so much when i saw that. it needs to be completely rewritten in my opinion. but seeing as how no one in the office gives a crap about my opinion, i bet nothing will change at all.

anyway...i better go do that thing for my boss now. posted at 3:01 PM |  

hmm...does anyone think michael jackson is behind all this crap - in the sense that he may be trying to create more publicity for himself? granted, it's pretty negative publicity. i mean, who in their right mind would want their name associated with these kind of charges?...but i still think there's a possibility that he is behind it all. and that he gets the ball rolling whenever he has a new album or something coming out...

whatever. it's not even worth the speculation really. posted at 8:00 PM |  

good god. the guy upstairs is blasting - and i mean blasting - michael bolton. how can we be lovers if we can't be friends. please save me.

(btw...that was the song title, not me asking how i can be lovers with the upstairs guy.) posted at 6:54 PM |  

i am getting addicted to this snowflake maker. compared to most of the ones in the gallery, mine totally suck. but that's because it took me a while to figure out how to cut anything other than a diamond. but anyway. i probably have more important things i should be doing, as usual... posted at 6:13 PM |  

feeling a little better...didn't go to work because my stomach's still making noises and i don't feel like eating anything. just want to take it easy.

got email from sean, and that cheered me up a bit. he's been in 7 different states in the past week. heading to california today. LA though, not up here. i wish i could go down there and see him. not that he'd have time. what a crazy job...i think he likes the fast pace though.

anyway, the handyman came back and loosened the hot water handle for me. i pointed out this other problem that started right after he supposedly fixed the leak, and he claimed that he didn't touch that thing. so, i'm supposed to believe it was just a coincidence? i don't know...it's very annoying....i feel like these people are very incompetent...maybe i shouldn't have told them about any of the problems, it seems like they just made everything worse...oh well, what can you do? posted at 11:22 AM |  

got back last night...with a bad case of food poisoning : (

will blog more about the wedding and everything later. right now i'm just trying to get my stomach to settle down. i threw up 3 times at the houston airport last night. real fun.

slept at my dad's place, then came back here this morning to find that my glass balcony door had a big crack in it - the handyman came in this morning to try to fix some other problem with the door and said that it was like that when he got here. he was also supposed to fix a leak in my shower, and instead somehow made it totally non-functional. i can't turn on the hot water, for one thing. second, he left a big mess - the tub was covered in dirt and crap, and there was water all over the floor. i just can't deal right now. feel like shit. don't have the energy to clean up all this stuff...

the bitch called and tried to get me to come in to work for a meeting. yeah, right. i told her there was no way i could come in today and that i wasn't even sure about tomorrow.

anyway...my stomach is making weird noises now. i better go lie down or something. posted at 1:51 PM |  

gotta leave for the airport in about 4 hours. i feel like i still have a million things to do...didn't really finish packing last night. decided to paint my toe nails instead. yeah, that was really smart. it's not like i couldn't take the nail polish with me and do that in my hotel room instead...

what i really want to do right now is go to sleep. maybe that's good...maybe i'll just be so tired by the time i get on the plane that i'll just fall fast asleep...not likely though. oh, and my period just started. perfect timing as usual. i hate being on a plane while i'm on my period. i just feel so uncomfortable.

anyway, blogging will resume on sunday night. posted at 6:10 PM |  

been trying to pack. i hate packing. and i always get the feeling that i'm forgetting something. probably because i always leave everything to the last minute. posted at 11:52 PM |  

the guy upstairs is watching a movie in his bedroom at this ridiculously high volume right now...it's so irritating. why on earth would anyone need the volume to be so high? i don't think this guy is hard of hearing, he's only about 20-ish. i'm not going to complain about this - this i can deal with, because it's only 10 and though it's against building rules to be listening to anything this loud after 10, i'm not a hardass. what i really hate is being woken up at 4:30 am two or three times a week...and kept up...last night, he was walking around for a good 45 minutes. if he would just go to the bathroom and then go to sleep right away, you know, in like 5 minutes, i'd just go back to sleep. but the longer he keeps me up, the more pissed i get. i just don't even know what to say.

