ok, seriously though, about the tsunami...i just don't understand why no warning was given. i mean, i keep hearing on the news that there was no "warning system" in india (and i'm guessing sri lanka too). but...like...someone must have noticed that there was a tsunami heading in that direction. it took a good 2-3 hours to reach india. couldn't someone get an indian official on the phone and inform them? and then couldn't the indian government put out some info on the tv and radio, telling people to stay away from the ocean? and couldn't they get police out in some areas at least, to close down beaches and such? i know there would have still been a lot of lives lost, but it sure sounds like a few could have been saved, at least in india and somalia. (i don't know how long it took the tsunami to reach somalia, but i'm sure there would have been plenty of time for someone to get the word out...especially after seeing what happened around india.)

i should mention that i have no idea whether or not someone did in fact, warn countries in the path of the tsunami. it just seems to me like they didn't know what was coming. but maybe i'm wrong, maybe they did put out some sort of warning. so if that's the case, ignore me.
posted at 9:14 PM |  

i hate to complain about silly little things when thousands of people are being killed by earthquakes and tsunamis and stuff, but damn, my christmas presents all sucked.

i didn't even get anything that was on my amazon wishlist!!! i specifically put things up there because certain people asked me to put things up there, and then they didn't even bother to get them for me! what's up with that?!?! i even told my dad's wife that she could get me something from that list after i told her i didn't want the sweater she initially bought me. but instead she somehow took that to mean that i didn't want her to get me anything. meanwhile, i did buy her something (and it cost quite a bit more than i intended to spend too!).

uuuggghh. and this one aunt, who is notorious for bad taste in clothing, bought me this stupid shirt that is going back to the store ASAP (and i'm guessing i'll only get like, $7 for it now). honestly, my cousin should have figured out something better to get me. i mean, i dropped a lot of hints about wanting a cal sweatshirt, or a holiday bowl t-shirt. and oh yeah, how about stuff on my amazon wish list?? she of all people should have looked there. i mean, she's the queen of amazon. she loves amazon. uses it all the time. so what the fuck?

and i actually wanted most of the stuff i put on that wish list. things that i would have bought on my own if i had known that no one was going to get them for me!!! grrrr.

to top that off, my mom's tree toppled over on christmas day. the tree that i had taken a really long time to decorate all by myself, to make sure that all the ornaments went together and were spaced just right...all ruined. it looks like crap now.

to ruin the rest of this week, mother nature has decided to make it rain. even in southern california! this san diego trip is probably going to be a cold, wet one : (

all i can hope for now is a cal win. that's the only thing that can salvage the holiday season for me.
posted at 6:05 PM |  

i feel like writing, but i don't know what to say...i'm starting to get bored and restless. i need to somehow channel that restless energy into cleaning, organizing, getting rid of junk, and of course, looking for a job. i've been told to wait until january to send out resumes though...just to make sure it doesn't get put aside and forgotten...

anyway, i should probably go to bed. i haven't been sleeping well lately - not because of noises, but because i have too much on my mind, or because i'm not doing anything during the day to make me tired. probably both.
posted at 1:10 AM |  

missed the amazing race tonight. i didn't know it was coming on an hour early this week...would have taped it if i had known...i'm so annoyed. they don't even repeat the episode on saturdays anymore, do they? oh well...i don't really like this season that much. just the father-daughter team. can't stand the teams that finished 1st and 2nd last week...
posted at 9:30 PM |  

i feel like i've been spending way too much money lately. wouldn't be a big deal normally, but now that i'm not getting a paycheck every month...well, whatever i did have in the bank is reducing pretty rapidly.

other than that...not much going on with me. IM'd a little bit with sean last week...just for a few minutes...initiated by him both times. nothing major...but, i kinda wished i hadn't now. because it made me start thinking about him again. and that's not a good thing. i mean, i wish that i could talk to him and find out what's going on with him without him getting back inside my head. but i haven't reached that point yet. so, probably shouldn't be chatting with him...and yet, i still sign on and look to see if he's online...*sigh*...
posted at 6:59 PM |  

this is going to sound weird, but i just hate dealing with christmas gifts that other people give to me. i'm sorry if i'm fussy and i drive everyone nuts by rejecting their gifts or not being excited when i see them. i just hate collecting junk in my closet. i have enough clothes as it is, i don't want to accept more clothes that i won't really wear and that can't be exchanged...why don't they understand???

