i'm a little concerned about the fact that i haven't heard back from the recruiter yet...he was supposed to set up an interview time for me...so as of right now, i still don't know when that will be. and i don't like not knowing these things... posted at 7:22 PM |  

feeling kinda tired and emotionally drained today. no reason in particular. didn't sleep well at all last night. haven't had much of an appetite. too much stupid family drama. and i hung up on my mom yesterday when i called to tell her the news, so i know she is probably pissed. i just didn't like the way she was speaking to me, and she wouldn't stop...just took it one sentence too far, and so i had to put the phone down. and i know she hates it when i hang up on her, but she deserved it.

i think i need to take a long hot shower now. posted at 10:41 PM |  

blah.

sucky day at work. the usual crap, i suppose. the bitch complained to me about one problem in which i asked them to round to the nearest tenth. apparently she wants everything to be rounded to 3 decimal places, not 1. well, she can go fuck herself then, is what i think.

but i didn't say that. i told her that i wasn't going to change it, and that there was a reason why i had them only round to 1 decimal place for that problem - it had to do with the fact that they could get many different answers if they go to 3 places and we don't have the capability to accept a range of answers, so i would have to enter in all the possible correct answers, etc. and it just wasn't worth it! it was a review problem, a relatively easy one. not something that's going to be on any AP test. so then she was like, fine but from now on make everything rounded to 3 places.

yeah, sure princess.

i just can't believe she picked a fight with me over this stupid little thing...now, more than ever, i want to intentionally put in a bunch of problems that ask them to round to 1 or 2 decimal places - or (gasp!) the nearest integer. won't that be fun?

i can't wait until i get another job so i can leave this dump.

and no, i'm not putting all of my hopes in this one interview next week. i applied to another company last night, and i also sent an email inquiring about jobs at a third company. something eventually has to work out, right? posted at 7:04 PM |  

good news, good news...i've got a phone interview next week!

this morning, i remembered that this friend of a friend is a recruiter for the company i applied to. first i thought i'd see her at my friend's party this weekend, but then i emailed my friend to check if she was coming, and found out she wasn't going to be able to make it because she was going out of town. but, she gave me her email address, so i emailed her right away and told her i had sent my resume in, and if she could do anything...well, she immediately got it to the recruiter for the department i applied to, and he immediately emailed me to set up an interview! so...whoo-hoo!!

i hope i don't screw this one up...anyone have tips for phone interviews?? i think i am going to jot down some notes, just in case i blank out or anything : )

i'm so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! posted at 7:14 PM |  

i did finally send out that resume...i was driving myself insane wondering if i should change some things, stressing over every sentence in my letter...got to a point where i just had to send the damn thing out, you know? i think that, out of all the jobs i've applied for over the past 2+ years, this one is the most appealing to me...so, that's why i was being overly anal about everything...

there are 2 or 3 other jobs i want to apply for soon (like, this week), but i won't be quite as picky with those.

i hope that something will pan out for me within the next month or two...i really don't know how much longer i can stick it out here... posted at 12:41 AM |  

i have a headache. suppose that's what i get for going to bed so late last night...i couldn't even fall asleep for a long time after i went to bed. it was hot. upstairs guy was playing video games...i don't know how he gets by on so little sleep. actually, for all i know he could have slept all day...

anyway...now i'm itchy from bug bites, and my eyes are irritated from allergies, and i'm waiting for the aspirin to kick in and take care of the headache. that's about all. posted at 7:01 PM |  

aarrrgghh.

i give up. i went ahead and added that project. was about to send it out around 2:30...but...then i was staring at this other thing and decided that it needs to be changed too...well, i don't know if it needs to be changed, it just...can be improved to sound a bit more like what they are looking for, you know? but it is past 3 am now, and i really don't think this is the time for me to be doing these things...although, i did find this little mistake - redundant phrasing in this one sentence.

i think i'm losing my mind.