oh, and the past couple weeks, there's been this other noise...sounds like a really squeaky mattress, i'm not sure. i'm pretty sure it's something that he sits on that makes this really annoying noise. it wasn't there before.

anyway, i don't know why i'm blogging about all this. i've probably said it all before. i just feel like i don't even have the energy to deal anymore, you know? like, on top of everything else in my life that is fucked up, i have to get stuck with this insane upstairs neighbor too...how is that fair? posted at 10:32 PM |  

left work at 5:30 again. but the bitch only worked for 4 hours today, so i think it's only fair that i leave early too.

other than that...i'm kinda annoyed with a friend of mine. ok, very annoyed. she was supposed to go to the big game with me, but instead she made plans to go with someone else and already bought tickets with that other friend, even though i specifically remember telling her that i had an extra ticket that she could have. she never mentioned to me at that time that this other friend wanted to come too - i could have easily bought another ticket in the same section for her if i had known. but anyway, now i am stuck with no one to go with. well, we can go there together, but i'll be sitting alone where my seats are, and she'll be sitting with the other friend where their seats are (in a different section altogether). it just pisses me off that she didn't tell me...she said she bought the tickets a couple months ago! it's just so rude of her to not tell me at the time, considering we have always gone together.

i'm just so sick of people fucking forgetting about me. this same friend also had an extra ticket for this concert in berkeley that i would have loved to have gone to, but she didn't even bother to ask me - even knowing that i live in berkeley! when i asked her why she didn't ask me if i wanted the ticket, she said she forgot about me. great, huh?

and it's not just this one friend, things like this have come up with a lot of the friends i have had over the years. i just hate feeling like i'm so...forgetable, or whatever the word is.

anyway...so now i have to start emailing random people i know who don't like football and asking if they want to come to the game with me. posted at 6:18 PM |  

left work at 5:30 today...i'm getting so lazy...just don't want to be there anymore.

when i woke up this morning, my neck and left shoulder were killing me. and my left leg was sore too. i have no idea what brought that on. i better go do my exercises, i've been getting lazy about that too... posted at 7:19 PM |  

been in a bad mood today...don't know exactly how to explain it...i'm just so unhappy with the way i look right now. and i know these things shouldn't matter, but when i feel like i look bad, then it just has this effect on me. especially when there's some 'event' i have to go to, or if i'm going to be around certain types of people...i don't know, i just get so insecure and uncomfortable...i act differently than i normally would if i thought i looked nice...much less confident, less relaxed, etc.

i know that it's all probably in my mind. but when i look in the mirror, i just get miserable sometimes...

my haircut is ok, however...the length is what is bothering me. shoulder length hair is the only length that i think is totally unflattering on me. and that's what i have right now. not that i asked for it - i just wanted a trim, and a trim ended up resulting in shoulder length hair. and inch or two makes such a huge difference sometimes...i am totally ok with short-short hair (as long as it doesn't resemble a bob), and with hair that is anywhere past my shoulders. but this length really just makes my face look round and chubby. which then makes me look younger - and i look young enough to begin with so this is not a good thing. i was shoe-shopping the other day, and the woman at the store asked me if i was buying the shoe for my homecoming dance. um, i'm 25 lady and we don't have a homecoming dance in the office. anyway, i'm sure that in 3-4 weeks my hair will look totally fine on my face, but the wedding is in a week and i don't know how i'll feel about my hair at that point. humidity will not help at all, since my hair gets unusually puffy at this length too.

aside from the hair...well, i went to get my eyebrows done today, and the lady who was doing them totally screwed them up. she just wasn't even paying any attention while she was doing them. i usually end up having to go back home and pluck out a few because she tends to overpluck one of them. but this time she made them both totally different shapes and just...well, it's not repairable by a few plucks. i thought they looked weird when i checked them out at the salon, but i didn't want to tell her to fix them because i tried that last time and she ended up making them worse (though, comparatively, she did a pretty nice job the last time aside from making one a little shorter than the other). anyway, eyebrows seem to make such a huge difference on my face, and i absolutely hate it when they look bad.