my dad's wife called this morning because she bought me a sweater from costco and wanted to know if the size would be ok. but as soon as she said it was from costco, i pretty much said no thanks. no offense to costco shoppers, but i really doubt i'd wear the thing. i'm sure that it's not ugly and that the material is fine, and there may be no good reason why i don't want it, but i just know in my heart that it'll probably just sit in my closet and collect dust...so, i'd rather she give it to someone else. and i told her that. but of course, she just got annoyed with me for being so hard to shop for. i feel like we go through this every year...

and i'm kinda concerned because i feel like i should probably get presents for her and my dad...i never have in the past, just because it's always been something that the adults in the family just did for the kids when we were growing up. and besides, i'm hindu. but now i just feel kind of obligated to get them something...*grumble*
posted at 12:46 PM |  

still no sign of that damn bee.

but, i made some progress on the job front today. did a little cal-alum networking, and found someone who works at this company i applied to a few months ago. so i emailed him, and he wrote back and seemed really happy to help. gonna send him my resume tonight. keep your fingers crossed...
posted at 9:09 PM |  

i went out for a walk, and then as soon as i entered my apartment, i felt a little itch on my shoulder. i scratched and heard a buzz. now, if there's one thing i'm scared of, it's bees. so i immediately freaked out and took off my shirt. i didn't see anything fly out, so i thought maybe i imagined the buzz. i picked up the shirt and took it to the bathroom where the light is better. shook it up a bit, nothing. started to turn it inside out, and i heard it again. buzzzzz. i threw the shirt down, didn't know what to do with it...checked to see if it was my cell phone that buzzed. no such luck. so then, i got a broomstick and used that to lift up the shirt (so i could stand at a safe distance and didn't have to touch it). and sure enough, a bee flew out! oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

i went to the kitchen to see if i had anything i could spray on it. then i remembered where i kept the spray - in the shelf right next to where the bee was!! but i couldn't go back there because it was flying around.

then, it came out towards the kitchen and flew to the living room. i ran back to get whatever bug spray i had, ran back out, and now...I CAN'T FIND IT!!! damnit.

i seriously will not be able to sleep tonight if i don't find it and kill it. you have no idea how antsy i am right now. i have the can of bug spray with me at all times. i don't even know if it'll work on bees! that's the worst part. what if it just attacks me when i spray?!?

fuuuuck. i may never go take a walk again.
posted at 4:00 PM |  

it's a really weird feeling when someone reaches my blog by searching for something that i haven't written, but was thinking the night before. as in, i actually said the exact sentence to myself late last night, and this morning someone typed that sentence into google and landed on my blog. kinda freaky.
posted at 11:47 AM |  

trying to start the serious job hunting, but...too much crap distracting me. my grandma's sick, my mom's depressed, my aunt's having all sorts of issues (and i'm the only person she feels like she can talk to most of the time)...then on top of that, i'm so confused about what i want to do with myself in the meanwhile - should i tutor? take a class? for fun or something useful? how do i tell which class would be useful??? i drive myself nuts.

i don't even know what kind of job i want. i look at the descriptions, and nothing appeals to me...i feel like a failure. i wonder if i'll ever succeed in my career, whatever my career turns out to be. and this is all new to me. because i always thought i would be good at whatever i did. but now i've realized that there's a lot more to it than that...

blah.
posted at 7:44 PM |  

i'm not a fan of the death penalty, and i rarely feel it's necessary. didn't think it was going to happen in this case...was kinda surprised when it was announced, though i got the impression that a lot of people were pulling for it.

anyway, i wasn't in the courtroom so i can't really say whether or not he deserves it. i just don't know if i would ever be able to do that to someone, even if there was stronger evidence, etc.
posted at 2:37 PM |  

haven't quite gotten into job-search mode yet. feel like i need a few days. still reeling a bit from everything...having trouble sitting still and focusing my attention on any one thing...

just need to get my head together and stop dwelling on things.
posted at 5:00 PM |  

got my bowl tickets (at least, i'm pretty sure i do), got my plane tickets, working on the hotel room reservations...should i be spending this much money right now? probably not. but i don't care. i'm excited.
posted at 5:10 PM |  

i'm free. don't have to work 2 more weeks in that hell-hole.

