feeling more awake now. funny how food will do that.

our old graphic designer came by the office today to visit. i totally didn't recognize him. saw him come in, and thought "who's that guy? he's kinda hot. wonder if he's one of my boss's grad students..." - but then he came over and said hi to me, and i was like "eeeewwww...it's ryan...." (no, i didn't say that to him, but i think it was obvious that i was a bit shocked.)

a good haircut will do wonders for some people.

i suppose he was ok-looking before, and i did like his old hair style - but only because it looked like it would be fun to play with, all curly and bouncy...but, wasn't really attracted to him because he was an ass. arrogant, and not very nice to me.

anyway, he looks good now. he came back here because he was doing the long-distance thing with his girlfriend, and i guess they broke up recently. but he decided he needed her. came all the way out here to try to win her back (complete with love letters and a song he wrote for her), and if all goes well, he's going to move back here to be with her. (or at least, that's the story he told us.)

now, hearing things like this...it makes me kinda...well, it makes me wish that i were that special to someone. makes me wish that some guy thought that i was worth moving across the country for. or something equivalent.

this is not me whining about being alone or wanting a boyfriend. this is just me wanting to feel that kind of flattery. because sean has left me feeling the complete opposite right now. and it sucks. posted at 8:53 PM |  

can barely keep my eyes open right now. so tired...

the doctor said i probably had benign vertigo brought on by my allergies and congestion and all that...i do feel some pressure in my left ear, so i think that's where it stems from. but anyway, she didn't give me anything or tell me to do anything. i got a blood test though, just because i was there. the guy who took my blood was kinda sketchy. at one point, while he was drawing the blood, it started coming out and spilling down my arm. it was gross - i normally don't look, but when i felt something warm on my arm, i took a glance and saw this big pool forming. never happened to me before. hope it never happens again. posted at 7:22 PM |  

have a 9 am appointment with my doctor tomorrow. i have no idea how i'll get up early enough. and i really don't see the point in going because i'm not feeling dizzy anymore, and i don't think she'll be able to tell me anything about why it happened. i wanted to speak with her on the phone and ask her whether this was serious enough that i needed to get an examination. my guess is that it's not. but the people there were rude and didn't want me to talk to her on the phone, they kinda insisted that i make an appointment instead. and i couldn't even ask the doctor how urgent it was - i mean, if it wasn't something that needed to be checked out right away, i would have waited until there was a more convenient appointment time available. or maybe all i needed was a blood test, and i could have gone in any time to do that. but no, they didn't give the doctor the message to call me back as i had requested. it's so annoying.

i should go to bed. i just don't know how i'm going to fall asleep - still feeling really itchy. got a bunch of bites at work today. think i got some last night too. not fun. posted at 12:26 AM |  

i went to the movie with this friend of mine who insisted i go tonight because she wanted me to meet "someone special"...silly me took this to mean her boyfriend (who i haven't met because he's been in europe) was in town. but no, it was some other guy. an indian guy she met through craigslist. and have i mentioned that this friend likes matchmaking? as soon as i saw them, i felt "oh great, she's trying to set me up with this guy."

no offense to the guy...i mean, he seemed nice and all. but, this is one of my pet peeves - people who think that because i'm indian, that they have to set me up with any random indian guy they happen to come across. (or worse yet, when indians want to set me up with any sindhi guy they happen to come across)

my other pet peeve is when people set me up with "quiet, smart" guys because they think that we'll have stuff in common.

uuuggghh.

i don't know for sure if she was trying to set me up or not. actually, this other guy showed up too, and he wasn't indian. i don't know which one of them was the so-called special person. i ran off right after the movie because i had like 2 minutes to catch my shuttle home.

but anyway...i'm not totally against the idea of being set up with someone. i just wish that people who want to set me up with someone would bother to ask me what type of guys i like first. not that i really have a type, but...i mean...i can at least give them an idea of what i find attractive and what i don't. or you know, maybe they can tell me something about the guy first and then ask me if i'd be interested in meeting him, instead of just throwing us together.

