so i'm officially 28 now...*groan*...a year older, and my life is still going nowhere... posted at 12:47 AM |  

some serious family drama going on today...and it's not even the kind i can laugh about.

my mom has had sort of a rocky relationship with two of her cousins (as well as their mom) over the past few years...maybe longer. there's really too much backstory to tell here. but anyway. she saw them on thanksgiving, and everything seemed fine. then this morning, one of them called and basically accused my mom of doing something that she didn't do. my mom tried to explain to her that she didn't do those things, and told her that she was getting mad at her based on assumtions rather than any facts...my mom tried to clear things up, tell her what exactly happened. but she wasn't having any of it. she continued to yell at my mom, call her names, and say really, really horrible things to her, and about her family. basically, making my mom cry for no god damn reason. oh, but then it got worse. she actually had one of her friends call my mom and say "you're a bitch!" when my mom answered the phone. isn't that fucking insane??? i mean, i just can't believe that a grown woman would stoop to something like that.

she's fucking crazy. and her sister too. and according to my grandma, their mother is as well. not just crazy, but fucking evil. as in, she apparently poisoned and killed some family members (including my great-grandmother). and now she's in india, where my grandma's sister is in really bad health, so my grandma is scared that she is going to kill her sister too.

my mom basically spent most of today crying...and i don't even know what i can say or do. i'm still kind of in shock about how this cousin flipped out all of a sudden. i think my mom's going to go to the other cousin's house and talk to her directly to try and PROVE that her sister's accusations were all wrong. i don't know if that's a good idea or not. i know my mom wants her name cleared, so to speak. but...they're going to believe what they're going to believe. so fuck them, you know? we don't need people like that in our family. time to cut them off for good. posted at 11:55 PM |  

my dad made some good turkey...but we ate so early that i'm now feeling hungry again. i never understood the idea of eating dinner insanely early...i guess it's because i can't eat in large quantities...

anyway. it looks like my step-sister and her boyfriend are also coming to india with us. i personally think it's a little weird that her boyfriend is coming...i mean, are they going to sleep together? that's kind of a no-no in india. but whatever. where we are going to travel is still kind of up in the air. i thought we were going to goa for a few days, but my uncle talked me out of it tonight. ooty was in the mix for a while, but i think that's out now. so i think we're just going to karnataka for 4-5 days. which is fine because there were some places i wanted to see last time i went there, but didn't get a chance. in the end, i'll probably end up with about 10 days in bombay...sounds just right.

it might be fun to go to goa at some point in the future...but i'd want to go with people my age... posted at 10:59 PM |  

the one main thing i'm thankful for this year is that i'm no longer working at that company i hated...can you imagine if i hadn't quit? i'd be really messed up by now...

and the one main thing i'm unthankful for is the fact that i have annoying upstairs neighbors. who are still here, by the way. i was hoping they'd go home for thanksgiving, thus allowing me to sleep. but no, they're still here...*sigh*... posted at 3:13 PM |  

alright, shameless plug time.

just wanted to tell everyone to go buy this cookbook. (i'm not encouraging you to use amazon, however they do have it on sale right now.)

it's not your typical indian cookbook - lots of dishes you won't find in other books. and the recipes are really good - yes, i'm totally biased, but i've also eaten most of the dishes. and i'm a picky eater...so if i like how they taste, they must be good recipes.

and for those of you who are vegetarian and therefore hesitant to buy a cookbook that isn't devoted entirely to vegetarian food, the book does contain several vegetarian dishes (as well as breads and desserts). and you can always take the curry recipes and replace the meat with your favorite veggies (i actually order it that way sometimes).

plus, there's lots of color pictures.

so, go buy it. posted at 1:14 PM |  

looks like i won't have much work to do for the next 3 weeks...so that kinda sucks. i wish i had known earlier. was thinking about going to new york because i saw some really cheap tickets...BUT i had to book by yesterday, and i didn't get my work schedule until today.

so...i guess i'll just have to keep myself occupied... posted at 2:20 PM |  

all done with my work...so, it looks like i'll get a few days off now. not that it's necessarily a good thing - because that's a few more days less money. but...i'm tired anyway. breaks are nice. it won't really hit me how little money i have until i pay taxes : ) posted at 6:02 PM |  

wow, i actually overestimated stanfurd. that's a first for me. what was i thinking?!?! we won quite easily...got off to a slow start, but ran all over them in the second half. oh, and the 9 sacks helped too! it was fun...good game. posted at 12:44 AM |  

i haven't gone to any of the big game festivities this week...but i guess the important thing is being at the game itself, and i will be there for sure...

