i really, really hate it when the bitch dumps some of her work on me. "oh, anita...i don't think i'm going to have time to do all this and all that too. so could you stop doing whatever you're doing and do this instead?" - well maybe if you had worked for more than 3 hours a day last week, you would have the freakin time to do it. idiot. why do i get stuck with all this extra work just because she fucks around all the time? i just hate her so much!!! i even hate the way she sneezes. it's like a cross between a sneeze and a spit. it's gross, trust me. i don't even want to look, because i'm pretty sure she doesn't cover her mouth when she does it and all her germs probably fly in my direction...

i neeeeed a new job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! posted at 6:54 PM |  

have the office to myself for a while...which is always nice. the boss took everyone out for lunch. i'm not the least bit hungry though, so i passed. actually, i'm using not being hungry as an excuse. i wouldn't want to go even if i were hungry, but if he hadn't come so early, i would have felt obligated to join them.

i did go to lunch with one of my co-workers last week. he's the only one who has always been nice to me and has made an attempt to be friendly with me. i think he's trying to get me to mix more with the others, but it's not working. i don't think he understands how much i hate them, and how much i hate working here in general. i also don't think he understands that the main reason i'm so unfriendly and un-sociable here is because i don't want to BE here.

but anyway...it was a little awkward because he kept asking me questions. and i find that annoying sometimes...i mean, if you really want to get to know me, speak to me like a normal person and have a conversation with me...don't drill me with question after question...i felt like i was being interviewed. i know he was just trying to get to know me, but i find that when i'm drilled like that, i tend to just answer the question and shut up and not make conversation back, you know? like i sit there waiting for the next question instead of just talking about whatever i feel like talking about...

but i was appreciative of the fact that he was interested in getting to know me and that he even asked me to go to lunch with him in the first place. granted, no one else was around that day, so it was either him going to lunch with me or him going to lunch alone. but i was glad he asked, usually no one bothers. he even tried to get me to go today, while no one else really gave a shit whether or not i joined them. so it's nice to have one person in the office who cares. better than nothing i suppose. posted at 12:36 PM |  

tired. didn't sleep well last night either - not because of upstairs guy, it was just me keeping myself up this time. my allergies have been acting up since yesterday. and today was really windy, so that made things even worse...

anyway. my head's been all over the place lately. that's another thing that kept me up last night. thinking.

i feel tortured sometimes (mentally, not physically). it's hard to explain. i've had a hard time writing about things lately. but when i'm lying in bed and can't sleep, that's when everything comes pouring out...

i think i just have too many things on my plate right now, and not enough energy or motivation to deal with them. posted at 12:20 AM |  

this is my 2000th post. crazy huh? seems like a lot for just a little over 3 years...but i'm guessing at least 70% of them have been me rambling due to boredom, rather than actually saying something important and meaningful.

i do wish i had something meaningful to say here in #2000, but i don't.

felt like crap all day today. i don't think i slept well last night. i remember hearing upstairs guy take a shower at about 2:30 am. it's all fuzzy after that, but i'm pretty sure he was up all night. so...i've just been tired all day. and my stomach's been feeling a bit uneasy. and i had a burger and fries for lunch despite my stomach feeling uneasy. (really don't know what i was thinking)

anyway, my bed is calling me right now. posted at 7:05 PM |  

my roommate left a cute little thank you note for me. things like that make me happy. and it's nice to know that there are some thankful people out there. unlike the previous roommate i had. it still pisses me off to think about how totally ungreatful she was. i did a lot for her, and it sucks that she didn't appreciate it.

but anyway...i think i'll wait a month or so before looking for another roommate. i need some time alone. posted at 6:43 PM |  

from some angles, it kind of looks like an eyelash might have made its way down under my eyelid. not sure though. i just have this weird spot that's maybe 1/4 of an inch right below where my eyelid is swollen. it was itching a few weeks ago, and i didn't really make anything of it. but i wonder if it is related to this infection i got...

or maybe i'm getting unnecessarily paranoid. i don't know. posted at 11:37 PM |  

don't feel like working again. actually, when do i feel like working?

i watched that thing on tv last night about the top 100 songs from movies...i feel like 80's movies weren't well represented. where was the theme from ghostbusters?? i mean, come on. that is a great movie song. and what about "take my breath away" from top gun? and "in your eyes" - wasn't that from a movie? i also expected that "day - o" song from beetlejuice - loved that scene.

