i'm still in pain. this is not good.

anyway, my cousin who's getting married is having two weddings - one in delhi because her fiance's family is there, and one here. and apparently the whole family here is going to go to both weddings. i didn't realize what a big deal it was and figured i would just go to the one here so why go all the way to india??? but of course, i'm now getting crap for that because EVERYONE else is going.

and look, i would love to be there for my cousin, but:
1) it costs money (airfare, clothes, etc.)
2) delhi in july? are you serious? i don't do well in that kind of weather.
3) i can't take off too much time in july because of work stuff, and i also don't want to go all the way to india just for a short trip. it's just too far and tiring a journey, and by the time i get adjusted to the time difference, i'll have to come back.
4) she's getting married here too - it's not like that's her only wedding. if it was, i would go.
5) wedding stuff stresses me out. i am trying to avoid stress right now. one family wedding per year is my limit.

i hope she understands. and i hope the rest of my family can lay off. posted at 7:35 PM | 2 comments

i feel like there are a million things going wrong with my body at the same time...can't deal. i am too old to be tripping and falling on the sidewalk. i am also too old to be getting by on less than 6 hours of sleep on weeknights. and why do i have so much gas these days? is that something that happens when you get old?

me tired. me want bed. please upstairs neighbors, go out of town for a while so i can sleep. posted at 10:29 PM | 0 comments

i tripped and fell this morning on my way to work. it was awful...i have a horrible (and very painful) scab on my knee now...no one even helped me up when it happened! ok, maybe no one was nearby. i heard this one girl on a bike ask if i was ok, but she left when she saw me stand up. i realize that all i did was trip, but it was a hard fall on the sidewalk - and i landed right on my hands and knees. falling backwards would have been so much more...cushioned. anyway, i was completely out of it for much of the morning after that. even though i didn't land on my head, that's kinda how i felt... posted at 10:44 PM | 0 comments

wha...huh? for the first time, my american idol prediction was completely wrong. i'm going to chalk it up to complacent adam fans who thought it was in the bag and therefore didn't call 1000 times each. or possibly bill o'reilly.

it's probably for the best - can't imagine adam having to be stuck singing crappy songs that the label would have made him put out. at least he can do his own thing now. and i admit, i'm more likely to listen to kris's music. his recording voice is probably more pleasant. but i mean, adam is insanely talented...hearing him sing with queen tonight was amazing. oh, kris was singing with them too? whatever.

i like kris. i just honestly thought it was all adam from the very first audition. the guy's a star... posted at 10:14 PM | 0 comments

i think my mom is about to crack. i really don't know how she's coping...my grandma finally left yesterday, so hopefully that will make things a little easier. she's just so fed up with my uncle (and he with her probably). plus she's crazy stressed at work. whenever she talks to me, it's like she is ready to explode.

she's going to ask her uncle's wife to come out here asap - hoping that he'll be less grumpy if he has someone to keep him company and cook for him and serve him. my mom feels like she has to baby sit him sometimes and it's driving her nuts. and there are all these other people who are planning on dropping by for a week or two and she doesn't know how to tell them "no, you can't come!" they should realize that this isn't a good time, but they don't. they're usually most concerned with just having someplace to stay for free. and my mom overdoes things when she has visitors...so, i'm worried. i don't like her driving around all over the place with one arm either.

and the uncle's wife is pretty annoying, so the fact that she wants her here...well, i don't know. i have a feeling that after a few weeks of that, she'll have enough and want them both out.

i just don't understand why he needs the citizenship so badly that he's willing to make himself miserable for a year. and if he gets denied after all this crap...*sigh*.... posted at 7:35 PM | 0 comments

didn't go to work today. and i feel bad about it because i have sooooo much work to do. but, i needed an extra day off. weekends just don't cut it sometimes.

i really need to take a vacation, but it is so hard trying to find something that i'd like. plenty of places i want to go, but going alone is tough for me...what i've really been wanting to do for a long time now is one of those volunteer vacations, but whenever i see something that sounds interesting, i read the description of where i'd be staying and it's like: no hot water, limited electricity, i'm stuck eating whatever crap they give me...oh and that i'd be working all day from like 8-5. that's all a bit much for me, so maybe i'm not as into the volunteering part so much as the vacation part. i really wish i could find something that was more appealing from a vacation point of view, but that also had something interesting for me to do (for a few hours a day, not ALL day, and certainly not too early in the morning). i've been looking into learning vacations too - i just find it really difficult to sort though them for something that's affordable and that i'd actually find fun. half the websites i come across haven't been updated in a year or two. and some aren't really intended for solo travelers. it's all so frustrating...whenever i start to look for something, i give up on the whole idea within a week or two. i'm starting to wonder if i'll ever go anywhere... posted at 5:34 PM | 0 comments

been wanting to write, but been too tired most of the time...i guess that's nothing new...

