blah. not in the mood to job hunt today. i'm still kind of reeling over how my mom got all nuts/emotional yesterday. i hate it when she flips out like that. i don't even know what brought it on...and it frustrates me that i don't know how to handle it - can't ask her what's wrong, can't ask her why she's upset. just have to sit there and let her treat me like crap until she gets it all out of her system. and by the way, she never apologizes, even when she does get back to normal. and she wonders why she's all alone? who could live with someone like that?!? i can't. posted at 11:43 PM |  

i think my mom woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning...or maybe she's just been unusually bearable these past 2 weeks, but is now back to her normal, moody, hard-to-deal-with self. i don't know, but i've had enough. she's been nuts all day today, and i have no idea what set it off...i just can't be around her when she's like this. time for me to get the hell out of here... posted at 10:25 PM |  

finally heard back about a job i applied for...it's been so long since i've gotten a reply (other than automatically generated "thank you for applying" types). but this person is going out of town for a week, so i have to wait and see if they want an interview...i hate waiting...ugh...it seemed favorable though. and honestly, i'm so perfectly qualified for this job that it would be an insult if they didn't interview me. posted at 6:14 PM |  

i'm still at my mom's place...mainly just here to drive her around. and although i don't particularly like being her chauffeur, i don't really feel like going back to my apartment either. i feel good here. think it's due to the combination of a few things - 1) getting a lot of sunlight, 2) spending much much much less time at the computer, and 3) eating a lot of ice cream. i never keep ice cream at my apartment because it's always so cold there...

but i know i have to go back. have to check my mail, pay my bills, apply for jobs, blah blah blah. i feel like i've been taking a vacation from all that crap. don't want it to end...

i wish i weren't an adult sometimes. posted at 1:21 AM |  

came back to my apartment to try to get some work done...have a bunch of jobs i need to apply for...but i'm having trouble focusing as usual...

it doesn't help that i haven't sent any resumes out all last week. whenever i take any time off, it's hard to start up again. i just hate putting together cover letters... posted at 2:58 PM |  

i think my mom's starting to feel a little better. last night was rough because she was in a lot of pain and i didn't really know how to help...i think i have to take her back to the doctor tomorrow. as for the little boy i mentioned earlier, he's out of the hospital now. they still have to run more tests and stuff...possible he may need chemo...i'm not quite sure what's going on. but i'm glad he's back home.

this old laptop is making funny noises and doing something weird. i think it may be dying soon. actually, it did go into a coma recently, but i used the recovery disk and got it back up and running. my mom's computer died too, so this is all i've got over here. which is why i'm hoping it'll hang on for a while...don't know what i'd do here all day without it. posted at 1:05 AM |  

at my mom's place right now...she had surgery on her shoulder today, so i'm gonna need to be here for a while to help her out. i hope she's ok in a couple days...don't want to stay here for much longer than that. i get so bored...plus, i don't have any of my files here so it's hard to apply for jobs. and this computer is way too slow to do much of anything online...

it kind of sucks that all of my mom's friends from the neighborhood have moved away. i feel really obligated to be here the whole time she's recovering...just because there's no one else nearby who could drive her to the store or cook food for her or whatever...don't mean to sound like i'm complaining. i mean, she'd do the same for me. but i just wish someone else was around to help, you know? i tried to tell her to do the surgery while my aunt was visiting from new york, or to have my other aunt use my mileage to fly out here for a couple weeks now. but she didn't want to deal with them...she feels more stressed out when her sisters are around. so she's stuck with me, and i with her. i'm just hoping for a speedy recovery... posted at 12:08 AM |  

found out today that this adorable little boy (a relative of mine) has a pretty big tumor near his liver. he was operated on last week, but the doctor wasn't able to remove it completely...it's breaking my heart. i mean, i just saw him last thanksgiving, and he was so happy and healthy....it's not fair.

will find out more tomorrow when they get the test results back... posted at 11:29 PM |  

got my hair cut a couple weeks ago...and although i got a worried feeling when the hairdresser starting randomly chopping off diagonal chunks, it actually ended up looking fairly good. for a week or so. but since then, it's been totally screwy. tried letting it air dry. tried blowdrying it straight. it just won't work with me. it insists on doing its own thing. and it looks ridiculous. i don't know what to do. this is beyond a bad hair day. i mean, i seriously don't want to leave my apartment looking like this.

i need to find a new hairdresser...i know, everytime i try a new one, i just end up going back to this one...but she's too inconsistent. i can't deal with it anymore... posted at 5:33 PM |  

most reality shows are bad to begin with...but these ones that pop up duing the summer...man, they're really, really bad. and the funniest part is the catch phrase used at the end when someone gets kicked off. they're just getting worse and worse...maybe there's nothing decent left to choose from. i don't know. like on "the cut" they used something like "you're out of style" (why not "you didn't make the cut"?). are the trying to copy project runway's "you're in"/"you're out" thing? i don't get it. (but project runway is a much better show.)

i think i'm going to try to catch the last few minutes of all these summer reality shows just to see how bad their catch phrases are. i'm sure there's probably a list on the web somewhere, but i haven't found one yet. posted at 9:40 PM |  

summer tv sucks. watched coldplay again tonight - this time on vh1 storytellers. i love storytellers. wasn't it gone for a super-long time? then all of a sudden i saw the green day one a while back...

anyway. chatted with sean for a bit tonight - it's been a couple months or so. and as usual, when he first sends an im, he has to say something like "i have to go in 5 minutes, but..." (so annoying)

he didn't leave as quickly as he normally does though - maybe he was doing something else or chatting with someone else at the same time. i don't know. i wasn't really going to say much, but i was just so frustrated with the job search, and when i start biching about life...well, i can go on for a while, even when i don't intend to. but then when he did leave, he had to fucking drop the L-word on me. i know he didn't mean it THAT way. he meant it as a friendly, "take care"-type of sign off. but still. what was up with that? where did it come from?!? he drives me nuts. absolutely nuts...it was just so...weird.