did we really need 3 different songs from "west side story" to be on the list? except for "america", i don't really care for any of the other songs in that musical...and 2 songs from moulin rouge? was that necessary? who's even going to remember those songs 20 years from now?

also, no songs from "the little mermaid"? no "chitty-chitty-bang-bang"? no "purple rain"?!?!

yes, i do realize that lists like this are completely meaningless and subjective. just felt like sharing some of my favorites that were left off...i'm sure there were many others too. feel free to contribute.

edited to add: "bohemian rhapsody" from wayne's world! i can't believe that didn't make the list... posted at 3:29 PM |  

i think upstairs guy went to bed early tonight. which probably means he's going to wake up at 6 AM tomorrow. i'm so tempted to turn up the volume on my tv right now. but i won't, because i'm a nice person and i don't like to disturb other people when they are trying to sleep.

i should probably go to bed early myself. i'm tired. posted at 11:54 PM |  

nothing much to say, just bored at work...i think the most annoying part about writing multiple choice questions is coming up with the incorrect answer choices. that part can take me longer than writing up the solution sometimes.

my eyelid is still a little swollen in one spot. i called the doctor, and he said that i need to keep soaking it in hot water. (i had stopped doing that after 2-3 days.) he didn't make it clear to me when i went last week that i would need to keep doing it...i had even asked him how long i would need to soak it, and he said "until it goes down" - whatever that meant. the swelling went down after 3-4 hours on the first day, so i thought i was done. after that point, i only used the hot water when i was feeling irritated. and certainly not for 20 minutes at a time. i wish that the doctor had been more explicit about the soaking when i first went in...anyway, i hope nothing's terribly wrong. posted at 5:42 PM |  

the posts i sent via gmail last week just got posted today. under today's date. i deleted them, and i probably won't be using gmail for that purpose anymore. at least not while they're still working out all the kinks.

anyway. my room smells a bit like skunk. i have no idea why. maybe there was a skunk wandering around outside my window or something. i did see a raccoon out on the street on friday. in broad daylight, just hanging out on the sidewalk. that was kinda strange.

oddly enough, my room actually smells ok compared to the rest of the apartment, which smells like my roommate's dinner, whatever it is. she's moving out at the end of the week. so that's cool. not that she was a problem or anything, she's actually been ok to live with for the most part. not the least bit inconsiderate or anything like that. but...she's just weird. it's hard to explain why, and i had a hard time trying to get her to understand that she didn't have to be like that. so i think it's better for both of us that she go live someplace where she won't behave so weirdly.

debating whether or not to take a nap right now. i've been feeling half-asleep all day. usually, i feel like dozing off around 3 or so, but today, my eyes started to close at around 11 am. pretty ridiculous. i guess my body's confused because i didn't get as much sleep this weekend as i normally do...i should probably avoid the nap and try to sleep really well tonight instead...but my bed looks so good right now...*sigh*... posted at 6:55 PM |  

that was a really short trip to LA. i wish i had more time off from work, would have liked to stay for another day or two.

i'd never been to the ucla campus before. weird that it's like, right around the corner from bel air. i don't quite understand why people think it's such a pretty campus though. i like berkeley better. sure, it's ghetto in some ways. but...i don't know. more grassy areas, more trees, gorgeous views of the bay, etc. didn't think ucla was as nice to walk around. it was just a bunch of peachy-colored buildings.

anyway, the ceremony was terrible. or i should say, the behavior of those in attendance was terrible. countless paper airplanes were being thrown around...as well as a toilet paper roll (or two). it looked like crap. i've never seen people behave that way at a berkeley graduation.

my relatives (there were at least 20 of us there) got really bored during the ceremony and started cheering (quite loudly, i might add) for any random person named anita. there just happened to be 3 of them graduating in that ceremony. and yes, i get easily embarrassed by this type of thing. my relatives are so weird.

anyway, after we finally made it out of the parking lot, we went to dinner in santa monica, somewhere by the ocean. i've never been in that area before, i kinda liked it. there were a bunch of shops and restaurants and stuff, all open really late, with a lot of people walking around. we just hung out there for a while. then came back to the hotel and made a racket. everyone congregated in one room and started playing cards - and them grown ups get really loud when they're playing cards. it's like they revert to their childhood...pretty fun to watch. i don't play with them though, mostly because i have no idea what's going on most of the time.

