took today off from work...wish i could take the rest of the week off as well, but i have stuff due soon that i need to finish. and it seems like a waste to take time off when i'm not going anywhere or doing anything. once in a while is ok - when i need a break or whatever - but i seem to do it a lot.

my keyboard is all fucked up all of a sudden - or maybe it is blogger - but stuff that i'm typing is going in the wrong place or moving the cursor to weird places. periods for example. i don't know what is going on. if i type more after the period it moves it to the correct place, but if i don't it screws it up completely. and i can't go back and fix stuff i wrote because they get put in the wrong spot. it's really weird.

(ok, i think the problem was with blogger. it published fine, with the periods in the right place. and now i can go back and delete without any problems. that was really weird though.) posted at 6:16 PM |

i can hear a mouse in my pantry...i so do not want to deal with this right now...fuck, i hate mice. posted at 11:53 PM |

my manager asked if there were any clones of me around - we got funding for 2 new projects, and i'm slated to work on both of them. that's in addition to the 2 (or 3) that i am currently working on. so it looks like i'll be really busy next year. anyway, i like getting little comments like that. nice to know that my work is appreciated. he's always thanking me too - maybe it's because he's british and more polite than the typical american (definitely more polite than the new yorker and new jerseyan that i used to work for at my old company).

in other news, i am officially out of my contacts - have to wear glasses for a while so they can take measurements for lasik. it's going to be weird wearing glasses all day, everyday. but mostly it just reminds me that i'm actually going to go through with this, and that scares the shit out of me. even though whenever i talk to people who've gotten it done, they say it's the best thing they've ever done in their life. i'm just worried about what happens afterwards, more so than the surgery itself - i've been warned not to look up videos of the actual surgery on youtube though. i'd probably be more scared about that if i knew what was going to happen. posted at 7:20 PM |

i feel so pudgy...i really want to lose some weight...went shopping yesterday and got really depressed when i was trying on clothes. the mirrors in fitting rooms don't help matters - i swear i looked 5 months pregnant in one of them. but it's just hard when i see clothes that i would have bought in the past, that i just can't wear now because they look terrible on me. or i have to go a size bigger so it fits in one part of my body, but it ends up being too big for other parts. it's always been hard for me to shop, but now it's harder than ever. to the point where i'm buying weird things that i'm not sure i even like, just because they hide my belly well. i even bought something fuchsia-colored. i don't think i have worn anything fuchsia since i was 12...

anyway...i just want to say that white elephant parties suck. it's just not fair that some people (like me) bring nice gifts and other people bring crappy gifts. i took something useful that everyone seemed to love, and i ended up with some crappy neon-colored thing...would have stolen something, but there was nothing good to take! (in the past, i have stolen back my own gift, but i really didn't want this one.)

my boss got me some chardonnay, the only wine i do not like. and the food at our party sucked. and they didn't do birthdays, so i didn't even get a funny card or anything!

i hope this goes better next year... posted at 6:17 PM |

stressed out about work right now...made a mistake and didn't realize it until i got home tonight. it's not a huge mistake, but i just hate making mistakes in general. and i normally don't make too many, but i was so ridiculously busy today and spent a good 4-5 hours on conference calls...it was just one of those days. and now we've missed the deadline, which is another thing i hate. and now my other projects are getting pushed aside even more, so i don't know how i'm going to finish those on time...sucks to have to deal with all this during this time of year! i just want to go on a nice, loooooong vacation...but i can't...*sigh*... posted at 10:44 PM |

this week has been soooooo long. i haven't been sleeping as much as i need to - or even as much as i normally do.

anyway, the tivo came with a 1-year subscription, so at the very least i'll use it for a year. maybe i was too quick to get annoyed last night. i don't know. posted at 6:10 PM |

i hate to complain about gifts again, but i just think it is a bad idea to get someone a gift that they have to pay a subscription fee for. unless of course they ask for it, or you know for a fact that they've been wanting to get one. i bring this up because someone got me a tivo. and i realize people love their tivos, and i have - in the past - thought about getting one, but decided that it's just not worth it for me. and now i am stuck with one (which i'm sure she got for free, so it's not like there's a point to returning it), which means i'll likely be spending money for my own gift, which in my mind, sort of defeats the purpose of getting a gift.

and no, i'm not going to give away the tivo at the white elephant thing.