this thing is definitely, definitely going out tomorrow, i promise. it won't take long at all. i think i need to go to bed now. posted at 3:13 AM |  

was about to finally send out that resume and cover letter...put it all in html and tested it out and all that. a bit unsure as to how it will turn out depending on what this company uses for email...it looks fine in outlook express, so hopefully that is good enough...and hopefully they won't mind the little yahoo ad at the bottom of the email. totally forgot about that. grr.

anyway, so as i was saying...i was just about to send it out when i started to wonder if i should add this one other thing to my resume. a project that i worked on for a few months during my senior year. it seems like a small thing, but on the other hand, it also seems kinda relevant to the job...i don't know...i'm just feeling kinda lazy now, it's so late. and it's really hot, which is making me feel icky...i'm just confused... posted at 2:13 AM |  

left work early...there's still a lot of work to do, but the bitch left at like 5:15, so why the hell should i stick around?

i'm so tempted to just quit sometimes...it's just scary to think about being unemployed at a time when there just aren't many prospects out there... posted at 6:18 PM |  

so damn sick of the bitch. i wish she would just go away. far, far away. i just get so insulted by her sometimes...i spent 3-4 hours editing this stuff, only to find out that she ended up re-doing everything HER WAY. she's such a control freak, with this holier than thou attitude on top of that...like we don't have enough to do right now, why she had to waste time doing all that over again, when anyone else could have just entered in the version i had already edited...it just pisses me off!! i try not to let it get to me, but it does. i get so mad about stuff like this. i know that what i did was fine, and i know that there was no need for her to reformat and reword everything the way she did...(and she wasted one whole day doing that, when there are a million other things that she could have done). i just don't like it.

she made some comment the other day in which she was naming "the only reliable people at our company" - i was not one of the people she listed. which is total bullshit because i have always gotten everything done on time, even when that meant staying here until 7:30 in the evening. i am just so sick of being belittled by her... posted at 12:55 PM |  

having one of those nights where i just can't bring myself to look at my resume. i am just so tired and not in the mood...i am fairly satisfied with the cover letter, and i think it's good to go. but i just don't feel like dealing with the resume today...*sigh*...

yes, i realize i will never get another job if i don't actually send out my resume.

i guess i'm just so concerned about making everything as perfect as possible before i send it out. because i've just been rejected so many times by now, and i don't want it to happen again...it's depressing... posted at 1:23 AM |  

aarrrgh. i want to live alone.

my roommate is so weird. she spilled the stinky stuff all over the place. the whole kitchen smells of it. it's all under the stove top...i don't even know how to clean it up. it's nasty. and all she does is giggle about it. and the thing is, i want it clean now because i want to cook something. i can't wait for her to have the time to get around to it, you know?

and i'm so pissed that i forgot my lunch leftovers in the office. because that would have been my dinner... posted at 7:43 PM |  

i think the cover letter is done. mostly. but now i want to change my resume.

i'm so damn slow and indecisive sometimes...tomorrow night is my absolute deadline. i need to get this thing out.

they don't want a word doc, the resume has to be in plain text or html. i was going to do the plain text thing, but then i started thinking...html might look a lot nicer and more professional. stand out a bit from the others who send in plain text...if anyone does send in plain text...i always think my plain text resumes look a bit unpleasant and hard to read. no indentations or bold type or bullets, that kinda thing. anyway...i just want to be happy with how it looks, since the actual content of my resume is pretty pathetic and mostly irrelevant to the job i'm applying for. posted at 1:38 AM |  

i'm so itchy. was itchy last night when i was trying to sleep, and i've been itchy all day today. it's so annoying and uncomfortable...

don't think it's fleas because i haven't gotten any bites in a long time. maybe i'm allergic to something...but i can't figure out what...

anyway, i didn't even finish that cover letter yet. ended up making more changes to it, rewriting some parts, etc. so now i still have to polish it up. assuming i don't look at it tonight and decide to re-write some parts again. posted at 1:05 PM |  

just signed up for gmail. i'm excited. i have no idea why.