anyway, that's about it. i flew back early this morning. but i feel like i want to go back sometime and explore. never much cared for LA before, but now that i've actually been to where normal people hang out and not just to tourist destinations, it looks like a fun place to visit. (just don't care for all the hummers driving around) posted at 10:23 PM |  

sometimes, i really hate the fact that i am such a last-minute person...i'm flying to LA tomorrow morning. do i know what i'm wearing? nope. have i packed *anything* at all yet? nope. have i at least decided what i'm going to take with me and whether it will all fit in my backpack? nope.

and i didn't even buy a little graduation present or card or anything...totally forgot about that until this afternoon. went to a couple stores but didn't see anything i liked. so i gave up on that.

procrastinating sucks. and i didn't even do it intentionally...it's just that friday sort of crept up on me. saturday, really. i suck. posted at 2:03 AM |  

hmmm...one would think that gmail would be compatible with blogger. i attempted to post via email from there, but i guess it didn't work? worked fine with yahoo (except i didn't like the yahoo ad at the bottom of my post), and it worked fine with my office account (except the font came out big and bold), but somehow the one i sent through gmail today didn't make it.

didn't say anything particularly important - mostly about how the bitch was just being ridiculously annoying this morning. i swear, she gets on my nerves more and more each day. i simply do not understand why other people aren't annoyed by her. or, why they remain friends with her even though she is inherently annoying.

but anyway. i'm going to test sending from gmail again. damn thing should work, in theory. (although i no longer have a high respect for the people at google) posted at 6:54 PM |  

my roommate just got back. totally scared the shit out of me. she wasn't supposed to come back for another 10 days! i totally wasn't expecting her. i'm literally shaking because i was so scared when i heard the door. yeah, like someone would really break in through the front door in broad daylight. i don't know what's with me. i was just surprised.

i've been a slob while she's been gone too. was going to clean up before she got back. too late now : )

alright, i should go make room for her in the refrigerator, cuz i kinda threw my stuff all over the place.

i'm so tired today. fell asleep at work too. upstairs guy. nuff said. posted at 7:09 PM |  

i kinda hate this indian gift-giving thing...or i should say, gift-receiving thing. well, both actually. not that i don't like getting gifts from people, but...i just tend to not like the type of gifts that most relatives bring for me when they come visit from india. especially jewelry. and i don't know, maybe i'm just a strange girl who actually gets upset upon seeing a pair of 24 karat gold earrings...i just know that they're not my taste and that i'll never wear them. hell, i don't even think they'll fit in my ear if i tried.

and it's not just the gold. sometimes, i get stuck with ugly clothes or tacky things to put on display...what am i supposed to do with these things??? most of them end up in the garbage or packed up in a box somewhere. i keep the gold of course, but it just sits there. seems like a waste...i guess one day i'll take them all to india, have them melted, and turned into something that i actually like. but still...i just wish i were able to say "no thanks" and hand it right back. i just haven't mastered that...with clothes, i often tell them it doesn't fit (though when i tried that excuse today, the person offered to alter it for me.) but it's harder with jewelry. because i know they mean well...and i know that if i don't take it from them, they'll pester me until i tell them what i do want. damnit, i don't want anything!!!

i have a much easier time with my mom's side of the family because they're more casual about all this, and i just feel comfortable being honest with them and telling them when i don't like something that they've brought for me. but with my dad's side...maybe because i don't know them as well...i just feel like i can't reject their presents. especially when they hand them to me the way they do. i mean, my aunt on my mom's side will say something like "see if you like any of these, you can take whatever you think you'll wear", but today an aunt on my dad's side just put a box in my hand and said "this is for you" - so i just felt obligated to say "oh, these are so pretty. thanks." (i really doubt it sounded sincere, but i did the best i could considering i hate the damn earrings.)

anyway...i think i'm just gonna tell my aunt that these earrings don't fit in my holes. and hope that she doesn't have any other ones that are thinner. posted at 11:57 PM |  

it's really hard to squeeze ointment onto a specific location on the inside of your eyelid. i'm just kinda hoping it goes where it needs to go...

aside from that...i'm really sleepy. trying to resist the temptation to take a nap.

