i went back to the rose garden today...wasn't really satisfied with the few pictures i took last time. also, i thought there might be fewer bees around today since it's been raining a little. i took a lot more pictures this time. all roses, i know. but i needed the practice (still getting used to my camera), and i like being at the garden. it's relaxing (when i'm not running from bees). posted at 10:27 PM |  

i've applied to this one company 7 times over the past 2 months. think i should get the hint and stop now? i just did the 7th one tonight - and i'm so tempted to apply for a couple more openings, but i think i'd just be re-applying for jobs that i already applied for. the only thing i'm not sure about is the location - this company has several branches, and i didn't make a note of which branch i had applied to each time. but anyway...i should probably hold off on sending them more applications, unless i see a job with a different title or different responsibilities.

i also got some bad news about this other company that i'd like to work for...the contact i had made there (through alumni networking) left his job! so i can't keep bugging him anymore. which is too bad, because he really was very nice and willing to help.

i'm getting so sick of the job search...*sigh*... posted at 1:21 AM |  

why, why, why is scott still on idol???? constantine was annoying, but i did like him enough one week (bohemian rhapsody) to say that he should be in the final four. at the very least he should have outlasted scott! i mean, come on. i just feel like whenever simon tells someone to pack their bags (or something similar), more people get energized to vote for that person. it's annoying. posted at 11:41 PM |  

i actually woke up at 9 this morning to watch the draft. i'm nuts, i know...i just really thought rodgers would go first. i guess i refused to believe all the rumors this week about the niners deciding on smith. thought they were just trying to trade down and pick aaron at a lower spot. but no. the rumors were true. i just hope that they had a good reason for picking smith over rodgers. because there sure were a lot of STUPID reasons floating around...

so anyway. i sat there waiting, feeling sorry for aaron, because i know how much he wanted to play for the niners - you'd think that would count for something, the qbs themselves being more or less equal. and the look on his face as more and more teams passed on him...so sad. i suppose he ended up in a good spot though. won't be thrown in to the wolves right away, has time to adjust and learn the offense. but i think he's one of the few rookie qbs that would have actually done pretty well if he had to start right away. don't know if that's true of smith. we'll see...

i'm glad aaron ended up on a good team though. i hope it works out well for him in the long run, even though it may be bittersweet now. posted at 1:26 AM |  

my mom's control-freak-ness has really been getting on my nerves lately. it just seems to be acting up more than usual for some reason. and not just with me - with pretty much anyone she comes into contact with. i just wish she would be half as concerned with her own life as she is with others'...i don't know if she's trying to keep herself occupied or what. it's just irritating that she wants to make everyone else's decisions for them. she wants to be involved in everything they do. give them advice that they don't even ask for. and she seems to have no clue how much she does this.

even if she doesn't give the person advice directly, it'll consume her mind for days, weeks even. she'll constantly be coming up with ideas for them, regardless of whether or not they asked her to or are interested in hearing what she has to say. i guess she has always been this way, but it seems to be getting out of hand lately. just makes me wonder if there's something else going on, something she's trying to avoid dealing with... posted at 3:10 PM |  

blah. i'm in a bad mood today. don't feel like doing anything. i haven't applied for any jobs this whole week...i'm starting to feel like i don't really know what i want to do. it's frustrating... posted at 6:32 PM |  

just got a call about my 10-year reunion. *groan*...like i'm really in the mood for that. it's in september, so i suppose i have time to change my mind. but as of right now, i'm not too interested in spending that much money to see a bunch of people that i don't really want to see.

don't get me wrong - i'd love to be a fly on the wall. see what they all look like, and find out what they are doing. but i don't want to stay and have to talk with them and be all fake. i think it'll end up being depressing more than anything. and did i mention it's expensive?

anyway, the person who called to tell me about it used to be a friend once upon a time. but he didn't really seem all that interested in talking to me or asking how i was. even though we haven't really spoken since freshman year of college. see what i mean? it sucks when people you once cared about just aren't that interested in you anymore. i mean, he could have easily told me about the reunion, and then took a minute to ask about me - what i was doing these days, etc. or at least say that it was nice to talk to me and that he hopes to see me there. anything. but he pretty much just gave me the info and hung up. which really hurts when i think about how close friends we were at one point (or so i thought). anyway, then he called back to see if i had contact info for this one other friend. i bet he's more interested in seeing her than me. actually, i'm surprised they're not in touch anymore, because they were all through college...

in short, when i realized it was him on the phone, i was truly happy, pleasantly surprised, and excited for a second. because i thought that he actually wanted to talk to me. but then i found out why he was calling, and it disappointed me... posted at 3:13 PM |  

walked over to the rose garden this afternoon...i actually planned on making my way there through one of the stair trails, but i couldn't remember which way to go after the first set of stairs. it's been a long time. and with some of these stairs, it's hard to tell whether they are private property or part of a trail. so anyway, i ended up walking uphill more than necessary (but that's good, right? exercise?) and then coming back downhill to get to the garden. but it was a nice walk.