to top all that off, my skin looks like crap. i don't know what's going on with it. maybe i haven't been taking good care of it. and it shows. all i ask is for this one huge zit to disappear and for no new ones to pop up this week. but that may be asking too much.

so anyway, as if i'm not already stressed out about what i'm wearing and all that, now i am just 10 times worse...and i know that if i still feel this way during the wedding, i just won't enjoy myself. i don't know how i got to be so insecure...goes back to childhood really. i remember feeling this way in elementary school. sometimes it just creeps up on me out of nowhere. i hate it. and i think i'll be suffering with it for the rest of my life. posted at 11:39 PM |  

depressing cal game tonight...we were playing so well until the freakin lights went out!!! i think oregon got lucky...cal should have had this game...and many others this season. we've just had way too many of these close losses that come down to the last play...

but, clearly cal didn't play well towards the end of the game...two possessions towards the end of the fourth quarter absolutely sucked. i really don't like the "let's try to run out the clock" mentality when there is plenty of time left and not a huge lead. they really needed even just one more first down on either of those possessions and that would have sealed the deal! so frustrating...next two games are must-wins now. posted at 11:20 PM |  

i hate last-minute shopping. i still can't find anything to wear. tried on some dresses that were alright, but then decided that i really didn't want to wear a dress because that would mean i'd have to shave my legs that morning, and i really don't think i'll have time to do that. sucks being a girl. posted at 6:47 PM |  

my hair feels so short. haven't decided whether or not i like it... posted at 12:14 AM |  

i'm taking a half-day tomorrow. the person who normally cuts my hair had a cancellation (just in time!). i had been trying to get an appointment with her for weeks. not that i had to take an entire half-day to get my hair cut, it's just that i'm sick of work, and i don't have anything to do there, and it's friday so i want to sleep in a bit. posted at 12:36 AM |  

got some clarification from my aunt about the schedule of events for the wedding...there's only one thing i need to go to on friday, not two as i thought. so, that's good to know. however, something extra has been added for sunday, and i have no idea what i'm supposed to wear for that. i think non-indian clothes would be ok, but uh, i really don't think i own anything fancy. i'll have to check my closet. i honestly have not bought a nice dress or skirt in ages. and the last one i bought is not really something i would wear to a fancy brunch with family. plus, apparently we are heading to the airport straight from there, so it has to be something i could wear on a plane in case i don't get time to change. yet still formal enough for this fancy lunch thing. am i overthinking this? probably. i'm just pissed because i think i'll have to go shopping for something this weekend. last minute shopping is very stressful for me. you have no idea. shit. what am i going to wear? i suppose i could go the black pant route. but i can't think of a nice shirt to wear with it...i'm hoping that when i go through my closet i'll find something that i totally forgot about...doubt it though... posted at 9:59 PM |  

arrggh. well, i just wrote a very "i'm frustrated" type of entry, and now that i lost it, i'm even more frustrated!!! i know, i need to chill...i just hate it when this happens...

anyway, the entry was just me complaining because one of my aunts here somehow got put in charge of getting all of our plane tickets to texas for the wedding next weekend, and the tickets she bought SUCK. they're just terrible. and she didn't just get stuck with them because it was getting close and there were no other tickets available - she bought them a full month in advance, even though i told her to wait another week or so. she just didn't listen to me...we aren't even flying to corpus christi (where the wedding is), we're flying to some other city that's 2 hours away. and it's a red-eye flight. and it has a 2 hour wait in houston. grrreeeaaat.

it's especially annoying to find this out because i saw a good deal on southwest (from oakland to corpus christi, as we wanted) the day after she bought these tickets! i think the only reason she didn't book those for us was because she had already booked that other insane flight for herself and didn't want to rent a car from there and drive through the middle of nowhere, texas alone.