i noticed that this job i applied for about 3 months ago is still being listed. so i emailed the hr person and asked them to look at my resume again. i don't know if i sounded desperate or pushy or whatever, but i had to give it a shot. posted at 6:13 PM |  

didn't go to work today...i have an eye infection...probably nothing that would prevent me from working, but it's bothering me and i need to soak it every 20 minutes. rather do that at home.

can't wear my contacts for a week or so, which kinda sucks. i can't really see all that well through my glasses. technically, i probably shouldn't even be driving with them on. oh, and i'm going to UCLA this weekend for a graduation, and i probably won't even be able to see the person on stage. so that'll be great. posted at 11:50 AM |  

i'm having a do-nothing-at-work day. i just don't want to be here...i keep thinking about that job and wondering what i might have done wrong during the interviews...at least with the other job i interviewed for a while back, i knew why they didn't think that i was the best person for the job. it was pretty clear during the interview that i didn't have experience with some specific things that they were looking for. but with this more recent one, it's not as clear-cut. i kinda feel like they didn't really give me a fair shot.

don't want to dwell on it, but it's hard not to sometimes... posted at 5:06 PM |  

i really hate car salesman. and the process of negotiating with them. and the fact that i don't even feel like buying the damn car from someone slimy, no matter how much they drop the price.

oh yeah, and i hate upstairs guy too. totally unrealted, but since i was bitching i figured i might as well add him to the list. posted at 10:32 PM |  

upstairs guy came back last night. guess he didn't move out, just went on vacation for a couple weeks...and it was so nice while he was gone. but now he's back. and he woke me up at 7:45 this morning being his usual loud self.

i was hoping it wouldn't matter if he was still here, thinking that i'd be gone. as in, to the south bay, where that job was. now, i'm just screwed. posted at 12:59 PM |  

i'm so pissed off...about everything. just fucking miserable. keep wondering if there's something i could have said differently during the interviews...if i could have been more confident in some of my answers...i needed this job soooo much.

it's just so frustrating...school was hard sometimes, but it was much easier to succeed in school. you just work hard and it pays off, you know? doesn't necessarily work that way when you're out in the real world though. which sucks.

i had some friends who, just based on the fact that they went to berkeley and had good grades, got these amazing fucking jobs in fields totally unrelated to the majors, just based on potential. yet, for some reason no one has seen that sort of potential in me (so far). and it's depressing. i don't know what i have to do to get a break...

meanwhile the stupid job i have gets more and more depressing by the minute. and what's worse is, it's not adding anything. this job will not help me find another job, because i'm not doing anything worthwhile here. i'm not gaining any skills. i'm not using my brain. there's nothing i can put on my resume from the past 2 years that will make me seem more qualified for any of these jobs that i apply for...

i don't know what the fuck i'm supposed to do. i really don't.

and on top of all this crap, i've had major family drama to deal with tonight too. just what i needed.

worst part of it is, i don't have anyone around to give me a hug and tell me that things are going to be ok... posted at 7:45 PM |  

no third interview. been rejected again.

i'm really depressed about this...even shed a few tears when i got the email.

last night, i was lying in bed begging for this job...the possibility of getting it was the only thing keeping my spirits up...and now, it's back to square 1.

life sucks. posted at 2:29 PM |  

ran into an old college friend today...he works like 2 blocks from where i work. thought i crossed paths with him yesterday too, in about the same spot. kinda strange. but anyway...i haven't really hung out with him since sophomore year. and he's the type that...well, i don't know if he's just being fake when he says he'll email me and we'll go to lunch, etc., or if he really does want to catch up.

anyway, it's weird that he's still teaching test prep. thought for sure he'd either be in med school or on broadway by now. instead he's smoking a cigarette on the sidewalk in downtown berkeley, looking thoroughly disgusted with his life. funny how shit changes when you're out of school. posted at 6:56 PM |  

i hate breaking in new shoes...i've had these new sneakers for a few months now, but i never even put them on until today. my old ones were just so worn-in and comfortable that i didn't feel like making the switch. but they were totally starting to wear out so i forced myself to use the new ones today. and they bothered me most of the day. got little red bumps on my feet, etc. i'm sure they'll be fine after i wear them for a few days. it's just annoying. i get very attached to my old shoes.