where to begin? i can't even remember what i've already written about and what i haven't...

my mom went back to work this week...and i think she's relieved to be back there, even though she still can't really move her right arm and has a ton of work to get done in a really short amount of time. she's just been getting so bugged by her uncle and my grandma (both are still at her place). i don't remember if i mentioned the uncle or not - that's a big mess:

he lived in the US legally for over 20 years, but never applied for citizenship, then moved back to india, then after coming and going every 6 months (or whatever the requirement is), he decided he wanted to become a citizen so that he didn't have to keep doing that. but in order to apply for citizenship, there's some maximum number of days you can be out of the country for some number of years, and he was out for more than that because he was basically an idiot and didn't pay attention, so he is kind of starting from scratch, but living with my mom instead of in NY. i should explain - the main reason he wants to apply for citizenship is because he didn't want to go to NY all the time because of my uncle's wife, who hates us. (gotta love indian family drama!) anyway...the thing is, his wife (my mom's uncle's wife that is, not my uncle's wife) is a US citizen, but lives in india. and so the immigration person they spoke with was basically telling my mom that he's likely going to be denied because of this - it's pretty clear that he's just going to become a citizen and then go back to india just like she did. so...my personal opinion is that this is a huge waste of time and unnecessary stress on EVERYONE, and that he should just go back to india and apply for re-entry permits as necessary and come whenever he needs to come, forgetting the whole citizenship thing. but if anyone tells him this, he gets pissed off because he is SO stressed out and worked up and just...insanely oversensitive. and he and my mom really do not get along too well - she is constantly yelling at him because she is so frustrated, but even if she tries to tell him something in a nice way, he yells back and completely overreacts - taking it as though she is trying to kick him out, when she's actually just trying to explain the situation to him. my mom's whole side of the family really lacks communication skills. and they all have bad tempers too, which doesn't help matters.

ok, i just wrote a whole bunch more and it all got erased! fucking blogger. i don't feel in the mood to re-write everything...*sigh*...basically, everyone is super stressed out and walking on eggshells (including me). and more relatives are to arrive this summer, to make things even worse! whoopee!

so this whole family situation is wearing me out. then i have work, which is also wearing me out. and stupid shit with friends. i miss having someone to really talk to, you know? i should write here more regularly because it takes the place of having that sometimes...not as good as the real thing in some ways, but it's often easier. posted at 10:30 PM | 2 comments

i want to cry...it's my eyebrows. fucked up again. i had finally found a really good eyebrow lady - 2 in fact, at the same salon. and now both of them are suddenly gone and there was this young girl in their place, and i was apprehensive, but didn't really have a choice. i had walked all the way over there and needed it badly. i told her to just clean them up a little and not take off too much, and well, she seemed to be doing ok, but then at the end started attacking my left one and *completely* screwed it up. since my eyes are closed while she's doing this, i had no idea until it was too late. and i have plans to go out tomorrow, so i am more pissed than usual. i hate being seen with crazy looking eyebrows, one significantly thinner and more crooked than the other. it's not even fixable, it is so bad. what the fuck was she thinking???? and why did the other ladies have to leave??? i am so screwed now...i have weddings to go to, what am i going to do???? posted at 7:05 PM | 0 comments

it's terrifying how forgetful i am becoming...my good memory has always been something that i considered to be one of my strengths...i was always proud of how much i remembered, and i get bugged by people who are really forgetful. and while i can still function well compared to those people, i can feel it getting worse...i remember when i was young and my dad first started to forget things. of course, he's much, much worse now. as is my mom. and i'm sure that'll be me one day...just didn't realize it would start so early. anyway, i remember when i was little and my dad started to write a "to do" list (or "things to remember" list) and always keep it in his pocket and add or cross things off as necessary. i need to start doing something like that. stick post-its everywhere. something.

getting older sucks. posted at 1:48 PM | 0 comments