but anyway. the main thing is, i can't sleep on planes!!! at all!!! i have some serious issues because of this stupid red-eye flight: 1) i am going to look like shit the next day. (there are 2 parties that i need to go to that day so i really won't get much time to rest at all.) see, i tend to get these really dark circles and huge bags under my eyes when i don't sleep properly. it looks terrible. 2) i am going to have really bad headaches the next day, because that's another thing that happens to me when i don't sleep properly. 3) i am probably going to be really sore because i'm going to the chiropractor that morning. i doubt that being in a seated position with not much leg room all night is going to help matters. 4) i am probably just going to be really irritable (most likely getting my period right around that time too).

so...this trip is off to a bad start, and it's still a week away. posted at 7:25 PM |  

i just wrote up this huge post and i think blogger ate it. it asked me if i wanted to save it, and i said yes, but where the hell is it??? posted at 7:12 PM |  

at work today, i was trying to go to sfgate.com (the san francisco chronicle's site), but i accidently forgot the f. turned out to be a really embarrassing mistake. especially since other people happened to be walking by by computer at the time. and when i realized what happened and tried to type in the correct url and hit enter, of course i got pop-ups! which were much worse than the original site i landed on...graphically speaking...

um, if you should feel the need to try it yourself, make sure your boss isn't right behind you! posted at 7:04 PM |  

i'm cold, and i'm tired, and i'm sick of work, and i'm sick of being woken up at 5 AM, and i'm just generally frustrated with a lot of things...but that isn't new i suppose... posted at 6:55 PM |  

saw "pieces of april" tonight...nice movie. anyway, i don't know what possessed me to drive there instead of just hanging out in the area after work...my office is about 3 blocks from there. but i decided for whatever reason to walk back up to my apartment and take my car. bad idea. i circled and circled and circled looking for parking...thought for sure i would find some a bit further away from the main downton area, but no luck. got tired of looking and ended up in a parking lot, which was fine. $2, no big deal. it's just that i think i have trouble seeing clearly when i'm driving at night. i was making this right turn, and my car went way up on the sidewalk. scared the shit out of me. it was just so loud and i didn't know what had happened...i hope i didn't mess up my tire, it sounded as though i hit it really hard. actually, i think i will check out that corner tomorrow and try to figure out what happened. once, i was in someone else's car, and the same thing happened, on the same corner. i will remember that from now on...actually, i think i'll be walking from now on... posted at 10:28 PM |  

it's so cold...and my room is still not clean...and i haven't paid my bills...or sent out my resume...and yet, i'm sitting here blogging because i'm too tired to deal with any of those things...

didn't sleep well last night. and then it was so cold in the morning, i didn't want to get out of bed. my bathroom was especially cold, and my towel felt like it was frozen when i tried to dry my face with it. yet another reason to move out of this apartment...i want to live someplace warm and toasty. like my apartment in ann arbor was. i miss that (on cold days anyway, not during the summer).

anyway, i was really out of it all morning at work. dizzy, couldn't concentrate...kept yawning...i feel like i'm a mess.

oh, and i found out the bitch is getting a raise too. i thought only i was, so i felt special, but now i'm really pissed. i know i'm going to end up doing a lot more work that she does, and it's just messed up that, despite the fact that her salary is already much higher than mine, now she's getting a raise too? even though she's not taking on any additional responsibilities the way i am? how does she do this? what magical power does she have over people? i don't get it!!!

alright, i know...i need to let it go...wonder why i have so many health problems? this is probably one reason. there's so much resentment inside of me...i don't know how to explain it...

i had to give the hr lady all of my receipts from physical therapy, and i was so scared to do it. i was so scared to approach her and explain things to her. i was sure that she was going to complain for one reason or another. it made me so tense just working up the guts to go do it. isn't that ridiculous? she was ok though, surprisingly...didn't yell or complain or anything...the only thing that irritated me was that she said "i noticed you've been taking walks around the block. is that what's been helping you?" - and she definitely said this in an "i told you so" sort of way (because that's what she kept telling me to do when i first had the pain). anyway, i replied that i go outside to do some of my exercises and stretches...the truth is, i've been going outside the office more lately because i just don't have any work to do in the office! sometimes i just need to get away from the bitch because her voice bothers me. sometimes, i just felt really cold because of the air conditioning and wanted to go out where it was warm because the heat made me feel better...now that it's cold, i doubt i'll be taking those walks anymore. the outside breaks are really just an august-october thing for me, because that's the only time it's warm out. but sure, if she wants to think i took her really great and insightful advice, and that's what made me better, then fine...