anyway...long day at work. it's going to be like this through next week. tons of crap to do before our deadline (may 1). and i have a feeling that the majority of it is going to wind up in my hands. graphic designer had a medical emergency and has been in the hospital. flash programmer's wife just had a baby, so he's out too. things are just nuts right now. i'm getting worn out already. posted at 7:39 PM |  

ack. the cover letter's coming along, but i'm still not done with it. i don't know what's wrong with me...just having a lot of trouble finding the words to say what i want to say.

also, it's kinda long. longer than i usually make them.

and now it's really late...i really think i could write the letter better if i just stay up for another hour, but i know i shouldn't...have to go to work tomorrow.

ok, i'll look at it with fresh (but probably tired) eyes tomorrow and hopefully get it done then...assuming i can keep away from that stupid scrabble game! posted at 2:09 AM |  

i've noticed that it takes me a much longer time to write cover letters for jobs that i really, really want than for jobs that i only kinda-sorta want.

and i've also noticed that if there's one that i'm working on, for a job i really, really want, i tend to put the others on hold. even if i know that those other jobs will disappear faster.

in other words, i haven't sent any out.

i suck, i know. i'll try to get one out tonight. just have to keep reminding myself how much i hate my job, maybe that will motivate me...

posted at 8:50 PM |  

want to go to bed, but upstairs guy is being annoying.

i don't think i can sleep right now anyway. slept too much last night. it was a pretty uneventful weekend. mostly because i was cold and didn't want to go out. was all comfy on the sofa wrapped up in a blanket.

there was some stupid family drama though. mostly regarding one of my aunts. she's like 50, not married, and she had this male "friend" of hers staying over at her apartment (and he's stayed over many times actually). so my other aunt, who just came from india a couple weeks ago, is all horrified and disgusted by that. and it's not like they're having sex or anything...i seriously, seriously doubt that...but apparently they are talking about getting married. thing is, no one in our family likes the guy or approves really. especially this other aunt. she's pretty much freaking out and having anxiety attacks because of all this. i just don't know what to tell her - she's trying to enlist my help in breaking them up or whatever. but what the hell can i do? i can't say anything...

indians are just so damn silly sometimes. god, if my family knew half the shit i have done with sean...they would be in for the shock of their lives. posted at 1:49 AM |  

i don't know why i torture myself sometimes, thinking about sean and stuff...i've just been more emotional than usual these past few days. and i'm missing that bit of comfort that i always got from him.

i think there's a lot of hurt still inside of me. and i don't like having that feeling - i want to just get over it and come to the point where i can say something to him without getting all upset. don't know how long it will take for me to get there though. and occupying my mind with other matters only helps to some extent. posted at 12:51 AM |  

i'm so sick of the idiots at my office and the stupid office politics and crap that i have to deal with...drives me up the wall...

really doesn't help that we have a deadline approaching.

certain people (the bitch probably being one of them) might have to go in on the weekends to finish up some things - and they get an extra day of vacation to make up for it. what?!?! hello??? how is that fair? the bitch has taken enough time off, she needs to come in on the weekend to make up for all those extra vacation days that she already took, not earn more of them. and the thing is, even if she does go in on the weekend, no way in hell she'd go in for 8 hours - she has "people visiting", and she can't wake up before 11, and she has tickets to a show in the evening, blah blah blah. she is so full of shit. if she comes in at all, i doubt it'll be for more than 2 or 3 hours - and she'll get an extra day off for that?!?! give me a fucking break!

oh, and even though i've finished up whatever i was responsible for (about 25 homework sets), the bitch is trying to drop some more on me! before i left today, she asked me which one i was going to do next. excuse me? i have enough other shit to do. why she and this other girl can't handle 4 sets in 2 weeks, i don't know. but i'm fucking tired and i don't want to do any more of them.

have i mentioned how the bitch can just snap her fingers and get whatever she wants?

i asked a programmer to do certain things for me at least a month ago, maybe longer than that. but he just ignored me. and today the bitch says she wants those same things, and boom! it's there. right away. makes me so mad!!!

there's more, but i don't feel like going into it. i'll just get myself all angry and annoyed, and i don't want to feel like that, not on a friday.