*sigh*

honestly, it would take someone with a really strong personality to capture my attention right now. these simple, normal, nice guys just aren't doing it for me. i need to meet someone special and different and exciting. if those three words don't describe a guy, then don't try to set me up with him!!! please!!! posted at 11:04 PM |  

saw "eternal sunshine..." tonight. good movie, i really liked it. i think it's my favorite charlie kaufman one so far. and i really don't think it's as confusing as some people seem to think it is. but maybe kaufman's style of writing just comes off that way sometimes...

anyway, i don't want to say anything that will ruin it for those of you that haven't seen it. but, it made me think about memories and relationships - made me appreciate them really. and, i don't know...i just think it was sweet, in a kaufmany way. i'm not good at writing about movies - just go see it. thumbs up from me. posted at 10:13 PM |  

one of my readers has been kind enough to host me...so, you'll be able to find me here. (give it a few hours though)

i promise, i won't move for a while now. i bet some of you are tired of updating your links : ) posted at 8:01 PM |  

ok, my site looks really ugly here. and i hate pop-ups. i'm just not in the right frame of mind to look for someplace better right now.

tonight has sucked. first of all, i dented my car while turning into my garage. hit a pillar/beam - whatever it's called, it's stupid. i've lived here for how many years now? come in and out of that garage how many times? and for no reason at all, i hit the damn thing - really bad timing too, because i was planning on selling my car within the next month or so. would have preferred to sell it without any dents. grrrr.

then, i came up to my apartment and realized that i'm dizzy. really dizzy. i put my head down and watched alias for an hour, then got up, and i was still dizzy. could barely walk or stand up straight. and no, i did not have any alcoholic beverages tonight. i'm still a bit dizzy now...it's been 2 hours... posted at 11:15 PM |  

sorry for jumping around so much....i thought the problem with the other site was supposed to be fixed in "a few days" because that's what they said, but obviously it lasted more than a few days...and meanwhile, i tried tripod again, as well as various other sites, but they didn't work out and i got impatient. would have just gone to blogspot or something, but every single name i typed in was already taken, so that got frustrating. anyway...until i get things figured out, i'll be here. sorry again! posted at 10:45 PM |  

SO pissed right now. stupid bitch. i hate her, i hate her, i hate her. posted at 12:59 PM |  

didn't realize i would be unable to ftp for this long....*sigh*...oh well. whatever. i'm too lazy to look for a new host right now.

summary of various thoughts and things:

-- been having way too many dreams involving sean lately. tempted to call him just because it feels like it's been ages since i have heard his voice. but i haven't called. haven't even emailed. not sure if i should.

-- been feeling like a failure. in pretty much all aspects of my life. i think about other people i know...how, even though their lives might not be as great and perfect and happy as they appear, they do still have at least one or two things going for them, you know? but me - i can't think of a single thing i have going for me right now.

-- been thinking about how i got here...how i got on this path, various choices i made. it's not exactly that i regret things, it's more like...well, i have a lot of 'what ifs' - wondering if i would be better off if i had done things differently, made some different choices (read: not gone to michigan for grad school), etc. i know, there's no point in doing this...but i can't help it sometimes.

-- been having a really hard time falling asleep - feel too itchy. i changed the sheets, washed my blanket. nothing seems to work. i don't know if it's psychological now (because of all the bites i was getting in my sleep during the heat wave), or if there really are some fleas or whatever in my bed. i have so many bites on me that i can't tell if i get any new ones anymore.

-- been worried about my cholesterol. i know, totally random. i guess it's just because there was something in the news about it recently, and i know mine was borderline when i got it checked last year. since then, i've probably quadrupled my meat intake (because of the anemia), and i just feel like i've been eating more crap in general. so i'm sure it's gone up. and, because of this new stuff that was in the news, i don't even think my good cholesterol is really good, because i don't get enough exercise for it to be good. (that's what i gathered in my very limited understanding of anything related to the human body and how it works)


ok, i think that's about it for now. nothing that would make me feel like exploding, but it's good to get it out regardless. posted at 11:54 PM |  

hopefully i'll be able to publish soon...this is annoying.

anyway. i haven't had much to say. can't quite find the words to explain what i've been thinking and feeling lately. life is just difficult right now. i'm having a hard time dealing with things. and pulling myself together. just been very unmotivated in general.

and it's really depressing when i don't get any email. (other than spam or whatever)

but on the bright side, i think my allergies are starting to subside a bit. posted at 12:34 AM |  

i was hoping upstairs guy would be out of town for spring break. but no, he's still here. and with my luck, he'll probably be up all night every night this whole week. playing video games and doing whatever else he does when he doesn't have any school work to do...

