so i'm about 99.9% sure i've got the job, the only thing that's really up in the air is the start date. looks like i might have to wait until january to start full time due to a company rule, but they're trying to get around that. i don't mind waiting though. i might actually prefer it that way. i can just keep doing what i've been doing in the meanwhile. and i could take a vacation before i start too, which would be nice. so basically, however it works out is fine with me...

so...am i happy, excited, etc.??? eh. i don't know. it's probably not the dream job i'm looking for. but i'm tired of being poor. and it will be good for me to be around people, because the lack of human interaction on a daily basis is clearly taking a toll on me.

the only real minuses are having to wake up early every morning (it isn't a tech company where no one shows up before 10), having to do some administrative work, and having to drive down to the redwood city office more often (once or twice a week instead of once or twice a month). but i'll get used to it, no big deal. it's definitely worth it for the salary, the insurance, and the paid vacation... posted at 7:27 PM |  

i'm so tired today. the one thing that i'm really concerned about if i do start to work full time soon, is lack of sleep. even if i'm tired, i think it'll be hard for me to fall asleep before 2, just because of noise from upstairs. i'll really need to move soon. how long have i been saying that? *sigh*...it just annoys me that, if not for them (or similar types of students that often rent that unit), i'd stay here. even with the mice! because if i move, i want to move to a nice, preferably new-ish or recently renovated place. and there are very few of those in this neighborhood. anyway...i'm getting way ahead of myself. just freaking out a bit because i woke up at 8:45 this morning and my eyes and brain started to shut down around 4. so you can imagine that it'll be even worse if i have to actually be at work by 9... posted at 5:39 PM |  

i think the interview went well - it was a little awkward because my manager was there too, and also because both of them know my ex-boss. but i'm pretty sure they're going to get me a full time position. *fingers crossed*

i don't know how good the salary will be, but at least the benefits are really good (4 weeks of paid vacation!). i was asked if i had a particular salary in mind, but i really feel awkward making any suggestion like that because i have no idea what i should be getting and what people in this type of position normally get. but anyway. i'm making so little now, what difference does it make? my mom is probably the only one who will be bothered by it, but my mom will never be satisfied until i somehow become a millionaire.

anyway, i sent an email to that other company that i interviewed with several months ago - the one that said they were still considering me but wanted to hire all the senior people first. i just wanted to check if i still had a chance there before i committed to this. i think that other job would be more fun - although longer hours and more risky. figured there was no harm in asking though. nice to have options. posted at 1:10 PM |  

going to the oakland office tomorrow. i don't know what to wear. i seriously need some new clothes. it's not helping that i somehow gained 4 pounds in the past 2 weeks. oh, and i have to carry a bunch of tests with me because my manager's meeting me there too. (i graded them at home because i was too much of a slow-poke last week when i was in the office.) i'd love to dump them in a backpack, but i'd feel a bit unprofessional-looking. not that i'm wearing a suit or anything. but...i look like a student when i have on a backpack. a high school student. so anyway, i'm thinking of dumping them into a grocery bag. i hope it doesn't break. i know it's not the best idea, but the fedex box i brought them in is too heavy and requires 2 hands. i should probably drive instead of barting, but i'm a bit scared of getting lost - the area looked kinda sketchy last time i was there. also, paying to park in the office building's lot is probably over twice as much as the bart ticket. there's just this matter of me being completely screwed if anything happens to those tests i'll be lugging around... posted at 7:52 PM |  

so tired. it's been a long day. a long 2 days actually. grading tests. for hours and hours and hours. on very little sleep. which means i'm sure i marked some of them incorrectly. so i apologize for complaining about the other girl who used to grade them. i now understand why she made so many mistakes.

anyway, i do have some good news. my manager knows someone in the oakland office who needs help, so she got me an interview with him. and if i work for him part time and continue to work for her part time, they could possibly make me a full employee! (yay for benefits! and paid vacation!) so...we'll see what happens next week...i don't want to get my hopes up. i don't even know what this other project involves. but it'll be nice if this all works out. i need a change. posted at 8:54 PM |  

feel so miserable today...just so congested and stuff. think i might be a little feverish too. i don't feel good at all...and i got a bunch of work thrown at me all of a sudden. have to go to the office thursday and friday...and i gotta be there at 9 am...*groan* posted at 5:15 PM |  

i think i must be allergic to something in my room. can't figure out what though...