2+ days before i have to deal with it all over again... posted at 7:45 PM |  

was it just my imagination, or did the donald actually swat omarosa off of him when she tried to give him a hug? that was funny. i would have probably done the same, that girl has problems. posted at 11:06 PM |  

thought i would fall asleep at work this afternoon, but instead, i actually got a lot of work done. stayed until almost 7, and i didn't even feel tired. weird, huh?

the bitch had left after lunch because she hadn't done her taxes yet (and as usual, this half-day did not come out of her vacation). but with her gone, the office was so peaceful and quiet...i was listening to one of the free yahoo stations, and they were having technical difficulties in a good way - no commericals, and no having to restart the thing every hour. so i had non-stop music to listen to! so i got into a zone and just kept working...didn't slack off and start surfing the web, didn't go take walks around the block every hour. just did math. it was oddly relaxing. i found an applet online that graphs polar equations. cool stuff. i was playing around with it for a while because i got all excited - ooh, i made a butterfly! - that kinda stuff. and you could put a few different graphs on there at the same time, with different colors too. oh yeah. that made my day. posted at 7:35 PM |  

my latest total-waste-of-time obsession is msn's scrabble. it's addicting, in a really tedious and annoying way. i was addicted to text twist a while back, so i should have known this would happen...the thing i really hate about it is that i spend more time typing in random (or, in some cases, methodical) combinations of letters hoping that they form an actual word, than i do actually thinking about words that can be formed. because honestly, i haven't ever heard of half of the words. maybe even more than half. anyway...i just got my score above 1200 tonight. and i doubt i'll ever get much past that. but still...i think i'm only going to play for 15 minutes, next thing i know it's been an hour...makes for a really unproductive week. and you know how much i hate it when i'm unproductive...

gotta send some resumes out this week. the whole flea thing got me sidetracked last week. i think most of them are gone now, but i was watching oprah last night and now i really think i need to find a way to vaccuum my mattress...they showed tiny little bugs in this one woman's bed, and the whole time, i was thinking oh shit, that's probably going on in my bed too! gross. i wonder how i managed to fall asleep after watching that. posted at 11:57 PM |  

i'm tired, throat hurts...

since last thursday, the bitch has hardly been doing any work at all. she comes in whenever the hell she feels like it, spends half the day on personal phone calls, takes 2-hour lunches, an hour in the afternoon for coffee, then leaves at 6. and i'm supposed to be working the whole time she's fucking around? yeah, right. i'm getting so resentful - keep glaring at her and giving her the evil eye. she thinks that just because she finished her main responsibility last thursday means that she doesn't have to do shit now. seriously, she only comes in for 2 or 3 hours sometimes. and it's not like there isn't other work for her to do, because there is. we're way behind on homework because they fired one of the people who was supposed to be doing that. and she could have easily finished up one homework set since last thursday, but no...she's only done like 2 or 3 problems. gee, thanks for the help bitch.

i understand if she's tired and wants to take some time off or whatever, but damn it, it should come out of her vacation!!! she's not entitled to some extra days off just because she finished her crap. it's not fair at all. she only uses up her vacation days when she goes out of town for a week or whatever. all the other times she stays at home for whatever reason, or sneaks out at 2 in the afternoon without telling anyone...none of that comes out of her vacation days. it SUCKS. i feel like stomping my feet and throwing a fit sometimes. but that would be something she would do, so i won't sink to her level.

thought about complaining to the boss, but then i'd be a tattler and she'd hate me even more.

i actually like it when she's not here and i don't want her in the office anyway. but the phone calls...that's the most irritating part. i can't fucking concentrate on anything when she's talking on the phone. i hate the sound of her voice, i hate her laugh, i hate her cell phone ring tone...i hate her attitude and her personality. and her work sucks! it's terrible. i just don't understand how people like this can somehow get ahead in the world. not that i think she has really gotten ahead in the world, my company was pretty desperate when they hired her. but still. i just don't understand how she's managed to get on everyone's good side like she has. she knows they won't fire her or say anything to her about her work, so she takes advantage of the situation. i just HATE people like that. i hate her, i hate her, i hate her!!!!!