i don't understand why he's here. it's spring break dude - go to mexico or something. at the very least, go hang out in another room. posted at 10:06 PM |  

site's back up. still having problems publishing though : ( posted at 12:32 PM |  

i was the biggest alabama fan today : )

thanks to them, stanfurd is out early, as i predicted. final four my ass...

and i suppose in a roundabout way, kennedy winston partially made up for his not coming to cal... posted at 6:18 PM |  

i hate this, i hate this, i hate this!!

allergies are EVIL. posted at 2:11 PM |  

i just want my stupid nose to stop running for 2 minutes....

is that too much to ask for?!?!?

this is nuts - i can't do anything without a tissue in hand. even blog...i've had to blow my nose twice just while typing these 3 lines.
posted at 11:02 PM |  

left at about 6:20. i'm proud of myself for finishing this one problem set...i should have finished it like, a week ago, but i was being lazy. and i was really tempted to be lazy today too and finish it up on monday instead...but, i'm glad i got it done. runny nose and all.

i have had other things on my mind this week besides allergies. but i've kinda been avoiding thinking and writing and analyzing...maybe next week... posted at 7:16 PM |  

so worn out from these stupid allergies...throat's feeling better, but my nose just refuses to stop running. claritin didn't help at all today.

i really want to leave work now...but my boss is still here, and he saw me come in at 11 this morning, so...i don't know, it's not even 6 yet. i feel like he'd get pissed if i left. maybe i shouldn't care, but i do. i'm on his good side right now, and i don't want to do something that would put be back on his bad side.

then again, maybe if i was really quiet about it, he wouldn't notice?

i'll surf the web for 15-20 minutes and then see... posted at 5:51 PM |  

forgot my leftovers at work. i hate it when i do that. what am i going to do about dinner now?!? : ( posted at 6:46 PM |  

throat still hurts : (

i felt really terrible this morning...totally congested, coughing, runny nose, etc...just a mess. oh, and i had a really hard time falling asleep last night. not due to upstairs guy, but due to stupid bug bites. i felt so itchy...i'm pretty sure that the number of bites i've had this week is in double digits - i actually got 2 more just in the process of counting them this morning.

sick of it, sick of this weather. i can't believe i'm saying that - it's actually gorgeous outside today. but it sucks when i can't enjoy it. hell, i couldn't even eat any ice cream or drink any cold drinks this whole time because of my stupid sore throat!!! posted at 1:00 PM |  

watching coutney love on letterman...this has got to be one of the most hilariously off interviews since that farrah fawcett one. posted at 12:14 AM |  

sean emailed today...and considering i hadn't heard from him in about a month, he didn't have much to say. it was just a one liner that had nothing to do with anything really...kinda disappointing, but then again, what else could i expect from him?

anyway...i think i better go to bed early tonight. feel like shit right now. i wish i didn't get sick so easlily. i know part of it is probably because i haven't been eating properly the past week or two...but, i just haven't had much of an appetite. i need something good to eat. so tired of the usual stuff... posted at 11:01 PM |  

feel so sick today...aside from my throat feeling sore and scratchy, it also occasionally feels like there's something stuck in it, but there isn't. makes me feel like gagging sometimes. mostly, i'm just really uncomfortable. and my period's starting too. i'm just very, very tired right now...tired and hot. posted at 6:33 PM |  

my throat feels really weird and uncomfortable. don't know what to do about it : (

i wonder how long this heat wave is going to continue...up until today, it's been nice-hot. but today was less nice and more hot, you know what i mean? it's just too early in the year for this type of weather. posted at 12:26 AM |  

work's going to be insane busy for the next 3-4 weeks. possibly all the way up until may. and they told my boss not to give me any of his stuff to do. so...i kinda just have to keep chugging with the homework. which sucks because sometimes i just need a break from it.

anyway. part of the reason we are so far behind schedule is because the bitch slacks off too much...but of course, when anyone says anything to her, she just giggles if off...and honestly, i'd get a lot more work done if she wasn't fucking around all day. she's constantly getting phone calls or whining or laughing insanely loud at things that aren't even that funny, or just being her usual princessy self...i really can't concentrate with all that going on. wish she would work from home more often.