it's possible i just need to clean. it's probably been a while since i've dusted in here. funny how i clean other parts of my apartment, but keep putting off cleaning the one room that actually needs cleaning the most. posted at 11:36 PM |  

upstairs guy is making a ridiculous amount of noise. i'm not ready to go to sleep yet or anything, but it's just irritating. it sounds like he's tossing furniture around. it's almost 1 AM, what the hell? some people are just so inconsiderate.

anyway...it's been a pretty uneventful weekend. i was planning on getting a lot of stuff done, but it didn't really happen. oh well.

i'm going through this phase where i'll look up various symptoms on the internet and convince myself that i have all these diseases or medical problems. but i won't go to a doctor. i don't think any of my symptoms are actually severe, but i just have these thoughts lingering around in my head now because of stuff i've looked up on all those medical sites. what i really need is exercise. i've become incredibly lazy and unmotivated in general, but lack of exercise is probably doing me the most damage. i'm not sure if i care enough though. posted at 12:54 AM |  

*groan*...the A's are killing me. why oh why did i start watching baseball again?? posted at 7:13 PM |  

i can't believe i'll be turning 29 in a month and a half. it's starting to scare me already.

i was just thinking about how, when i was a teenager, i thought i was so independent. i really believed that as an adult i wouldn't feel confined in certain ways, by my family etc., as compared to some other people i know. but now it's starting to hit me that as i'm getting older, i'm just feeling more and more confined. things that i had thought i'd be able to do without any hesitation, i now won't even consider doing. and it's not because i'm older and wiser - it's because i'm not my own person anymore. just feel the need to please too many other people. and to not ruffle any feathers. basically, i can't see myself doing anything that would draw attention and/or criticism from others.

i realize that unless this changes, i'm going to lead a very boring life...but sometimes boring is just easier and more peaceful.

i do hope that at some point, i'll be up for a challenge. but peace and quiet is all i want right now. posted at 10:35 PM |  

the game was amazing...i yelled my butt off. it was crazy loud at times - probably the loudest it has ever been. loved it. (did not love the new uniforms, but who cares - we're winning.) posted at 12:08 AM |  

i hate it when i look forward to doing something all week and then it doesn't happen...other people change their minds or whatever...i understand that nothing was set in stone, and i also understand that sometimes stuff comes up. but it's still a bit disappointing, you know?

oh well. it's homecoming today so i think i'll go wander around campus. alone.

i am really excited about the game though. goooooooooooooooooo bears!

p.s. a mouse got caught in my kitchen last night. i just hope it was the same mouse that was in my room yesterday. posted at 12:48 PM |  

there's a mouse in my room again...*sigh*...i need to figure out where to put a trap. they always seem to dart under my dresser when i see them, but i don't know where they came from in the first place. tried putting a trap near the edge of my dresser before, but it didn't work. i guess i can try again...i probably won't be able to sleep tonight if i don't catch this one. posted at 7:23 PM |  

haven't had much to say lately. just the usual crap.

my mom recently mentioned that her friend's daughter "immediately" got a job at google. i think she's a senior in college right now. anyway, the way she tells me these things, it's like she's implying that something's wrong with me because so-and-so got a job there but i didn't. i had a few interviews with google about 2 years ago - and i think their interviews are ridiculous by the way - but i don't see how someone can "immediately" get a job there unless it's one of those jobs for recent grads that don't pay much and aren't all that special, so they're not very selective about who they hire. also, i know this girl's mom knows some people who work there, so it's possible they might have helped. anyway, fuck google.

my point is...my mom tells me these things in such a way that makes me feel like i'm nothing. and i think this is making me want to be nothing. instead of feeling more motivated to find a good job, it makes me want to not apply for any jobs at all! you know how some people are told at a young age that they'll never amount to anything, and that pisses them off and gives them the fire to prove all those people wrong? i feel like the opposite has happened to me. posted at 11:23 PM |