oh, and i did wear blue today. which is more than i can say for a bunch of people i saw on campus...wearing red. it's the day before big game, people! you just don't do that!

anyway. it could be a close game - i'm nervous. new qb, making his first start....on second thought, i might have been more nervous if ayoob was starting again. poor guy. anyway, we'll see what happens. with my blue-colored-glasses on, i say cal by 10.

go bears! posted at 5:58 PM |  

god i hate my upstairs neighbors. i don't even know what to say. just so sick and tired of hearing them... posted at 12:28 AM |  

i haven't been feeling motivated to write lately...not much to write about really. just been kinda bummed out in general. i think it's partly because of my up-coming birthday. for example, things like this:

i was on the phone with my aunt last week.

her: how old are you going to be?
me: 28
her: 28? wow...i hope you find a really nice person.

i somehow missed the connection there - how did me turning 28 automatically lead into me finding a husband? (that is what she meant.)

ok, i know how, but why does it have to be like that? it drives me nuts. i got so annoyed by that little comment...can you imagine when i turn 30 and i'm still single?

anyway, so to continue:

me: that and money...that's all you guys think about. is that all there is to life?
her: to some extent, yes.
me: you just say that because you don't have either!

i normally don't say those types of things outloud, but i was just ticked off. getting older is stressful for me...because of all this pressure, the expectations...that i need to get married, that i need to have a high-paying job, and then later on, that i need to have a kid or two...

why is it necessarily the case, in their minds, that those things will make me happy? how would they know?

i can try to ignore my aunts and other meddling family members, but now even my parents are frustrated with me. a few weeks ago, i was talking about a girl who's getting an arranged marriage, and how i couldn't imagine doing that, and then my dad yelled out "then why can't you find a boyfriend?!?!?" - and it honestly hurt to hear that. what am i supposed to say? "because i'm a loser!!!"

i don't know why...that's just the way it is. deal with it. i don't want to be single forever, but i also don't have a time-table set. i don't feel that need (or desperation) to do various things (internet, singles events, etc.) in order to meet someone ASAP. i know some people who do feel that need, and that's cool, for them. but it's just not me. not now anyway.

truth is, i don't feel like i'm turning 28...it's hard to get my brain to register that age. i still think i'm under 25.

i was at trader joe's last week, and i went over to get a free sample of some pie, and the woman serving it asked me if i was over 16 (because she's not allowed to give samples to anyone under 16). now, i can understand being carded at bars, but to have trouble passing for 16???

anyway. then i felt really embarrassed to tell her my actual age. i want to lie when things like this happen. tell them i'm 22 or something.

*sigh*

getting older sucks. and i haven't even gotten into the real depressing aspect for me - that i haven't met most of the expectations i had for myself. dealing with that is bad in itself, but then when i add on all the expectations that other people had for me as well....it just gets to be too much to handle, you know? posted at 12:17 AM |  

the winds have picked up again. crazy weather today...i just hope the power doesn't go out again.

i have a headache... posted at 9:50 PM |  

i love electricity.

i was without it for several hours today. and i haven't been so completely bored since...well, since the last time it went out. i can only read for so long before getting totally restless...what a long day... posted at 5:33 PM |  

the paint fumes are really strong today. i hope they finish soon...it's such a pain to go in and out of the building.

on the bright side, it's a little less pink now because they splattered some light brown paint on top.

i really need to find something more interesting to write about. posted at 4:16 PM |  

today's loss doesn't sting as much since it was pretty much expected. however, it was still a pretty depressing game. it's just sad when we have such great players at every position except one - QB. and to see how much having a sucky quarterback (sorry, i know i was trying to stick behind him and be a supportive fan, but he just plain sucked today) affects the entire team. it's also sad that the most cheering we had in the 2nd half was when the backup QB came in...

i'm pretty sure this was the biggest loss we have had in the tedford era. but, i guess they gotta put it aside and focus on next week. big, big game!

as for me, i'll need a few hours for the USC band to stop playing in my head...damn, they're annoying. i seem to forget the severity of it... posted at 4:15 PM |  

in a groggy mood this morning...due to the upstairs neighbors as usual. they kept me up from 4:30 - 5:30 last night. using the bathroom sink, taking showers, etc. and by 5:30, i was starving and had a headache, which made it really hard to fall back asleep.