anyway...i forgot my leftovers in the office for the millionth time. and i intentionally went someplace where i could get leftovers because i don't have anything to eat for dinner tonight! well, ok, i do have some food lying around, but i don't just don't feel like making anything...it's only monday and i'm lazy already...*sigh*... posted at 7:27 PM |  

whenever i watch the tony awards, it makes me want to fly off to new york and catch a few shows. i wanted to see both "avenue Q" and "wicked" last time i was there, but wasn't able to. maybe next time...

it's really the one reason i am jealous of new yorkers - broadway. posted at 11:02 PM |  

went to see "saved!" - probably one of the funniest movies i've seen in a long time. yes, some parts were very unrealistic and stupid, but who cares? it's a satire. and it's damn funny. i needed that. posted at 5:15 PM |  

not feeling sleepy...don't want to lie in bed and think about things. just want to feel tired and pass out. without taking any pills.

i hate nights like this when i start to feel really lonely. it's partially due to someone cancelling on me because she had something else she wanted to do instead. and this is the second time she's cancelled in the past 2 weeks. it's not a big deal at all, we didn't have anything in particular planned. but it still bothers me, because i'm so cancel-able in general.

i know i've cancelled on some people too - stuff happens, moods change. i get it. but i just feel like i've had an unusually large percentage of people cancel on me, for one reason or another. and i'm not going to be a bitch and complain about it, because that's just not me. the actual cancellation part isn't what bothers me so much anyway, it's just feeling like i'm not important enough to the person that they would want to spend time with me and actually make an effort to squeeze me in if they have something else going on. is that too much to ask for? posted at 2:14 AM |  

wow, it's hot outside. really hot. i wasn't expecting that.

went down to telegraph - feels like i haven't been there in ages. or at least, i haven't taken the time to notice all the changes - the new stores and food places, or the old places that are now gone...i wandered around in circles looking for this place to get my eyebrows done. then i went to yoghurt park - not as good as i remember it, but still refreshing on a hot day like today. then i just wandered around and remembered stuff...god i've been in berkeley a long time...i mean, i walked past this one cafe i used to eat at a lot when i was 16. sixteen! that's 10 years ago! holy shit. i had lunch with my best friend from elementary school there, before she went down south for college. haven't seen her since. and i remember going to this pizza place when i was like 14 with some friends after school, and this homeless guy wiped his hands on my friend's back. we must have laughed about that for weeks...what i'm getting at is, walking down telegraph is like walking done memory lane for me - going back to when i was 10 and my dad had a restaurant there. it's crazy when i think about how much it has changed - and yet, how much is still the same. posted at 5:39 PM |  

i meant to get a lot of crap done today, but instead...i slept in, took an insanely long shower, and just wasted a lot of time doing nothing in particular...and now it's 4 in the afternoon, and i haven't eaten, and my hair's still wet, and i'm still wearing the clothes i slept in last night...

i hate being lazy.

i'm starting to get really depressed about not hearing back from that company i interviewed with. i NEED that job so bad...i don't know what i'll do if i don't get it. probably start bawling.

i should get dressed and go outside for a bit. take a walk or something. that hike yesterday felt good, aside from the people i was with...and i'm not even sore, which is pretty remarkable. though i do walk uphill everyday back from work, so i suppose those muscles are used to it. posted at 3:54 PM |  

so i've been trying to find someone to go see shrek 2 with me, and i'm not having much luck. i thought this one friend would want to go, but she said she's waiting for her boyfriend to come back to town so she can see it with him - actually, he's making her wait until he comes back. what's up with that? actually, i want someone to make me wait to see a movie with them...as silly as that sounds... posted at 7:48 PM |  

so i went to the stupid picnic. just got back home. long, boring day. mostly i just sat around alone. it was really obvious that i was left out, and that no one gave a shit for the most part. like, i'd sit down at a table, and then everyone else would go sit down at another table. how fucking rude is that?

finally, after we were all done with lunch and everything, and everyone had moved to a third table, even further away from me, this one guy called me over and said to come sit with them. we ate dessert, and then went on a long hike in the hills...bitch was talking/laughing/singing off-key the whole freakin way up. (we probably hiked for about 45 minutes up hill, then another 20-30 minutes back down) it was super annoying. i just walked slow behind everyone most of the time. pretending like i was alone and trying to enjoy the nature. when we finally reached inspiration point, i remembered that i had driven there a few times and always thought that it was one of the least attractive points in the hills, so i couldn't believe i hiked up all that way just to see that. i had my camera, but didn't bother to take any pictures because i was so uninspired...