*breathe*

i know, i shouldn't waste energy on this. but sometimes i just need to get it out. posted at 6:55 PM |  

took a really long, relaxing shower...needed it...

sometimes, this part of me feels like calling or writing sean...often because of little stupid/funny things that i normally would have told him about...and other times, just because i miss him and i'm curious about what's going on with him...has he found another job...what schools did he apply to...stuff like that. or sometimes, i just want to know if he's ok. simple as that.

but then, whenever i get in one of those moods, this other part of me always ends up talking me out of it. by reminding me of things that i am angry about, and things that have hurt me, and about things that have changed between us. and of course, thinking about all this stuff just upsets me more and hurts me more and depresses me more.

so that's what i was thinking about in the shower. trying to erase all those bad feelings that had crept up on me.

i'm still just so conflicted about things...and not hearing from him seems to make things worse. because i don't know what he thinks and what he wants and how he feels. and i don't think i can really move on until i do know, or at least have some sense of things, one way or the other. but...i really doubt that i'll ever get that. posted at 12:42 AM |  

my room looks deceptively clean right now...but i know better... posted at 7:45 PM |  

i don't want to be at work right now...something i ate last night really upset my stomach. i can't concentrate on anything, just want to go back to bed : (

and now, yahoo's telling me that i exceeded the monthly limit for my launchcast station or whatever. this is bullshit - i mean, even when i'm listening to one of their free stations, it stops after a while, and then when i re-start it, it goes back to my station, and not to whatever station i was listening to. it's annoying. and yes, i'll probably give in a pay for the damn plus thing. but i'm not happy about it. it's only april 12, how could i have possibly reached the limit already?? posted at 2:05 PM |  

hmm...not feeling itchy at all tonight. wonder if the fogger is still necessary. can you tell i've been avoiding it? i meant to go to bed earlier tonight, get up early tomorrow, and get the room prepared - take off the sheets and stuff, cover my computer, take edible items out, etc...it'll take me a while, knowing me. and i really don't think i'm going to wake up early tomorrow considering it's almost 2:30 right now. oh well...i'll do the best i can.

the one good this about this whole mess - it's gotten my mind off of other crap, and other people. posted at 2:24 AM |  

funny: subservient chicken

got the link from dan's blog. and yes, i am really easily amused. posted at 1:29 AM |  

slept pretty well last night (except for upstairs guy waking me up at 4:30 am). didn't get any big, itchy bites. but i did get some smaller little bites - or maybe they are just an allergic rash or something, i don't know. do baby fleas bite?

i want this all to be over and done with, but i have a feeling it's going to take a while. using a fogger tomorrow...i just have this feeling that all the eggs and larvae are in my mattress. don't know if the fogger will get them out.

anyway...i'll keep vaccuuming and spraying and changing my sheets...don't know what else i can do. this is irritating as hell. i think i even brought some along with me to the office - i get all itchy in my chair there. thought about switching my chair with the bitch's, when no one's there of course. posted at 8:00 PM |  

a combination of all the caffeine in my body and all the fleas in my bed kept me up most of last night. i think i finally fell asleep around 4 am. not really sure. i really felt like i was having some sort of breakdown at one point. i'm actually amazed that i managed to fall asleep at all (i think turning on the heater helped).

got into work way, way late, but at 6:15 i said fuck it and left. i really don't care. i hardly did anything today anyway. fell asleep at my desk for a while at one point. my eyes just refused to stay open and focus on vectors. i'm going to be really lost next week when i have to move on to the next sections - polar coordinates and parametric equations and those weird curly, heart, and flower graphs. (i know that's not the technical name for them, but i doubt most of you know what they're called, so curly, heart, and flower it is.) i don't even remember learning about those graphs until my senior year of college. i can't believe they're doing that stuff in high school...i know it's in the book, but really, who actually gets to that part of the book??

anyway...i'm itching now, so i'm going to spray my room again, and toss my sheets into the washer again, and go veg out in front of the tv. posted at 6:51 PM |  

i feel gross...this is why i shouldn't drink coffee...i think i'm going to puke.... posted at 11:56 PM |  

i think it's really pathetic how useless my right hand has become. everytime i vaccuum or scrub or anything, it just flares up...turns all red and puffy, and my muscles start shaking. you'd think i was an old lady. it's so frustrating...

