there's something about stephen on top chef that reminds me of daniel franco on project runway...i can't quite put my finger on it though. nothing to do with their personalities - daniel seems like a much nicer person. just something in the face. or maybe the way they talk. i don't know. is it just me?

daniel franco, where did you go-oh-oh...(i have the urge to sing that whenever there's any mention of him. ignore me if you have no idea what i'm referring to.) posted at 12:47 AM |  

it's such a nice feeling to be done with work...temporarily anyway. i'm sure i'll get some more tomorrow. but for now...i've finished all the major work i needed to get done by this week. and now i can veg out and watch tv all night, totally stress-free...not counting the stress i might feel when watching "lost", but that's different : ) posted at 5:37 PM |  

some asshole decided to do laundry at 2:30 last night. and yes, there is a sign saying not to do laundry after 11 pm. but some people just don't care. i bet it was upstairs guy. i blame everything on him.

anyway. i just got a friendster request from my aunt's friend. i feel like this is crossing a line of some sort. she's my aunt's friend, not my friend. i've seen her a few times when i've gone to new york, just because she hangs out with my aunt a lot. but that's about it. she added me to her IM last week, which was weird enough, but i figured it was ok. friendster on the other hand...i don't know, i mean, i don't really use it much at all. but, i just feel weird about her reading my profile and seeing who my friends are, etc. and if i ever do use it more, i feel like i'd have to be careful what i say...or who i might add...because she might go tell my aunt stuff and things will get blown out of proportion...as they always do...now that i think about it, my profile is probably public and she can probably see everything anyway. but is it rude if i don't let her add me? i just think it's weird. she's older, she's an auntie. what the hell is she doing on friendster in the first place. is she on myspace too? (i'm not) posted at 12:42 PM |  

wanted to get a lot of work done today, but the server's down...*sigh*...

yeah, i should have done it yesterday. got talked into going to sf instead.

i guess this would be a good time to clean my room... posted at 6:05 PM |  

i hardly got any work done this week...going to try to catch up over the weekend. though, i feel like i have a ton of other little things to do too. i don't know when everything will get done. i keep putting things off. need to be more disciplined. and i need to really dig deep to find the motivation sometimes.

i was really tired all day today. i hope upstairs guy is going away for spring break. i need to sleep. everytime i see those commercials for sleeping pills, i think hmmm...i could use those. but i'd really like to be able to fall asleep naturally. it's not all upstairs guy's fault. i know i should probably exercise more. and i know i've had stuff on my mind lately...always have trouble sleeping when i'm lying there thinking about things that upset me or get me emotional...but it would certainly be easier if he wasn't up there making noises. posted at 1:45 AM |  

sometimes nothing hits the spot quite like chocolate... posted at 11:37 PM |  

someone recently put up a really stupid review of my dad's cookbook on amazon. i'm kind of annoyed by it. actually, the review isn't bad; it's just the fact that the person only gave the book 3 stars because the dishes require too much work. what kind of reason is that? it was never intended to be and never claims to be some sort of indian cooking for dummies book. or fast and easy indian cooking. or indian cooking using ordinary stuff you can find at your local grocery store! (as if that's even possible)

anyway, i know it won't make a big difference or anything. i was just annoyed by it. i liked having all 5-star reviews. posted at 12:58 AM |  

i don't know what's going on with me...feel like something's been off lately. i wish it was easier to put it into words...i'm just so frustrated with life and with myself, it wears me out thinking about it. to the point where i don't want to do anything about any of those things that bother me.

it's like days and weeks just pass by, and nothing really happens to me. nor do i really do anything noteworthy..in fact, i often avoid them. i'm too tired, too unmotivated, too unhappy, too lazy, too frightened, too obsessed with things that i need to let go of,...and i just don't care. that's the sad part. it's like i've given up.

i don't want to give up, but at the same time, i just don't see myself becoming the person i want to be, and i don't see any of my hopes and dreams becoming a reality...and if i don't see those things for myself, then it's like, why bother working towards things that are never going to happen?

yeah, i know - my reasoning is totally wrong. but it's just how i feel right now, at 3 AM in my sleep-deprived state... posted at 2:32 AM |  

damn it. cal lost. i knew it would be a close game, but i thought we'll pull it out in the end...*sigh*...this sucks. posted at 6:23 PM |  

having trouble getting myself to work today. i didn't sleep well last night (or this morning), kept waking up...had strange dreams too...i don't know how much longer i can live here. but at the same time, i really don't want to move. i just want the guys upstairs to move. *sigh* posted at 4:37 PM |  

i've been on upstairs guy's schedule for the past couple weeks. can't sleep.

anyway, i just applied for a job - it's been a while. i was proud. only, i did something stupid as usual. see, you have to apply through their website, and you do it by selecting the jobs you're interested in, adding them to your cart (as though you were buying them), and then you submit your profile (which is a somewhat time-consuming form that you have to fill out) which gets sent to all the jobs in your cart. anyway, i selected the job from the hotjobs email i got, and also realized that there was another job - the same title, but full-time rather than contract. and i'd totally prefer the full-time one. but i only added the contract position to my cart because i didn't know that the other one was just added also (didn't see it on hotjobs...but turns out it was there, just burried on another page and for some reason didn't get emailed to me). i'm not sure if they are going to the same person or not. i'm assuming they are, so one should be good enough. but i was kinda debating whether to go through the process all over again to add the full-time one. if it didn't take so damn long, i would.