(and in case you're wondering, no, i did not say it back.)

anyway, i'm just going to pretend it never happened. try, at least. i probably won't hear from him for several weeks anyway. that helps. posted at 11:26 PM |  

watched the coldplay concert on mtv tonight...i got sick of chris's falsetto by the end. but i really loved "til kingdom come" - beautiful song. posted at 2:25 AM |  

i feel really weird giving dating advice to someone considering how few dates i have been on. this one friend keeps asking me stuff though...i have no idea why...i mean, i guess she's had even fewer dates than i have (hard to believe), but it still doesn't make me an expert. anyway, what's funny is, i'm telling her things that i don't listen to myself. and i probably make myself sound like i know what i'm talking about. but i suppose if it works for her, then maybe i'll be more likely to try my own advice sometime... posted at 10:48 PM |  

i feel kind of antsy tonight...don't know why.

i haven't done much over the past 2 weeks because of the wedding and various relatives who were in town visiting...hard to get back into job search mode now. but i did talk to someone today who gave me some suggestions. she also said that i need to be more assertive and actually seek people out and convince them that i can do something for them that they may have not thought of. problem is, i suck at that sort of thing.

i'm so envious of people who grow up just knowing they they want to be a doctor or whatever. i wish i had that...a clear road to follow. one that will lead right to a job. it would be so nice to have something like that... posted at 9:22 PM |  

so frustrated...seems like one of the main reasons i'm having trouble finding a job is that i don't have classroom teaching experience. which is such bullshit because being a teacher has very little to do with developing good educational software. i know - i've worked with several teachers over the past 5 years. i don't care how great they are in a classroom or how much experience they have teaching the subject, but they can be downright terrible when it comes to interaction design, or even just writing clear instructional material. in one of my classes in grad school, there were a few teachers and a few of us with absolutely no teaching experience at all. guess which group had the best work overall? us, the non-teachers. teaching experience is highly, highly overrated...so why can't i get a job without it? it's so stupid.

and i can't bring myself to try teaching for a year or two just to get a little bit of an edge. i just don't think a classroom is the place for me. i'm sure i can explain things well, but i'm just not good with kids...and that's in one-on-one situations. no way i could control 30 of them.

anyway, i know i just need to keep trying, but things are getting bad... posted at 1:09 AM |  

been busy with the wedding and all the relatives who were visiting...back at my apartment now. nice and quiet.

the wedding was alright. i was kind of annoyed because i ended up being a last-minute bridesmaid. i wasn't told until like, 2 minutes before the ceremony started that i would have to walk down the aisle to the whole "dum-dum-da-dum" crap. it was a hindu ceremony, but the bride wanted that for some reason. whatever. i was just worried that i would trip or something. i mean, there was no rehersal, and there i was in my high heels trying not to step on my lengha...i don't even think i was smiling. i mean, seeing all those people staring at me (i was the first one down the aisle), while trying to walk straight and trying to figure out where the hell i'm supposed to go once i got to the end...it was too much. but i was just releived that i didn't fall.

the priest was really good...explained everything in english and modernized some parts, so the bride and groom were equals. i'm pretty sure i still managed to make a fool out of myself when i tried to take off my strappy shoes while standing - i wasn't sure if it was ok to have them on when i went up to throw flowers at the end, but i figured i should take them off to be on the safe side. anyway, so i was hopping around on one foot while trying to reach down and take off the other shoe...but couldn't keep my balance on the one shoe because of the heel...it took me a while to get them off. i hope it wasn't all caught on camera.

anyway, the groom was very cute and nice (i hadn't met him before). and the food was good. that's unusual. i was, of course, forced to bhangra for a while, but it got to the point where there seemed to be a 10:1 ratio of spectators to dancers, and since i didn't know what the hell i was doing, i left the area as soon as i could. had enough embarrassment for one day. did i mention my mom's cell phone started ringing during the ceremony? just typical...

the bride's sister is still a bitch though. she's the main reason we haven't seen or spoken to their family in years. she just has the hugest stick up her butt. can't stand her at all. her mother-in-law doesn't seem to like her either. but she likes me a lot. this tiny little asian woman literally lifted me off the floor when she hugged me. she was SO happy to see me. but i have never seen her hug or even talk to her daughter-in-law the way she does with me...

met some other relatives that i hadn't seen before. third cousins, i think. they were really nice...we were supposed to get together yesterday, and they promised they would call to tell us what they were doing, but they never did. i'm guessing the bride's sister told them not to call us. but whatever - their loss.

the best part of the wedding: the groom's belgian and his parents brought chocolate for everyone! yay! posted at 3:13 PM |