a lot of the roses haven't bloomed yet, and some others were past their prime. but i did get some good pictures.

i would have taken more, but after a while, i became a bit too aware of all the bees around me. and my allergies started acting up. hard to take pictures while sneezing and swatting bugs away. posted at 5:21 PM |  

just got back from the interview...you know, it sucks when they make you drive all the way out there just for 15-minutes. and she repeated a lot of questions that she had already asked me over the phone. didn't show me any of their products, and i didn't meet or talk to anyone else there.

anyway, the interview itself went alright. i think i was answering questions a little better than i did during the phone interview. there was only one time when i got a little confused, in that i didn't really know what she was getting at. she asked something like "i know your background is in instructional design, but would you be interested in other parts as well?" - and i didn't know what exactly "other parts" meant. so my answer was probably weird. but then she clarified - project management and scheduling and documentation. i haven't done any of that, so it's hard to say whether or not i'd really be interested in it, but i said yes.

oh, and i hate when they ask what my salary requirements are. i just want whatever is normal for this job, but i don't know what that is. and i also don't want to let them know that i'm desperate and i'll take whatever they offer, so i have to give them some numbers to work with...ugh. but then there's this fear that you give them a number that's much lower than normal, and this makes them think that you're not qualified enough. it's a pain. i need to start asking around to figure out a safe range.

anyway, as for the company...the only real down-side is the location. it's out in the middle of nowhere, a bit south of candlestick (i can't call it "monster") park. it's pretty because it's right by the water, has a gorgeous view of the bay and all...but no food, no stores, no places to people-watch. big change from berkeley. (all this won't matter unless i actually get the job, so no need to worry about it now.) posted at 10:54 AM |  

felt like blogging, but i don't really have much to say. i don't know if i'm just nervous about the interview, but all of a sudden, i started to feel like i don't really want this job. which is weird, because i really did want it when i applied. and i don't know what happened between then and now. reality sinking in i guess - what if i actually get this job? it should be a good thing, a relief...but instead i'd be scared. and not at all excited. so...is that because this particular job doesn't really appeal to me, or is it because i don't want to go back to work in general? i can't figure out what's going on with me... posted at 2:11 AM |  

so my interview is officially set for monday. i did end up having to email a reminder. which is sort of weird. but anyway. now i have to figure out what to wear. *groan*

i bought a couple nice blazers recently, but i haven't gotten around to having them tailored yet. i can't find anything in my size anywhere. that's the main problem. i have to get just about everything shortened or taken in somewhere...it's annoying. posted at 5:54 PM |  

i'm worried about my teeth. not sure if i should go back to the same dentist or try another one...i just keep putting if off, but i really feel like something's wrong. part of the problem is i listen to my mom too much when it comes to money matters. not that i even asked her really, but whenever i make a comment about my tooth hurting, she'll say something like "well, as soon as you get a job and have insurance, then go see the dentist." so that kind of thinking is ingrained in my head - that i shouldn't pay to go see a dentist, that i shouldn't pay for medical insurance, etc., etc...

and now that i (supposedly) have an interview coming up, i wonder if i should at least wait until i find out the outcome.

but maybe i'm just being stupid. i don't know. i can't think straight.

anyway...changing the subject. my aunt who lives in india just arrived in new york, so i gave her a call to say hi. and all she talked about (as though it was seriously important business) was the jewelry she brought for me, and how it's time for me to get married. and as if marriage talk didn't annoy me enough in general, she made it seem like it's my duty, something i have to do for the family. like if i were to get married, it would solve everyone's problems. i swear, she has a way of making it feel like an obligation, rather than something one would actually choose to do. that is what pisses me off the most. and the sad part is, it's only going to get worse as i get older. posted at 1:00 AM |  

more accurately, my internet connection is "on and off" - which still sucks, but i guess it's better than being completely off. i still don't understand what's going on.

anyway...i'm kinda worried because the woman i spoke with this morning never emailed me to let me know what time she wanted me to go in. i guess i'll email her tomorrow morning if i don't hear from her by then.

just watched one of my old professors on jeopardy. he won the tournament of champions when i was in school here. and he kicked butt tonight. i'd like to see him go up against ken jennings. i think he could take him out. go bears! posted at 7:27 PM |  

my internet connection is back up! i didn't even do anything. i guess those cable guys figured it out. or maybe it just fixed itself. i'm just happy it's back. posted at 4:33 PM |  

the phone interview went pretty well i guess. at least, i was asked to come in for an in-person interview. which is encouraging. i think i need to work on my confidence though. sometimes i hear myself saying things that sound like i'm unsure of myself (probably because i am), and then i have to try to turn it around. so it ends up sounding like "i don't know, i don't have any experience doing that, so i would need some time to learn how to do it and see how it goes....but yeah, i think i could do it."