i had a feeling i should have slept in another room. but i was just so tired last night, wanted my bed...*sigh*...so frustrating. posted at 11:40 AM |  

so i'm pretty much stuck in my apartment today and tomorrow because the courtyard's being painted. i suppose i can, if necessary, leap over to the stairwell, go upstairs, take the elevator down to the garage, and leave the building from there. but for now, i'm planning on staying in. anyway, i just peeked outside to see what it looked like. was supposed to be terra cotta, but it looks pretty damn pink to me. and with the green doors and trim....fugly. i don't know who the hell picked out all these colors. it's going to take me a while to get used to. posted at 4:36 PM |  

i find that when i'm around cute babies/toddlers, i just can't keep my eyes off of them. i get so completely wrapped up in how cute they are...all my attention goes there...i stop paying attention to what other adults are talking about, even if they're talking directly to me, because i find their kid to be so much more entertaining...

and no, this isn't my clock ticking. i just like playing with them. i don't want one of my own (yet). posted at 12:36 AM |  

why is this graphics person UNABLE TO READ.

i know i've been quiet for a while, but that's all i have to say. posted at 6:38 PM |  

i hate overtime. and i especially hate losing in overtime. and i especially, especially hate losing in overtime when someone was WIDE OPEN.

i'm trying to stick by ayoob...i want to like him...i just think he's too nervous most of the time. i could understand the first few games, and i thought he had taken a turn for the better at the end of the last game, but...that last overthrown pass! damn it!! posted at 4:37 PM |  

i though i'd use my "day off" today to clean my apartment...but of course, that didn't happen. instead i pretty much wasted the entire day. but it's relaxing to have days like that every now and then...

unfortunately, there are so many papers scattered around my room, i have no idea how i'll find (or even remember) certain things that i might need...like my driver's license renewal, which i know is around here somewhere, and i know i need to take care of that soon, but...i'll have to sort through this mess to find it.

i hate being disorganized. i'm not a messy person in general, but somehow...things just get scattered and turn into a mess before i realize that it's happened. posted at 1:19 AM |  

finished! got all my files in on time. there was this one little thing - well, ok, maybe a few little things - that i could have fixed, but i don't think it's a huge deal. i'll do it next week when i'm editing/revising. won't take long...i just don't feel like doing it today because i'm tired...worked my butt of all week to make sure i finished in time. posted at 11:49 AM |  

i just did something really stupid (work-related). wasted probably 1-2 hours doing something that i had already done a few days ago. and i knew i had already done that - i just didn't realize that i was re-doing it. if that makes any sense. it probably doesn't - and shouldn't - which is why it was such a stupid mistake. basically, i opened the wrong file, but didn't realize that it was the wrong file until i had finished working on it. and all the while, i was thinking that i worked on something really similar a few days ago...but i didn't realize until i finished that it wasn't similar, it was THE SAME FILE.

i'm losing my mind. lack of sleep, i tell you. posted at 7:26 PM |  

i'm starting to not like the graphics person. got another graphic from her today that doesn't follow the written description at all...and if i say anything to her, she'll just say "you can do that yourself" - yeah, but it takes me a couple hours to do things that would take her 15 minutes...as i said before, i wouldn't mind, and i like learning how to do these things, but when i'm in a time crunch and have a deadline coming up, i wish she would just read things carefully and do them right the first time... posted at 4:59 PM |  

i did a lot today, considering i had less than 5 hours of sleep. i'm really tired now though. brain is shutting off. of course, upstairs guys are still up making noise. it's incredibly annoying. i'm just hoping i'm tired enough to sleep through it... posted at 1:17 AM |  

aaarrrgggh.

the graphic designer's driving me nuts today. and she's creating more work for me because she didn't do what she was asked to do (because she claims to not have notes on certain things even though i saw her taking notes on them during the meeting). and so i have to go and do her work!!

i wouldn't mind too much, except i didn't take notes on half of this stuff since i'm not in charge of making the graphics!! posted at 4:46 PM |  

too many things to do this week...i'm feeling overwhelmed, and a bit stressed out. i know i'm going to forget something and/or miss my deadline for work. lack of sleep isn't helping matters... posted at 2:00 PM |  

fell asleep around 5:30. though the last hour was not really due to noise, it was due to me being too pissed off and too hungry. but i was also way too tired to get out of bed and eat something.

anyway, i woke up at 10 because i got a phone call. otherwise, i'd probably be sleeping away like they are... posted at 10:49 AM |  

i'm so miserable...i know it's halloween, but this is ridiculous. like, can they not find any other party to go to? i can't even concentrate on work. and i blame them for my low number of hours this month!

*sigh*...i need a hug. and a place to sleep. and a big guy to go up there and threaten them since they don't seem to take little me very seriously. posted at 12:35 AM |