i get so annoyed with myself sometimes. ok, most of the time. but in particular, i am annoyed right now because whenever i start thinking that my job is ridiculous and that i want something more challenging, then my boss gives me something more challenging, and i am totally overwhelmed by it and avoid starting it completely because it's "too hard" for me. so i've been filling up the whole week doing easy, mind-less work, instead of actually trying to start this other thing that i actually need to use my brain for. i just think to myself "i can't do it" and start to panic or come up with ways to get out of it - without even trying. i'm an idiot. i hate it when i'm like this. but it's so hard for me to push myself sometimes...

on the bright side, my boss is trying to get me an office. so i may have an actual window to look out of when i am avoiding doing work. posted at 6:10 PM |  

i feel so refreshed when i get a good night's sleep...and also don't oversleep, which i tend to do sometimes on weekends. i wish i could feel like this during the week...

part of the problem is i stopped taking my vitamins - they contained iodine, which apparently causes acne. bought a different brand, but i haven't been good about taking them regularly. why don't they make more chewable adult vitamins? i just hate swallowing those giant pills...

and of course, i don't get enough sleep on weeknights. my new upstairs neighbors were quiet initially, but they're now starting to use the bathroom more and more at night. using the fan, taking showers, using the sink for 30 minutes straight (still don't understand that). it's hard to figure out what to complain about and when is it reasonable and when is it unreasonable...and when it might cause more problems than i have now...like, what if they just start doing all that even later at night because they think i'll be fast asleep by then? at least now, they generally finish a little after midnight, so it's not too bad...and when i'm woken up in the middle of the night by sink noise, it's brief. but if i'm woken up and kept up for 30 minutes, that would probably annoy me more. so...just going to live with this for now and not take a chance (or make them hate me).

i really need to get my shit together and move at some point. it's just hard. posted at 3:24 PM |  

not much happening these days...just felt like i haven't written in a while.

let's see...went to lunch with that indian girl at my office on monday. she's ok. a bit weird, but i can't quite put my finger on it. she's a bit too serious for me. i feel very uncomfortable around people who don't laugh. i can't figure out how old she is, and i thought it would be rude to ask. she's definitely older than me, but i can't figure out if she looks younger than she actually is, or if she acts older than she actually is. was driving me a bit nuts. doesn't matter really, just curious...

anyway, like i said, she's over on the other end of the office. haven't seen her since that day. the lunch was good though. she found out where all the restaurants are (a block or two further than i have ventured out).

other than that...had meetings in the RC office, got stuck in the worst traffic ever. (why do all the insane big rig accidents seem to happen on days when i have to go down there?)

had a little bit of a breakdown on wednesday, but this is becoming fairly normal for me, so i got over it quickly.

that's about it. posted at 7:21 PM |  

not taking back my opinions on this michigan team. i just think notre dame is that much worse. like, pathetically bad.

heading out to the cal game with my cousin's friend, since i couldn't find any friends of my own who wanted to go. but it's better than nothing. posted at 2:35 PM |  

met an actual indian at work today. she's new...works in a different department, over on the other end of the office. i think she saw me in the halls once and actually came around to my end looking for me. and she's sindhi too, which is even more rare. i think she looked up "ani" on the company's website because she told me there was another one in the sf office. anyway. it's nice to not be the only south asian in the whole freakin office. especially in the bay area, it is just weird to have so little color. i guess most indian parents would not "allow" their kids to go to get a grad degree in education. (the guy in the sf office is a programmer, so that explains that.)

i told her we should go to lunch together sometime next week...hope she's nice to talk to. i am not the type of person who automatically attaches to any indian person i see, but the other girls my age are snooty and never talk to me or even smile and say hi. it's frustrating. posted at 7:47 PM |  

so i tuned in to mtv last night to watch the train wreck that is britney. i was not in any way "rooting" for her, never have been a fan...but now that she's a complete disaster, she's actually a bit entertaining to watch. in this weird, how much worse can she possibly get? way. i kinda wonder if mtv wanted her there for the wrong reasons...anyway, i don't watch mtv anymore and don't even really know half the performers who were there. tuned in and out after the opening. miss south carolina was the funniest part, i thought. because she was trying to make fun of herself, but it ended up backfiring and making herself seem dumber than she did the first time. that cracked me up, like, such as. posted at 11:36 PM |  

wow, michigan's terrible this year. not that cal played great today, but at least they won. got a little too close there at the end, but i think they'll pull it together next week. i'm not worried. should i be? posted at 2:22 PM |  

going to be starting a new science project at work soon, with a professor from oregon. had a meeting with her today - she seems really nice. she knows my ex-boss and probably crossed paths with me a few times when i was at my old job (she was working on her phd at the time). anyway, i still have the math stuff to work on, but i hope i can split time more evenly now. and i'll get to do something different that i haven't done before, which is always nice. or at least, i hope it will be. i'm not positive, but i'll find out. i may be spending lots and lots of time in the library... posted at 7:35 PM |  

the game was fun...i have no voice left, and my legs are sore from standing for so long, but that's ok - it was totally worth it. what's interesting is, i did not feel this "holy shit! we beat tennessee!" type of excitement...it was more like we just took care of business, did what we were expected to do. maybe it's because it's the first game...or maybe there's something changing, in that we are no longer surprised when we pull off big wins like this. in any case, i'm really happy for the team and excited about the season...it's going to be a fun one. posted at 12:48 AM |  

appalachian state?

now, i didn't watch the game and i have no idea what happened, but if you're going to play a 1-AA team, play one that you know you can beat with your eyes closed. otherwise...it's just not worth the risk. posted at 12:52 PM |