i swear i was still half-asleep during the phone call. what cracks me up is, i asked how big the company was, and she said "it's pretty small, only about 75 people" - that's small?!?! at my old company, there were maybe 8 of us on a good day. and 2 of them were working part time.

anyway, still waiting on the scheduling. i hope it's not too early in the morning... posted at 11:05 AM |  

still being forced to use dial-up. but, i've got a phone interview tomorrow morning! yay! let's hope i do better with this one.

i'm kind of puzzled about the internet connection. usually, what happens is the lights on my cable modem start blinking when something's wrong. but they're not blinking now - they're all green. however, the light on the back of my computer is blinking orange (where i plug in the ethernet cable). so how can i tell if the problem is with the cable company, or with my computer? i guess there's no harm in calling them up, but i just don't want to have to pay if they have to come here to fix it. posted at 1:24 PM |  

blogger is irritating the hell out of me right now. this is my third attempt. and i will copy the text before publishing this time.

i hate computers. that was the gist of the other two posts that vanished into thin cyberair. i don't feel like going into detail again. my internet connection's down, and i am just getting really irritated and impatient now. posted at 5:15 PM |  

i didn't succeed in sending out any resumes yesterday. it was a friday, i couldn't think. i'm putting it off until monday.

i'm actually really bummed that i didn't get a call from this company in san diego. i thought i was really perfect for that job. i'm not surprised the chicago people didn't call back though.

on the bright side, i actually slept pretty well last night. posted at 12:31 PM |  

i haven't applied for any jobs this week, so i'm trying to send out a couple resumes today...but i'm having cover letter writer's block. again. so frustrating.

i discovered that "coupling" comes on at 2:30 am here, so there's something for me to do when i can't sleep at night. i was cracking up so much last night watching it...and i normally don't laugh so hard when i'm alone. but this show is just too funny sometimes. i seriously had to hold my stomach during one scene because i was laughing so much.

then i tried to go to sleep at 3 and ended up crying. such is life. or pms. whatever. fell asleep around 5. woke up around noon, and had a totally unproductive day (so far).

oh, and my favorite wide receiver didn't get a 6th year of eligibility. so that kinda sucks for the team. he'll probably get drafted and all, but i was really hoping to see him play here next year. those ncaa people are some mean bastards. posted at 6:37 PM |  

blogger just ate my last post. i had a feeling it would do that. but i didn't listen to that feeling, now did i? no. posted at 6:52 PM |  

i really don't want to turn into crazy-bitch-downstairs-neighbor again, but these girls upstairs are getting so annoying. i know if i go to bed, i'll start getting pissed off. so instead i'm sitting here waiting for them to stop the chit-chat and finish all their bathroom routines and go to sleep.

if my living room weren't so cold, i'd be asleep on my sofa by now. i love sleeping. i really do. so it just drives me insanely mad when someone (or something) disturbs my sleep on a regular basis.

anyway...i think i'll go read for the next hour or so. wish me luck in falling asleep before 4! posted at 2:46 AM |  

waiting for upstairs girl to get out of her shower so i can try to go to bed...

i know it's a friday night, but still. it's irritating. posted at 2:55 AM |  

upstairs girl is really starting to irritate me. she didn't go to bed until around 5 am last night. which means i didn't fall asleep until 5 am last night. she's been up until 4-ish for the past few weeks. and i've fallen into this thing where i can't sleep until i hear her go to bed. it's hard to explain. i just can't get my body to fall asleep if it knows that it is going to be woken up every single time she (or her roommates) use the bathroom sink. which they do pretty damn often in the middle of the night. and one of them is the type that likes to keep the water running for 15 minutes straight. i have no idea what that is about.

oh, and what makes it really bad is that turning on the hot water ends up making this really loud noise in the pipes or whatever...and then that noise continues even after she's done using the sink while the pipes cool down again.

i just don't understand how people can get by on such little sleep. i don't remember anyone staying up that late on such a regular basis when i was in college. i know i was up late most of the time when i was in grad school, but i also didn't have classes until 4 in the afternoon (if i had class at all). i don't know how this girl can stay up so late every night and still get up by 10 in the morning. oh, and she even gets up early on saturdays.

i don't know if she's always been doing this or if it just started recently. it's hard to imagine i was sleeping through it all before. i know it's all psychological...she's definitely not as bad as the guy who was living there before. that guy was insane. and he was intentionally loud sometimes. she's not loud, she just doesn't sleep. really, i'm more pissed at the stupid building that i live in... posted at 1:31 PM |  

i did apply for a job today. so i didn't take the whole week off, just a few days. i think getting the phone interview helped restore some confidence.
because it's nice to know that not everyone is immediately tossing my resume into the reject pile. anyway, this job i applied for today sounds much better (because it's in california). i've sent this company my resume so many times though...we'll see. posted at 1:39 AM |