off to watch american idol - i'm unusually excited about it tonight for some reason. posted at 8:00 PM |  

i feel really sick...allergies are really getting to me today. woke up feeling terrible, and it's only gotten worse since then...i took a claritin this morning, but it hasn't helped much. made my nose stop running a bit, but my throat is still really scratchy and i'm feeling kinda lightheaded (might be the heat causing that)... posted at 1:19 PM |  

i've eaten way too much chocolate tonight. in one of those moods... posted at 11:49 PM |  

checked out the rent for 1-bedroom apartments in some nicer buildings near my office...they were anywhere from $1500 to $1700. much more than i expected. definitely can't afford to pay that much rent. it's insane...

i'm sure that there are some cheaper apartments around here...it's just that in a lot of the older buildings, i worry that i'll have the same noise problems that i do here...or, i won't have a dishwasher, or a parking space, or good water pressure, etc...there's so much give and take...*sigh*... posted at 7:50 PM |  

i just have to rant about last night's alias episode. if you haven't seen it and plan to, then don't read this.

now, i put up with a lot of far-fetched stuff on this show, and i usually don't mind it because the storyline is usually clever and exciting enough to make up for it. however, they've become increasingly stupid this season...and last night was the first time i was seriously upset. i mean, they've led us to believe that sydney is this extremely intelligent person...so why on earth would she slip up like she did last night?!? it doesn't make any sense...there was no need at all for her to even mention the name julia thorne, yet she did anyway. and this is after she knew that she (as julia) had killed that guy's brother. i mean, come on!!

second, why did they dial the number that guy gave them, knowing full well that it could have activated the bomb instead of diffusing it? hello??? didn't they fall for this exact same trick like, a few episodes ago? sure, you might think that they had no choice...but, vaughn and sark had already put the bomb inside the cooler with the ice, so it wasn't going to go off anyway, right? so, what was the hurry? made no sense at all...

there's more, but those were the main things that pissed me off.

there better be a kick-ass season finale to make up for this... posted at 5:58 PM |  

weekend got over way too quickly. as usual.

not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow... posted at 1:24 AM |  

at my mom's place right now...she's been getting more and more religious lately, it's kinda weird. she had someone from the temple come over to the house and do some poojas today...she thinks that it'll help make things better for us...i don't know....my own personal belief is that your motivation for doing things of a religious nature should not be just to have something good happen to you in return. it should be something you do from your heart...something you really mean...

i have some relatives who are genuinely religious people, and they're not doing it expecting some sort of reward. well, maybe a little. but for the most part, their heart is really in it and they have these strong beliefs. i don't feel like that's the case with my mom though. lately, i feel like she's doing things for the sole purpose of getting some blessings from god. in fact, she's said that herself.

but anyway...i'm not trying to be all negative here. the poojas can't hurt. and my mom helping people is not a bad thing. i just wish that she could learn to be happy with things the way they are, or if she could do things that would help make her happy, rather than just waiting for something good to happen. (and yes, i wish this for myself too.) posted at 12:50 AM |  

having problems trying to publish...getting fed up with this. i'll probably move to another URL soon...

anyway, i'm getting really annoyed with work. the new thing that i have to use to write equations is killing me. i can maybe do 2 or 3 problems a day, and even that much makes my arm hurt. i have to use the mouse for everything. can you imagine writing math equations without being able to use your keyboard at all? it sucks. especially when the equations involve a lot of numbers. the whole thing is just a pain in the ass, and i have no idea what the hell they were thinking when they decided to do this!! the programmer who was helping me enter them in just went on vacation too...won't be back until the end of the month! so...that leaves me with a ton of work to do. i'm not a happy camper. posted at 7:15 PM |  

stupid allergies...driving me nuts. posted at 12:58 PM |  

so, so full...i ate way too much today. was craving a cheeseburger at lunch, so despite my walking around and looking for other options, that's what i ended up with. then, after work i went out with my cousin and her friends to zachary's (really heavy pizza for those of you not in the bay area), then we went over to fenton's (ice creamery) for dessert. so, yeah. i'm full. and not really in a good, content way. i mean, the pizza was ok, and the ice cream was ok, but neither were so fantastic that i actually wanted to eat so much, you know? it was more about just wanting to hang out with my cousin because i haven't seen her in so long. but, we didn't really get to talk that much because there were so many other people there...one in particular who seemed to talk non-stop...but, whatever. it was alright. the boyfriend is a bit weird and nerdy, but not as bad as i thought last time.