sorry, went off track a bit there...my point was, this whole environment at work is probably the root of my problems. and i don't know how to just let things slide...how to not be so affected by the people there...it's seriously one of the hardest situations i've ever had to deal with. and it's just wearing me out. i'm sooooo tired of it!!!! exhausted. and i have no idea what i can do about it... posted at 12:56 AM |  

i watched that joe average show tonight...i'm sure how they picked these guys to represent 'average', but it was worth watching to see the look on the girl's face when the first guy came out of the bus. it was like she was thinking "oh, hell no...oh wait, i forgot i'm on tv, i have to smile at him..."

i just want to say, if these guys are average-looking, i would hate to see the really ugly guys who are out there. ok, that's mean. about half of them i think could pass as average. the rest seemed...well, slightly below average...just my opinion though. and i'm not just talking about looks, because frankly, some of these guys had questionable personalities...of course, i'm saying this based on how the show's editors decided to present them. maybe in real life, they are ok and fairly normal. i hope for that girl's sake that they are. by the way, how can a 21-year-old with a phd be considered average? seriously? on what planet is that average? anyway. i think the show's producers intentionally picked a bunch of weirdos who would be entertaining to watch (or to make fun of), rather than truly averge guys. because average is boring, right? who'd want to watch them? posted at 11:56 PM |  

alright, i'm by no means an expert on indian fashion, but hopefully this will clear things up for those of you who have no idea what i have been babbling about...

first of all, keep in mind that indians like to dress up a lot. especially for weddings (if not for the ceremony itself, then at least for the reception and other parties...and no, you cannot wear the same outfit to the ceremony and the reception).

ok, what i wanted was a lengha, basically, it's a long skirt. i think the different names might have something to do with the style of the skirt, but i'm not sure. anyway, they come with a matching top and scarf-like thing. some are fancier than others...the one i bought looks a little something like this, except mine has a longer top. (and mine cost about $125, not $500)

what my aunt sent me looked more like this. granted, it wasn't quite this casual-looking because it did have a lot of embroidery and stuff...but, still, it's nowhere near as formal as the lengha.

and what annoyed me further is that this is the third one she sent! even though, after i received each one, i told her that it was not formal enough! i have absolutely no idea what she was thinking...but anyway, i will probably end up wearing it (and one of the other pant outfits she sent) to either the ceremony or to a party the night before...let's hope i don't look like a complete idiot...the wedding's in texas and i don't know how indians there dress up...but, oh well. posted at 7:48 PM |  

back to work tomorrow : ( posted at 12:50 AM |  

went shopping with my mom and bought a lengha, like i wanted. i didn't want to have to spend so much money on something i'll only wear once or twice, but i didn't have much choice since the wedding's in 2 weeks. i'm sick of going to these indian things and feeling like i'm not dressed appropriately, or that what i'm wearing is totally out of style, or that it doesn't fit me properly because it was borrowed...at least i'll feel good wearing this lengha i bought today. i think it looks really pretty...i'm very happy with it. of course, it's a bit too long for me (that's another reason why i special order things from india - i usually need a tailor to make them to my exact measurements). but i can fold over the top part a bit, or pull it up past my waist. don't think anyone will be able to tell.

anyway...the bangles my aunt sent me would have gone with it perfectly, but she got the wrong size! they're one size too big for my wrists...i was a little crushed about that. i hope i can find some here that match just as well...

in other news, cal kicked butt today! i'm so proud of them. i was worried about this game, it was really important for them to win it...

oh, and i feel a lot better today, health-wise. i got a lot of rest last night. i think i needed it. posted at 12:02 AM |