anyway...i met up with that guy from friendster who i mentioned a while back. just talked for a little while. i initially only wrote him back because i was bored and thought it would be rude to not reply. then we wrote back and forth a bit, and well...he's been wanting to meet for a long time, so i thought it wouldn't hurt to go have coffee with him. he's pretty nice and down to earth...no, i'm not attracted to him...but he lives close by and i can see us hanging out now and then. assuming he's not attracted to me, because if he is, then i think i'd feel weird. when we left the cafe, he gave me a hug, which was weird enough. i'm not a touchy-feely-huggy person with most friends, let alone total strangers. but whatever...i think he's just a really friendly, people-person. and it doesn't hurt for me to meet those types of people...maybe it'll rub off on me a bit : ) posted at 10:25 PM |  

slept ok last night...up until the damn repellent wore off at about 6:30 am!!! those damn fleas came back with a vengence. i got up and had to spray myself again. it was horrible. i was on the verge of tears. didn't fall asleep until about 9. i think i need a new bed. posted at 1:11 PM |  

ok, the cover letter is not getting done tonight. just ain't happening. i'm tired.

i was kinda confused...i mean, if i'm sending it to this person, should it be less formal? because i feel weird sending him a really formal cover letter that i would normally send out...however, if he's just going to print it out and hand it to HR, then it would look weird if it was an informal email saying hey, could you help me out? ok, it would have been more formal than that, but...i wouldn't be worried about sounding desperate (get me a job, any job, i don't care, i'll do anything!!!). am i making any sense? i feel like i'm having trouble expressing myself in words tonight. which is also why i can't write the damn letter tonight. i'm going to bed. i think all the fumes from the flea sprays are getting to me. posted at 1:24 AM |  

bought some spray that's supposed to kill fleas. only, i kinda doubt that it's ok for me to spray it all over my bed. and clothes. and self. but, i'll spray it around on the carpet i guess. i don't really know. i've never had to deal with fleas before. don't have any pets to spray it on like the directions say...

i also bought some insect repellent for myself, and some anti-itch cream. should help me sleep a little better, i hope.

what i really want to get is this powder that supposedly kills the eggs and everything. it doesn't contain as much chemical crap as those foggers and stuff. but, i don't know where to get it.

anyway...this is all just a pain in the ass and i don't want to deal with it. but, i guess i have to.

my other assignment today is to send my resume out to this one person. i saw a job at this big company that i think i would enjoy working for. and my mom knows someone who knows someone who works there. and i think that's the only way i have any chance at all of having anyone there look at my resume for more than 2 seconds before tossing it. so...gonna email him tonight and see if he can help. posted at 7:10 PM |  

the room looks better now...more manageable at least. although, i didn't sort through any of the papers/junk that was lying around. instead, i made a big pile (4 piles actually) on my desk. i never use my desk, so it doesn't matter...they can all just sit there and wait for me to get to them. (i just have to make sure i don't throw any bills into the pile like i did last time with my car registration.)

put away all my clothes, vacuumed, etc. i wish i could vacuum my bed. i think i still have bed bugs or fleas or whatever. i really don't want to use a fogger...may have to if this doesn't stop though. i think i'll go buy some insect repellent in the meanwhile. i'm tired of waking myself up because i'm all itchy...i think i'll change my bedding again too.

what i really need to do is find a way to move my bed and desk and computer so that i can vacuum under them.

ok, upstairs guy is being unnecessarily loud right now. what the hell is his problem???