i just don't know if i'll actually use it. posted at 11:24 PM |

the current project i'm working on just seems to drag on and on...it's like our client just doesn't know when to say when. at some point, you have to stop making edits. give it to students, see how it goes, then get back to us. they don't seem to realize that we've got other projects to work on...this was supposed to be done a month ago. then it became dec. 7. then dec. 12. now...who knows?

anyway, if anyone has a good suggestion for a white elephant party gift, let me know. i'm drawing a blank and can't find anything lying around my place (probably because i've tossed out or returned any gifts i didn't like). posted at 7:34 PM |

heard a mouse in my kitchen this morning. great...just what i needed.

so busy at work still...and will be through january. guess i'm not taking a vacation anytime soon. not that i had anywhere to go, except possibly new york (just because my grandma keeps asking when i'm coming).

i wish i had someone to go to my company's christmas party with. i feel weird for not going, but it's in sf, and i don't want to go there alone and get drunk and have to make my way back home alone. it's really only for this type of thing (and weddings) that i wish i had a date. or even a male friend who could pass as a date. or even a co-worker that i was friendly enough with that i could hang out with at the party. i suppose going to a party like this is the only way i might actually meet more people at my company and make some friends there, but it's hard to go alone...and i'm not great at socializing. posted at 6:03 PM |

i hardly slept last night...felt like i was waking up every couple hours or so...i hate nights like that.

i got out of going to the rc office this week...i have hardly been going there at all lately, and my manager there wants me back...but i have been so much happier working in oakland this past month. getting a nice walk after work. not having to carry my laptop back and forth. i was really dreading the thought of going back to the rc office this week - especially since my last trip there was a pain in the ass because of traffic and bad weather. i'll probably start going again next week though. i wish i had it in me to speak up and say, you know, i'd prefer to stay in oakland most of the time and only come down there for meetings. but i don't. and yes, i know i need to work on that. posted at 7:16 PM |

i hate it when i keep important things in a "safe place" and then completely forget where that safe place is...i tend to do this a lot, in case you haven't noticed...i am trying to be less disorganized, but sometimes my attempt at organization makes it harder for me to find things when i need them. and then i get totally stressed out about it...

i hate sunday nights. i get headaches just thinking about having to go back to work. and my upstairs neighbors are being loud tonight, so that's not helping matters. posted at 10:48 PM |

haven't slept well all week...was barely able to function at work today. crazy deadlines next week, so i'm getting stressed already.

turns out i won't be getting an office anytime soon, so i'm kind of bummed about that. got a 5% raise, but i probably won't notice any difference since i put so much into my fsa for lasik. which i am still freaking out about, even though it's a couple months away.

anyway...nothing much to say, just tired...it's been a long week. posted at 6:15 PM |

i don't understand how people get engaged after dating for only 6 months or so...but, who knows? i might do the same someday. if i ever meet someone that i'd want to marry. not likely, but it's possible. 6 months just seems like...nothing...but at least they (my cousin and his fiance) are going to have a long engagement. i hope it works out...but i know i am "next in line" after him. the next oldest, single one.

whatever...i can't even contemplate these things. posted at 7:22 PM |

there's a new girl at my work who sits a couple cubicles down from me, and she has one of the most irritating voices i've ever heard. she's very chatty too. she and this other girl who she works for...they talk all day...they don't seem to realize that other people nearby at trying to work. it's really annoying...i don't mind a little bit of chit-chat, but it just goes on and on...and the new girl's voice and accent and overuse of "like" just has the effect of fingernails on a chalkboard to me. i swear, her accent is like a combination of north dakota and valley girl. and her voice is really high-pitched on top of that.

i hope i can get an office...it didn't matter much before because it was so quiet, but now...i wish i had a door to shut. posted at 6:25 PM |

well...so much for my hopes of ending the season on a good note. came close, and i think there were some bad calls there at the end, but overall the team just didn't show up today. i think they gave up about mid-way through the season actually. it's been really disappointing to watch. i'm almost thinking it might be best if we didn't go to a bowl game this year - to prevent any further embarrassment.

hard to believe, still... posted at 7:38 PM |

big game today...starts in a few minutes, but it hasn't really felt like much this year. maybe it's because i didn't go...it's my first time missing one since i started going (except for 1 year when i was in michigan). i'm kind of bummed that i'm not there...would have liked to have gone, despite how crappy we have been playing lately, but no one else wanted to go. anyway, i'll be cheering from my couch. goooooooooo bears! posted at 3:50 PM |