anyway, if they contact me, i'll make sure they know. and if they don't contact me, they probably wouldn't have contacted me for the full-time position anyway, right? posted at 2:57 AM |  

i've been feeling kinda stupid lately. not in the sense that i'm doing stupid things, but...i just feel like i can't seem to form an opinion on anything on my own. and i feel like i suck at things that i used to think i was good at (i don't know if i actually was good at them or if i just thought i was, but certainly don't think i'm good at them now). and i still haven't been able to open those files that someone emailed me, which is making me feel technologically-challenged. and finally, i feel stupid for being afraid of things that i shouldn't be afraid of.

there's probably more too, but mulling over all this stuff doesn't seem good for my self-esteem. posted at 6:23 PM |  

cal got killed yesterday...still got in the tourney, but in a crappy bracket. if we win our first game (a big IF), we'll likely have to play texas in dallas. so much for hoping for a neutral court this time. the last two times we went, i believe we played pittsburg in pittsburg, and oklahoma (?) in oklahoma. we lost both of those.

oh well. posted at 7:38 PM |  

dinner took so long, i almost missed the entire basketball game. actually, the only reason i got to see any of it was because it went to double OT. glad we won though. hope powe's ok, he looked in pain at the end there...tomorrow's game should be exciting - and at least it won't matter too much if we lose...

anyway, my uncle brought me a shirt. and i felt obligated to take it. but i honestly won't ever wear it. i hate accumulating crap like that. posted at 11:44 PM |  

stupid family obligations...i have to go to dinner with them tonight (because my uncle's visiting from india), and i really, really, really don't want to go. it's too cold - hailing, in fact - and i'd sooooo prefer to stay in, all bundled up and cozy. god, i can imagine how cold my car is going to be when i get in there...brrr....i don't know what the big deal is. i mean, i just saw him 2 months ago. it's not like it's been ages... posted at 6:12 PM |  

pruitt seems really fired up tonight. i guess that's the risky thing about playing a prank on someone that your team has to face again, less than a week later. (the prank was a classic though.)

come on bears! gotta win this one. posted at 7:07 PM |  

some of my relatives have this way of...ridiculing me. well, not just me, but people in general. but they don't realize how much it hurts us...they think they're just making fun, but the thing is, they do it in a really biting way. it's really starting to get to me. technically, it started to get to me in india when i was stuck with them for so many days...but now, it's like i don't even want to see them at all because i'm so tired of it. and if i say anything, they'll just get worse. i know it. i'll keep hearing saracstic comments like "don't say that - you'll hurt her feeeeelings." (and even if i don't hear it, i know they'll be saying it behind my back)

things that i used to be able to let slide before are really starting to sting me now. probably because so much of it built up during the trip. they just don't seem to understand when enough is enough, you know? it's fucking constant...

it would be one thing if say, i did something silly or embarrassing and then they made fun of that incident. but it's not like that. it's like they make fun of my character, of who i am as a person. they do the same with my dad. and now i feel bad for any time that i laughed along with it. my dad's used to it, and he's good about ignoring things like that...me, i'm not. i seriously want to cry sometimes. i wish they'd just lay off... posted at 4:55 PM |  

got kinda freaked out last night - when i went to bed, i started hearing some noises outside my window. and it really sounded like someone was walking around out there. i suppose it could have been a lost animal, but i didn't want to look. and now that i think about it, most animals would not be able to reach my window. maybe a tall deer or something. i don't know. but anyway. after 15-20 minutes, i got up and turned on a bunch of lights in my apartment. the noises stopped a little while after that, but i kept one light on all night anyway. i get so scared sometimes. i don't know why really - my windows are so long and skinny, it's not like someone could actually come through one. i just don't like the idea of some stranger walking around outside my window at 3 am. when i was really little, our house was broken into a few times, so that's probably always in the back of my head... posted at 1:53 PM |  

the oscars didn't seem to drag on as much this year...maybe it's just me, i don't know. it was strange though, because i hadn't seen most of the movies that were nominated - except crash (but i didn't think crash was all that great, so i was surprised that it won best film) . so anyway...since i wasn't really rooting for any movie or actors in particular, i was watching mainly for the clothes. which i'm glad were somewhat more interesting this year than the past few years. jon stewart was just ok, not too bad. but i didn't laugh at his jokes much - except for the part after that pimp song won. posted at 12:13 AM |  

i'm around...just don't have much to say. i had to go to the office a couple times this week. those all-day meetings are kind of a drag...and i feel bad when i don't say much (if anything).

life is kinda blah these days. and i'm mad at the cal basketball team for starting to lose games now that i started watching again. i was all excited tonight, but then they had to go lose in overtime like that...it sucked.

anyway, i should go get some work done now since i slacked off for most of the day... posted at 11:06 PM |