anyway...i'm glad that i made good progress with my room. i just need to make myself do this more often. posted at 11:43 PM |  

trying to clean my room now...it's such a disaster. i don't know why i have so much crap all over the place. this is why i get so frustrated whenever i start to clean - i don't know where to start, and no matter how much i do, there's still a lot left. and it never looks like it's getting any cleaner. i just don't understand... posted at 7:38 PM |  

i pass a few religious schools on my way to work...and today, in front of one of them were two people with big signs saying "legalize prostitution", probably with a petition for people to sign to get it on the ballot. and although this is berkeley, i doubt that most of the people walking around that particular neighborhood would be interested in hearing what they had to say. i mean, somehow having that table set up right in front of a church didn't seem like the best location...i don't know, maybe it's just me. i just don't associate pro-prostitution people with...um, people who are studying theology. posted at 1:28 PM |  

the weekend was completely unproductive...i meant to clean my room a bit, apply to a couple jobs, etc. somehow weekends just get over so quickly...alright, maybe it just feels that way because i spend half of it sleeping. the time change really didn't help matters either.

gonna at least pay some bills before i go to sleep. so i can at least say i took care of one thing on my list. posted at 12:47 AM |  

upstairs guy has been relatively quiet for the past couple weeks (in case you haven't noticed my lack of complaints about him), but he's back to blasting "hey ya" and some of this other favorite songs tonight. it's annoying, as usual. posted at 11:29 PM |  

the woman next door is getting some major work done in her apartment it seems...must be annoying the hell out of my roommate. i mean, she's right next to it. i'm way across on the other end of the apartment, and if it's this loud here, i imagine it is even louder in her room...hope it doesn't take all day. posted at 2:32 PM |  

i'm really amazed at how vivid dreams can be...in one that i had last night (or technically, this morning at 11:30 when my body refused to get out of bed), i could smell and taste...i knew how things felt to the touch...i really didn't want to wake up from it when i did...wanted to jump back in. find out what happens next.

anyway, it was the smelling part that really got to me. i'm sure i've had dreams in the past where i have felt things and tasted things. but i can't recall ever smelling something in a dream. it wasn't even a good smell or a familiar smell...

so weird how the brain works. posted at 1:10 PM |  

my doctor called and told me to keep taking iron pills : (

i hate the damn things. i actually cut down about a month ago. taking some multi-vitamins instead, thought that would be good enough since i'm not feeling quite as tired as i used to. but, the doc says i'm still a bit anemic and my blood count could be better, so...it's back to the iron (and the upset stomach that comes along with it).

on a totally unrelated note, it kinda sucks when people who give out free samples start to recognize you and not offer you any more. especially when the sample they were handing out today was made out of chocolate. posted at 8:08 PM |  

i've been feeling dizzy again, on and off since last night. it's really uncomfortable when it happens.

also, my neck has been killing me.

can i possibly feel good and healthy for one week? is that too much to ask for?? if it's not one thing, it's another. this is nuts. i want a new body.

my dad is convinced that it's my job (and the associated boredom/stress/anger) that is doing all this to me.

my mom is convinced that i'm just really weak and need to take more vitamins.

my chiropractor is convinced that all will be fine once i start getting more exercise.

me? i don't know. i give up on figuring it out. i'm guessing it's a combination of all 3.

anyway...it's late, i should go to sleep soon. i just spent the past hour copying all these files from my old laptop onto one of those little usb thingies. it's so cool. i'm glad i bought it. always made me really sad when a computer died on me and i'd lose everything because i'm too lazy to backup...but now when this laptop dies, i'll have everything i wanted to save, all on this tiny little stick that i can plug into any computer! yay. posted at 1:36 AM |  

i feel like expanding a bit on my last post...i know that i don't need other people to make me feel good about myself. i should be able to do that myself. it's just that...lately, certain people have been making me feel not-so-good about myself. not just sean, but family, friends, co-workers, etc. so at times like this, it does help when there is someone who really tries to make me feel special, just to make up for all the negativity i feel from other people. does that make sense?

maybe i shouldn't let people get me down in the first place. easier said than done though. i take things to heart, i always have.

and...i also know that i'm probably being unfair to some people. because it's totally possible that they do think i'm special and that they are trying to do nice things for me, but i'm just not realizing it.

anyway. i didn't mean to imply that i wanted sean to move out here for me - in case that's how it came across. i just think it must be a nice feeling...to know that someone wants to be with you that much. that's all. posted at 7:29 PM |