anyway. i found out that the cousin who was supposed to get married in may is no longer getting married in may, if at all. his fiance called it off apparently. which sucks, because i just had my aunt in india make all these clothes for me...she spent quite a lot of money on them too, and i have no idea if/when i'll ever wear them...really glad i didn't buy my plane tickets though! posted at 10:45 PM |  

it's been so warm lately...pretty hot today...the thing that bothers me most about this weather is bug bites. i have so many of them. got this big one last night - i think it might be a spider bite actually. which means that there was a spider in my bed. love the thought of that...

oh, and bees. i hate bees. i freaked out when i heard buzzing around me on my way to work this morning.

i want some ice cream. don't think i have any though : ( posted at 11:38 PM |  

upstairs guys (multiple ones) woke me up again at about 5:45...kept making noise until about 6:15-6:20...then finally went to bed. but when i'm up for that long, it's really hard to fall back asleep. plus, i just get so pissed off about it! i don't know how he survives on 3 hours of sleep. i give up trying to figure him out...like why is he running back and forth in his room right now? why, why??? i don't care why, i just want him to stop.

my boss gave me some stuff to do at work today, which i have actually come to look forward to, because it gives me a break from the other crap that i normally do, day in, day out...but when i finished, i needed to have the graphic designer make some changes, and he got all pissy with me. i haven't really worked with him at all before (he's relatively new to our office), but the bitch hangs out with him a bit and she's been working with him, and so they're all chummy and shit...i'm pretty sure she has said some bad things about me to him - because frankly, i don't know why he would be so rude to me otherwise. it wasn't just him being stressed out or anything - he was just giving me all this attitude. it really hurts...i just don't want to work someplace where i have to deal with this type of shit from people.

and aside from that, i got annoyed because the bitch hardly spent any time at work today - maybe 3 hours total. and i know she didn't take a half-day out of her vacation...whereas if i had done that, it most definitely would have come out of my vacation. i hate the fact that she can just come and go as she pleases. if we don't meet our deadline, it'll be because of her, and yet somehow, i'll get blamed for it...honestly, i don't feel like working when she's not working. i get paid less than she does - shouldn't have to slave over things when she only works when she feels like it. posted at 7:24 PM |  

upstairs guy continues to annoy the hell out of me...woke me up at 6 am this morning - i think that's when he was getting ready to go to bed. and they've been loud all night tonight, so i doubt i'll be able to go to bed early.

work also continues to annoy me...they decided to build their on thing for equations. so now, everything that i've done in word - and everything i had done before that in html - has to be put in this new thing. and on top of that, it's a pain in the ass to use. not very user-friendly at all. and the equations look butt-ugly. and there are many other things that i really hate about it, but i'll spare you the details.

other than that...i've just been really lazy. haven't applied for any other jobs. haven't cleaned my room. haven't done a bunch of things on my mental list of things to do...i feel like i need to start making daily goals for myself and just force myself to do them. it's hard though. especially when i'm tired and cranky.

i'll try though. baby steps. posted at 12:16 AM |  

my god, i've had the hardest time publishing...

actually signed up at yet another site...but i got too frustrated just *attempting* to log in there...

anyway...i'm keeping my fingers crossed that i'll be able to continue to publish. posted at 7:11 PM |  

i'm sure that i'm just in a really irritable mood...but this guy upstairs...sometimes i just wonder what the hell he is doing. and why he's doing it. and how much i wish that he would stop.

but, better now than at 2 am.

anyway...one of my cousins is back home for spring break, and i was really looking forward to hanging out with her - i know, i could have gone on saturday, but i was so ridiculously tired that morning. i get the impression she wants to spend a lot of time with her boyfriend though...which is fine...it just kinda sucks for me...i might go to dinner with both of them later this week. we'll see. it's just not the same when there's this guy - and a weird guy at that - tagging along. it's funny, no one in the family likes him much at all. i only met him once, when she was living with me and he came out here. thought he was a bit weird then, and i've had it confirmed by several other people.

