more stress: i need clothes to wear to my cousin's wedding.

some relatives in india got some made and sent to me. just received them and tried them on yesterday...and well, it's not good. not at all what i wanted. definitely nothing that i'd feel comfortable wearing, though i might not have a choice at this point...*sigh*...i don't really want to spend a lot more money, but i also don't want to look like crap in comparison to what everyone else will be wearing...i hate wearing ugly clothes!! i know i wasn't super-thrilled about what i was wearing to the last indian wedding (or the one before that), but that mostly had to do with fitting. compared to what i have right now, all of those outfits actually looked really nice. (except for one, which i didn't have to wear because i had one extra)

and as if i weren't already way behind with work, i'm now extra-extra behind...have a ton of reading/research to do in a really short amount of time...i feel like i have accomplished nothing all week. posted at 9:27 PM | 0 comments

more stress: i hate it when things don't go as planned or expected...i hate last minute changes in general - i thought i didn't have to worry about certain things, but now i find out i do.

oh, and i'm getting a huge zit on my cheek. perfect. posted at 11:40 PM | 2 comments

more stress: just found out i'm supposed to do a little 30 second dance during our family introductions at my cousin's wedding...wtf??? i can't dance as it is, and now i'm expected to dance in front of hundreds of people? no thank you. how do i get out of this??? posted at 7:18 PM | 0 comments

i didn't get anything done this weekend. if anything, i made my room even messier than it was before...more stress. great.

yesterday was my cousin's bachelorette party...we went to a pole dancing class. and now, my entire body is sore. that shit is hard! well, it's not hard to learn the basics, but what i meant is, it hurt! i'm way less flexible than i used to be, not having done yoga in ages...it made me sad that i couldn't get my body to do certain things. and the fact that i fell on my knees a couple months ago probably didn't help matters. (they still hurt a bit.) swinging around a pole looks like fun, but it's actually pretty painful sometimes. at least, when you're first learning...so anyway, my arms were pretty useless all day today. i hope i'm less sore tomorrow. posted at 11:25 PM | 4 comments

went to yet another eyebrow lady...and once again, my eyebrows look like crap. i tried telling her that my left one was way thinner than my right one but she just kinda grunted. i hate going to indian eyebrow ladies...i swear, it wouldn't kill them to talk to their customers to find out what they want. this is kinda how it went:

me: i'd like my eyebrows done.
her: [points to chair]
me: i don't want them pointy, ok?
her: *grunt*
me: (sitting there with my eyes closed while she's threading)
her: *grunt*
me: (wondering to myself what that grunt was for)
her: hold it
me: (holding it)
her: *grunt* leave it
me: (put my hands back down as she starts on the other side)
her: *grunt*
me: (up to hold again)
her: *grunt*
me: (hands back down)
her: *grunt* (hands me a mirror)
me: it looks like the right one is thicker than the left. can you make it a little thinner?
her: *grunt*
me: see here (points to top of right brow)
her: on top?
me: yes.
her: (threading mostly on the bottom part of the right brow) *grunt*
me: (still not happy) ok, thanks...
me: (going to get my wallet)
her: nine
me: (hands her a twenty)
her: (hands me change)
me: thanks (and gives her a tip)
her: *grunt*

i've been going to this place on and off for several years and had many different women there do my eyebrows, and 90% of them are like this. it's fucking irritating. that's why i hate going there. well, that, and the fact that most of them don't know how to shape brows properly. once in a while they might do a good job, but they definitely don't do anything that makes me want to go back there. if only there were more threading places around...*sigh*.... posted at 9:50 PM | 0 comments

i feel like every single day, more stress gets added...every day, at least one more thing gets piled onto the list of shit i have to do...or onto the list of things i have to worry about...or both. and some days it's two or three more things....i want to get away.

oh and my step sister who swore off marriage about 10 months ago is now engaged. not realted to my stress, but it also doesn't make me feel better. posted at 11:56 PM | 0 comments

i'm doing it again...all day today, just cursing myself!

i need help. posted at 7:51 PM | 2 comments

i feel like i've been really dwelling on all the negatives lately...i guess i have always been that way, but it really hit me last night how much i think about mistakes i've made and things that i don't like about myself. it's like i keep saying to myself "i'm horrible, i'm horrible..." all the time lately. i don't actually believe that i am a horrible person, but i get so mad at myself for...well, just how i'm living and how i don't get anything done when i tell myself i will...and i hate it so much when things don't go according to plan, then i blame myself for not planning better or for being lazy or whatever the case may be...it's like i need to start doing daily affirmations. posted at 1:17 PM | 0 comments