my aunt strikes again...i was at my mom's place, watching the news, and she suddenly asks "what happened to that google job?" i asked what she meant, and she said something like "you once interviewed with google. what happened?"

i was just speechless. first of all, she has never been on the internet and doesn't know what google is (she just happened to be reminded of it because it was mentioned in the news that i was watching at the time). second, i had that interview 5 years ago. how does someone who can't remember where she put her purse remember something like that? and who told her about it? it definitely wasn't me. and she wasn't here at the time...and besides all that, i think it is pretty obvious that i did not get the job since i'm not working there now nor have i ever worked there! who goes around asking people shit like that? i mean, that job was a longshot to begin with...what did she expect me to say? it just came across like that would have been a better job and why wasn't i working there instead of my current company...*sigh*...

i don't know how my mom is going to hold up. she was stressed out enough with just her uncle here, and now with his wife and the above-mentioned aunt staying with her too, she's going insane...she thought it would help to have them here, because she wouldn't have to be forced to entertain her uncle. but now she feels like she has to entertain 3 people instead of 1...i hope he gets his citizenship soon and doesn't run into any problems...i don't think she can take much more of this. heck, i get tired of them after only a day or two of visiting. i miss the peace and quiet i used to get over there... posted at 9:20 PM | 0 comments

one of my aunts arrived from india yesterday so i went to my mom's place to see her, and one of the first things she said to me was "so are you making over 100,000 now?" pissed me off so much, but i was trying to stay calm. i told her no, i make about 65. which personally, i think is perfectly decent salary, but she was like "ONLY 65?????" and then she was like "but (a younger and less educated cousin in NY) makes close to 100, so how come your salary is so small?" *groan*....so then i was like, well it depends a lot of what field people are in and she works on wall street, so that's a typical salary for her job, but she also works very long hours and is always stressed out about possibly losing her job. and i also told her that i have really good benefits and an excellent retirement plan and tried to spin as much as i could, but there's always this feeling of disappointment, like i am some poor fuck-up who never meets others' expectations. sorry, i work for a non-profit. sorry, i will never be rich. why can't they just be happy if i'm happy??? i mean, i just had a performance review yesterday and my two managers and other coworkers said really nice things about me and my work, which made me feel really good...then my aunt had to go and ruin all those good feelings...this is what i hate about indians. so much focus on money. material things. showing off to others. and seriously, don't they understand by now that it hurts my feelings??? posted at 4:45 PM | 3 comments

so i did stay home today. so much more comforable at home with a blanket and the heater on...but, i ended up not really getting any work done. the file i intended to work on would not open on my home computer, and i left my laptop in the office yesterday...have other stuff i could have worked on, but i got frustrated with it after a couple hours. i am not into writing papers. really, the whole "research" aspect of my job - not really my thing. i mean, i like looking into stuff, but more in terms of product development, not to write papers or proposals or whatever. anyway, i spent most of the day playing this silly little game online. it's ridiculous. i mean, i have a million other things i should have done instead. some days, i just can't deal with the world, you know? just want to space out...keep my mind occupied enough to make me forget about everything else...

i think i am badly in need of a vacation though...some time away from the office would do me some good. i keep tossing that around in my head but not actually going anywhere...

anyway, gonna try to get a little work done now since i was supposedly "working" all day and have basically nothing to show for it... posted at 9:52 PM | 0 comments

argh. found 3 white hairs today. long ones. like i really need to be reminded of how old i am getting... posted at 11:54 PM | 0 comments

still not feeling 100%, and now there's this really huge storm that's coming in...i think i'm going to work from home tomorrow. really not in the mood to go out in the rain and wind and cold and go sit in a freezing office all day. i was so exhausted today and all i wanted to do was get back home and get into bed and stay warm under the covers. but then i came home and was over that feeling. it's weird how that happens sometimes.

what i really do want though, is for someone to make some chicken soup for me. i wish i had that person. posted at 7:09 PM | 0 comments

i have this insane cold that's been bugging me for 2 weeks now. it went away for a few days or so, then came back. and it's one of those colds that just drags out so long...maybe that's my fault for taking airborne. maybe it's best to just let the cold happen, be really miserable for 2 days, and get it all over with, rather than just feeling semi-miserable for 7 or 8 days...or, maybe it's just this particular bug that i caught. or, maybe i was just not getting enough sleep or something. i've generally been feeling really dehydrated for about 3 weeks now. i feel like i'm still drinking the same amount of water as i normally do, but i don't know...whatever caused all this, i am just sick of being sick at this point. posted at 9:20 PM | 0 comments

the friend who was visiting did not stay with me after all...probably a good thing because the state of my apartment is still rather terrible. i definitely made progress in some areas, but still have a ways to go in order to get it to a point where it is neat enough that i won't feel embarrassed having people over. i guess the problem is, i never invite anyone over or have anyone stopping by randomly. so i'm never truly motivated to keep it presentable. usually the living room and kitchen areas are pretty tidy, but lately i've gotten lazy about that too. and my bedroom has been much worse than normal. just too much crap lying around. i hate it. i think it's messing up my mind as well. i feel much more clear-headed and relaxed when my room is clean.

anyway, no idea what is going on with the cal football team. horrible 2 weeks in a row...it's tough to watch and not know what's wrong or what's causing the poor play. posted at 12:34 AM | 1 comments

took the day off...finally all caught up with work (mostly). and i was just insanely tired. slept for almost 11 hours last night. today, the plan was to clean, but i'm not making much progress. too stressed out. if someone was coming from out of town and planning to stay with you, they'd ask you in advance, right??? because i wasn't asked, but there was one strange email that made it sound like that's what was going on...i attempted to get clarification, but it didn't really work. *sigh*....people are weird. she's nice and all, and it'll be fun to hang out with her since i haven't seen her in over 10 years. but it's not like i'm dying to spend the entire weekend with her, 24 hours a day...i generally don't want to do that with anyone. that's why i live alone. that's why i'm single. that's why i didn't invite her to stay with me. am i obligated just because she invited me to stay with her??? (even though i haven't taken her up on that yet.)

anyway, i really should clean up the place regardless...i just wish i knew for sure what was going on so i wouldn't be so stressed... posted at 3:31 PM | 0 comments