i guess sometimes i just get to thinking about how they've managed this whole long-distance relationship for so long...how much he's done - visiting for good amounts of time, talking on the phone a lot, and now, moving out to california from hawaii (!) - all these things that sean would have never done for me. i just get this feeling inside...like, how did she find this guy who would do all this to be with her, while i got stuck meeting someone like sean?? granted, her boyfriend is a bit of a loser (sorry, but he is...), and probably doesn't have much chance of getting another girl as great as my cousin. whereas sean is like...a magnet...but still, i just get a bit envious sometimes.

however, i think that they will start to have problems when she moves back here and they start to have a real seeing-each-other-everyday type relationship as opposed to whatever they have had for the past 2-3 years.

or maybe not, what do i know. i hope that they won't of course...i mean, i do want her to be happy, even if it's with a weird guy. posted at 12:00 AM |  

he's blasting "hey ya" again. i mean, how many months old is this song now? why is he so strangely obsessed with it? it's giving me a headache now...i was all relaxed from just finishing up my yoga, and now this. like it wasn't bad enough that i was up until 3 am last night listening to his video game noises. posted at 7:26 PM |  

looked at some cars this weekend...didn't really find anything that i wanted. i really dislike cars to be honest...so, it's hard for me to feel satisfied and decide 'this is what i want to be driving', you know? i'll go try out some more next weekend though...

saw a used integra that i did think was cute and comfortable...however, it had 75,000 miles on it.

freaked me out a bit when i was test-driving one car and almost hit this other car because the driver wasn't paying attention to what the hell she was doing. (would have totally been her fault if i had hit her, but...do you see what i mean? this is why i hate test-driving cars! i get nervous about stuff like this!!) but, it gave me a chance to test out the car's breaks - they worked ; )

also, another reason i hate car shopping is the car salesman. they're so irritating! one of them kept hitting on me, which made things even worse...no way i would go back to him, even if i did want to buy that car. posted at 11:44 PM |  

the web1000 site is back up and running...however, i am still unable to publish for some reason. i'll keep trying, and if i suddenly stop posting here, then go back there i guess... posted at 10:48 PM |  

tired. allergies. yuck.

had a lot of trouble falling asleep last night, even though i was really sleepy...woke up a few times in the morning, then got a few phone calls between 10:30 and 11 or so...my aunt trying to get me to go over to her place for lunch and ping pong. i let her think i was going (just so i could get off the phone and go back to bed), but i'm not. not up for it today.

anyway...the good thing about waking up so many times is that i remembered my dreams...i had one involving sean, which was incredibly detailed and real-feeling. and another was just one of my usual makes-no-sense kinda dream. involved a lot of eyeliner, which is weird because i rarely wear eyeliner. that dream was all over the place though...a lot of jumping around and strange things happening, was more obviously a dream than the one with sean.

totally switching topics. some guy sent me a message through friendster - i really don't use the thing and haven't logged in in months. and no, he's not the first guy to send me a message. but, he is the first seemingly-normal guy to do so...(and it doesn't hurt that he said that i had a beautiful, sweet face). might actually write him back, just for the hell of it. i could use some more flattery like that : ) posted at 12:38 PM |  

i really have to start car-shopping...i've probably been avoiding it for about a year now...not that my car's in bad shape or anything...it's doing fine...it's just that, well, it wasn't meant to last this long. and i know that i need to get rid of it before it falls apart. it's already been discontinued, so parts are hard to find. i just hate car shopping though...i get nervous about test-driving cars. i don't know why, i'm not a bad driver. haven't been in an accident or hit anything in several years. but, i just don't feel comfortable in other cars...i'm used to my car, i'm used to it's size and how it drives...don't like change : (

anyway...i'm already confused looking at various cars online. i had really wanted an integra, but apparently they stopped making them a few years ago! so that sucks...would buy a used one...actually, i'd prefer to for money reasons if i get one that's in fairly good condition, but the thing is, i need a power seat. most normal-sized people don't. so it's hard to find a used car that has one...

also...it might be hard going back to a 4-cylinder after driving a v-6 for all these years...

change really sucks sometimes. posted at 9:14 PM |  

ok, so i got annoyed with not knowing what was going on with my site. impatient, really. so...i'll be here until things are straightened out, or maybe longer, i don't know...i'm not going to bother to update the links to all the archives at this point, but the comments should be working. posted at 10:31 PM |  

was listening to a tom petty song at work this evening, and i found myself repeating this one line from the song as i was walking home:

we're overdue
for a dream come true...