cleaned out my desk (somewhat), deleted my email account, gave back my keys, said bye to everyone except the bitch, and then left. and that was that.

the boss wasn't there (he usually doesn't come in on mondays). the manager didn't bother to apologize or ask how i was doing or talk to me about what happened on friday...the only person who was concerned about me at all was this one post-doc, who's not even a real employee...she just helps my boss out with writing proposals. she's only been here for a few months, and she was the *only* person in the office who asked if i was ok and showed any sort of sympathy...

but whatever. i'm so glad to be out of there. and i do feel a little bit of relief now.
posted at 12:33 PM |  

as predicted, cal got screwed.

too depressed to go into all the problems with the BCS. bottom line, the top 8 teams should be in it.

i can't be too bitter about texas - i don't agree with some of the things their coach did, but i can't blame him either. after all, they were the ones to get screwed last year. anyway...life goes on and i'll try my best to get tickets to the holiday bowl instead. go bears!
posted at 12:01 AM |  

bummed out. i have never felt so heart-broken after a cal win. nothing i can do now but wait and hope...will find out about the rose bowl tomorrow afternoon. but it doesn't look too good for us right now : (

regardless of the BCS situation, and regardless of where we wind up playing, i love this team with all my heart and i'm so unbelievably proud of them. coach tedford is as classy as they come. and i can't find the words to describe geoff mc arthur. i wanted to cry when i saw him being carted off the field, tear streaming down his cheek...*sigh*...

i'd go into a long rant about how fucked up the BCS is, but i think i'll save that for tomorrow, when i know the results.
posted at 1:30 AM |  

don't know why i'm up this late. i feel terrible...like i can't fucking believe that i just walked out like that...

and i feel this different stress now - from not knowing what to do.

what have i gotten myself into?
posted at 2:48 AM |  

still no reply from either my boss or my manager...

and i can't relax. i don't feel any sort of relief. i'm too worried about things. i feel like...well, i wish i had quit a month ago. when my boss still liked me.
posted at 6:07 PM |  

drama.

as soon as i got back from lunch this afternoon, my boss came over to my desk to ask what i was doing - if i had started the lesson, etc. (i haven't.) then he told me that i need to just pick something and start. i told him that i needed to know whether this lesson was going to replace an existing lesson, or if it was going to be a separate lesson attached at the end (because this would make a difference in what needs to be covered). he didn't answer - he said that i just need to start it and we'll figure that out later. then, i started to explain why i didn't feel the example that he wants me to use is appropriate. but he didn't want to listen. he just started to talk over me, said that he disagrees with me, etc. i started to say, fine, fine...i'll do it...and then, i don't know what happened...he was still talking, and i just flipped out, started to cry...so, i got up, told him i needed some air, and walked out of the office.

spent half an hour sobbing, talking to my mom a little. (not that i actually listened to anything she was saying, i just needed to call someone.) i decided i couldn't go back in there. i felt nuts enough as it is, i didn't want to have to talk to anyone or explain anything. called my dad, and he told me to just go home and send him an emailing telling him that i am resigning. so, that's what i did. sent a separate email to my manager explaining that i just can't deal with the boss anymore.

it's all very awkward and scary and...i don't know. i wanted to quit, yes. but i didn't want it to be like this. i didn't want to leave on a bad note. i didn't want to leave looking like a crazy person. and...i'm going to feel really weird showing up on monday. i assume i still have to work for 2 weeks. maybe they won't make me. i don't know...
posted at 3:38 PM |  

it is soooooo cold outside. brrr. my ears hurt.

i kept falling asleep at work today. didn't do anything. i feel bad. i mean, i want to get the damn thing over with, but i seem to have the equivalent of writer's block. combine that with total lack of motivation...and well, the result is pretty much nothing.

at least i look at little refreshed. i looked like shit before i went on vacation. but i see a change in my face now. unfortunately, it'll probably go back to looking like shit by the end of the week...

did anyone else get a free cashmere scarf from express? i love mine. i even wear it around the apartment. it was worth braving the crowds on black friday just to get it. sadly, it's the only 100% cashmere thing i own. in retrospect, i should have split my purchases and gotten 2 of them somehow...i wasn't thinking!!
posted at 6:12 PM |