anyway. better than being stuck in an office until 6:30 i suppose.

i just hate feeling like i'm not worth talking to or getting to know or anything...seriously, some of these people are so fucking rude, they don't even attempt to be friendly towards me. and i know that maybe i should try being more friendly to them first, but i'm doing the best i can. and i've never said anything unfriendly to anyone other than the bitch. yet they all still make me feel completely alienated and...well, just awkward in office social situations like this. it's junior high, i'm telling you... posted at 4:44 PM |  

blah.

i don't know what to say. i've been really bored tonight. i don't even know what i did to keep myself occupied. stupid, frustrating stuff. and then i took a nap at around 11:15. i don't know why i didn't just go to sleep for the night then. probably wouldn't have been able to fall asleep so easily if i had that intention though...

i really do not want to go to this picnic tomorrow. my office is like some horrible junior high school experience - you got the bitch and her clique, then...well, that just leaves 2 of us. me and this programmer guy, neither of us talk to anyone else really. and we don't talk to each other either. he's kinda strange. and i'm just anti-social. so any office gathering is torture for me. especially when it's just office people.

i'll figure out what i'm doing tomorrow when i get to work. should go to sleep now. posted at 12:48 AM |  

i have to go to an office picnic tomorrow...*groan*...

been trying to think of ways to get out of it...maybe if i show up late, everyone will leave without me??

i really, really, really do not want to go, but i don't know how to tell them that. i try not to be rude to them, even though i dislike most of them. and somehow i feel it would be rude of me not to go...

i don't even have a book i can take with me...have a few at my mom's place that i've been meaning to read, but i always forget to bring them when i go there...

any ideas? either on getting out of it, or on keeping myself occupied while there? don't exactly want to wander off and get lost in tilden park and not have a ride back down the hill, especially since my cell phone doesn't get reception up there...

crap, this sucks. i'm going to be miserable if i go. posted at 6:21 PM |  

when i was at lunch today, this older indian man randomly walked into the pizza place, and came up to me and asked if i was indian. i said yes, and then he asked if i spoke hindi. i said no and went back to eating my pizza, kinda half wondering if i should have found out what he wanted first. but then he goes up to this indian guy sitting at the table next to me and asks him in hindi if he wants his face read. the guy said that he's not interested, but he kept talking to him, trying to get him to change his mind. i'm sitting there smiling, kinda amused by the whole thing. then he asks the guy in hindi to ask me if i want to get my face read - like, this guy just didn't want to take no for an answer. he kept saying "i can tell you lots of things, it's really nice..." and stuff like that. the other guy and myself both insisted that we really weren't interested, and eventually the man left (probably to go seek out more indian people).

ah, berkeley.

maybe i should have asked him about the job though : ) posted at 7:26 PM |  

still no word about the job. i'm starting to get a bad feeling about it. i wish they wouldn't take so long...i'm wondering if i should email the recruiter. although, he never responded to the email i sent him last week, so i'm thinking he might be too busy.

i hate having to be patient. posted at 7:00 PM |  

when i left my apartment this morning, i noticed someone had left a sock on my doorknob. (and no, it did not belong to me)

i think that's sort of a strange (and kinda gross) thing to do. i bet it was upstairs guy. just because. posted at 8:00 PM |  

not the least bit sleepy. dreading going back to work tomorrow after the long weekend...

other than that, i'm feeling ok now. was kinda sad and upset on saturday night, but couldn't put it into words...mostly stuff about sean. i've come to realize that i've been hurt on multiple levels, not just one. like there are so many different angles from which this pain can just creep up on me unexpectedly...

and even in a broader sense, i feel like it has reinforced the primary source of all my unhappiness over the past 10-15 years. this feeling of never meaning enough to people that i care about. it just keeps resurfacing, over and over. and i can't figure it out - i mean, is it me? is it them? is it because i somehow choose to become friends with people like this? kind of like going after what you know you can't have - maybe i do that with friendships in general, because it's somehow easier than actually having a real friendship with someone? i don't know...i doubt that there's a simple explanation for it, and i'm not going to try to find one.

mostly, i'm just frustrated because i can't seem to wrap my brain around all the feelings that i've been having lately. all the things that i'm angry about, that i hurt about, that i care about...it's all just too much to deal with at one time. i'm worn out thinking about it. just want to move on and forget it all. posted at 1:23 AM |