(although, when i was singing it to myself in my head, i was replacing the "we're" with "i'm" - and i am overdue.) posted at 7:16 PM |  

my roommate sometimes cooks this one thing that kinda...well, stinks. at least, to me it does. makes the whole apartment smell really bad, in my opinion. not a problem normaly, but...well, sometimes some of this stuff that she cooks spills onto that little plate thing under the burner, and she doesn't always clean it up. so then it gets all burnt up and gross...i cleaned it up a couple months ago, and the stench almost made me puke. it was disgusting. anyway...i think she did it again today. i was cooking my dinner, and this horrible smell of burnt up crap started to come out from under my skillet. it's really quite disgusting.

i think i'll go clean it up tonight, before i forget and she cooks something else tomorrow, and the smell of burnt whatever-it-is fills up my apartment again... posted at 9:19 PM |  

the bitch came to work today...and of course, as soon as she walked in, she tried to get as much attention as possible...talking about the gas leak and how sick she was for about half an hour, and then she spent another half hour talking about her ex. he's the person she decided to call when the whole incident happened. why? i don't know...it seems kinda desperate. apparently she hasn't spoken to him in 6 months. why she couldn't call her brother, her parents, any other friends, i don't know. why she couldn't just call PG&E (since that's what they're there for!), i really don't know. like i said, i think she was kinda desperate...waiting for an excuse to call him. and this was it.

i seriously hope that i am not, and do not ever become, one of those girls who runs to an ex whenever they need help with something. i think a lot of sean's ex-girfriends do that to him. it's always annoyed me personally...

anyway, so i had no choice but to overhear everything she was saying...she was talking about her relationship with him, and how badly it ended, and how she was a control frek - no! you don't say?!?.

i think she needs to get a life. this coming from someone who has no life herself. she's always talking in a way that makes it seem like she has a lot of friends outside of work, but i guess she doesn't. i think all she does in her spare time is tutor kids. posted at 8:12 PM |  

i'm getting impatient with my site being down...

but anyway. i stayed up late last night and finished the cover letter, made changes to my resume, then sent them out at some insane hour...hope it was worth it. i really want this job. much more than the last few i have applied to. but, i know it's a long shot...

the bitch was out sick today, which was nice. actually, there was a gas leak or something in her apartment while she was sleeping, so then she got sick from it and had to go to the hospital. don't think it's anything serious. so is it wrong of me to hope that she's still sick for a while? i mean, she didn't die or anything...i can still think bad thoughts about her, right?

i'm terrible, i know. it's just...when i have a really strong dislike for people, i start to kinda wish for bad things to happen to them. not like evil things...just little bad things... posted at 1:08 AM |  

i know i can't publish, but i'm blogging anyway...hopefully this problem will get straightened out soon...

my entire body is sore. especially my left thigh. have no idea why. playing ping pong in shoes with 3 inch heels perhaps? i might have pulled something trying to reach for the ball. i don't know.

i ended up watching tv all night instead of working on the letter. i'm going to try to finish it up tonight. i just have to say, average joe was so stupid. big secret my ass. i already knew the damn secret - she mentioned it on a talk show or something. i thought it was going to turn out that she had a kid - now that would have made slightly better television. i totally thought she was going to tell both guys she had a kid, and then based on their reaction, choose the better guy. but no...nothing quite so dramatic. it was just stupid. stupid, stupid, stupid. that's what she gets for picking the "hot" guy. posted at 12:54 AM |  

have absolutely no idea what is going on with my site...says my home directory doesn't exist...this sucks. posted at 6:56 PM |  

crap. stupid cover letter.

i didn't get it done this weekend...because i suck.

nothing gets done on friday nights, i've accepted that. saturday, i was just really tired and lazy and needed a day off to unwind. then got really upset about something at night, so i wasn't in the mood to work on it then. today...went to a family gathering for lunch and ping pong (i had to play 3 games, but i actually won all of them)...then came back and watched the oscars.

been trying for the past hour, but it's not happening. i want to go to bed. posted at 1:15 AM |